Advice on how to deal with live-in mother?

I'm feeling extra particularly sad today. My husband goes on this trip every year to Arizona for his work. It's more a PR thing and its at a lavish hotel, etc. This is the first year that I feel jipped that I could not go. I have never went before, but feel like I am trapped from having fun with my husband and family. Will write back later, fighting back the tears.

love,
marylynne

Marylynne, there has to be a way you can get home care to come in at least for a weekend, some do take insurance, thats what I am doing to go on vacation. Look into something.
Cindi I am so glad for all of the shoulders to lean on and cry on, it is helpful for all of us to blow off steam or just write whats happening everyday. Dad finally said its working :0 thank God
Making another pot of chicken soup for Dad for father's day his favorite, italian sausage and peppers and onions for my husband. I like to cook them what they like on their holiday. oxoxox judy

It's been awhile ladies. Right now I am so frustrated I could throw things. Mostly at my sister and mostly because once again she is taking advantage of me. I hate her freedom to go and come as she pleases. I am so jealous I could scream if I thought it would do any good.

This week has been a marathon for me. Monday was the dentist and the hearing aides. Tuesday I had to work all day. Wednesday was Mom's doctor which is monthly mandatory visit if I want her to have her pain meds. OUr appoinment was for 4 and we got to see the doc at 5:15. What a joy that was. Thursday was the prep day for my colonoscopy on Friday. Another fun day. The very smell of that liquid makes my stomach heave. Friday the procedure went off just fine and I was home in my bed by 2. The rest of the day was a blur since I slept most of it. Mother keep asking my husband if I was all right. She was worried that I hadn't gotten up all day. Then, when she did see me me she kept asking if I needed to go to the hospital since I looked so bad. Thanks Mom. At least she noticed. I suppose that is a good thing. My sister did come over and fix dinner Friday night so she was her for all of and hour and then back to her world. We haven't seen her since. Saturday I was still feeling the effects of the anes. so I slept off and on. Mom worried some more. She always asks me how I feel everytime I come into a room and that gets annoying. I feel like saying the same way I felt 5 minutes ago or don't you remember. God is going to get me for this in the end.

What happened to her, my sister, agreeing to help out more? What happened to, I know how hard this is on you and Jeff? What happened to, I am not just going to dump Mama in your lap? Yes, things are going on in her life too, but how does that excuse her from tending to Mom at least one day of the weekend? She is at her son's house enjoying a family gathering for the day and so everyone can see his new house. Mother could have gone too. Hell, they could have let us know where they would be but none of them will even answer their cellphones. I don't really blame them. If I knew it was me I wouldn't answer the phone either. I don't even know where the house is. What happened to our lives ladies? Since when are we the whipping tree for these years that are left of our parents lives? I am tired of constantly having to entertain my mother and I hate the fact that she feels the need to hide in her room because she is so "useless". When she was in the facility, we can't call it a home, I knew she was tended to and I didn't need to worry about her. Now, it seems like that is all that I do. Her dog has decided she likes me better than her now and so add another layer to the already tense situation. I hate living like this. My husband says unless I want to start WW3 there isn't anything I can do. Should I rat my sister out to her children? No. Should I just vent on here where no one can hear me scream? Pointless. Should I take another happy pill and pretend everything is just fine.? Great, another bad habit would be formed. I hate the taste of booze and it's expensive. Help. Before I forget, Calgon, is stuff you put in your bath to soothe and mentally transport the soaking person to a calmer place. It still exists but it doesn't work. I remember someone asking what the reference was to once before. See, my mind is wandering even now. It is hard to focus and my son and his family are coming over expecting me to make nice for Father's Day. I love them all but I just want to crawl into my shell. I wish I could see some humor in this but I just want this phase over with. It isn't fair and it should be at least once in awhile.

Minion--AMEN SISTER eXACTLY the way I feel.

