Advice on how to deal with live-in mother?

Marylynne, thank God you are alright and are back home. I thought of you constantly. I hope your little dog will be alright. Those spiders can be nasty. Sorry you had to spend time is such a dump.
Someone needs to speak up about your mother. It's obvious she is a threat to your dad. He shouldn't have to live in fear. He doesn't deserve to be treated so mean. Maybe a councilor could come in and explain to her that this behavior is unacceptable and if it continues one of them will be taken away and put in a protected environment. I'm sure she won't like that and it may scare her into being less mean. There is no need for that. You should ask her what happened in her life to make her so miserable. My heart breaks for you honey. It can't be easy on you coping with this day in and day out. You're in my prayers.
Judy, Cindi, Donna, Maria, Austin, Mimi, Jen, How are you all? I think of you always and hope you are having a better day than the one before. God Bless you all.
Love,
Sha

Thank you Sha, Donna, Maria. It is good remembering and honoring my son and his memories. His daughters/my granddaughters were with us. They enjoyed the Japanese restaurant we went to and I told them how we had taken their parents there when the oldest was a baby. They helped put flowers at the gravesite arranging them in the vases. We prayed over him, these types of traditions keep him close in our hearts and minds and helps us grieve him.

Last night we had a family meeting with brother, sister, mom and me. It was a bad night. My mother and I had harsh words. Much of what I think and feel I told her last night. I also cried and lost my temper which is very fiery when I am very mad. It had to do with money she gives me but it went on from there. Also, the bad treatment she gave my sister yesterday in the car on our way down to visit our priest friend Father Joseph. She told my sister she is worth nothing and that her smile is ugly and she smiles for no reason and it is stupid. After the fight my mother told me she was sorry and to not pay attention to what she says to me. She hugged me. More of the same abusive pattern I guess. I went out to eat with my sister...(late at night) and drove around talking til I was too tired to go on. Spoke to sister and my husband. I am really beaten down. The depth of her emotional problems and the way she unleashes her negativity, complaints, criticism and mean spiritedness is making it hard for me to love her and continue with her. Like Marylynne I see no out. At this point despite her meaness etc. I know how she would suffer, be depressed and finally lapse into illness etc if she goes into a senior home. If she chooses it I will let her go. But I don't want to make her go at this point. I am getting indifferent and numb and something shifted in me last night. I don't know how to go on....don't really want to face her this morning but I must soon cause she has a dr's appt in Santa Barbara 45 minutes or so away with a new neurologist. Sister is coming over and taking care of dad. I'm feelling lost and heartbroken. This mother does not appreciate what I do, is not grateful, I feel like a fool trying to be a better and loving person. She doesn't deserve it. But she is my mother and without me she will go headlong into her depressive negative abyss which is where I pulled her out of originally to bring her here. Wherever she goes she brings her toxic black cloud and I am trying to be there without drowning in it. She pushes me and siblings away with the way she acts at times and yet at the same time with the other hand she reaches out and grasps us saying please don't leave me...I know I act bad but don't pay attention to it..please love me and don't leave me. No wonder there is so much dysfunction in this family. It stems from her. She doesn't know how to love and she is a deep empty negative void nothing is enough.

Marylynne glad you are home. Sorry for your hellious ordeal esp with your mother.../father.

Take care girls
Im not good right now.
Cindi

Sha, thank you. My days are so-so but I can still handle them. Been keeping occupied with things that need to be done around the house. Cindi, I am so sorry for what u are going thru. Maybe it is time to let your mother go before she does complete damage. Does she have dementia or is she just like that? You already are carrying too much pain from your son and with all the things that have happened afterwards, you are going to end up being disabled yourself. Start looking out for yourself. You seem to be at the breaking point right now. Please take care. Maria

sorry I don't have time to read all the postings, Dad wanted to go to the hospital yesterday morning and they kept him there he is dehydrated and had pain in his side and was having trouble breathing. They took a chest x-ray and did an ultrasound of his abdomen and took blood. Chest is clear besides the dehydration I don't know anything else. Checked in on him this morning and he was ok. I will let you know more when I can. Judy

Girls, I love ya'll and am thinking of every one of you.

