golden23 Posted May 2023
Adjusting to your LO's decrease in ability.
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It's just over a month since R's cancer surgery and he in the pre-op process for his knee surgery. I think it is too soon but he is in the health system and they are pushing him through. He doesn't want to lose his place as he has been waiting a long time for this and it is painful for him to walk - has been for years. He told me today he failed the stress test due to breathing problems he has been having - possibly due exposure to the wildfire smoke. I don't know if the problems are permanent or how that affect the plans for the knee surgery. He never has had breathing problems before and passed all his medicals well.
A few months ago he would have sailed through a stress test. Truthfully I am shocked.
I have taken over managing the condo flooring and cleaning from him. Thankfully I found someone to finish the flooring as the guy that was doing it is being a bit of a prima donna. I'll do this but you do that!" sort of thing. I believe it is only about a day or at the most 2 days’ work left. I will make all the other arrangements that are needed and have told him to concentrate on his health and getting well as he is by no means recovered from the earlier surgery though the surgeon had cleared him for the next surgery.
This is a big adjustment for both of us. I am thankful he has finally accepted that he can't do the moving and whatever else. Before his surgery he thought he could and I felt he had to find out for himself - and he did.
I am grateful that I can take over despite my age and my health issues. This whole moving experience has been riddled with problems - some in our control, more not in our control.
I really need your prayers and support to get me through this and moved to the condo. It needs to happen and soon!
Thanks, friends.
Sounds like you haven’t stopped. It’s exhausting settling into a new place but it’s worth it in the end.
I have no doubt that everything will be sorted out soon.
So happy for you, R and Rocky.
It is good to hear that Rocky is adjusting and finding ways to feel the great outdoors, albeit creating work for you. Our rescue shephard went through a phase of burying her bones in the house plant pots, funny as can be but, what a mess she would make. She finally realized that resources are abundant and she doesn't have to worry about saving food, thank The Lord!
Just an idea, my girlfriend had indoor cats and she created a cat plant area, catnip, wheat grass and fake turf so CLEO could be outside, in his imagination anyways. He did learn not to tip pots over and eventually you would find him hiding out in his jungle, waiting for a good ambush.
I just wanted to encourage you in your set up, tell you that you are loved and missed and prayed for daily. May The Lord continue to give you all the strength, wisdom and patience to finish this long transition move.
Great big warm hug!
So good to hear all is relatively well.
Of course problems will arise with every move.
But that freezer delivery is not acceptable!
I am just beginning, so decluttering first. New condo won’t be ready till spring.
cw - something to celebrate indeed!!!
send - house warming needed. R keeps it at 20.5C (69F). I'm getting used to it. I actually like it a bit cooler than that at night but warmer in the day but have been busy enough to stay warm. I'll reprogram the thermostat at some point,
way - URW - unpacking is good. Figuring out where to put things is another challenge! We already have dropped some stuff off at the local Value Village and I have started accumulating another lot for them.
need - rocky is settling well. Re an organizer, I wouldn't want someone else to organize my stuff. I'm getting things to where I roughly want them. Fine tuning will come later as I live here and see what works for me. No time to stop and reminisce when you are surrounded by mountains of wrapping paper, More on that later.
97yom - we are happy here. I can see rocky misses the outside. She has been very interested in the dirt in the flower pots. Other than that she is good. Hoping for news of a sell soon too.
Eva - yes. still enjoying it. Getting down to the last boxes. Still looking for my big soup pot.
However I am not enjoying the run around over two items I have ordered. I found an 8.3 c f upright freezer that will fit in the laundry room and purchased it. I called all the contacts I could to stress I need a phone call or text when they were on their way as the buzzer system doesn't work with my phone number. I have to change my phone number but thought it was wize to keep the the number that these businesses have till the items were delivered. Long story short the freezer ended up in the other building which has a different address to my building. All I knew was they said it had been delivered but I didn't have it. So i contacted W-mart and was told I would hear something in 2-3 days, Then yesterday a nice lady knocked on my door, introduced herself and told me she knew where my freezer was - it was in the lobby of the other building. I guess there is quite a grapevine in this community. So another call to W-mart,
A précis of the exchange -
W "Oh, so you have your parcel."
Me "No, it's a freezer. I am 86 yo and I can't get it".
"
W " Can you find someone to get it for you?"
Me (indignant by now) "No, I paid for it to be delivered to my address and that's what I expect. Walmart should be capable of delivering the item to me according to my order"
W "We are sorry for the inconvenience"
Me " I am very disappointed"
W "You will get an email in 1-2 days"
Me - hung up.