Girls, Guess what just another added fun thing. My new house got struck by lightning today and caught the front porch on fire. All My mom was worried about was her new addition. I think suicidal thoughts are going to take over this evening. Don't worry, I'm not going to do anything to myself. I think GOD is trying to tell me I don't need a house. Lost one to a Hurricane, now Lightning. Thank God some neighbor was passing and put out the fire on the porch and called me at my other house. My husband is out of town, so didn't know what to do...

Another day in heaven...

Love,
Marylynne

Marylynne, you must have Charlie Brown's black cloud along with everyone else's luck. At lease no one was hurt and the porch can be repaired. You didn't seem to have enough to do these days so here is another project for your summer. Your shoulders must be huge. LOL Hang in there with the rest of us.

Dinner with my family was wonderful. Son went all out for it and then I slipped some money in his wife's purse to pay for it. He has no idea of what an appropriate amount is so my husband and I agreed before they got here to put the money into her hand before they left for the night. We took the boys swimming and dodged the rain to grill the steaks. In Florida for this time of year, we get afternoon storms that are pretty bad if you aren't used to them. I love storms and my animals hate them. They try to get under my when the thunder and lightning start. My dog is an 80 pound Ger. Shep. and Mom's is a toy poodle. What a pair.

Goint to scout out daycare centers today. There are only two in town. I hope one is acceptable.

Sarah

I took care of my mother for seven years before she passed away. She came to live with me when she had strokes and could no longer live alone I am an only child and felt completely that this was my obligation and I didn't really mind at the time. I always had a wonderful relationship with my mother but when she came to live with me, it all changed. I think it is because they are so miserable that they can no longer be independent and they know that their time is limited. My mother became critical, grumpy and acted like she was a martyr if she had to stay alone on a very rare occasion that I would try and spend some time with my friends or someone other than her. It's a shame. then after she passed away, I had an aunt who had a stroke and I jumped right into that one and took care of her for three years until she passed away. I feel the same way that you do. I've told my children (all four of them) that I don't want them to sacrifice their lives that way. It isn't fair especially since there are decent assisted living or independent living homes for people to live in. I have an aunt who never had any children and she is 89 and happy as a clam in her assisted living home where she has lived for 20 years because she wanted to be prepared (she's the smart one). I wouldn't do it again because something changes in people when they get old or incapacitated in some way and they become selfish, angry, stubborn and unreasonable. Maybe not all but it seems to be true in many cases. We shouldn't feel guilty or obligated to take care of our parents and I think they may get better care in a facility where they have staff who are trained, nurses on duty, three nicely prepared meals a day and entertainment and socializing. Find a nice assisted living and go visit them once a week and let it go. You've done more than is fair and reasonable and if you don't do this, then you put yourself in a position of wishing them dead and being glad when they do die and that's not what you want or they want you to feel.

Liz, yours is the voice of reason and of one who has been where we all are. I wouldn't be in this situation if there was money enough for her care. I only took her out of the facility that she was in because of finances. I knew, I thought, this would be the worst possible thing for all of us and it has exceeded my worst nightmares.

Facilities that are reasonable in our area range from $3500 plus a nursing fee and up. We were paying $4300 a month when they were in charge of her meds. Everything has a service fee attached. This facility wasn't the Ritz but it was nice. This may not seem like a lot of money for what was being received but when you do the math and realize that when her money runs out she would have to move since they wouldn't accept Medicaide, we were stuck with little choice. Medicaide facilities are generally not well run establishments in this area. We even tried the math for leaving her at her home which was paid for but that was cost prohibitive also. Adult babysitters/caregivers charge $20 an hr and up. So here we are.

Liz, I don't mean to bust your chops. Everything you said was right on, but the rock and the hard place are hard places to deal with. Everyone is miserable especially Mother.