Cindi, I cried inside when I read what you wrote. You are so eloquently spoken and have said everything I would want to say about my Mom. I think our lives are very very similar. I too pulled my mom from a bad depression and if I put her out, she will sink into same. It is a no win situation and I feel like I have no more control.

I wonder how god will answer my prayers, because I do believe he answers them in different ways. Every time I say I can't handle any more, I get something else come down the line. I really feel like a bad luck human being.

I am glad you celebrated your son's life. It seemed like a very nice thing to do.

Judy, worried about your dad. How old is he again? Wouldn't it be horrible to be left with just our Mom's. I hate to say it, but I would rather it the other way.

God forgive me.

Love,
Marylynne

Hi everyone
Brought the husband home today- had onky planned to go it to do paperwork due to soo much pain and being up last night a lot =but did get a dx yesterday Polymylgia to go along with R.A. and fibro and started on meds this evening. We are expectinf hanna tonight and all day tomarrow and did not want to pay $315.00 if I could not get to the nursing home it is near the Husdon and gets bab storms. No it was not the necular plant exploding today it was me, He was out of the car 2 min and starting bitching- this time it was grass clippings on the walk- well have you ever seem an German/ Irish old women get mad the things that came out of my mouth are unprintable. Then later I told him it is too f------ bad things will not get done as quickly as it did in the nursing home and not to get his bloomers in a bunch.

You go girl Austin. Think its great how you turned yourself around. Hope to take a page from your book and be just like you. Maybe I can understand how my mom punched my dad yesterday. It was out of 20 years of frustration and resentment that this comes from. Just like I resenting them, I guess she resents him. Of course, I don't think it right to resort to violence, but my mom has always tended to smack out when she is mad.

Love to you and hope you can handle whatever comes your way. Update us daily, makes me feel better to hear someone else bitching.

Love,
Marylynne

Wtg Austin on standing up to the tyrant that your husband wants to be. Marylynne, so happy that you are safe, sorry about pooch, but, he will be ok. sorry your mom is so hateful with you. Cindi, your letter was so sad and so true of all of our mothers. Are we dysfunctional because of them, or are they dysfuntional because of us???
the latest here is not good. My mom fell out of the bed last night and hurt herself. she is bruised all over from the tip of her toes to her head. her right arm is especially bruised, but she refused to go to ER or doc. I called home health and they came and said nothing but bruises. no breaks, which is a blessing. OK. I have decided to put the rails up on the bed to keep her from falling out, but, that leads to another problem. When she has to go to bathroom, she has to call me to come after her. Therefore, i will become tireder than ever. Just a few minutes ago, she called for me and i went immediately, but she had already messed her pants, and when i got her up she peed all over the carpet. I then discovered that she had not put on a depends. had only panties on, so, therefore the bed, the egg crate, her sleeping clothes, everything had to be changed, put in washer. then had to clean her up, and empty bedside commode, and put her back to bed/ and i put a regular diaper on her and put a pad under her.(she objected, but i object to working day and night also) My youngest son here for the weekend, having a fit because he says i am working myself to death and get nothing out of it. I guess, i want to be this way, or else i would have already put her in a home when she was so hateful. Now when she is hurt, she is as sweet as can be, but soon as she is feeling better, she will be back to putting me down and griping all the time. Judy, hope your dad gets better. know you must be very busy....Maria i enjoy your emails, keep them coming. i will send you the ones i think will make you laugh. Sha, good to see you are doing pretty well. love to all of u, Donna

Donna,
Don't know if this would help, but just bought my dad a bed cane. It is not a complete bed rail but a cane to hold on to to get up at night. It fits under the mattress and velcros to the the bed frame. It is great. Got it at Walmart.com, it was $65.

Love,
marylynne

Dad was moved to the critical care unit this afternoon. They are worried about his BP and oxygen level. Though they had the oxygen thing on his finger when he got to CCU they said that his hands were too cold and they put it on his earlobe. They had an oxygen mask on him and they changed it to just the nose tube now because on the earlobe it gave a reading too high with the mask on. Did you understand that? They also have to watch how much fluid they give him because of conjestive heart failure. Its a catch 22 because whats good for one thing is bad for another. He is very alert and is wanting to beat this and come home. He is 95 and I already told a doctor that I will not allow him to have a breathing tube. I want my dad to talk to me and be himself even if it is to the end. So I will keep you posted on everything when I can, my friends you keep me strong I wish you were here with me in person.
marylynne he is 95.

