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OMG! Thank you all. It has been forever and reading the postings has been a hoot. I have been agreeing and saying amen over and over. What we say to each other is the same stuff and we all wonder when it will be over. Venting is what keeps us sane, relatively.

In her younger days, my mother would have been the one to go into the attic with a baseball bat to find out what made the noise but the picture of you, whichever one of you it was, finding her after she had crawled out the window was priceless. I would have laughed so hard and that would have made her, mother, so mad. Perfect. Mom always had that take on the world holier than thou attitude. She never needed anyone. My how things have changed.

Had a major blowout with my sister about her never helping out. My son and his wife were trying to figure out how they could help by taking over on some weekends. That was the final straw. They have a set of 2 year old twin boys and a 12 week old daughter. The very idea just threw a switch. I went over to sis's house and started out with, "promise me you will not answer the phone, house or cell, until I am finished." She agreed because she thought something was wrong with Mom. I started the tirade with, "I really don't want to hate you or resent you but here it is." She stopped dead in her tracks and just stared at me. I finally had her attention. I am her baby sister and I couldn't love her any more but this was/is killing me. There is always a crisis within her family that she has to deal with and now I informed her she could add her mother to the list. She asked me what I wanted her to do? This has been my life for 20 years now she said. Well, I told her that she WOULD take Mother to her house every other weekend. PERIOD end of sentence. I had to remind her that she had promised me she wouldn't dump Mom on me again. (She did that when our father was dying. I had the brunt of the caregiving for both of them.) My sis put in for family leave at work the next day. She had to go out of town but she came and got Mom on Sunday night and kept her until Tuesday night. Her next weekend is July 4th and low and behold she has a birthday party scheduled for her husband on July 5th. All the kids are coming into town so Mom has nowhere to stay for her scheduled weekend. Go figure. I will have to send an email to her children to alert them to the conflict with rooming arrangements. Sounds very corny doesn't it? They can beat her over the head with it. She doesn't even realize what she has done yet. When sis came to pick up Mom, she didn't understand why she was going to her house. If she wasn't wanted maybe she should move. I just walked away. I don't know how to explain myself anymore and I am tired of doing it.

When she brought Mom back, everything went great. Mom was in a great mood the whole time she was there. They went and got her hair permed, weeded flowerbeds, ate their favorite foods and had a wonderful time. Liar. How is that possible? Mom is lonesome. I get that. I can't help it though.

Now she is back and she has been as pleasant as can be which makes me wonder how long it will last. I don't want to talk to her or see her but here she is, my 77 year old child that will never grow up and always require tending to: could I have a pain pill, can I have some ice water, why doesn't my phone work, why doesn't my tv remote work, since you are here, could you pick up the paper that fell on the floor, my laundry needs to be done(really, I would have never guessed since I can smell the wet stuff in my room.) and the list just keeps going like the pink bunny.

I invent reasons to leave the house. A simple errand can take all day when necessary. I can run to the grocery store three times a day when pushed to. My husband has a knack for tuning us both out. I wish I could do that. I can't wait for school to start again. I have another 5 weeks.

I missed my therapy appointment on Tuesday. I wrote down the wrong date. Rescheduled it for next week. Told the scheduler I needed the next available time and I didn't care when it was but it better be soon. What a look he gave me. I can laugh at it now. Poor guy. It wasn't his fault. Losing my mind is all. It could be worse I suppose.

I have to rat out my sis to her children now so I will close.
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donna,

Yes, I did keep my daughter she will be 29 in August. i love the story of how you met you man. It sounds like he is something special. Hang on to him! Not only do I take care of my mother but my husband is an alcoholic. My life is just so wonderful! I have lost myself. I don't even know what would make me happy. I dont see any of my friends then when I do i feel guilty. I one day just want to walk out the door and not have to tell anyone where I am going just to go shop, have lunch go for a massage. Life is not a redo, but I have fallen down the rabbit hole and have no way out. i wonder what I am missing if anything? What it would be like to have a marriage that was great.. Well, I am depressing myself so I know I must be depressing everyone else. Hope everyone has a good evening and thanks for sharing your stories and letting me share mine