The daycare centers aren't an option at this point for more reasons than I can list here.

ok i started to write this posting and my mom comes in and sits in a chair next to the computer and starts talking to me. i just want to be away from her. there is no privacy in my life. she is so nosy and so much trouble. i should just put her in a nursing home. I had to go to postoffice and other business this am, and she said, just before i got ready to go, i have the diarrhea, and dont feel good. then when i got ready, she wanted to go with me. i told her no, that i wouldnt be gone long and i didnt need her to go. she pouted. she says she never gets out. never has company. I HATE HER TODAY. like yesterday and surely again tomorrow. she has nothing good to say about anyone or anything. i just want to run away as usual. no daycare centers here. cant really afford a nursing home. i am stuck with her and she will out live me for sure, as she keeps my b/p high all the time. now she is wanting something to eat and it isnt time for me to cook. oh well, guess i will go and fool with her as i always do.

You are so right. It wasn't very practical of me to suggest a home. We couldn't afford one either in our area. I was thinking about a perfect world which we all know there isn't such a thing. So, I don't know what I was thinking. A person has to be pretty well off to afford either a home or live in care. In our area, the CNA's go for about $20 per hour to come to the home. I had someone when my Mom went on Hospice and I paid her $10 per hour because she was an angel. I was working full time and had to have someone there with her. I went on Family Medical Leave so I wouldn't get fired but still went to work every day. And guess what? The day came back from her funeral I was laid off. They said it was budget reasons. After 12 years with the same Firm I was laid off and the plans were being made while my mom was on Hospice. I couldn't believe how cold they were. But anyway, I'm over it pretty much and still think about how difficult it was to take care of her. Not because I didn't want to but because she was so grumpy all the time. It was as though she resented everything I did. She wanted me to sit with her 24 hours a day, talk to her and no one else and cater to her every need, which I thought I was doing as much as I could. I very rarely went anywhere without her and I even took her for rides in the car to get her out (which she promptly would fall asleep). I'm sure she couldn't help it but whatever, it doesn't make it any easier that she couldn't help herself. My mom and I were the best of friends all of our lives, but her stroke and being sick really changed her. It is so sad and I'm scared that the same thing will happen to me and my kids will be stuck in a similar situation. I may say now that I'll be in a good mood and appreciate them but maybe I won't and may not even know it. who knows. I have a friend now who has Parkinson's who needs someone to take care of her. My kids keep telling me not to do it. I feel so bad for her but I know it will be the same thing again. When people are sick sometimes they become very self centered and maybe understandably so. So I see her once a week and take her out and that's all I'm going to do for now. Keep the faith and things always work out for the best eventually I think

OMG girls,

Isn't the old people's lives about crapping. I get so tired of every morning hearing how many dad couldn't go. He wants apple juice, prune juice, coffee, etc. He practically cries if he comes out of the bathroom and didn't go. My mom wants you to come look at what she goes. She thinks she has a parasite. SHES NUTS

I went to the urologist, now the surgeon, the psychiatrist, the podiatrist, etc. I'm with you Donna, my mom intrudes on all my phone conversations. If I have the phone in my hand, she is trying to have conversation with me. She never sees the phone in my hand. If I am in another room, she comes and looks for me. I HATE HER TOO, everyday. Maybe thats why I am being punished. I truly feel punished.

Love you girls,
Marylynne

good morning ladies!
Well this is going to be a fun day for me today. i am taking my mother to the beauty shop for yet another perm.(she had one 2 months ago) son to doctor this afternoon, dish network man supposed to be here already, isnt here, so, will have to take her then come back to deal with that then go pick her up. then fix lunch then go to the other doc. i am already feeling tired and i havent even started this yet. Last night she went to bed, got up, went to bed, got up... the third time she got up, i said, why dont you go back to bed? (she had been complaining about being so tired) She then started on me. she said, you wont watch tv with me, you wont even talk to me..If i come into a room where you are, you leave. Then you tell people you are here taking care of me. hahaha (her words) I said, well, let me ask you this, Where would you be if i were not here? She had no answer for that. I did call her a smart ass, when she said that hahahha stuff. She seems to want to infuriate me. Wants to put me down at every opportunity. I should have told her when she said i wasnt taking care of her, that my life would be a lot different if i didnt have to worry about her, but i didnt, now wish i would have. She is miserable and wants me to be also. yes marylynne, it is all about crap..but, my mom has diarrhea all the time, so i have to clean crap day and night. wherever i go with her is the same. changed shower curtains again yesterday. And as far as being punished? hell no, we are just lying in the bed that we made for ourselves, tho, there seems to be no way out. stuck with these mean vicious old people forever. And i can see that you are depressed as much as i am, in addition to being forever working, and for no reward. Our pay for this task that we are doing is nil. nothing. no appreciation, nothing. Just more of the same. as cindi says, ssdd. I have tried being nice, i have tried ignoring her, but none of these things suit her at all. WHAT SHOULD I DO? wish someone had an answer. Wish i had a sibling to turn to occassionally. I have no one to ask to stay with her. Granddaughter said that she would come and stay if i wanted to get out, but every time i have asked her, she has other plans, so i dont think that is an option anymore. Mom will not have a caregiver, says it costs too much, and she is fine by herself. (this is bs) Now the guy is here for the tv stuff, and gotta leave for beauty shop. hope everyone is having a wonderful day........donna

