My mother has lived with us for 3 years now. She has her own apartment downstairs with a private entrance. She has severe hearing loss and hearing aids do not help much. She has a curvature in her spine, but was fine until she fell over 3 years ago and now does not trust her legs to hold her up. She has all but completely withdrawn from any interaction with the outside world. She will go to the grocery store weekly, but not much of anywhere else. My husband and I ask her continuously to go places with us, but she refuses. She uses her hearing as an excuse. She is afraid of everyone who comes to our house, and will leave the room if anyone comes over. She sets in the dark most times and does not talk to anyone except the dog. I'm an only child. I don't know what to do to help her. Should I try to contact her doctor and talk with them about how she chooses complete isolation?
BTW, I'm a Leo and my birthday is a week from today. Happy F'n Birthday....right?
Cindi, I hope and pray your sister will improve everyday. You need some peace in your life.
Love you all,
Sha
I sent you my pictures again. You and I both have aol so it should go through.
Sha...hi hun...ty for asking, sister is better she is taking lexopro 20 mg and Risperdal 1 mg. Lexopro is for depression and anxiety and Risperdal is for everything else...(bi-polar, Schizenphrenic sp?, Borderline Personality disorder). Her diagnosis on her chart said depression, anxiety and psychosis. I feel so badly for her, Sha. The stress got to her until she basically went slightly mad. Let's not let that happen to us. I feel as if I have to be there for her to rebuild her life. She never has been on her own or held a job for more then 6 months. This will be huge for her. I think she has always been afraid. Sha...I think you are pretty. Marylynne is also pretty...but WE are all beautiful!!!! Big smiles.
Tell me about your mom again. Refresh my memory. I know you were adopted by her and love her and noone else will take care of her.
Hugs
Cindi
Sorry I haven't written in a while but I do read your letters every day.
I got pictures of Cindi and Marylynne so far....aren't they beautiful?
My dear, sweet Marylynne, I don't even know you but I love you, so please don't feel unloved. And I think I speak for all of us girls here. We are a sisterhood, we understand, we feel, we support, we care.
Everytime I read letters from Donna and Marylynne, it's like I wrote them myself. I can't describe the hate and anger I have in my heart. Sometimes I feel like it's crippleing me. I'm always yelling at God....Why Me, God? WHY??? Why did You do this to me? I do the same thing Donna does every morning when I hear her get up, it's like, Oh shit, she's still alive. I'm sure I'll go to hell for having these terrible thoughts but I can't help it. She made me this way.
Marylynne, honey, don't let your husband get to you, that's just what he wants. Next time he starts up with the brownie, go get another one and eat it right in front of him! And don't be shy about asking for help at home. The home care workers are supposed to be doing that job, not you! That is what they are there for. Be a squeeky wheel....the squeeky wheel gets the oil, as the saying goes.
Cindy, how's thing with sister? Judy, Donna, Mia, Maria, how are you?
Love you all,
Sha
Marylynne, I'm glad you told all the therapists people that all you really want and need is help in taking care of your parents so that some of the hardship is lifted from you. Call the Altzheimer's Association in your area and ask for respite care. They give away a few free hours which allows you to have some free time away. They pay for it, like a scholarship. Your Mom or Dad probably has some kind of dementia...let's just say it's Altzheimers so you can get some help.
As far as comments about your parents. I think you are just very frustrated and resentful. If you really didn't care you wouldn't have them with you. So no worries.
Your husband is use to being spoiled by you. We please EVERYONE not just our parents. You spoke up for yourself to him..good for you. All you wanted is to know he cares and can empathize with you. For that comment he can go and buy his own little debbies and pop. You buy your own. Do that to him for about a week...see if he shares next time. He is probably a creature of habit too...
Im sorry you felt unloved. I do think they love you in their own way. Tell hubby you need more shows of love from him...and the little debbies would have been a start.
Mia and Maria/Ply guess what? I am also a Cancer! Wonder what astrological signs are the rest of you.
Today meeting sister at the lab for her blood draw and later at the radiologist for a C and T spine xray. I set up the appts for sister too..she procrastinates and I am trying to watch over and help her care for herself...no appts for mom or dad thank god today. Husband goes out of town overnight will be back tomorrow night. He is leaving me here all alone with all this! Arggggggggghhhhhhh.
Went to see a psychologist (phd) last night for an evaluation to see if I am emotional fit to have this surgery. Told her some of the history of my family. She told me either I am a real strong resilient person or I am CRAZY for keeping my Mother. This came from a psychologist. Hmmmm makes me wonder. I told her it's probably a bit of both. I said I love my family and it's hard to love sometimes.
Try to have a good day...at least smooth one.
Judy and Susan loved getting your pictures...
Hugs
Cindi
I'm so glad you agree. You just don't know what you girls and this site has done for me. I praise the day, I googled website for caregivers. I was at my wits end when I did it and found ya'll. I am so glad to have people that I can say," I wish my parents would drop dead" and not feel bad about it. I often wonder, you know how they say be careful of what you wish for, How's about just wishing for a life outside of elder care or listening to old peoples bathroom problems, etc. etc.
