Where are they now? I have 3 older brothers and then there's me, the girl of the family. I always thought when the day came to help our mom and step-father we would all do it together. Sadly that's not so. It all falls on me. I've asked for help and they have all sorts of excuses and then refuse to help. Ugh! I feel so alone sometimes and frustrated, too.
Every time I go to Mother's she grills me about what the other sibs are up to. I have to tell her I don't know.
Once a year I email them all and remind them not to forget mother on Christmas. They may call one other time a year.
It's very sad, and mother was not a terrific mother by any means, but that does not excuse their absence. However, I can't change them and I have quit trying. It's easier now I know they won't help, I don't even ask.
I'm so sorry that so many us are in in the same situation. Its so hard when siblings are not on the same page about caring for elderly parents. I would take a step back. If your brothers are unwilling or unable to help, then I would try and look for other resources. Its less stressful than fighting with our siblings. I made a terrible mistake of holding onto my anger and frustrations with my siblings. It greatly affected my ability to care for my father after his stroke. I should have said "no, they can't help me" and instead of being mad, I needed to get counselling and start looking for other resources. I know this is all easier said than done, but its what I should have done.
I've been on two sides of this thing.
In the first case, Dad went rapidly downhill after a long illness. We all wanted to keep him at home; my his wife and I lived gladly there and cared for him. Everyone pulled together, all of us did the best we could do for him.
In the second case of someone close to me, my friend devoted herself to caring for her mother for years. My friend's sister living close by did very little, even though my friend's sister was much more well off and did not work.
This difference caused my friend a lot of anguish toward her sister - she confided such to me privately and discreetly.
I was distressed for my friend and her concerns; even so I realized that there are two sides to every story. But I was still sorry that my friend felt that way.
My moral: put your parents first. Don't hesitate to ask your siblings for help - be calm, be firm, be strong. And always be patient.
Sometimes it is a blessing to have absent sibs. I never call my brother for fear he will say he is driving here.