Dear Donna,

As I read your posting, it brought tears to my eyes, because you are saying everything I truly feel. And my motto is THERE IS NO ANSWER! I say it all the time. I am sitting here crying because my husband is out of town having fun without me and I can't go. He has gone every year for a long time and I didn't feel as bad as I do now. I love you and feel for you, we are forever in the same fix.

Love to you,

Marylynne

My mother 75 yrs old "invited" herself to live with my 24 yr old daughter

Hi Everyone
Donna, hire her a caregiver even if she says she doesn't need one. You need respite time. I have a difficult time coping as it is if I didn't have respite time I would be 100% depressed and no good to anyone nor myself. It is my only salvation.
Marylynne, my mother also has poop problems. Comes with the age I guess. She takes MOM (milk of magnesia) if she hasn't had a bm in a few days. She doesn't follow the directions she takes like a tsp at a time. Says if she takes what they instruct on the bottle she has diarrhea. There have been times when she is on the toilet trying to go and afraid she won't be able to go. Miserable. Not looking forward to that in my later years. If I make it there that is.
There are times many times when I wished there were another way. A way in which I would not be affected like this...maybe not affected at all. The only way I see is to just stop doing it. At this point I don't want to do that. But I fantasize about it.
Took Dad to the doctor they squeezed him in. He constantly clears his throat and it makes me crazy, plus mom said he was acting like he had a hard time breathing when I was at curves this am. Husband and I are leaving on Sunday for our 3 day vacation so I want to make sure he isn't coming down with anything. Turns out it was bad allergies. Suggested I change his claritin to Zyrtec and spray his nasal spray twice a day. Hope it helps. Going to girlfriends daughter's 8th grade graduation party. Emily, is also my goddaughter so I have to go. Went to her eldest daughter's graduation party last week. Going broke! I am tired and the party is at 6:00. Caregiver, Maryann is coming. Have to cook before I go of course. Going to try and lie down for a bit before I start cooking etc.
Have a nice evening love to you all...
Cindi

dear donna there is an answer but its probably not the one you want its called DEATH either theres or your just depends on how you want things to go all this stress is going to do us in not them . had a good laugh about the poop stuff didnt we talk about this when our kids were babies or have our parents turned in to our babies ? if that is true im putting mine up for adoption see how he likes it. always being the ugly step sister (no offence to any step sister out there.) seems like this life of taking care of our parents has consumed us.i try not to talk about it to people especially if there parents are or were nice if you tell them things like how you have fantasys about them falling down the stairs and then laugh beause you find it releases stress they just look at you like you just sprouted another head and then make any lame excuss to get the hell away from you. haha not kidding at least with you gals you kinda can understand where im comming from. 1 of our friends said that they wanted to give there father in law away because he smells , ill take a smelly one over a mean and crabby one any day. smell washes off asshole is forever. sorry about the word no other word or worse ones will fit. was thinking about doing a stand up comody routine about my father. can my sibling sue me? maybe i could make alot of money then put him in a home . of my choice hehe. hes very raciest. from that generation you know so thats where im putting him in the middle of the hood nursing home and paying the cna's extra just to take care of him. maybe that would do him in. well on that note sorry to be so crabby today had a bad week end with my dad even had a big fight with my husband aobut the old man even thought about running away, but then i remembered about every thing i would take with me so i figured it would be easier to stay and pray to GOD TO HAVE MERCY ON MY SOUL. if i see him ill ask him to help you ladies out. mia