Anita
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marylynne, you are such a special and loving person, so sorry that you have the resentment that you have. it is time for you to have your own life. dont build an addition, send them packing to the nearest nursing home. they would be angry at first, but after a while, would get over it. what difference would it make anyway? they are already mad at you and you are beating your brains out trying to take care of them. yes i feel so sad for you and hope that there will be an answer to this soon, before we all lose our minds... yes, as someone said the other day, the answer is DEATH, and much as we dont want anyone to die, it happens and is going to happen. wondering how i will feel when this happens and i look back on my feelings of now? 90 years is long enough. when your body outlasts your mind, it is time.
cindi, where are you hon? anita, did you end up keeping your baby? Judy, hope things are going well on your end and you are getting to enjoy your sons for a little bit this summer anyway. Susan you are right. funny the things that bring people to gether. My beau and i were walking out of a convenience store together, never knew him before, and i guess i had a downtrodden look. He looked at me and said, Girl, you look like you need a hug. like the whole world is falling down around you. He then asked me for coffee, and then out to dinner in a few days, and he is just so wonderful so glad i found him. he is understanding and kind hearted. And i love having company to share my misery. lol. love all you girls. donna
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Hi Judy, Donna, Marylynne, Susan and Anita and anyone I missed:
I typed a longgggggggggg posting and it got erased. Poured out my heart and problems. So will shorten it but here goes. Update on me: Mother did not take out her negativism against me going on the trip while she was sick and in the ER 3 times for treatment of cellulitis (spider bite caused it) and the bone pain she has had since. Brother talked to her and think it helped. My grand-daughter's mother tried to take her life twice by slitting wrists. I have spoken to her and her mother and she is seeking proper treatment. I poured my heart out to her as well trying to give her advise, reassurance and everything I have learned on my life journey that might help. Saw my doctor today to go over blood test results. He decreased my cholesterol med (level is too low), increased my thyroid med (level is too low) and Rx'd Keflex for my infected left knee...(fell out of bed in the hotel hitting my artificial knee on my cpap machine and carpet Monday night). I am awaiting approval to see a bariatric specialist at UCLA. My fears are getting surgery (bypass or banding), diabetes worsening and health continue to decline, that my grand-daughter's mom, Jessica will take life leaving her mother/father and me/hubby to take care of them, that my sister is headed the same direction and she will either take her life, or try to take it...that even if she continues living she will not be normal ever again and that I will end up taking care of her too. I also fear not ever having a life free of taking care of people and thus never living my own life. That's it in a nutshell girls.

Thank you for being here sharing your stories, your lives, your tips, frustrations and pain. You all are one of the things that is keeping me more emotionally sane...if I am sane that is..(laughing)

God Bless You All
Cindi
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Donna, I love you and think of you every day. I think about you being verbally abused and especially having to clean up behind your mother. I have always told my parents, if I had to do that, I would have to put them away. But, then again, I said that about bathing my dad and I do that. So, I am sure as time goes on, everything that comes up that you say you won't do, you wind up doing, because you have a good heart, like all of us here.

I use to feel like I was doing this with a good heart, but I don't feel that way any more. Now, I am doing it with such resentment, I don't know if I can every get over it. And, don't take this the wrong way, because twenty years of my life has already passed helping take care of someone. I can't see me being 66 years old, 20 years from now and still doing this. WHERE IS THE FAIRNESS? It is definitely not fair for you and you should be enjoying these years with your new beau.

I hope whatever the outcome for your mother, winds up being the right outcome for you. Use the truck as an excuse not to take her anywhere. I would just flat out refuse to take her out under those circumstances. I have a friend whose son has a brain injury, and poops on himself daily, several times. She won't put depends on him, because he has OCD. She has to wash his poop down the drain of the tub and then wash out his underwear and jeans for days in a wash tub to get the smell out. I don't know how ya'll do it. You are a very special lady and your guy knows that.

Love,
Marylynne
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I do not feel alone anymore. It is so nice to know that I am not a horrible person feeling the way I do about my mother. I just knew I was going to hell in a hand basket for feeling this way. I wanted to get my mother in a personal care home but they are so expensive and I have an 8 year old daughter in Catholic School that comes first in my life. My mother always says I hope I dont have to go in a nursing home and I always say you might have too. Both of her parents went into a nursing home and died there. I don't know what she expects. She did not think twice about kicking me out of the house when I was pregnant to go live in a home for unwed mothers. I think that is when my love for her died. I know it has been almost 29 years but i can't get over the fact that she chose what other people thought than of what I thought and what I was feeling at the time. She tried to make me have an abortion then because I was to far along to do that, she wanted me to give the baby up for adoption. Sorry I am off a binge again and off what the topic is. Have a great ladies and thanks for welcoming me to the group.

