My mother has lived with us for 3 years now. She has her own apartment downstairs with a private entrance. She has severe hearing loss and hearing aids do not help much. She has a curvature in her spine, but was fine until she fell over 3 years ago and now does not trust her legs to hold her up. She has all but completely withdrawn from any interaction with the outside world. She will go to the grocery store weekly, but not much of anywhere else. My husband and I ask her continuously to go places with us, but she refuses. She uses her hearing as an excuse. She is afraid of everyone who comes to our house, and will leave the room if anyone comes over. She sets in the dark most times and does not talk to anyone except the dog. I'm an only child. I don't know what to do to help her. Should I try to contact her doctor and talk with them about how she chooses complete isolation?
I like to scrapbook, does anyone else? It helps keep my mind occupied from thinking nasty thoughts!
Hope to see more pics.
Hope everyone is having a good day. I'm so glad I found this place where I can vent and no one judges me and everyone understands.
Love you,
Sha
Medicare is hard to deal with unless you have a consent from the patient which they sent to me to have Dad sign and send back they will release more info to me with a signed paper.
Marylynne check with your county health dept. for senior care programs but there is more help for those on medicaid then medicare. Medicare only covers a short term.
Sha whats your email again?
I haven't gotten any pics from any of you, would love to see my girlfriends oxoxo Judy
Saw Maria's mom's birthday pictures. Funny, how our mother's look like angels! Great picture of the family.
Donna, still wating on your picture. I know they don't want us to exchange e-mails, but I have all of them written down.
Love,
Marylynne
Mom and I had a conversation about calling 911, do you ask the person who may need 911 if they want you to call or do you just call??? I say call especially for my Dad. She likes to ask, oh boy!
I like to play jewel quest 2. Going to check for more pictures, later oxoxoxo Judy
He ate all his breakfast and lunch he had his favorite chicken soup, didn't eat much for dinner.
We go in at 7:00 monday morning to the hospital.
Love the pics from all of you we would be a fun bunch if we could all get together. Hopefully some day we can. oxoxoxo Judy
How is Dad today honey. I know he must have scared you the other day. Tomorrow getting stint out or more lithotripsy, forgot.
I am having trouble with hubby, he is still sick. I'm calling dr. tomorrow. Mom and Dad still driving me crazy. Nurse said Dad could live another 15 years. Said she has never seen someone so well taken care of. Even is blood oxygen level is that of someone with no paralysis. Told you he would outlive us all. Good for him, hope he can find someone to take care of him when I'm gone.
Where are the girls, Cindi, has some dr. appt. tomorrow for her surgery don't she?
Where is my girlfriend Donna?
Ply, got your e-mail. Loved it. Soooo true.
Love to you girls, Trying not to complain, saying my novenas for all of us to have something to look forward to.
Love,
Marylynne
Will say a special novena for you tonight.
Love,
Marylynne
To top it off she contacted her former love whom she found out is married but still loves her. She had a male friend (who has been interested in her) help us move more of her stuff over to her apartment. Spent yesterday and today packing her up. She keeps telling me she is impaired and cant do anything well by herself (which puts more pressure on me). But it is true. I feel so badly and sad for her. It is such a tragedy. Why is my family life so tragic? She wants someone to love her and probably to take care of her. She asked her male friend would he marry a woman who had mental impairment and couldn't work. Sad, huh? This sister of mine was once really something. To see her end like this breaks my heart. I am praying she will be able to function okay even well someday.
All my mother said to me after I got home to cook dinner for them (after a 7 hour day with sister) was...Cynthia, did you forget to get my lotto? I said gosh mom I just got home give me some time. Self centered as usual. Am I always going to have to take care of people? Mom, Dad and now sister? I am afraid that it is yes. I don't know how I am going to continue. My sister is an even bigger stressor. But she needs someone and that someone is me. HOw long? Worried what will happen once I have surgery if I ever can lose the weight before surgery to get surgery. Been eating tonight.
Hope you all are better then me tonight
Cindi
dad made it through the lithotripsy ok he wanted to sleep and it took over an hour to get him up so we could leave, we were there 8 hours this time. Glad to be home and I am tired, thanks for all the support my friends. I'll be on tomorrow going to bed early tonight. oxoxoxo Judy
Cindi I feel so sorry for you I'n fairlyew here I'm not sure what surgery you are going to have-I don't know how one person can stand all of what you have to deal with and still give us all such encourgement-what a blessing you are I wish I could give you a hug in person so you give yourself a pat on the back, My husband doesn't like the meds. for bipolor- he likes his mind racing. He convinced one doc at the rehab unit he had no mental problems so I asked him did he not wonder why you have to take 3 psych meds? Decor I wish my husband would fuss at going to docs he loves the attention that is the only time he does not act like a 5 yr. old one yr. we had over 100 visits and I stopped counting after 10 months. MIAK I'm also a cancer and LOVE muder mysteries Miv30000 -good for you for speaking up to get the help you need and want-I've learned to speak up the squeaky hinged gets oiled- medicare is there for help in caring for those we spend most fo our life caring for the few hrs they do give us we often have to fight for even that I have very seldom found a nurse who really understood what I was going through- one nurse even gave me two extra weeks of aides. Bittersweet- you made me laugh out loud with the commet -oh shit-I filled in he for she is still alive. As for me the N.H. my husband is in now has a social worker who should have angel on her name tag we bonded she has been through the wars with her late husband and is on my side we are having a meeting this week to discuss discharge planning the last time he was in rehab I was excluded from discharge planning at the other nursing home I go to that one about twice a week to visit a friend who I worked with years ago and when staff ask about my husband I let them know how pleased I am with his care and his PT and OT
Took sister all over today..and ran errands..very tired..made many appts including to sign up for SSI...she does not qualify for disability. To go from spending money freely to not having money at all...very hard and sad. I never had money so..lol no big deal I guess...always had to struggle since being marrired probably cause I stayed home with kids most of the time. One paycheck makes things esp hard. As many of you know.