Dear Miak

You are so right. That is the answer. You know every one hates my Mom because when they visit, she makes comments on how she has taken care of my dad for 20 years and he just won't die. Some one who has lost their husband will say, I would take my husband back sick and all if he were just were here again. They look at my Mom likes shes nuts. Don't get me wrong, she is nuts, but the jest of it is that its true, even for her, she wants out of the caregiving situation. She just don't realize I am in it too. Now, I am taking care of both of them, they just don't see it. I wish them dead every day and look for the lightning bolt that will hit me. Unfortunately, it hit my new house instead. See GOD never sleeps. Told you I would be punished to the tune of $2,000.00 dollars or maybe something else, like the death of me. I want to run away and never come back. I was even thinking of leaving my husband behind. They all have me peed off this week.

Love you girls,

I don't know what I would do without ya'll
Marylynne

For all of you who are dealing with the poop issue Miralax works great. They will never know its there sice it is tasteless. Mix it into their coffee first thing in the morning and it will work like a charm. Everyone can relax and the old people will think there has been a miracle worked on them. Until recently, this med was by prescription only. Now you can buy it in most pharmacy sections: Walmart, Albertson's, Publix, Walgreens, etc.

Night all,
Sarah

Marylynne, i can feel your dissappointment at not being able to go with your husband to the retreat. It is just not fair. I am so sorry hon, it makes me sick. and some days when my mom is sleeping late, i go in to see if she is breathing, and to my dissappointment, she is. I am sure God will punish us all. She has as much right here as i do. maybe i am getting as nuts as she is. I wouldnt want my husband back here, he was sick for 9 long years, way too long to suffer. I took care of him and of my mom at the same time. now he is gone, but she lives on-------and on and on. And before that, Home health for 10 years, wiping butts and giving bathes to old people, many of them adorable, but a few like my mom, hateful and mean. and before that, i had 4 kids to take care of. spent every waking minute working either on a job, or taking care of them and the household. WHEN DO I GET A TURN? I am terribly tired of all this. but, my mom laughed and said the other day that she hopes she will outlive me......That is just not natural. I hope that i die before any of my kids, but, she thinks just that much of me. I hate sounding petty and selfish, because, believe it or not, i am a nice and giving person, just at the end of my rope. yep the trip to the border is drawing near love yu all, hope yu have a wonderful trip cindi. Donna

don't talk to me about poop I just went through that last week, bran flakes, prune juice, and a pill called colace stool softener, I am going to give that to him every other day now to make sure he doesn't complain. My cousin said to get asadophalis? (spell check) from the vitamin store, works for my aunt. I saw some in the toilet so I now know now that he is going he doesn't seem to remember to flush.
All of you made me chuckle, yesterday the crab of a mom made me want to die before I get her age. What if we are that way when we get old, do we reall have control of how we get? I beginning to think not.
Dad was difficult yesterday, wanted my son to take him to sample candies somewhere. I said dad you can't go anywhere where they are going to let you sample candy. You have to understand that he eats hard Werther's candy because he gets a dry mouth, he goes through alot of bags. Anyway he got mad at me because I am always against him, he said.
Do you apease them and treat them like children? his mind is to sharp for that and he would say don't treat me like I'm a baby. Or are you honest and they don't like that either. Losing battle.
Now my mother is a professional cabinet maker, our kitchen cabinets on the bottom are at 3 angles by the sink and there are small holes under where the cabinets are connected. Well the kittens found the holes and climbed in and out, tried to plug them up after that. Now they shouldn't be that way she says and the complaining goes on and on and on and on........I asked her when did she make cabinets and install them. Last week she knew all about mechanics and tires. I'm suprised that she wasn't a hair dresser after I took her to get her hair cut.