Dear Girls,

Very, Very depressed tonite. Had another big blow out with mom today, won't even say what it was about, because everything she fights about is stupid.

Earlier this morning she loss the feeling in one of her legs. I took care of her and my dad all morning and what do I get for it. Her picking a fight with me over nothing. I am starting to feel like I don't want to try to get along with her any more. If I could only separate myself all together from them both, maybe then I would be happy or at least content.

I am so very sad tonite. I can't get one step ahead.

Judy, I am praying for your Dad.

Love,
Marylynne

Judy, I hope everything turns out fine with your dad. The mask dispenses colder air so maybe that is why they had to put a cannula on him. They need a better reading for his O2 sats and if his fingers were cold, they wouldn't be able to get one. That is good that they are watching his fluids, don't want his lungs to get filled. My prayers are with your family. Marylynne, here's hoping that u have a better day today than yesterday. We all have our ups and downs but it seems that we have more downs than ups. My mom is not a fighter, thank God for that. But she is forgetting things more often and that scares me. I want my mom back but this disease is taking her away from me. It doesn't matter what situation we are in with our parents, it still takes a toll on all of us. Everybody have a good day today.

Marylynne I know how it is to fight and it is no use, thats why I have thrown in the towel so to speak. She still makes me furious and unhappy but what can you do, we are stuck unless they get desperately ill. Thank you for the prayers.
Dad was the same today he just said he didn't feel good couldn't pin point exactly what he felt. He slept real good last night he said. They were going to do a central line but went in and something changed their minds. Its just one day at a time right now.
Ply, I believe we all want the mom's back that we grew up with, I know I do, but sadly she is far from that. love all of you, Judy

Judy,
sorry about your dad....glad he slept well at least. My mother never was nice so no change there for me.

Take care
Cindi

Marylynne,
hun hang in there sorry you had such a heartbreaking day the other day..hope today was better.

Hugs
Cindi

I just want to say words cannot express the the relief I felt when visiting and reading comments on this site. I felt so alone in this battle and now I truly see my experience is not as isolated as I thought.

I invited my mother to live with me a year ago because she's diabetic, on a fixed income, aging and needed financial relief. Not to mention, her eyesite is bad, so I have to drive her everywhere anyway. She initially told me she would only stay with me for 4 months, to give her enough time to save money. I never pushed the issue because I knew during her time here, my husband and I would get her to eating right and being more active. We also have three boys so they too would keep her busy. Well needless to say, my history with her is not the greatest. Everything good that ever happened to me she downplayed it to take away my excitement. Following engagement, I showed her the ring and she basically said, " oh what's that, oh okay." and turned back around to finish cleaning. I sat there and cried right in front of my then fiance (now husband). Another example is when we bought our first house, she had no interest in coming to see it. Shortly after moving her in, I graduated from college. She made a hair appointment that same day, asked me to take her to it at the last minute (while I was in the mist of getting myself, husband and kids ready for my big night). She later declined to attend the graduation. At that point I truly felt like she either hated me, likes to just use me or is jealous of my life goals. I constantly feel like crap because I can't share any of exciting news with her for fear she'll respond negatively and steal my joy. But yet and still, I have to be the one consistently at her beck and call or else I'll be pointed out as the evil one, even though I have siblings that don't do 1/4 of what I do for her. I remember growing up, as soon as I turned 18, she put me up to obtaining credit for her in my name. Bills she never paid off, the same bills I had to break my back to pay in order the purchase the house my family lives and have since brought her in. I practice in my mind over and over again how to have this conversation with her, but it almost seems pointless. My sister says she'll never take her in because she believes, she tends to exaggerate her illness just to get attention. My mom has so many health issues from high blood pressure to congestive heart failure which she choses to ignore. She eats pork on a daily basis and thinks that I'm being self righteous when I tell her she needs to stop, especially when she sees me buying turkey bacon for my family. She refuses to go anywhere with us, unless of course she needs something. She communicates anything she wants me to know through my oldest son, who is only 12. Prior to our falling out over not attending my graduation, she would always play me and my siblings against each other by talking about us behind our back. She even twisted my words one time to my sister and had her call and cuss me out. Yet and still I was the one always bailing her out and giving her a helping held when she needed it. I tell my husband all the time that I feel like she uses me. I go to bed crying all the time because I feel trapped. I pray all the time. Myself,husband and the kids recently went on a trip and I brought her back a church suit I purchased, just trying to soften the situation. Do you know she told me it was a little to short for her style? That crushed me. My confirmation of her dislike for me came when my husband preached his first sermon. She attended and told him she wouldn't have missed it for the world? Those words crushed me as well. What about my graduation? I can go on and on and on, but at the end of the day she's still my mother, what can I do.