Take care and love to you all...
Cindi
I sure hope your sister appreciates all that you are doing for her and she will be able to help you-but at this point she probably can not see past her own problems-even if she can not tell you how helpful you are to her I believe she does realize the truth.
Tell me a little about your husbands situation and bi-polar. I have a mother, daughter and a brother, who I think are all bi-polar. My mom too, loves to go to drs. I go at least 40-50 times a year and some times more than that and she is not ill, its my father who has had three strokes.
My mother and I both lost our homes in Katrina or I wouldn't have them living with me, although, I knew one day it would come to this. I, too, like Donna am just about at my wits end and think I have already had a nervous breakdown. Unfortunately, meds don't work for me, have a extra fast heartbeat.
If I can help you with any information about rehabs, been through it for 20 years now, just let me know. Give me a little background on yourself.
Welcome,
Marylynne
You have come upon some of the nicest people in the world here. I can't begin to tell you the support I've gotten here since I joined about a month or so ago. These women have hearts of gold and strength greater than Hercules. Their lives are in such turmoil, yet they come here every day and offer support to the rest of us. We all care about one another and even though we'll probably never meet, we feel a strong bond and friendship towards one another. I feel like you are all my friends. We vent out our many frustrations and we are not judged. Instead we are understood and comforted. The concern shown here from strangers is often more than I get from personal friends. Again, welcome and feel free to dump on us. We're here for you.
Cindi, sweetie, hang in there. Your mom and your sister don't realise how lucky they are to have you. I know you get your strenght from your son, he's taking care of you.
Judy, how's dad today? I hope you got some rest.
Donna, are things any better? Did you get you car fixed?
Maria, are you feeling better? I'm here for you honey.
Marylynne, is your husband any better? How are the girls?
Things have been pretty quiet at home. But I think my mother is getting depressed. She's been doing a lot of running around for Dr. appointments between her and my father. Today he gets his Foley changed. He gets taken by ambulance to the Dr. to be changed. Then my mother has to go for x-rays of her knee. She's having lots of pain and may consider knee replacement. I have mixed emotions about this. Will she be better or worse? Who knows? It's a chance you take.
I'm going to try and talk her into spending the weekend with her friend in the next state, it's only like a half hour drive. She always has a good time with her, just sitting around talking and laughing. I think she needs a break. I know I could use one.
Well, my friends, I hope you are having a good day. I'm praying for you all.
Love,
Sha
I sure hope your mother does go to visit her friend, you really need a break.
Sorry about the troubles you have with your son. I say all the time, "We are the 'sandwich' generation". Our parents move in with us and our children never leave. We are stuck in the middle with nowhere to go and no end in sight. My God, when will it end?
Wishing you all a peacefull day.
Love,
Sha
Maria, thanks for the info on the knee replacement. I'm not sure mom knows what is involved with this. I don't think she realises she'll have to re-hab at a nursing home. When she finds this out, it's not going to sit too well, I can tell you that.
But I think it's only fair to educate her before she makes the decision.
I'll keep you all posted.
Love,
Sha
Donna, you made a valid point about the chair. LOL
Funny thing my dad told me last night that he wants me to live until I am 90 because I deserve it and he wants me to be in good shape not like my mother. I told him that I will always be in shape because I am a mover and can't hardly sit still. He said couch potatoes derserve to die at 60. ? thats the philosophy of a 95 year old.
Welcome Austin Please fill us in more about your situation.