To Cherj, tell your daughter to either find somewhere else for grandma or buckle up because she is in for the ride of her life and its an unpleasant one. It might be fine if grandma is healthy for now but things could take a turn for the worst. I would have grandma get a complete physical before I would do that to a 24 yr. old.

you girls made me smile today thanks OXOXOX Judy

Let's just all run away!!! :)

Cindi

Hi everyone, i must just add a few words tonight. first of all, went to my favorite place, walmart today. My poor mom never gets to go anywhere ya know. i cant recall if this is 2 or 3 trips this week to that godawful store. while shopping there, she got a pain, was clear across the store from the restroom, so, you guessed it, she messed her pants. cleaned her up, had to go to the grocery store, not walmart grocery, homeland, got in there and wham! another accident. this time, no extra clothes, no depends. and you think it is bad when they cant? wish i could share my bounty of crap with your parents.
I am ashamed of my self sometimes, but thought you alll would get a kick out of the sharing of sh-- love ya allllllll, Donna

Dear Girls,

Donna, FIRST off, I think its terrible that your mother wishes she lives longer than you. It sounds like something my mother would say. When we are in the car and have a close call, she always says kill you, but not me. Don't know how you do the going out and sh--ting. Its bad enough when they sh-t at home. Hey, I did get a good idea, someone told me to put a garbage bag in my dad's commode in his room, it does make it easier to dispose of, but not so nice for garbage man after being in garbage can for a few days in the heat.

I don't know if I would take my parent out if She or He had that problem, but knowing me and how I give in I guess I would.

Judy, I laughed out loud when I saw how your mother is a professional cabinet maker. When we first moved in this house, they have a brick step going from the garage to the house. I have to pick my Dad's wheelchair up over that step everytime he has to go to the bathroom. My mom said the step could be filed down flat. My husband said that was impossible. Making a ramp wouldn't be any better, he is about 190 pounds and I'm 125, What a uphill climb. She still says everyday, if ya'll would have only filed down that step things would be so much easier.

Went to Dr. today, she even tells the doctor what she has. I was so depressed today that I didn't talk to anyone till around 3:00 p.m. on the way to the dr. My mom keeps asking what is wrong. I tell her the truth. I said I don't like my life any more. She said why, is it because of us? I told her, that I didn't think my life was going to be about doctors, poop and pharmacies and that is what is has been for 20 years. She says it only has been for a couple of years. She says she didn't go to the dr. that much before the storm. I use to count it every year and it was 30 - 40 times a year.

I don't know what I would do, if I wouldn't have found you girls.

Love,
Marylynne

Dear Ladies,

It has been a few days. I'm sorry to hear about all the poop for some and lack there of for others. Dad has not had one of those accidents yet. Only pee.

Dad is slowly improving. They still want to send him home on friday. Ahhhh!
I'm trying nit to panic.

I think I have broken my foot. Am going to the doctor for myself tonight. Just what I needed to add to my plate. What a dork I am... It hurts like he-double hockey sticks.

Husband just shakes his head at me. HAHA.

My son just wants to help me get around. I try not to trip over him. I would love to be an outsider looking in. I would laugh at the comedy of errors. If it wasn't me I would find everything much more humorous.

I am going to take a pregnancy test on Monday. I have to be out of my mind, trying to have another baby!

What is wrong with me?

I hope everyone of you finds something in your day to make you smile.
Usually I just laugh at myself.