Anita in Atlanta
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good day girls! and i say that sarcastically, knowing that your day is going to be like mine, just another day of dr. appts, pharmacy visits, and bms, happening or not. another day of having someone tell you what to do, altho you are far past the age to be told. My mom is a pathetic creature. I am becoming more sorry for her each day, as she will try to tell me something and it comes out wrong and when i try to piece the story together, she gets angry that i have it wrong and then makes like it is my fault that she is so screwed up. I am very frustrated with this, and very frustrated with being the only caregiver with no one to help. AT least your mom didnt lock you out of your own home like mine did a couple of weeks ago, Marylynne, just put pillows up to keep the wildlife from peeking. I think that this abuse of caregivers has gotten out of hand. You hear a lot about caregivers abusing the elderly, but do you ever hear about the elderly abusing caregivers? it is happening to all of us. maybe not physically abused, but verbally and mentally abused. this is just as bad. I havent taken my mom out except to the dr. tuesday, this week. She wakes up every day wanting me to take her somewhere. I duck the issue, knowing what happens each and every time we get out. I just cant take the pressure of having to clean her up, clean up public restrooms, to the best of my ability with the supplies on hand. the smell. all of it. she never liked me in the first place, and i am the one who she has to depend on in her old age, how horrible. Now on top of all the other problems i have, my car is screwed up and is going to take about 500 bucks to fix. I can buy a nice lincoln town car for little bit, but when i think of that 100 bucks to fill it up, scares me to death. So, i have been driving my sons pick up truck. She complained about that tuesday, it is a good excuse however not to take her anywhere. i feel hopeless, but more than that, i feel angry that my life is going by so fast, and i am not getting to do the things that i want. I feel used. glad to see you new girls here, we all have to have an outlet and this has worked for myself and my friends marylynne, cindi, judy, and cathy for several months. Hope that just saying what you think and not being thought of as a monster helps you. love to all, Donna
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Mlv3000,

Well second opinion went well. Now we wait to find out when she can have the surgery. They will be taking out the tube between the bladder and kidney on her right side and having to replace it. Thank God we do not have to go threw cemo.

My husband and I married 7 years ago. I had lost my husband 3 years earler and he had just lost his about 8 months before we had met. I have lived in Charleston, SC most of my life and had moved to Summerville, SC 8 years ago. When his wife died he had been living in Florida, but had come from around here. So he came home. We met and in 4 weeks we had wedd. His wife had a brain tumor and it took quite a toll on him. My husband was a painter and fell from scafalting in a Charleston downtown bank on to a marble floor. Funny what can bring two people together.

Thank you also for the Birthday wish. Hoping for a body rub! I am easy!!!

Love you all,
Susan
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Susan,

How second opinion went, and Happy Birthday a day early, find something nice to do for yourself.

Love,
Marylynne
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Dear Susan,

How did you get such an understanding husband. Mine, when we were at home, before the storm, would yell at me every time I had to go do something for them and believe me, that was quite alot. I use to tell him, you will get your turn. Then 18 years later, his mom and dad took ill at the same time. He wound up having to sleep over there to take care of them and all the things I was doing. Only thing was he had 3 other brothers that took turns with him. After the storm, he has became a different person, understanding how I feel. He's the one that helped me with this apartment thing.

I figure if the apartment just gives them a little more to do and stay out of my way a little more. You're right just the littlest things aggravate me. Like her getting ice from the ice maker 10 times a night.

ANITA, GOD, I UNDERSTAND. I too am the daughter who cannot say what I want. When I wanted her to have her own space, I told her that her and my dad needed their own space or I would have a nervous breakdown. Well, she almost gave me one, asking why? What have me and your father done that you want us separate from you? She kept it up and kept it up, till I brought myself to the hospital to get nerve pills. I learned one thing, you can't win, no matter what you say. Every time I think I'm standing up for myself, I wind up feeling like a little kid. What mother and father would not want their own separate place attached to their kids house where they could be looked after. Not, my parents, they want to be up my a--.