Meanwhile the cooling apparatus for R's post-op knee that I ordered has been sitting in Edmonton airport for days now (according to the tracking information). I have had slews of emails telling me it is on its way to Fort McMurray and also emails to say it is on it's way here. The website wouldn't allow me to have separate billing and shipping addresses, so in trying to sort this out somehow Fort McMurray got inserted instead of Stony Plain. I called them right away and straightened it out but somehow the message didn't get through to everyone, I even had a phone call Tuesday saying it was going to be delivered that day. I'll pursue that one again when I have the energy. I stressed with them I need a call or text as the buzzer isn't working. We will see. R has to pass more tests before being called for surgery.
What to do with all of R's stuff is a story in itself. He has food to last till 2025 -cans, packages, bottles...The freezer on the frig is packed, the cupboards are stacked, so I have been creative and we are sorting it out. I gather he has almost the same amount waiting to be removed from the house he is selling. There is a limit to our storage capacity and I will draw the line when I feel it is reached. Some people use their storage area in the garage as a pantry. Good idea! He will have to remove his misc stuff from it for that to work and he will!
I'll tell you about the people I have met later. Have a great day, everyone!
I hope you are enjoying your happy work!
So glad you are busy with happy work and Rocky has many new hiding places. I hope the three of you are happy with the new digs and the realtor calls soon with news of a sell.
Thanks for keeping us in the loop. 🤗
I just looked up the cost of a professional organizer. Ranges between $50 to $150 an hour! That would end up costing quite a bit of money.
I have often wondered what their secrets are. How do they determine what is the best way to organize a person’s home? A person would really have to have a passion for organizing to do that job!
I bet it is easier doing it for other people though. Every time I reorganize, I start reminiscing about this or that and it slows me down. Especially when I start looking at old photos and stuff.
I couldn’t be happier for you, R and Rocky! You’re going to be busy for awhile but it’s worth the effort.
Rocky is going to be happy wherever he is as long as he’s with you!
Happy unpacking .
Yesterday R had to go deal with animal issues so we drove out to his friend's farm where I met two very nice German shepherds and left R there to do his thing. I took a drive to look around a bit then went home and had a nap. Later I did some shopping and started unpacking and also sorting the kitchen. R has lived here as a packrat bachelor for some time so I have my work cut out for me. It's going to take a while but I'll get there.
But it's all good. I call it happy work.😊
I am amazed how well I am holding up considering my age and the CFS/FM. Long may it last. I started some new supplements recently and I think they are helping. My sinus/allergies are acting up and I am a bit sore here and there, but, hey, we made it!!!!
Rocky is adjusting. I gave her some de-stress drops before we left. She's eating, drinking water, using her litter box and has dragged out some toys. We've had some good cuddles and she purrs so I think she is doing well. I lose her once in a while among all the boxes but I think she likes that.
So my new adventure has begun!!! It feels great. 😁😁😁
Yes, going down the home stretch now. Just have to get R up here. He tends to leave things to the last possible moment and I am sure would happily leave this last trip for another month or more if I complied. On the other hand I need to speak up more about my needs and plans. I know that. One of the fallouts of growing up in my dysfun fam as there was no point in considering or mentioning my needs or wants. it was all about mother. I guess you and others here know that one. It's still hard changing those old learned patterns sometimes.
I have tried putting a leash on Rocky and she let me but then acted very weird (walking backwards) once it was on. I let it go for now but am considering trying again in the condo. Just checked out pet strollers and Amazon. What a hoot! Might be worth a try.
How exciting to see the finish line!! Living with less stuff sounds amazing !
I’m jealous . My painting and decluttering got derailed when I came down with Asthma . It’s taken the past month for maintenance meds to kick in.
Sorry your dd is going through this .
Will your Kitty allow you to take her for walks outside on a leash , or perhaps a kitty stroller ?
I am amazed how little I am happy living with. We already know that we have to get rid of stuff in the condo.
The finger looks healed but still feels funny and will for a while I guess. I will never use a mandolin again.
Congrats on the condo purchase, Eva. I think the Calgary market will stay strong . Usually it moves from Calgary to Edmonton and then to up here, but that will be too late for me. Hope your hub is doing well. R is back on track and as energetic as ever. My dd slowly improves - very slowly but she is due another infusion soon and that will likely knock her back again. Korean ginseng seems to help with the cancer fatigue.
Looking at getting out of here in the next week, God willing. Cleaning is done. A few little repairs need to be done yet. I am slowly packing the car with stuff. R has another pre-op mid October. He hasn't been doing his leg exercises so I wonder how it will go. Not my problem!
I am very much looking forward to settling into a smaller place though I know it will be an adjustment - for me and the kitty! I will miss having trees as close as they are here. She will miss the outdoors.
You have been in my thoughts. It’s good to see your updates.
So sorry about your daughter. I will say prayers for her. R is a ‘get it done’ kind of guy! Both of you are accomplishing your goals. It will be worth it in the end.