nvrhp1,

I feel for you honey. I too, have a mother who is jealous of everything I get or do. I moved my mother and father in after Hurricane Katrina, but have been helping take care of them for 20 years. The difference is tremendous when they live with you. I even took it a step further adding an addition to my home that they paid for and the separation doesn't even help. She calls me all day long for help and then I am the first to get stepped on for any little thing that doesn't go her way.

I actually hate her. My dad was a very sweet person, but now with his strokes his attitude has changed, but still would trade him for her any day.

I, too, cry myself to sleep every night and say novenas for god to end the pain I am in. I want a life of my own, without my parents and without having to do for them. One of my children is 21 and the other is 12 and I have lost so much time because of my dad's illness and my mothers inability to cope with his illness.

I feel the same way and at the end of the day she is still my mother, but what do I owe her any more or do I at all.

I hope you find comfort here. If I wouldn't have found this website several months ago, I would have already been committed to a psyc. ward.

Marylynne

helloe every one its been a litle while since i wrote but i read you posts every day. Sounds funny but i feel so much love here i love to see that you ladies include me in your posts is nice to know that people think of me , my own family doenst even know i exist most days. we all need to feel loved so to all you ply cindi mlv shady, decor kornflake im sending you my love and good thoughts and my strenght to get you through your day. Have had plumming issues this past week, wiil have no kitchen for 5 days while they repair the wall. dad is such a jurk, the plumber got stuck under a large branch haning over the drive way my dad said that we should charge the plumbing company for the removal how is that the pumbers fault I said you may not want to do that maybe they will chareg you for the repair it was you fault the tree was to low , he said that the guy was tresspassing in our yard, dad you invited the plumber rember well i dint tell him to park in the drive way he could have parked on the street. he is NEVER happy or thankyfull about any thing.we have only lived here 90 days and my great husband is having panic attacts he is going to see his parants at the end of the month he feels guilty for dooing so much for my dad the jerk and not helping the truly GREAT parents that live half a world away. MY dad said my husband should spend the money on him (dad) instead of going to see his parents. my husband hasnt seen his elderly parents in three years. and my dads a millionarire what an asshole just when i think i couldnt hate someone so much he says something like that. This living situtation is affecting every aspect of our lives sorry to be blunt but even our private life if you know what i mean. im afraid we could get divorced over the stress of this house. I just dont know which problem to handle first. some days i just want to go to bed and not get out. well as they say lput out he smallest fires first so on that note i will leave you for now to go clean up the raw suage in the basement because of the broken pipe. great how much more CRAP can i take. haha love to you all mia