The other night my husband and I went to eat, took 45 min., when we came back she had pillows against my windows--I leave the shades half way up. She said she didn't want anyone looking through the windows. I live on a wildlife preserve, I'm sure the birds don't want to see her. She's nuts, and she is making me nuts.

My dad, even though very sick, I can handle better than her. He can't talk due to a stroke, so I play a few games of charades a day to see what he's talking about. Mostly about bowel movements, which aggravates me no end, like Judy and Donna.

I too am so glad to have an outlet for my resentment and hatred toward my parents. If only they didn't get selfish in their old age. They no longer worry about what's good for us, only whats good for them. If I died tomorrow, my brothers say she would just replace me with someone else, and I do believe thats true.

Well I have depressed myself enough for one night, sorry to be so depressing, can't help it, I am really hopeless.
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susan,

I hate bread crumbs in the butter too! Drives me insane. There are things that my mother does that I wonder if I will miss. I try not to think about because it makes me want to cry. I wish I did not feel so much resentment but I can't help it. I have gained so much weight because instead of standing up for myself I just cram food in my mouth so the words don't come out.... I know God has a plan I just wish I could figure it out. this site has really become an outlet for me. Just knowing that I am not the only one that feels this way is great.

Take care,

Anita in Atlanta
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Well Marylynne,

My father told mom if I turned out to be another boy he would name me Susan anyway. What a wonderful world we live in? LOL. I understand you completely. Maybe God is trying to make it so you can put an apartment next to the house. God I would love that. We do not agree on how to keep a kitchen or frid at all. If I find bread crums in my butter one more time!!!
My husband says that I will miss the little things when she is gone. Some how I really don't believe that!!!!!

Love Susan
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Susan,

I, like you, were born for my mother's sanity. The story was, that if she had one more boy, she was going to give me to my aunt to raise until her nerves got better. She had two nervous breakdowns when I was small. Was taught to agree with everything she said and Dad put a car in the driveway when I was 15 so I could take over driving her around.

I also, would not know how to act, without her. I don't like her, I hate her. Don't know how I would act without her either. Bad situation, either way. Longevity on her side of the family. Know that sounds mean, but I find myself wishing them dead, everytime I turn around. Thats why my new house got struck by lighning. GOD's warning.

Love,
Marylynne
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Cathy,

You made me laugh. I know how you feel about being pregnant. I wanted to have one more, but decided the risk or too great for a 46 year old woman. But, I know how you feel, when you think you're pregnant, you don't want to be. When you aren't you are disappointed. Been there, done that. I usually don't swear and I don't know where this came from. I use to have a friend when I worked that would tell me to say it, that I would feel better. Believe it or not, I did feel better, I don't know why. But, I will not do it again. Good thing no one heard me.

Take advantage of that extra week in rehab. My mom and I would hope everytime they were going to let my dad go, that they would keep him an extra few days. Its like getting back to a routine that you do not want.

I am glad your foot is not broke. Sounds like life is good.

My house was struck by lightning last week, now the cable guy put his foot through my ceiling. UGH!!!!!!

Love,
Marylynne
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Good evening everyone,
Hello to all of my friends and to all of you who have joined us.
Cindi, I am so glad you went on your trip. I'm sure it was stressful, but you were away.
Marylynne, I try not to swear, expecally around my son. It dosen't always work. Being raised by my dad, who has the worst mouth. Anytime I use bad language he tells me that I sound like a truck driver. I just look at him sideways and ask him where I learned it from. We both smile because we know what he is going to say. "You learned it from mom, not me, never" That is always his answer for any trait I have that is like him.
Judy, There has really never been a time in my life when I haven't had to tell my dad where, when, who. It drives me crazy.
Donna, You have made me smile, thank you.
To all of the new ladies here. I am very fortunite to have a father that realizes what he has in me. We have problems like the rest of you, but he is good to me.