Sorry about your finger. Ouch! I’m always terrified of doing the same thing whenever I slice veggies on the mandolin. That thing is super sharp!
I despise clutter too. I’m constantly donating things that I find I no longer want or use.
Good thing everything is progressing, obstacles will always be there, sorry about your finger, it hurts I know.
I am in similar situation, although we purchased condo but won’t be ready till spring so for now our place is unofficially on the market for potential buyer, my husband thinks market will stay strong, I don’t. It is crazy busy here and prices keep going up. Spent two weeks decluttering, unbelievable how much we don’t need and we don’t accumulate things.
Hope all is well with R and your daughter!
Dd's treatment will be ongoing for a few years. She is clear -NED. It's preventative but the infusions hit her hard.
The furniture was moved a couple of weeks ago. Before that R came up for a week and put in 14 hrs. a day doing touch ups and repairs. Apparently he has recovered from his cancer surgery and is back up to speed. I was impressed. The house is ready for sale. Rocky and I are living in it with the leftovers.
Pressure washing for the garage floor and decks needs to be done yet. I am waiting for the guy to get back to me with a price. The house will be cleaned Friday and Saturday,
I have seen 3 realtors and am going to sign with one this afternoon. She gave me the best pricing suggestions. The market here for my type of home has dropped drastically. Duplexes are selling well and haven't dropped as much. Regardless I am moving on. The condo value has already done up. What you lose on the swings you gain on the merry-go-round. I bought years ago so I am making some money.
Fatigue is a problem as always but not as bad as a few years ago. I have added a few more supplements. I can see already R and I will have to get rid of some stuff in the condo. I really don't want clutter any more. However there will be plenty of time for that once I have moved down there. R is hunting (a well deserved break) and will come up and pick me and the cat up early in October for my final move.
Funny story about my driver's license Here, every 2 years after 80, you have to get a medical to get your license renewed. I got my medical, thought all was well and went to the registry office to get my new license. The agent read the form and says, "There is a problem" and went to the back to her supervisor. She returned to me and said "There is a mistake. The box for recommending a driver's test is checked. Go back to your doctor and get him to change it. (I will note here that I don't look 86 - prob. more like 70). So I went back to the doctor and he said I checked it because of your age, your eye sight, hearing etc. Ok No problem. Makes sense to me though I think I am a pretty reasonable driver, but I was ready to take the driver's test, so I headed back to the registry office. All the way driving back what came to me was "It's only a recommendation, not mandatory". I stood in line again, got a different agent, gave her the form, she processed it with no problem and I got my driver's license! For all I know the same thing happened 2 years ago. Anyway If I still want to drive in 2 years I will be prepared to take a road test.
R has another pre-op assessment middle of October so we may be facing his knee surgery pretty soon. How that is going to work out with what needs to be done when the house is sold remains to be seen. I'll deal with that when the time comes. I know after surgery he won't be driving for 6 weeks or so.
Dd is still on some chemo and still has a lot of cancer related fatigue and is looking at some of my supplements as she has seen the positive change in me. Prayers for her recovery and thanks to the Lord for how much better I am.
Wishing you all well. I read the sad stories and want to encourage you all that it does end. Meanwhile look after yourselves and build in some good times so you have some relaxation, lower your stress, and have some good memories to look back on for this time of your life. It can be done. It's OK to focus on you and put you first sometimes. (((((hugs)))).
After the theft of money from his account that I mentioned on the whine thread, they are not trusting email, or phone, but want him there in person to sort the last of it out. I understand that. They claim that it is a bank employee somewhere doing this. Seems likely. Hope they have secured his account now.
Meanwhile I have jerry-rigged some heavy plastic under the down spout to help redirect any rain away from that corner of the house. Some rain yesterday and all is well in the basement. Chance of more rain the next couple of days so we will see.
I think I have stopped making goal dates for moving. We'll just do what we have to one step at a time and eventually it will happen. When he does make it up here we will drive down with a car load and stay at the hotel for a little break. I'm looking forward to that - hot tub. pool, and eating someone else's cooking! 😊
Any way we were also talking about dgd and how well she was doing at work at age 19 supervising women much older than her and also who had been there much longer than her. Apparently dgd's boss is very impressed with her. I say also that she has an excellent boss. 😁 Anyway dd shared this comment that dgd made during their last phone call. "Mum, I sometimes forget how smart I am." We had to laugh at that. They have only met the sweet, calm, mild, open dgd that she first presents. They haven't yet met the walls of steel and bars of iron that we know are in her.
need - Renos are stressful There were scammers here too after the fire and there are always some around I think, The guys that said they would come are not scammers. They are a legitimate company - but still no signs of them. Dd knows the family of the guy who came and who had recommended him to me and is shocked.