HI nvr, you have came to the right place, if you want to vent. sometimes it just helps to write it down. and the other girls here are so helpful and thoughtful of each others situation. mia, so glad to see you hon, was thinking you had deserted us. had to laugh at your last sentence tho, as, i feel the same way. crap here crap there. oh well, guess we are just crappy people.
Marylynne, i wrote a long letter last night, but i dont know where it went. just poofed and didnt show up on here. anyway, i just wanted to say to nvr, that no matter what we say, we are not monsters, and tho we say we hate our moms with a passion, there must be some reason we stay around and take their abusive and caustic language. I will say it over and over, I hate her hate her hate her, but it doesnt change the situation at all. she is just a mean person. Yesterday she hurt my feelings several times. Once she told the home health nurse that she had one granddaughter. I said no, you have 6 grandsons no granddaughters. You have 4 great granddaughters. She said, well, i only have one granddaughter. two of the girls were born into this family, one was adopted, and the other adopted me, and she is as precious to me as the others. anyway, mom said well, rae, the adopted one, is a troublemaker, and i have never liked her from the start. the other, that adopted me, is no kin to me at all. i have no use for her. taylor is the only granddaughter i have. I said what about lyn? she was born into this family, she is your natural great granddaughter. she said well that is your kid, not mine. (i raised her for a few years, while her mom got her life back on track, admittedly, i spoiled her rotten, but didnt change bloodlines) I was so angry at her for putting down my adopted granddaughter, who i love with all my heart, as much as i do the others, and for not claiming the one who really is her blood. what a bitch. then she started on me about my hair. she said old women my age do not wear long hair.or if they do, they put it up in a bun. well, my hair has been long the most of my adult life, i know how to fix it, and it is easier for me. then started on the fact that i have too many clothes that i waste my money on clothes. (i havent bought anything new this year, except for two t shirts that were on sale at wal mart for one dollar each) no didnt need them, wanted them.
my aunt and uncle, (her brother) came by this am and my aunt was telling how another elderly aunt mistreats her daughter and doesnt treat her very nice, and my mother was appalled. haha, doesnt even recognize that she is the same way.
as cindi says, ddss. loveyou all Donna

Hi Ladies -you are all in my thoughts- I wrote a note last night and part of it disappeared and was too exhausted to write another.

Hi Friends...Austin, Judy, Marylynne, Mia, Maria, Sha, Cathy wherever you are, Welcome Nvr...
Nvr first thing that comes to mind is telling her how you feel and if she wants to continue living with you tell her what needs to happen/change. Otherwise she can go live on her own or somewhere else but not with you. She is making you sick and you can't be that way and take care of her too. If things don't get better have her leave now before she gets too much more impaired. She'll be alright and if not it is her own fault. Because you seem sweet and she is purposely being mean to you. Don't take it...I hope you don't. But in either case we are here for you and eachother.
Judy, how is Papa? Your mother...I know you have little respect for her. She doesn't help at all..neither does mine. Hang in there Judy.
Marylynne, are things back to normal at home (haha whatever normal is)? Things okay?
Sha...guess ultrasound and everything is okay and status quo at home?
Mia, sorry to hear about your crappy home life literally. Hope the plumber doesn't charge your dad extra and fixes things quick. Miserable no kitchen for 5 days and expensive too. It's the people with money who are the cheapest usually, Mia.
Austin, how are you handling your husband being back at home? Sounds like you are doing your duty but standing your ground. Also feels like husband will need to be taken care of elsewhere soon.
Donna, your mom is like mine she just wants something to say. Its your money and you can spend it as you like. My Mother and I got into a huge fight the other night about money as I mentioned. She has been better to me lately. Today was her 83rd birthday. I think I made her happy. She said thank you. But in the past when you do alot for her a few days later she craps on you. Soooooooo. Took her to the gardening center, to lunch, bought her a card, balloon, roses, a few beauty items, some costume jewelry and out to dinner in Santa Monica...window seat by the beach...Gladstones...expensive. She ate well thank god. She only likes Asian food..but she will also eat seafood. Nice carrot cake from her favorite bakery. It was a good day. Tomorrow she goes to opthalmologist and dentist..new one. Dad has podiatrist appt. Sister has been helping out esp since she spends almost all her time with us. It has been helpful though. She will take dad to his appt. Went out this SAturday to gfs wedding it was a good night.
DAy by day girls

Love

Hi everyone
I have been keeping up with your post MLV -hope this latest storm in not heading your way. I am manageing ok with him home- I guess my blowup the day he came home about his complaints about grass clippings on the walk gave him something to ponder. The nurse from medicare opened up our case and we will get an aide for 1 and 1/2 hrs. twice a week but our assigned nurse is a witch we have had her b efore. We are hiring an aide 3 times a week for 5 hrs, and plan to have him help take the husband to doc visits with will be a blessing for me because the new med. for my latest health problem has not kicked in yet and lifting his w/c in and out of the car is impossible for me. Taking him for appointments has been the hardest for me for a long time and we are not able to use paratranist because we live 1 and 1/2 miles from a bus line but that would only be curb to curb and would still have to get him and w/c in and out of car. He is not going to a special meeting at church because I said I would not sit with him and he does not want others to think we have problems-hello- When I had xrays last week I strugglrd to get off the wedding ring and finally was able but could not get it back on later-I didn't want to wear it anyway. I like my new life of being stronger and not being his slave.