Dad is staying in re-hab at least another week. He is weak and tired. I can't take care of him at home yet.
My test came back negative. Good, bad? Not sure how I feel yet. We are still going to try. I know we are crazy!!!!!!!
My foot is not broken, the heal is brused and the back right is sprained. I get to wear a giant boot on my foot. It is hot, heavy, and very uncomfortable. We live in florida, you can only imagine how hot it is.
A man trying to be funny asked me if the other boot was on order!!!!! haha. I look ridiculous. It is also my right foot. So anytime I drive I have to take it of and then put it back on. UGH!!!!!
Husband just looks at me and smiles and shakes his head. Some days I want to know what smarta-- thing he is thinking, then I think if I knew I would hit him with my crutches.
You guys know my motto. Find something to make you smile.
Thank you all for being here
Hugs, Cathy
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Susan,

I think I read somewhere once that Mother Teresa also said those words to God!!!
What does that say about us, huh? Yep, WE are Mother Teresa's!!! Yeahhhhhhh for ussssss!!!!

We are SAINTS!

Cindi
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Reading the postings and thinking what a bunch we are...(laughing) I mean all us do-gooders. Is it true? Nice guys finish last? Well seeing that sometimes we don't feel too nice (even though we are actually) maybe we won't finish last at least I hope not.
I feel the same way about the special place in heaven for those of us who take care of our parents. Dad's doctor once said that to me and I replied is that a guarantee?! He said well nothing is a guarantee and I thought to myself, exactly.
Just got home 8pm from our 2 night 3 day sojourn. This will be our vacation for this year I believe. We did enjoy ourselves. There was drama and anxiety for me during this trip so wasn't all peace and joy. Took Mother to the ER Saturday am to have an insect bite looked at. They Rx'd her 2 types of antibiotics well by that evening she was complaining of bone pain. Gave her aleve besides her normal pain pill for her back. By 12am Sunday morning she was in severe bone pain. Called my brother to take Mom to ER. Warned him earlier this might happen. Stayed up and helped her dress. He picked her up 1:00am. We had to wake up by 3am to finish getting ready for trip. I was worried about Mother and her pain. Needless to say no sleep for me even though I was home. Told brother he had to take her so I could sleep and prepare to leave. We left at 6am and spoke to brother on phone. He was coming back with her from the hospital. We needed to beat them out the door! Anyways, kept in touch with brother by phone. Called Mother once, who shouted at me and said I don't care about her so why ask how she is doing. So, I didn't call her again just kept in touch with brother. Caregiver told me that mother was in a bad mood with plenty of attitude and basically ignored her and when she did talk it was to complain about me. Thank god she was asleep when we got home. I quickly unpacked and went to my room! This am she knocked on my door and wanted to know if I was taking her to the doctor for followup I said yes. She hasn't yelled or complained or criticize me yet, but it is coming. She was too busy complaining about my dad's caregiver, Maryann. She said Maryann had no compassion toward her and never once asked if she could do anything for her. I told my mom she should of asked her to help and then offer to pay her for it later. My mother has been telling me negative things about Maryann, hoping that I find someone else I think. Thing about Maryann is she is realiable and I can even call her the day of sometimes and she will do it. Downside is that she brings her 1 1/2 year old daughter with her and takes care ofher also while watching over my father. The child is restless and makes my mother nervous. I would hate to giver Maryann up since my dad knows her. She has been caring for my dad for about a year and a half.
Husband had to leave out of town for work. Leaving me here by myself with my dad and Mother...I'm alone with the pirahna!~ She is going to eat me alive. My brother told her a few words in my defense and my birthday is coming up so maybe just maybe she will be gentler...then again aye yie yie

Hang in there girls for one more day things will get better, right?
Love to you all
and welcome new friends to the sisterhood of caregivers!

Cindi
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I forgot this...

Here is my favorite joke that I have ever come accross...

A lady is walking through mud and rain with a laundry basket on her head and she looks up and says, " God I know you won't put any more on me than you think I can handle, but I sure do wish you did not think so highly of me."!

Have a great day!
Susan
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Yes I understand you having to tell them every move you make. But the thing that gets me. When I take my 12 year old daughter out to a friends or her sister's to spend the night. My mother will ask me what I have done with her. I am sorry, but I have been my mother's shoulder to cry on from age 5. I will be 45 June 27. So I will say something like, Oh My God, was she with me when I left? My mother always gets this very disopruving look on her face and says, it is not nice to pick on your mother. I answer with, it is not nice to think I don't know how to be a mother. Then I will tell her. I am becoming more, and more sarcastic everyday.

