My mother has lived with us for 3 years now. She has her own apartment downstairs with a private entrance. She has severe hearing loss and hearing aids do not help much. She has a curvature in her spine, but was fine until she fell over 3 years ago and now does not trust her legs to hold her up. She has all but completely withdrawn from any interaction with the outside world. She will go to the grocery store weekly, but not much of anywhere else. My husband and I ask her continuously to go places with us, but she refuses. She uses her hearing as an excuse. She is afraid of everyone who comes to our house, and will leave the room if anyone comes over. She sets in the dark most times and does not talk to anyone except the dog. I'm an only child. I don't know what to do to help her. Should I try to contact her doctor and talk with them about how she chooses complete isolation?
Welcome aboard. I know what you mean about the friendships we form here. When things were unbearable for me and some friends asked what they could do for me I said call me from time to time but they must have felt that they would bother me because they did not call but if I called them they were so supportive and at Church some close allways let me piss and moan as much as I needed to do
Donna, you made a valid point about the chair. LOL
Funny thing my dad told me last night that he wants me to live until I am 90 because I deserve it and he wants me to be in good shape not like my mother. I told him that I will always be in shape because I am a mover and can't hardly sit still. He said couch potatoes derserve to die at 60. ? thats the philosophy of a 95 year old.
Welcome Austin Please fill us in more about your situation.
I hear knee replacements only last 10 years I have an Aunt that had it done. Thinking of all my friends, Judy
Maria, thanks for the info on the knee replacement. I'm not sure mom knows what is involved with this. I don't think she realises she'll have to re-hab at a nursing home. When she finds this out, it's not going to sit too well, I can tell you that.
But I think it's only fair to educate her before she makes the decision.
I'll keep you all posted.
Love,
Sha
Sorry about the troubles you have with your son. I say all the time, "We are the 'sandwich' generation". Our parents move in with us and our children never leave. We are stuck in the middle with nowhere to go and no end in sight. My God, when will it end?
Wishing you all a peacefull day.
Love,
Sha
I sure hope your mother does go to visit her friend, you really need a break.
You have come upon some of the nicest people in the world here. I can't begin to tell you the support I've gotten here since I joined about a month or so ago. These women have hearts of gold and strength greater than Hercules. Their lives are in such turmoil, yet they come here every day and offer support to the rest of us. We all care about one another and even though we'll probably never meet, we feel a strong bond and friendship towards one another. I feel like you are all my friends. We vent out our many frustrations and we are not judged. Instead we are understood and comforted. The concern shown here from strangers is often more than I get from personal friends. Again, welcome and feel free to dump on us. We're here for you.
Cindi, sweetie, hang in there. Your mom and your sister don't realise how lucky they are to have you. I know you get your strenght from your son, he's taking care of you.
Judy, how's dad today? I hope you got some rest.
Donna, are things any better? Did you get you car fixed?
Maria, are you feeling better? I'm here for you honey.
Marylynne, is your husband any better? How are the girls?
Things have been pretty quiet at home. But I think my mother is getting depressed. She's been doing a lot of running around for Dr. appointments between her and my father. Today he gets his Foley changed. He gets taken by ambulance to the Dr. to be changed. Then my mother has to go for x-rays of her knee. She's having lots of pain and may consider knee replacement. I have mixed emotions about this. Will she be better or worse? Who knows? It's a chance you take.
I'm going to try and talk her into spending the weekend with her friend in the next state, it's only like a half hour drive. She always has a good time with her, just sitting around talking and laughing. I think she needs a break. I know I could use one.
Well, my friends, I hope you are having a good day. I'm praying for you all.
Love,
Sha
Tell me a little about your husbands situation and bi-polar. I have a mother, daughter and a brother, who I think are all bi-polar. My mom too, loves to go to drs. I go at least 40-50 times a year and some times more than that and she is not ill, its my father who has had three strokes.
My mother and I both lost our homes in Katrina or I wouldn't have them living with me, although, I knew one day it would come to this. I, too, like Donna am just about at my wits end and think I have already had a nervous breakdown. Unfortunately, meds don't work for me, have a extra fast heartbeat.
If I can help you with any information about rehabs, been through it for 20 years now, just let me know. Give me a little background on yourself.
Welcome,
Marylynne
I sure hope your sister appreciates all that you are doing for her and she will be able to help you-but at this point she probably can not see past her own problems-even if she can not tell you how helpful you are to her I believe she does realize the truth.
Took sister all over today..and ran errands..very tired..made many appts including to sign up for SSI...she does not qualify for disability. To go from spending money freely to not having money at all...very hard and sad. I never had money so..lol no big deal I guess...always had to struggle since being marrired probably cause I stayed home with kids most of the time. One paycheck makes things esp hard. As many of you know.
Take care and love to you all...