Hugs to all,
Cathy

Hello Everyone,
After reading the postings I don't know what to do laugh or cry or both!
Update: Took dad to hematologist yesterday who is monitoring his anemia and his smoldering multiple myeloma (blood cancer). Good news is his anemia is better. Bad news is the protein level that tells how bad the mm is is elevated which means it is getting worse. January of 2006 the doctor said he had 1 to 1 1/2 years to live. Since then his protein level was 1400 and stable. Now it is 1800. So this is the first indication that he is getting worse. I was sad yesterday. As much as I complain and have a hard time etc. with the realization that now the blood cancer is taking over and his days are starting to be numbered it affected me more then I thought it would. I am glad I took him out of the nursing home and have cared for him. He has slowly lost about 10 lbs and is moving slower but no evidence of complaints of pain. But, he never complains about pain will have to watch for evidence of it in his body language. Bone pain is a major symptom of this cancer. It is suppose to be real bad pain. Will repeat bloodwork in 6 weeks and if level has increased to 2000 or if symptoms increase will have to have a talk as to what to do from here. Mother is anxious about the new mausoleum being completed before he dies.
Having problems with my mom. She told my brother not to give me any money to pay the caregiver while I am gone for 3 days 2 nights to Lake Tahoe. We already went over this. I told her in seven months that you have been here I have taken off overnight 2 times. Once to move my daughter (no fun there)...and once for an overnight stay at a B

Don't know why my other comment didn't post. My mom invited herself to live with my daughter

Hi, back with an upset Mother. Took her to a different hair salon that uses the brand of hair color that she likes. She is upset because the stylist can not style and blow dry hair. She asks "What kind of stylist doesn't know how to blow dry hair?" Tried this place out because mother always complains about the place I take her to (Yamaguchi's) a place where I go myself. Thing is she has to color her hair once a month so it gets costly. We were trying to save her some money. She is now in the bathroom styling her hair. Suppose to take her to Cypress her previous senior residence so she can watch the entertainment and visit with her friends. My mother has been paying for her hair to be colored ever since her back surgery in Feb of 2007. Prior to that she always colored her own hair. She can't bend her back to do the coloring anymore. My Mother is vain and a girlie girl, she always has been. She says she colors her hair because the color helps her hair shaft be thicker looking like more hair. She has bald spots and thinning hair. She looks younger then her 82 and half years. Everyone tells her this and that she is pretty or beautiful. When she was young she was a very pretty woman and was asked to try out as a movie actress in Korea when she was young. Anyways...there it is. Hearing complaints. I never get away from them. I told her before that she is the number one complainer. Eric, my hairdresser who nows colors my mother's hair has a hard time with my mom. He told me last time to not become like my mom! She always complains to him too!
Cathy, glad your dad is recovering well. Sorry, you are anxious about him coming home, I would be too. Hope the transition goes well. Always hard coming home. Hope your foot is not broken, last thing you need. How did you injure it? Pregnancy...ummm..better you then me! Laughing...sorry. Well, I guess you are ready to have another child and don't want to wait much longer. The timing isn't the best but it doesn't sound like it is going to get much better in the near future.
Marylynne, glad you told your mom that you are depressed because of caregiver stress. She doesn't understand that it has gotten so much more intense in the last few years but you have been doing it for long before then. I am concerned for you. You are way to overstressed and depression big time is the symptom. I fear how you will be able to take care of anyone, soon. I think it is awful that your mom says better to kill you then her when you are in a car and in a dangerous situation. That alone would make me depressed, with my mother saying that to me. I'd say well you rather I die then you and you are my mother with a mother saying that to me why wouldn't I be depressed?!
Donna, you are a saint. I am with Marylynne if my dad shi**ted his pants like that I would be very leery about taking him anywhere! l also would be angry as hell to have to change him so much while out. The big mess, smell etc. Your mother wonders why she doesn't get to go out?! I mean you do take her out..but really...how can you take her like she wants when she has accidents....common sense Mother. Hire her a nurses assistant who can clean her sh*t when you guys go out. Otherwise she goes when you are willing to take her...and lord, I wouldn't be willing if I were you!
Judy where r u? Hope Mom didn't brew a storm like you thought...and dad has the pooper thingy under control...everyone say MOM (milk of magnesia..anyone?)
Guess what, in about 20 or 25 years or so we can look forward to some of this!