I can remeber when my father had left mom, for his best friends wife. I was married and eight months pregnante with my first daughter. She hears something go bump in the night so she calls me. I live in a town just a little ways down the road. Well, I ask why don't you call 911? She said she would be imbarised if it was nothing. So I get up and my husband at the time said where are you going. I told him (He is a firefighter), he said tell her to call the police. I told him what she had said. So this wonderful (man?) let his 8 month pregnante wife go to the rescue. When I reach her house, I had to laugh, my mother was sitting out side the house in the front yard. She had crawled through her bed room window to get out. I went in the house and check everything out and found that it had to be something like squarls in the attick.
Really, what the hell was I going to do. Here I am a 23 year old pregnant woman.

I am going for the second oppinion today to handle the cancer. Pray that it goes well.

Marylynne, I understand about the freedom you want. I told my husband last night that as long as she is alive I will never be free. But I don't know who I am without her ethier. Wow, that is just sad. I have been her shoulder for 40 years and always the one she has turned to. I'm Damded if I do and Damded if I don't have her. Well, now that I have brought even my self down.
Hope all of you ladies have an awsome day,
Susan Myers
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Marylynne i don't like the f word either and I have to be pretty steamed to use it. Its funny to hear my mom say it I'm surprised she has and didn't think her tongue wouldn't burn off. She acts like she is soooo perfect. No wrongs for her.

I like how noone thinks that you need to take a shower around here, I just stepped out and was brushing my teeth when Dad was yelling for me. I do try to shower and keep myself presentable. He wanted to ask me what I am doing about his BM issue and the meds the doc wants him to take. I gave him a BM pill this morning and the others I have to wait for the doc to call me.
Do you realize that we still have to tell them where we are going, how long we will be gone and who we will be with I feel like a teenager except I am more tired then when I was a teenager.
Its still early here can't wait to see what today has in store for me, :} Judy
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Oh my god, it is 12:00 MIDNIGHT and I love the plastic bag over the head thing. I am laughing out loud. Love your sense of humor.

And to the new girls, Welcome, you are right we all have a right to our own feelings.
I have been sharing the load of taking care of my Dad for 21 years, after 3 strokes. My mom and dad didn't come to live with me until we all lost our homes in Hurricane Katrina. I actually thought it was going to be easier than running to their house 5 times a day to deal with all sorts of problems, but moving them in was a mistake. Now I bought a house that could be added on to, and added them a separate living space, hoping that it will help me have a little more privacy.

I have a 20 year old daughter and a 12 year old daughter, that both feel like they have been put on the back burner. I was pregnant with my 20 year old when my dad took sick. My mom never worked a day in her life and don't drive, so needless to say, I took over gradually, until I made my life not worth living.

And girls, those who say there is a reward for us in heaven, I want my god damn reward now. FREEDOM! I fear I will never have it. Even though my parents are in their 80's, I fear they will outlive me. As I told my dear friends CINDI, JUDY and DONNA, If god could come down and tell me that some day I will have a life without them, I would do this with compassion. But, I lost my compassion.

I will share something with you that I never even told my husband. I have never cursed the F word in my life. I hate it, I hate when my 20 year old says it. Well today I said it for the first time. I am 46 years old and a goodie two shoes. But it somehow felt liberating. I won't continue to do it, I do have a 12 year old that I am trying to raise right. Didn't do so good on the 20 year old, but what the hell.

You new girls have found the right place to vent. Its like that u got mail movie. I can't wait to get on and read all of your postings.

Love to Donna, Cindi, Judy, Cathy, and all our new friends,
Marylynne
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Hello ladies,

Feeling Hopeless parents are not always right. Boy I found that out a good many of times. You have your right to feel the way you do. No one should ever tell you that you are wrong about your feelings. We all have that right!!! The way I see it this is a place to help releave some of the pain or share some of the good. Which ever we are having that day.

Today, not so good. Could not get out of bed. Yes, I am on depression meds. Go figure. I know her family doctor somewhat well and she asked me one time why mom needed valum, I told her it was so I would not have to board up her door and slide her food in under the door. Thank God she has a since of humar. My 12 year old heard me say that one time and she took a hamer in her grandmother's room so that if I ever really did this she will be able to get out. LOL.