Cindi
Cindi I feel so sorry for you I'n fairlyew here I'm not sure what surgery you are going to have-I don't know how one person can stand all of what you have to deal with and still give us all such encourgement-what a blessing you are I wish I could give you a hug in person so you give yourself a pat on the back, My husband doesn't like the meds. for bipolor- he likes his mind racing. He convinced one doc at the rehab unit he had no mental problems so I asked him did he not wonder why you have to take 3 psych meds? Decor I wish my husband would fuss at going to docs he loves the attention that is the only time he does not act like a 5 yr. old one yr. we had over 100 visits and I stopped counting after 10 months. MIAK I'm also a cancer and LOVE muder mysteries Miv30000 -good for you for speaking up to get the help you need and want-I've learned to speak up the squeaky hinged gets oiled- medicare is there for help in caring for those we spend most fo our life caring for the few hrs they do give us we often have to fight for even that I have very seldom found a nurse who really understood what I was going through- one nurse even gave me two extra weeks of aides. Bittersweet- you made me laugh out loud with the commet -oh shit-I filled in he for she is still alive. As for me the N.H. my husband is in now has a social worker who should have angel on her name tag we bonded she has been through the wars with her late husband and is on my side we are having a meeting this week to discuss discharge planning the last time he was in rehab I was excluded from discharge planning at the other nursing home I go to that one about twice a week to visit a friend who I worked with years ago and when staff ask about my husband I let them know how pleased I am with his care and his PT and OT
dad made it through the lithotripsy ok he wanted to sleep and it took over an hour to get him up so we could leave, we were there 8 hours this time. Glad to be home and I am tired, thanks for all the support my friends. I'll be on tomorrow going to bed early tonight. oxoxoxo Judy
To top it off she contacted her former love whom she found out is married but still loves her. She had a male friend (who has been interested in her) help us move more of her stuff over to her apartment. Spent yesterday and today packing her up. She keeps telling me she is impaired and cant do anything well by herself (which puts more pressure on me). But it is true. I feel so badly and sad for her. It is such a tragedy. Why is my family life so tragic? She wants someone to love her and probably to take care of her. She asked her male friend would he marry a woman who had mental impairment and couldn't work. Sad, huh? This sister of mine was once really something. To see her end like this breaks my heart. I am praying she will be able to function okay even well someday.
All my mother said to me after I got home to cook dinner for them (after a 7 hour day with sister) was...Cynthia, did you forget to get my lotto? I said gosh mom I just got home give me some time. Self centered as usual. Am I always going to have to take care of people? Mom, Dad and now sister? I am afraid that it is yes. I don't know how I am going to continue. My sister is an even bigger stressor. But she needs someone and that someone is me. HOw long? Worried what will happen once I have surgery if I ever can lose the weight before surgery to get surgery. Been eating tonight.
Hope you all are better then me tonight
Cindi
Will say a special novena for you tonight.
Love,
Marylynne
How is Dad today honey. I know he must have scared you the other day. Tomorrow getting stint out or more lithotripsy, forgot.
I am having trouble with hubby, he is still sick. I'm calling dr. tomorrow. Mom and Dad still driving me crazy. Nurse said Dad could live another 15 years. Said she has never seen someone so well taken care of. Even is blood oxygen level is that of someone with no paralysis. Told you he would outlive us all. Good for him, hope he can find someone to take care of him when I'm gone.
Where are the girls, Cindi, has some dr. appt. tomorrow for her surgery don't she?
Where is my girlfriend Donna?
Ply, got your e-mail. Loved it. Soooo true.
Love to you girls, Trying not to complain, saying my novenas for all of us to have something to look forward to.
Love,
Marylynne
He ate all his breakfast and lunch he had his favorite chicken soup, didn't eat much for dinner.
We go in at 7:00 monday morning to the hospital.
Love the pics from all of you we would be a fun bunch if we could all get together. Hopefully some day we can. oxoxoxo Judy
Mom and I had a conversation about calling 911, do you ask the person who may need 911 if they want you to call or do you just call??? I say call especially for my Dad. She likes to ask, oh boy!
I like to play jewel quest 2. Going to check for more pictures, later oxoxoxo Judy
Saw Maria's mom's birthday pictures. Funny, how our mother's look like angels! Great picture of the family.
Donna, still wating on your picture. I know they don't want us to exchange e-mails, but I have all of them written down.
Love,
Marylynne
Medicare is hard to deal with unless you have a consent from the patient which they sent to me to have Dad sign and send back they will release more info to me with a signed paper.
Marylynne check with your county health dept. for senior care programs but there is more help for those on medicaid then medicare. Medicare only covers a short term.
Sha whats your email again?
I haven't gotten any pics from any of you, would love to see my girlfriends oxoxo Judy
I like to scrapbook, does anyone else? It helps keep my mind occupied from thinking nasty thoughts!
Hope to see more pics.
Hope everyone is having a good day. I'm so glad I found this place where I can vent and no one judges me and everyone understands.
Love you,
Sha
cindi, they had my mom on respirdal for a while and it made her crazier. didnt have to go too far tho. hope you are doing good,. Judy, thinking of you. love to all, donna
I talk to god also, out loud and yell too. When I lived at home, before storm, I use to talk to God on the toilet. I would cry every morning and say, why did you do this to me, help me, help me.
I even talk to my mom's dead brothers, that loved me. I say Uncle, so and so, help me put up with my mom. I'm glad to see other people do it. And as for you Cindi, you are strong......, I don't think there could be anybody stronger than you, Donna and Ply, to put up with losing children, husbands and putting up with your mother too.
Did anyone every think about if you got sick, what would you do with your parents. That is a good question.
Love,
Marylynne