I hear knee replacements only last 10 years I have an Aunt that had it done. Thinking of all my friends, Judy
Welcome aboard. I know what you mean about the friendships we form here. When things were unbearable for me and some friends asked what they could do for me I said call me from time to time but they must have felt that they would bother me because they did not call but if I called them they were so supportive and at Church some close allways let me piss and moan as much as I needed to do
Sha, I didn't know your father was still alive. Does he live with you too or in a nursing home? Hard on him to have his foley changed every month that area is sensitive. Sometimes, I wonder it is worth living longer when the quality of life is low. Sorry, your Mother is feeling down. I think it would be great to have her spirits lifted by visiting a friend. I know that I have to consider taking mom out or dropping her off for entertainment at her old senior residence so she can visit, brings little cakes over and watches the entertainment. They get bored sitting in their rooms etc. Can't blame them. As far as the knee replacement. How old is your Mother again? Is she pretty coherent and physically strong besides knees? I myself, have had two knee replacements and they were the hardest things I have ever personally gone through...(meaning me myself for myself). I had bone to bone in both knees starting at age 35 and then finally had them replaced at age 46. I suffered greatly and went downhill slowly. Before the surgery I was shopping by electric wheelchair and I walked with a cane short distances. The surgery gave me a new life cause I could walk pain free again. If not for the surgery I could not do what I do now. They did the right knee in 2005 and the left knee 9 months later in 2006. The surgery afterwards is very painful. The rehab is grueling and painful. I believe the shorter you are the harder the rehab. My father had the surgery and did not have a good result because unbeknowst to us he had altzheimers and couldn't follow through with the instructions and rehab well. He was 81. But luckily he had it though cause he uses it to walk...the other knee (Left one) also needed to be replaced but decided not to. Good luck to mother you will need to decide whether the recovery is worth the surgery. It is one of the most painful surgeries to overcome.
Donna, I am sorry about your car being broken and the finances. We have our own finacial problems too. I know how difficult it is and can be. Everything happening all at once and how are you suppose to pay, survive, cope. I'm glad you have your boyfriend to talk and maybe help in some way. It is overwhelming for you right now I can imagine.
Marylynne, I didn't know you can't take meds because of fast heartbeat. Geez, what CAN they do for you hun? Cause you need something. Must be something you can take along with talk therapy with a counselor.
Cathy, how are you doing? Son and husband and your Father? Is Dad getting stronger? Are you guys coping alright?
Austin you sound so nice welcome to our group and thank you for your imput and kindness. Sister does appreciate it thank goodness not like my mother. Sister will not be able to repay. She is in a bad situation, now Austin. I will probably always have to watch over her now, just hope she can get to her most highest functioning that she can.
Ply/Maria you have been quiet how are things, sweetie? Mom? Daughter?
Mia, Susan how are you all doing?
Have to take mom, sister dad and bird to the bird specialist today. Woke Dad up early and he is having breakfast now. We have to leave in like 20 minutes to CAlabasas which is 45 minutes away. Mom's bird is sick been plucking it's tail feathers. Then out to look for a sofa from Salvation army or something like that for sister. Tomorrow she goes to her first out patient pyschiatrist appt. I will go with her. Mom told me she would move out and let my sister move in...I said no. That was yesterday. There is no f'king way...(pardon my french...laughing...didn't really say it but thought it)...sister asked me if she could live with me and I said no..I would take care of her from afar...but she must get better. Told her if she moves in I will die. "Do you want me to die?" I asked her. Of course she said no. Then I said well I will if you do...cause I am starting to worry about me too. I might have told you guys this yesterday...laughing I can't remember...do you all think forgetfulness is contagious from your parents?
Remember to do at least one thing that makes you happy, and feel good. Love you all
Hugs
Cindi
How are you? Donna, I love the chair thing, I have to use that one.
Cindi, Hope you are doing good.
JUdy, when stint comes out he will be fine.
Sha, Tell your mom to visit her friend, I wish my mom had a friend.
Mia, Parents love to tell their children nasty things. No one will think any thing of you except you are a good teacher.
Well, stopped physical therapy already. Dad took a small spill after first physical therapy. Told therapist, he is too weak for all of that. Occupational therapist gave him a shower today, and said she will do that once a week till we find an aide. 21 year old daughter told me she is leaving the boyfriend she is living with to go out with old boyfriend and she wants to move home. If she comes home, I will literally jump off the Mississippi River Bridge. She creates havoc if she is in the house for 10 minutes. Stupid boyfriend told her to go and see what she wants and he will be waiting for her with open arms when she figures it out.
I HATE MY LIFE!!!
Donna, my car is broke too. Put it in the shop today to change all the belts. Of course, they found 10 other things wrong with it and the price tag is $1,300. I told my husband, we can't get ahead for nothing.
If you hear of a New Orleans woman jumping off the bridge it was me.....I love my daughter, but can't get her back into the house. She said why would you take maw maw and paw paw in, but not me. Don't have an answer for that one, except my Mom and Dad didn't hit me, my daughter does. Thats why I want to know about bi-polar disease. Someone give me a little info.
Going to find that bridge.....
Love,
Marylynne
I hope you don't let your daughter move back in with you for it WILL be your undoing. Reason she can't move back in?....she is of age and needs to take care of herself, she already lived with bf not for you to have her move back in now that they have broken up, You cannot have another person move into the home cause you will not be well (tell her this too), you and her have had previous bad experiences including her hitting you and under no circumstances will you put yourself into the possiblity of that circumstance again. SHE NEEDS TO FIND HER OWN PLACE TO LIVE...EVEN IF THAT MEANS SHE RENTS A ROOM. YOU LOVE HER BUT YOU NEED TO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF..AND SO DOES SHE. SHE NEEDS TO LEARN HOW TO TAKE CARE OF HERSELF THROUGH YOU MODELING IT.
Take her to pyschiatrist for a mental evaluation with a history of signs and symptoms.
Love you..and forget about that bridge.