Thank you to all that answer my previous question regarding my Mom testing to be competant but having problems with her memory. Most all agree that she should not be driving in her state of confusion. And that I should take the keys away regardless of what the Trustees and her attorney says.
However, my sisters the Trustees have a history of bullying me and I am afraid of them and the trust attorney suing me not to mention my mother would be extremely upset with me.
How do I protect myself against my sisters? For example, my mother begged me to come and live with her nod I agreed. The next thing I know is that I received an "Occupany" agreement from the Trust attorney chat my mother wanted me to sign. It had things in there about that I was not required to help my mother and that it would not be a caretaker relationship. That when my mother passed they would buy me a one way ticket back to the mainland as my mother lives in Hawai.
That if my mother gifted me anything over 14,000.00 dollars A year I would have to pay the trust back. Hawaii is very expensive and the agreement did not say whether free rent was a gift or use of her car, utilities etc. I did not Saigon it but my mother did. I have asked my mother repeatedly what is in the agrement and she doesn't know. She keeps saying her attorney and my sisters told her to sign it. All of them insist it was my mother who directed the attorney to draw up the agreement.
So I didn't go to take care of her. My cousin called about a month ago saying my mother was getting worse. My mother called almost every day filing up my voicemail begging me to come and stay with her. After finding out that hotel security found my mother wandering around confused I flew to Vegas to take her back to Hawaii. I am here for only a week and she is begging me to stay. so you can see my hesitation with taking the car keys away. Both y sisters have the means to sue me and it would give them the fuel to show my mother that I am the bad one. One of my sisters is a dentist and she is charge of my mothers medical decisions but she is also the one who left my mother at Universal Studios when my Mother did not use the bathroom fast enough. She eventually went back for her but my mother was 75 years old at the time. She is just mean. Just imagine what she will do to me.
I am sorry for sounding like a wimp but I want to make sure that I am doing the right thing. Again thanks for all the help!
Now, why would you do this? Because your mother is begging you to come "stay" with her? Would you be able to find a comparable job in Hawaii? How would you support yourself and save for YOUR retirement? Does your mother currently have professional caregivers coming in to do cleaning, laundry, cooking? Will those hours increase as her skills decline? Do you have a prognosis and a diagnosis from her doctor?
In my humble opinion, it would be a bad decision on your part to quit your job. When your mother calls, you need to send an email to your sister and the trust telling them the content of the call and pointing out that mom needs more care, and probably a more secure environment. The dementia patient should NOT being running the show here.
I have four days left to decide what to do. I have to get back or I could lose my job. Yes I am afraid of my sisters but I am more afraid for my mother who just asked me if I wanted to go to the bathroom with her because she thought she was still in Vegas.
My two sisters want my Mothers money so bad yet they drag their feet when it comes to her well being. Do I just leave and do nothing? I have no idea what to do. I have made my concerns known to my Mothers Attorney, her doctor, and my two sisters. No one sees the urgency In doing anything. Am I overreacting? Who else can I turn to?
People use the 'SUE THEM!" threat so frequently that I think it's become like the threat of meeting Bigfoot in the forest - you don't really know if it exists, don't know what would happen if encountered, and it's all really quite vague, not to mention that there's no real concrete evidence that anything would happen.
As to the so-called agreement, since you didn't sign it, it's not valid and not binding on you.
I think there's so much fear of your sisters and their attorney that it's time to step back and decide why pressure appears to be exerted on you to return and take care of your mother.
Your comment that your mother would be upset (I assume if you don't return to take care of her) suggests that this isn't an even relationship of mutual respect but rather one of fear and anxiety on your part.
If you're seriously considering this, think again.
Just hold on, pray if you believe in prayer, stay calm.........do your best to stay calm, I should say. Let the "pro's" answer your query, they will!!!
M88
now im not real proficient in math but im guessing i could live on the woodline of a beach and eat out of the aldi dumpster for approximately zero dollars a month ..
got to roll with the flow , man ..
make it happen .
a day at a time ..