Every night I lay in my little girls room on the floor and lay awake for a while. I just want to be near someone who loves me and cares about me.
I want to share something that pissed me off today. My husband takes a little debbie brownie and a diet coke with him to work every morning. Since I am taking this antidepressant, I haven't felt like eating. Well, I saw that brownie and took one. As i passed him in the living room, he said, don't take my breakfast food unless you are going to replace it and I notice you are drinking my can drinks too. I told him, I can't believe that you are going to tell me something about eating one your precious brownies, when I would give anyone in the house anything off my plate, even if it was the last thing I had. That was the first thing I felt like eating in days. At that moment, I really felt like I was truly alone in the world, caring for everyone and no one caring about me, except for you girls. How could any one be so selfish. What a jerk, and he usually is not one except when he has had a few drinks.
Going to bed feeling unloved.
Love,
Marylynne
Told the occupational therapist today, "I know you going to think this is terrible, but I don't want ya'll to help him and I want you to help me. I don't want to take him to the Dr. and I don't want you to show me how to bathe him. I want somebody to come in and do it." She said she will bathe him for however many weeks medicare allows her to come. I said get me a god damn social worker so I can tell her I am going to commit suicide. Maybe they will put me away, so I don't have to deal with these stupid people.
Read Donna's thing, I laughed out loud for the first time in a long time.
Love to all,
marylynne
Waiting on Donna's picture. I know she has to be something else.
AMEN, AMEN, AMEN TO EVERY WORD YOU SAID TODAY. THAT IS EXACTLY HOW I FEEL TODAY AND ALMOST EVERYDAY. People this it horrid when I say the only way out of this is my death or theirs and I don't care which either. I had a friend who told me that was God awful that I said that, and her and I are no longer talking to this day.
You made me laugh, because I said the same thing today, I told my daughter if I could pray for one thing, I would pray for them to disappear. NO THAT AIN'T GOING TO HAPPEN.
LOVE YOU, TRULY
Marylynne
this is a day that i hate the old witch. every morning i wake up hoping to find that she isnt breathing, but, she is. she just got thru telling me that i get things mixed up and try to make her look stupid hell, i dont have to. she makes herself look stupid. I HATE HER HATE HER HATE HER. MORE WITH EACH PASSING DAY. i dont deserve her being in my life all the time. the only way out is death, mine or hers and i dont really care which one. anything to be free of her. love u girls, Donna
Had the home health nurse come out, physical therapist and occupational therapist. What good did it do. I was trying to get the nurse to come take his blood, so I don't have to put him in the car, I was trying to get someone to put him in the shower once or twice a week, so I don't have to do it, etc.
The therapist want to teach me how to put him in the shower and reestablish him being able to get in the car. I told them, that all of this is taking a toll on my health for the last 20 years, and I would like a little help at home. My mom called herself the primary caregiver, but the nurse said she could tell who it really was. Now they are calling a social worker for me to talk to. Any suggestions, on what to say?
The nurse said that for a 3 time stroke patient that he is in the best of health, I wonder why? Don't get me wrong, I don't want him to be sick, it just seems like he will outlive us all with the kind of care he gets.
So, how do I get them to help me at home, instead of letting them retrain me to do something I no longer want to do? I have lived my entire life at dr's offices rearranging anything my kids wanted to do or anything that I wanted to do to go. I counted one year, I had 40 dr. appts, between the both of them and thats been 20 years long.
Love,
Marylynne
Yes i used to do home interior sales, but now I just collect milk glass, I got started in collecting the glass when I was working estate sales with a girlfriend. But I had to give it up to take on Dad full time.
My husband's name is George.
Cindi, glad to hear that there is an improvement with your sister, put you make sure to ask for help sweetie.
Mia, good luck on your job. I wasn't dependable for the company so I had to quit.
Hope everyone has a greatDay oxoxoxo Judy
Thinking of all of you. Ply/Maria...Yes, I am stretching thin but right now it calls for it. I do wonder sometimes though. I am going to make an appt with my counselor, good idea Maria thank you. You kind of shook me up..(laughing)...
Someone wrote that their sister in law or niece can't remember died in her sleep. That this woman had a big heart. I worry sometimes of that happening to me, and to any of us who are so giving.
My brother is moving the big stuff from my sister's place of residence (her ex's condo by the beach) to her new apartment, today. Called sister to make sure she took her new meds. Full day here. Mom goes to the salon for hair cut and color and then to see her friend at a senior residence and watch the entertainment (her favorite performer Phil). Tonight, I am actually doing something for me. I have an appt with a Pyschologist for evaluation to see if I am a good candidate emotionally for the surgery...Hah! If they only knew! laughing...Have to pay $250.00 out of pocket first...geez..Appt is tonight at 7pm.
Mom made sister cry over dinner last night. She didn't mean to but it's her mouth. My sister is nine years younger so I have been like a mother to her sometimes. Will have to tell you about my sister someday...if she had had another mother her life would have been happier, this I am pretty sure of...
But, I guess God had other plans...
I love you all
Please take care of yourselves as well as your parents that you love so much...and sometimes don't.