Hugs
Cindi

Hi everyone, cindi, keep that mom for someone else, send me immodium. lol. and you think you got it bad? in 10 yrs i can look forward to this. God, please dont let BMS become the center of my existence. When i worked in home health, every day at least 5 people would tell me about their bms or lack of bms, until i wanted to shout. Today, got into a discussion with my mom about my nephew. She said he is your grandson. I said no, mama, he is my nephew. She said well, i know good and well that he is your grandson. I was both amazed at her memory loss, and aggravated that she didnt listen when i told her he was my brothers son. therefore, my nephew. she kept insisting that he was my grandson. i finally left the room, didnt know whether to laugh or cry. Then a short time later, he came down to borrow an egg, for something he was cooking. after he left, she said what did bobby want with that egg?(bobby is my son who lives with us) I said, that was jason (my nephew) she argued that it was not jason. just your normal unnormalcy. Girls, it is getting worse daily. I try not to argue with her and try to reason with her, but it is hard to do.
cathy, hope you are ready and are pregnant. Babies are Gods way of saying we have something to look forward to. I think it is wonderful and your dad will too. cindi, send your mom to Oklahoma, i will color her hair for her. I am good at that. and i am pretty good at styling too. be a nice trip for her. haha. Maybe her and my nutty mom would be able to gripe to each other about all the things "we" need to do. gotta go, luv, Donna

hello to cherj i think if you make comments from your email they do not show up because i have written comments from my email notfication and they dont show up. dear cathy good luck on your test, it will be just like having twins diapers walkers falling down temper tantrums soft food and baby sitters only babys are much more fun and they love you no matter what. and they grow up and move out if were lucky and do a good job. and yes to all of us running away together. thats a great idea ill even pay for the gas, but we have to make 2 rules no talking about our parents or bathroom issues. haha think we could do that? im not sure i can my life seems to be consumed with that old man of mine. to s 131 sorry about your moms mistaking people it would not be so bad if when you corrected them they were not so veahamently (spelling Sorry) sure they the one who is right same with my dad hes so sure hes the one who is right and every body else is WRONG after a while you beging to believe them that were the carzy one not them. dad tried to call a friend and use the tv remote as the phone he tried 4 time and couldnt figure out why he wasnt getting a dial tone. i thought it was hysterical my sister thought it was so sad. oh barf on her. he pays her 50 buck a week to takehim to church and to breakfast and im here every day and dont get any thing but yelled at makes me sick. and i hate it when people say youll get a better seat in heaven i dont want a better seat id take the worst seat if he just pass on. oh back to s131 thats what makes us crazy that something so simple and normal like who a person is they cant figure it out its like putting water in a collander you can put in all the water you want it just wont stay there and there nothing you can do to change it. sorry love its sad and madening . the story of your lives sad and madenning take care ladies and try to have a good week end talk to you all later. mia

hey I had to laugh thanks, got news that Dad's kidney stone is larger, DUH sometimes I think I could tell the doctors a thing or two. So he wants him back to the office on Tuesday to come to a decision.
Now theres too much BM, I told him well at least its working.
Cathy I hope for the best if you are pregnant and I'm glad your son will have a sibling.
Cherj, How well is your mom and I would recommend a complete physical for her so your daughter can be prepared for any health issues, and also discuss what could happen in the future as far as care for her.
Donna, marylynne and cindi, your the BEST! We all are. Judy

Hello Cindi,

I have read a good bit of the comments you ladies have been having. I have told my husband that I need something like this or I will end up going madd!!! I have had my mother live with me for the past 8 years. She will be 81 this year. We have just been told that she has cancer. If you read my profile you will see that I have already been through my father's death and I know that I will be the one to handle my mother's. I feel as if I have had to be responsable my whole life. I would love to know what it is like to be free. I hear about single parents that go out and leave the kids all most every weekend. Even when I was a single parent I could not do that. I had children because I wanted them, not to hand them off to someone else to raise. I never thought I would also have to raise my mom. Please keep writing. It is so nice to find a place that I feel as if I might fit in. I was always the square, you know miss goody two shoes here. I thank you all for all that you ladies do even if your parents don't get it. Your heavly father will!

In Christian Love,
SusanMyers