Well Decor426, we went to the apt. to find out what needs to be done. It sound somewhat simple. I am going for a second oppenion(sp) 6/25/08. I just want to make sure before they have to cut her open. You see unlike Feeling Hopeless, I feel as I have been my mother's mother since I was about 5 years old. I two am the youngest, with two older brothers. I lost the oldest when I was 16. Sorry to say the wrong one died. But his death kept me out of the drug sence, so that I guess in someway is a good thing. People tell me that I have a bad habit of always looking on the good side. My husband knows the other side of me. He says that I have a sicker since of humar than he does. Trust me that is bad and sad.

My mother and I were talking one night in her room and again I was hearing the list of her BMS, pains, and what ever she coughs up. I cannot believe that I said this out load, but I did. She had a plastic trash bag next to her in the bed. I said well if you will put that plastic bag over your head and all the pain will go away. Well, at the time she did not figure what I had said out, but boy the next day did I get it. She came out of her room looking somewhat funny at me and said "Did you tell me to put the plastic bag on my head and pull the string?" All I could do was laugh and say mom I am so sorry. I was in a very bad mood. No one is perfect!!!!!

I love you all for being here for me and anyone else that needs to vent!
Susan
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Dear Marylynee,
I will keep you in my prayers and hope things will get better for you. Are you married and have kids? When my mother moved in with me, my husband and I were not married but living together and he had every option to walk out the door but decided to stay. He is such a big help with her but her memory loss is taking its toll on us. She has asked me 2 times since I got home 30 minutes ago where my 8 year old is. I go in my room and shut the door and hide. It is just ugly. Everyone keeps saying that I am doing the right thing and I will be rewarded in Heaven but I don't feel that way because I don't do it out of love I am doing it because I have too. I can't honestly say that if my brothers were taking care of her that I would not do the same to them. I have not gotten along with my mother since my parents got a divorce when I was 12. I just want to enjoy my home with my husband and daughter and not have the stress. I truly believe that how your parents treated you that it doesn't come back to them. Good or bad. All i know is I want to take out long term care insurance on myself so my children never have to take care of me. My mother kicked me out of the house when I was 17 because I got pregnant and she was to concerned with what the neighbors thought about her than what I was going through. There is nothing that my kids could do that I do that to them. I don't have to agree with what they are doing but I do have to be there for them. My advice to anyone that is thinking about having an elderly parent come live with them, think long and hard and look at your options. My mother had no health problems except high blood pressure when she came to live with me but as she got older that is when the problems started. Sorry once again I have rambled on.

Take Care,

Feeling Hopeless in Atlanta
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dear susanmeyers, feelinghopeless and maggiesue, welcome and don't get this place as being hateful of what we do but just supporting each other in our daily lives.
Took Dad back to the urologist today and now we have to get an examine from a doctor that the family doc recommends. I told my Dad that we may have to do the surgery after I get back from vacation. He said thats a long time I said well you will have me 100% if we wait until I get back.
Getting ready for a garage sale this week, so the boys will have to take over while I am at the doctors.
They don't realize all the things we have put on the back burners for them.
Maggiesue my mom stopped working to have me that was 45 yrs ago. I think you are right, woman back then let their guard down and only had household skills, oh my mother knows how to be polite to friends and strangers but family brings out the worst.
Susanmeyers sorry to hear about your mom's cancerwe will say a prayer for you and hope that the pain won't be too bad for all of you.
feelinghopeless, just keep writing to us and we will respond and maybe even make you laugh sometimes.
hi marylynne OXOXOX Judy
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Dear Feeling Hopeless,

Your situation is very similar to mine in the sense that I too have two brothers and am the youngest. I have both my parents and I cannot literally want to get up in the morning to face the same old crap every day. I too feel hopeless and these people could live on forever, or we may lose our own lives in the process of trying to do good.

Why do we feel like we owe our parents, I have been taking care of mine longer than I lived at home. They were good parents, but when is enough?

Feeling hopeless too.

Love,
Marylynee
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I go to that place hopeless place from time to time. You think you've left it all behind when you finally got out of the house. Then it comes back and gets you just when you think you've made an escape and a reasonably happy life for yourself.

I wonder what it is with these old girls who can't behave themselves. My mother never worked and it seems to me she didn't develop the social skills to just control herself. I think the workplace discourages bad behavior and you learn in a hurry how to keep a lid on it.