Let's all do one thing for ourselves today that will make us happy and smile.
Cindi
exhaustedm tonight. Sister discharged from hospital. She needs someone to watch over her..guess who it is? Yep, me....
I don't mind...just concerned about my health stretching myself so thin.
She is better...she has followup with a pyschiatrist. She saved herself by seeking help. Can't tell you what that meant to our family we thought we were going to lose her. Now there is some hope.
Take care
Finally saw your picture with your husband. You are adorable and your husband is cute too. I love all the things on your mantle piece. I think you and I have some things in common beside the nasty old mom and the nice dad, decorating. You look like you have a lovely home also.
Ya'll just don't know how excited I am to put a face with a name.
Love Ya'll,
Marylynne
I forgot to tell you that is freaky that we both have daughters named Jenna. My Jenna is the bad seed. She has given me trouble since I can't tell you when. Love her no matter what though.
We all have so much in common.
Love,
Marylynne
I do not have vision impairment, you are beautiful inside and out and all of the pictures I have seen so far have been beautiful also. I guess we already know what kind of people we are and that our hearts make us beautiful. RIGHT GIRLS!!!!
Susan, I am so sorry about your cousin, it scares me, it seems only the good die young. Ply, glad you got a nice surprise today.
Judy, still didn't get your picture, but I had to get my husband to do mine, didn't know how. Knew that you dad would be suffering with that stint.
Donna, still haven't gotten your picture yet either.
Went on Chayo's my space and she is just as I pictured her too, cute grandson. Love knowing what who I am talking to now.
Makes me feel so much better.
Love,
Marylynne
Its so sad to have deaths of people of such young ages. I too had a cousin age 33 and another cousin age 47 that passed away.
dad had a doctor appt. today and didn't want to go, boy did he act like a 5 year old. It was the ear, nose and throat doctor. The office called to see if he was coming and I told them that he was giving me a hard time and if I had to bring him in I would give it all i had. They said it was ok not too.
He has to have the lithotripsy done again on Monday. The stint is really bothering him.
I would love to strangle her today her voice just pierces the air and all she says is degrating stuff. I love you girls oxoxoxo Judy
Sorry that I have not been on in a while. I have found that I play the Mobster game on myspace.com and it lets out frustration. I get to mug, steel, even kill sometimes and don't have to see any of it. Other than the stats!
I have gotten Ms. Chayo on myspace also. I love the picture Saul, you must be very proud.
For some unknown reason, I have not been able to get on my aol account. I will have to have my husband work on that, because I too would love to know what everone looks like. It is nice to see a face in your mind when you are talking to someone.
We got a phone call yesterday from one of my mother's sister's children. His name is Kevin, (my Aunt Betty has been very ill for many years now) he had bad news. Not my Aunt that has been so sick, but her daughter, the one that she counted on the most had died in her sleep, next to her husband of maybe 6 months. We are not supose to out live our children, it is just not right have to bare that kind of pain. I whatched my mother when I was 16, my brother of 32 passed away. She had to be sudated for days. With as sick as my Aunt has been I just don't know what will happen next, but if mom's sister dies, I am not sure how long mom would be here. I hate that they are so far apart, my aunt in P.A. and us in S.C., I don't believe eighter could make the trip to the other. Please just pray for the family.
My cousin had a very large heart, she tried to take care of everyone. She will be missed very much.
I hope that everyone can have a peaceful day today. Maybe we can get all the people we care for to sleep through today! LOL
Thank you girls for being who you are. No matter what our parents did, they had to have done something right to have all of us!!!!!!!!
I will do better about keeping up with everyone. Sorry again.
Love ya all,
Susan
sent you my picture by email last night. Didn't get yours either...
Strange
Cindi
You are so sweet to me thank you very much. I am sorry you lost your baby girls. I am sorry for your friend's too. My belief in God is what helped me through. I know what you mean. I'm lucky to have you in my life here...to have all of you.
Love
Cindi
Thank you so much for the picture of you and your daughters! You are as I pictured you! A Southern Belle. Very nice picture...attractive woman you are, Marylynne! Guess what you are never going to believe this...my daughter's name is Jenna too!!!!!! I couldn't believe it when you said your daughter's name is Jenna. That is so freaky!
Thank you for your compliment but I beg to differ...but it was nice that you have a vision impairment! (laughing)
Love and Hugs
Cindi
Read all your postings today, and feel your pain. I think seeing the grandchildren is a good thing no matter what. You have no control over what happens to them, their mother or for that matter what happened to your son. I keep reminding myself, in the big scheme of things, I really have no control over anything, except my cleaning, OCD. That is the only thing that keeps me normal, so to speak. Even though your grandchildren or closer to their other grandmother, children always remember having good times with their other grandparents. My children were raised around my parents and saw my husband's parents rarely, but have fonder memories of his parents than mine. I wonder why?
You exude love and love will come back to you 100 fold. You go ahead with your steps for surgery and god will take care of you because you are a caring and kind person. As for your sister, she is where she should be until she is stable on a medication.
Sent pictures to all of ya'll's e-mails.
Love,
Marylynne