Hello girls,

Another bad day.

Austin, know what you mean about the appts. and wheelchair. Today the nurse came to take my dads coumadin blood levels and could not get blood out of his arm. Told her what about the meter that takes it from the finger. She said she did not have one. Welllllllll this is the whole reason I got her to come in the first place. To save me a trip the the coumadin clinic twice a month. Getting him in and out of the car is a huge task for me and the wheelchair is heavy. If I get the van to take him, I still have to meet the van at the dr's. office and wheel him in and out. This is not saving me anything. So I got snippy with the nurse and told her if she couldn't get the meter, I didn't need her at all. She gave me all this crap about how she was going to rally in my corner to keep my dad on home health so it would save me some trouble. Bull Shit.

Mom goes to neurologist Thursday for her shaking arm and hand and jaw. I don't think its Parkinsons, I just think she is NUTS.

Austin, don't put that wedding band back on, not having it on is a new symbol of your independence. I want a symbol of my independence, ITS GOING TO BE CALLED RUNNING AWAY.

Mom told me this morning that she couldn't take care of my Dad anymore that he is driving her nuts. What is driving her nuts is that he is in the same house as her now, and not in my garage and her being in her room waaaayyyy across the house. Kinda of enjoying her being aggravated with him instead of me. Told her that if I had my life to live over again, would never take care of any body again. I think she got the drift.

Cindi, glad Mom had a good birthday and you had a good day too. It is so nice to hear when someone has a good day. Will let ya'll know when I have one. Have so much resentment don't think I could.

Sha, where are you? and Maria keep sending your funny e-mails. Donna, Love you as always and don't cut your hair. Going to get my first dye job Saturday.
I think I want to be a red head. I love Lucy.

Love,
Marylynne

Marylynne, congrats on your upcoming dye job! You have been a virgin for a long time...(hehe). Gosh, I started getting my hair colored at age 35 I am now 49. My Mom still gets her hair colored once a month. Thank you for your well wishes on my good day...it is great when we do have one!
Donna only cut your hair if you want to.
Austin, proud of you standing up for you and setting boundaries. I wouldn't wear the ring if I didn't want to. Like Marylynne said it is a symbol of independence. Tell husband that you will no longer live a lie, things are not good and you aren't gonna act like they are. If he doesn't like it then he needs to act right. Good for you that you are getting help with husband. You aren't well yourself and need all the help you can get. Marylynne, many of the home agencies don't have those finger pricking machines for coumadin level. Hopefully they will get one. Keep on trying to get all the help you can...it is frustrating they have no clue.

Hubby out of town tonight. Fell asleep on sofa while watching movie with sister. She finally left..gonna try sleep tonight.
Hugs to all of you...Sha and Maria you two are quiet..hope you are well..

Night
Cindi

MLV Tell the nurse to wrap the arm in a warm wet towel or to send someone else if she can't draw the blood or she could wait a while but the warm wet towel usually works= I usually wraped all my pts. that I had to do and then went back and did the blood draw,next time they should send someone else, Cindi thank you for your kind words this is how I feel and I needed someone else to tell me that I am not crazy for feeling that way-plus I heard that people were feeling sorry for me and I don't want pity- I want a happy content life and will never go back to what I was living for so many years, thank you again- you made my day.

I don't even like my mother any more. Wow, after having her for two years, my health is really breaking. I took care of mother in law for 10 years, both of them for 6 months. then put mother in law in home because she cannot stand or walk. She was angry but ok now. Now my mother complains and whines all the time. She is 88 years old and I am a nervous wreck. I find myself hiding from her and talking to my self about her and I go out side and talk back to her. I keep praying for God to help me or her or whatever needs to be done. Has anyone tried a counselor or psychologist for help in coping?

