Sent her an email over ten days ago and she hasnt responded to anyone. She has never been good to my mum and a bit of a drama queen mum loves you more? Shes a born again christian BUT doesnt even react over her own mums decline?
I am getting palpatations thinking about this and the anger I feel is not nice. How do you move on from this OR worse face her when the time comes?
My bro is bombarding her with emails about dementia WHY? i wouldnt bother.
She was told the situation and hasnt even the decency to respond.
She was never really involved with mum as she was too selfish BUT my mum deserves better than this she helped us ALL out and we owe it to her to be there for her now.
Im in shock as shes selfish but this is just unbelievable im ashamed to even be her sister.
How do you move on and ignore this behaviour? Am I very naive to think that anyone could be this heartless?
Ive had a very bad stomach all week just the thoughts of her coming she always finds a way to wind me up. As my friend says "how come theres always trouble when she arrives" my sisters excuse for doing nothing is that she works hard all year?
Whatever happens, you can take a break, Kazzaa. Do not answer the phone over once a day, read, go see a movie and breath. (Oh, that poor cat!)
I would make sure you leave when they are here. Let them know how it is all the time. As long as you are there, you are the anchor for your mom. You might be surprised at how she is without you around, as will your siblings.
Thankgod my brother is coming as i cant be the same room as her i have made 2 apts for mum flu jab and doc so my sister can take her! next weekend im doing NOTHING i will not even wash a cup of course no matter what happens mum will be on best behaviour and doing things basically acting normal around them? Yes siblings coming is always even more stressful then actual caregiving ive learnt not to argue with them dinner needs to be cooked and house cleaned its not a hotel here i will just dissapear for the day and come back when all is done. Going to be tough as we have to discuss with mum that she cant live on her own here anymore and that she moves with me to care for her or she had to go to a NH. Today she refuses to wear her hearing aid this is just ongoing but you can bet your bottom dollar shell have it in all next weekend!!!!!!
Zazza, I agree, why not "offer" at the least to help out. If someone were giving my Mom the care that I am, I would be bringing them meals, sending them support cards and a weekend or 2 a month off, people just dont realize and never will, how hard it is to caregive 24/7. At least I have a clear conscience.
My situation is a little different, because taking care of my Mother contributed to my sister's death. Now, mom is peachy keen and none of us have been back since last Dec.
All of our situations are different. I am sorry that I went OT.
My sister is a christian and I think is upset that mum hasnt given her a share in the house as she owns 2.
How christian of her?
TDH thats bad she works and cares for strangers in a home then treats her own like that incredible.
One post i saw on here was the sister who was a counsellor but never helped out her own family?
So sad.
Last year I came home and within ten minutes of arriving my mum was an the sofa having a "seizure" thankgod I knew what to do half panicked half in control I saved her from a coma.
Rang my sister and told her while sobbing uncontrollably as it all just hit me after 24hrs of hell she said " well id come up but i couldnt get the time off work"
She teaches art to kids privately??
I rest my case!
My attitude is the same as yours. I used to let sibs know via email about each doc visit, etc. I really think they are in denial over moms condition. It got to the point that I wouldn't even receive any sort of response to these emails, so I stopped sending them. They never contact me to ask how she is doing, nothing. They can take their so called love and concern .....
Move on...
We can agree to disagree on the reasons that siblings react or don't react the way we feel they should. As I said in my first comment, I am just giving my opinion based on my personal experiences with people. Nobody has to agree with me.
Noone can DEAL with dementia its not easy even for professionals so I totally agree with Fitz im sorry there is NO excuses they don't want to help period.
Your mother is a very fortunate woman to have you for a daughter.
I have first hand knowledge of being the one who does it ALL. I gave up my life 14 months ago, locked up my condo, gave up my business, gave up my social life and moved in to be my mum's live-in- caregiver and I am her POA as well. I know my sisters can't handle my mum's dementia so they call long distance and make their conversations short and light. They are who they are. Is it fair? No. Life is not fair, but I am not the type of person who is going to use up my emotional energy trying to change, control and mold my sisters into the people I think they should be. When it comes to my mother.. nobody makes decisions about her health or finances except for me, I set those boundaries right at the beginning, everybody knows where I stand and there are no problems. I have now reached the point that I am grateful nobody is injecting their two cents into the situation, it makes mum's and my life easier all the way around. I don't need their "help".
Also I think in asia its a done deal parents get old they move in with family its the way it used to be here but times have changed and not for the better. I suppose its easier when all family are living locally then they can all help but when they dont it always falls on one! Im not angry at my sister I will forgive her one day BUT just so sad for mum she deserves some respect. I see so many daughters here on this site who were abused by thier mums and treated badly BUT they are the ones there caring no matter what to me that takes great courage so what does that say of my sister?