The constant questions and yammer and whining wear any normal person down. Nobody likes being around my mother and she doesn't seem to notice how obnoxious she is. My dad used to tell her to keep still and she'd button up for a while. But he's been gone 11 years now.

It's discouraging and disgusting.
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I am so glad I found this website! My 85 year old mother lives we me, my husband and 8 year old daughter. She has dementia and CHF. I have 2 older brothers that are married and are totally useless. I am the only girl and the youngest. She has lived with us for over 10 years. We have never gotten along and what made me decide to have her live with me is beyond me. I have a full time job and sometimes I just hate coming home to the endless questions over and over again. I guess my faith in God is what keeps me from going back to drugs and alcohol. It is nice to know that I am not alone in the way I feel. Everytime we go out of town my oldest daughter comes to stay with her but she always trys to lay a guilt trip on me. I have told my oldest daughter to put me in a home because I do not want her to take care of me. It is a burden and wears you down and sucks the life right out of you, at least for me anyway. I live in Atlanta and one of my brothers lives in Mobile, AL and he expects me to drive to Montgomery so he can pick her up so she come stay with him and his wife. I feel like I do enough and if he wants to see her, he can come get her. I am resentful and angry at them that they think that I should take care of her. I can't put her in a nursing home because she doesn't require around the clock care and we can't afford assisted living. I just want to run out of the house screaming. Well ,thanks to everyone for letting me vent. I feel better
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Hello Cindi,

I have read a good bit of the comments you ladies have been having. I have told my husband that I need something like this or I will end up going madd!!! I have had my mother live with me for the past 8 years. She will be 81 this year. We have just been told that she has cancer. If you read my profile you will see that I have already been through my father's death and I know that I will be the one to handle my mother's. I feel as if I have had to be responsable my whole life. I would love to know what it is like to be free. I hear about single parents that go out and leave the kids all most every weekend. Even when I was a single parent I could not do that. I had children because I wanted them, not to hand them off to someone else to raise. I never thought I would also have to raise my mom. Please keep writing. It is so nice to find a place that I feel as if I might fit in. I was always the square, you know miss goody two shoes here. I thank you all for all that you ladies do even if your parents don't get it. Your heavly father will!

In Christian Love,
SusanMyers
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hey I had to laugh thanks, got news that Dad's kidney stone is larger, DUH sometimes I think I could tell the doctors a thing or two. So he wants him back to the office on Tuesday to come to a decision.
Now theres too much BM, I told him well at least its working.
Cathy I hope for the best if you are pregnant and I'm glad your son will have a sibling.
Cherj, How well is your mom and I would recommend a complete physical for her so your daughter can be prepared for any health issues, and also discuss what could happen in the future as far as care for her.
Donna, marylynne and cindi, your the BEST! We all are. Judy
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hello to cherj i think if you make comments from your email they do not show up because i have written comments from my email notfication and they dont show up. dear cathy good luck on your test, it will be just like having twins diapers walkers falling down temper tantrums soft food and baby sitters only babys are much more fun and they love you no matter what. and they grow up and move out if were lucky and do a good job. and yes to all of us running away together. thats a great idea ill even pay for the gas, but we have to make 2 rules no talking about our parents or bathroom issues. haha think we could do that? im not sure i can my life seems to be consumed with that old man of mine. to s 131 sorry about your moms mistaking people it would not be so bad if when you corrected them they were not so veahamently (spelling Sorry) sure they the one who is right same with my dad hes so sure hes the one who is right and every body else is WRONG after a while you beging to believe them that were the carzy one not them. dad tried to call a friend and use the tv remote as the phone he tried 4 time and couldnt figure out why he wasnt getting a dial tone. i thought it was hysterical my sister thought it was so sad. oh barf on her. he pays her 50 buck a week to takehim to church and to breakfast and im here every day and dont get any thing but yelled at makes me sick. and i hate it when people say youll get a better seat in heaven i dont want a better seat id take the worst seat if he just pass on. oh back to s131 thats what makes us crazy that something so simple and normal like who a person is they cant figure it out its like putting water in a collander you can put in all the water you want it just wont stay there and there nothing you can do to change it. sorry love its sad and madening . the story of your lives sad and madenning take care ladies and try to have a good week end talk to you all later. mia
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