For everyone on this blog, please do not feel guilty and please do not stress yourselves out. Check with your local and state agencies to see if there is some help with respite, daycare, or even companionship. I work in these areas and understand what you all are going through. I'm even living it with my mother, presently. I made a decision today that I will not let any of these matters stress me out anymore. It takes a toll on your physical and emotional well-being. For any decision you make, do not feel-guilty. Your well-being, as well as that of your immediate family, takes precedence. Mom and Dad just have to undertsand!!!!

ylwdog, zz,, glad you are here. this must be the longest "blog" on the web. zz, i have gone to each agency that this state offers. i cannot get respite care, or daycare for this old witch. Sometimes, nearly all the time, i wish i could just die to get out of the hassle of life with her and my son. I have been taking care of someone ever since i was 17 yrs old, and now i am 63, soon be 64, and i want FREEDOM sometime in my life before i die. when i hear the creak, creak of that damned walker i just want to scream. i wish i didnt feel this way, but she has pushed me to it. maybe it is just me, i dont know, but do know that like ylw and marylynne, and cindi, and Judy, i just dont like her anymore. Austin, hope you are doing ok, and judy, hope to hear from you on dad's condition soon. Cathy, where have you gone. hope you have found peace with your dad's situation. i may not write for a while, since i seem to say the same thing over and over, so tired, so frustrated. love you girls, donna

Hi to all my "old" friends and welcome to all my new ones. I have not written in a while but I do read every day.
I'll start off by telling you all that the biposy on my breast came out benign...Thank-You Jesus. And thank-you to all of you that had me in your prayers.
I have a UTI right now but that's small potatoes as far as I'm concerned.

Every day I read your horror stories and realise I don't have it so bad. The most thing I have in common is that fact that my mother can be such a bitch. But she is healthy and does a lot for herself. Dad is in a home and doesn't even know who we are anymore, and it's just so sad. My brothers are pretty useless so I sure know how you all feel that don't get any help from siblings. I'm not even asking them to do anything, just come over once in a while and visit with her, take her out for supper, have her over for dinner. Is it that much trouble? But they all figure, "she's with Sharon.....Sharon is taking care of things. Well, Sharon is sick of it. I'm sick of being the only one who gives a crap. Last week was the 60th anniversary of my parents being married and even though Dad is in a home, my mother feels entitled to celebrate and I kind of agree with her. So, good old Sharon sent her a nice card and took her out to dinner. Do you think just one of my useless brothers bothered to even call? Not a chance. I hate them too sometimes. What the Hell....I'm not an only child here. She's their mother too. But they don't want to be bothered. So on it goes. No doubt when my parents are gone, my brothers will be there with their hand out looking for their share of the Trust. I have a good mind to keep it. F them.
I know how Donna feels when she hears the walker. I hear the frigging radio and I say, "Oh God, it lives". She pisses me off on an almost daily basis. The other day I was going back and forth between rooms, getting my clothes ready for Vegas and she was in my way, so I asked her KINDLY if she could move. Know what she said? "You didn't ask the dog to move." And that's the stuff that goes up my ass.
God, give me strength.
Cindi, Donna, Judy, Maria, Marylynne, Austin and all of our new members, my heart goes out to you. You are stronger than you realise and I always say, "God never sleeps." He knows what you do and how hard it can be.
I'm praying for all of you and hoping you have a good day.
Love you all,
Sha

Hi girls I've missed you all, first let me say that things are sorta looking up they are moving dad out of CCU and into a general room when one is available. They are taking him off coumadin his doses were low anyway and he has been on and off of it so they are just going to give him aspirin. Next they are going to start physical therapy. They drained out his left lung yesterday and he finally had a big BM so he feels better. He worries when i am not there and gets bored and depressed I told him i have things I have to do in the morning and I have to get dinner for the husband made, I told him I have two men I'm taking care of. So I usually get there by noon. He says I don't know how you do it.
The doctor also talked about hospice in the future, my husband's grandmother was in a hospice facility and they were wonderful. I hope the future isn't soon.
And if I hear one more person say well he is 95 I will give them a piece of my mind. 95 or not he is my Dad and no different to me then a newborn baby. And why is he still here because I am watching over him.
To all of you who are taking care of a family member they are surviving because of you, your dedication and devotion, determination and love plays a big part in their reason for still being here and I am fortunate to have one parent who realizes that very thing. And if you don't get a thank you, I am thanking you for them now. to all my friends oxoxoxox Judy