I talked with R and he said wait till Monday and then we will talk again. I suspect he is thinking of coming up again to finish the jobs. He is feeling and sounding a lot better so perhaps he is up to it now. Full circle!
I have moved many times and have NEVER been through problems like I have this time. Dd and sil are already in the very early stages of planning their move to E'ton and dd says they are doing "NO" renos and they are moving into a rental so that will eliminate most of the problems I am going through. - unless their sewer pipe breaks before they move lol. jk.
Youngest grandson is moving out and to E'ton to share with his sis and her bf for August 1st. They all get along well so it should work. His sis, my dgd, is doing extremely well at her new supervisor's job. We all are delighted and somewhat amazed.
So our family is doing a mass exodus from this burg within the year, I would say. I don't see dd wanting to stay much longer after her ds and I have left. On the other hand her dh has job security in the middle of cutbacks so they may want to stay and take advantage of that.
I just pray there isn't another deluge that causes more flooding in that basement bedroom before we get the downspout fixed.
Thanks for the support.
As you know, our city suffered horribly after hurricane Katrina. Rebuilding of homes was a huge challenge due to the scammers out there who were only interested in making a quick buck.
Many people were victims of various rip offs, including the installation of Chinese drywall, an inferior product, which can’t be repaired.
Homeowners had to totally gut their homes to the bare bones and rebuild. So sad!
I certainly understand why some people had enough of the stress and chose to move away.
They were so devastated by their experiences that they decided they never wanted to go through another hurricane ever again.
Natural disasters bring out the best and worst in people. So many people helped New Orleans rebuild, mainly college students and churches. Others took advantage of people who were desperate.
Renovations are stressful! I hope your issues are settled soon!
So you are still in process of moving!
So sorry to hear about your reno.
Happens today a lot, GF had some reno done or actually not done, her guy left in the middle of it, just got better offer.
Meanwhile R has decided to finish the flooring himself (the guy I contacted cost too much in his view) and has only baseboards, transition pieces and trim to do. I can't go down there until the reno guys come so here I sits like birds in the wilderness, birds in the wilderness... Anyone remember that old camp song?
Actually I have started packing up some kitchen stuff to take down with me, so the time is not wasted. Great to have a use for all those grocery store tote bags that I have accumulated. I just sling them in the car as I fill them. 😀
I have been urging him to slow the process down as he is not yet fully recovered from his prostate cancer surgery in that he still tires more than usual and nerves are not yet healed. Oh, and throw in some ongoing skin cancer issues too.
He still needs several tests and also some dental work and then pass another pre op before he can have the knee surgery. Thank goodness!!!
I told him about the post op PT and I think he was a bit shocked. He was planning some activities for that time. And we are in the middle of a move - me up here getting the house ready for and then selling it and him down there dealing with the condo. It has been a very bumpy ride with many unexpected [problems coming up and his cancer surgery unexpectedly in the middle of it.
I did know about the raised toilet seat. I have info about a cooling apparatus (ice machine with knee pad) that you can get on Amazon which apparently really helps. Considering that he may have shoulder surgery later and it can be adapted for that, I think is worth it. Not only will his knee be replaced but his lower leg has to be realigned - rods or something - so it will be worse than a regular replacement. He had to hunt for quite a while to find a surgeon who would do it. Many wouldn't touch it. He wanted it done years ago but b/c he is able to be very active regardless (tolerates the pain and wears a brace) they wouldn't do it.
Not sure what we will be given. We are in Canada so the health systems are different. I am surprised they haven't educated him better about all of what is involved. I found info on the internet where our province has a good website for such things. When my dd went through cancer treatment recently they gave her great information. But then she researched it too.
Anyway - I do appreciate your sharing. Thank you. The pain must have been exhausting. Can't imagine having both knees done at the same time. You are brave!!! I am very glad it worked out well for you.
Get some little small size water bottles before the surgery (4oz) and freeze 4 at a time, so you can put 4 in the ice man while 4 are re freezing. Keep them rotated. That is the best advice I have.
There will be plenty of tears. We were all crying during rehab. Even the 80 year old men. I don’t regret at all having the surgery. It’s just a LOT. It’s hard on the patient and the caregiver. I fell.
He is going to need a walker and a toilet seat to make the seat higher so he doesn’t have to squat. And a bedside commode for before he is ready to get into the bathroom. They did not give me all of that. I ordered mine from Ebay. They did give me the two ice men.
I thought it was something like you mention, What I read on one site is that they start in hospital and continue with 2 PT appointments/week for 12 weeks.
Work has begun on the condo flooring and R says it will be finished by the end of the week. That's good news.
Houses are selling fairly quickly here - average in 51 days on the last real estate report. That's good news too.