My mother has lived with us for 3 years now. She has her own apartment downstairs with a private entrance. She has severe hearing loss and hearing aids do not help much. She has a curvature in her spine, but was fine until she fell over 3 years ago and now does not trust her legs to hold her up. She has all but completely withdrawn from any interaction with the outside world. She will go to the grocery store weekly, but not much of anywhere else. My husband and I ask her continuously to go places with us, but she refuses. She uses her hearing as an excuse. She is afraid of everyone who comes to our house, and will leave the room if anyone comes over. She sets in the dark most times and does not talk to anyone except the dog. I'm an only child. I don't know what to do to help her. Should I try to contact her doctor and talk with them about how she chooses complete isolation?
Cindi,
I was so glad to see you write again. I'm glad you had a nice start to your day. Through everything you still have to live your life. Easy to say no easy to do I know. I hope the rest of your day went well too.
We celebrated dads b-day tonight. His friends came over and we had a bar-b-que. He seemed happy. He is scared about the surgery, but he say he would rather do something than sit back and wait for something to happen. Can't blame him.
The odds for the surgery are not good. I'm trying to keep it toghther. Eveyone keeps asking if my brother is going to come down for the surgery. My answer: I don't know. I can't worry about what he is going to do. He knows what is giong on. It's his choice. He has to put his head on his pillow at night and face his deamons.
My son is serving as an alter-boy for the first time tomorrow. Dad is so excited and proud. He is very happy he will be at the mass. My son is just as excited. My husband and I are very proud also.
I hope everyone has a good/calm weekend.
will be praying for us all
Cathy
Take Care of Yourselves...
Cindi
Judy, sorry about your van. Hope it gets fixed quickly and inexpensively. Hate whenI have car troubles of any kind such a inconvenience. Judy, sounds like your mother likes you to handle most things for her. She likes to be taken care of like my mother. I have to do everything for my father, she does nothing.
Cathy, I hope your father's surgery is successful. I pray for relief from your anxiety over his surgery and the ability to cope well. Let us know how things go.
Donna, I hope you are feeling better. If taking care of your mother is affecting your health perhaps listening to the doctor is a good idea. Your mother is getting worse every day. She will always have unkind things to say to you and use guilt and manipulation that seems to be her m.o.
Marylynne, how are you doing sweetie? I like you praying the novena for us all.
The meeting with sister's bf and my brother, mother and myself went okay I suppose. I had to leave because her bf cursed at me for saying something he didn't like...I lost my cool at that point and told her a few things and decided to leave. Brother said we weren't accomplishing much. I guess this situation will play itself out. My worse fear of course is suicide (sister). Counselor told me my mind goes there because of the trauma from my son. Let's hope he is right. That it is only a fear. Always seems to be drama in my family. Guess that is the way it is. Went to grand daughter's 5th birthday celebration last night and it was good. Cooked all day and brought food over. It was at the other Grandma's house and she cooked too. Conjointed effort.
Have a good evening and weekend.
Hugs
Cindi
My husband told her you have to go out and start it once and a while to keep the battery charged. She thinks he's full of bull, yet here's a man that has built an engine and does all the fixing on our cars. We gad to move her van to the driveway because my husband had to build a ramp so we could get my Dad in and out. She doesn't drive and we had tried to tell her to sell it she says no. So she continues to pay insurance and tags for a sittting van. I hated driving it because it is hard to park, has a very flat front, so I resorted to using mine when they had to go some where and I am more comfortable with mine.
Dad's feet hurt, I'm going to have to call the podiatrist and see if he will make a house call his toe nails need clipping too. What makes me angree is that my mother will never pick up the phone and deal with the issues that need attention I alwys have too.
I'll check back later oxoxo judy
Dad has decided to have surgery. Itdosen't look too good. He goes on monday. I'm trying not to FREAK-OUT!!! its not going to well.The risks are huge and even if he makes it thru surgery re-hab will be a nightmare.
Judy,
I'm sorry yesterday was a drag. I hope today was better. Is the car bad? How was dad today? Does he take alot of meds?
Donna,Marylynne,
I'm on board with Judy. My dad was in a nursing home for 19 days. I went 2 times a day some days. Made myself nuts!!! Don't worry about anyone else right now. Your health counts! Tske care of yourselves. Someday these other people will have to live through this also. Who am I kidding, we are the only ones crazy enough to try and take this on.
Cindi,
I'm praying for you.
Cathy
Dad said he didn't know who he was this morning, the sleeping meds are not that good to take but the doc says anything he perscibes will do that. I asked him if he knew who I was and he said a friend. After talking to him he realized who I was.
Found out his back problem is another kidney stone this is his 9th one. The problem now is that because of his age he wouldn't be able to tolerate the surgery. So I am going to try another urologist and probably have to get him on pain management. The stone will just keep getting larger.
He had a nerve test done and there are not alot of good nerves left in his lower back and legs.
Donna only the ones who experience what we go through can understand. Almost everyone will have to go through it someday so who cares whatr anyone thinks. I know my friends and neighbors would understand because i have spoke to them about how it is at home and about the health of my parents.
Marylynne, I know the nursing home thing I went ther 2 times a day and made sure I fed my dad because he couldn't see to feed what he was eating. He complained how he was handled by the aids, how he was dropped in the shower. Everyone there was real nice but if they don't know the condition of someone they will handle them as if they were well. I had to put a sign up that he couldn't see or hear well. Then they will rush them to the hospital if anything is wrong. I was running alot.
Cindi collect your thoughts, you sound like you are getting overloaded you can't be good to anyone that way. We go to extreme lengths to make things right. Good luck to you and your sister. I know how the someone who if the rock of the family is I had an Aunt who was and when she passed away noone kept good contact anymore. But I am already telling you things you already know.
Cathy Tell your son to feel better we all need to go to the doctor, when we get older and we maybe didn't take good care of ourselves when we were younger, we have to spend more time at the doctors. So its important to keep his health good and to go to the doctor when needed.
Take care all of you oxoxox Judy
Today is dads big doctors apt. We find out if he can have surgery. I'm not sure if I want him to. Dad wants it. If he can't have it though he says he won't do therapy, take meds or exercise.
I hope you all can find some joy in your lives today. I will be thinking about you all
Cathy
You must take care of your own self and don't worry about what any one thinks. You're right, where in the hell is everyone when you need them. You are what is important. You are also 63, and need to take into consideration how long you are dealing with this.
I know I sound like I could just do it also, Which I know I couldn't. But, it isn't because I'm worried what everyone will think about it. I am truly thinking only of myself. If I put either one of them in a nursing home, I would be running to the nursing home every time they farted crooked.
We put my dad in for a month was when he broke his pelvis. Well, if I wasn't there every time my dad thought he didn't get his medicine or if he said they bathed him with a hose. My mom wanted to go two times a day and then if he didn't have what she thought he needed to eat, she would want you to bring him something else.
Do what you need to do for you. If you can do it, it would be the best thing you could do. If you have the power within your heart to stick to it.
Love, Marylynne
Dad has had my number all day today. If I sit down to eat something heneeds me. If I go into the kitchen he has to be there. Its not that big of a room. Tried to do homework with my son and he interrupted that too. I'm sure part of my problem is that I only got 2 hours of sleep last night. Dad has had his meds and I am headed for bed. Hope hubby can come in quietly tonight.
Marylynne,
I hope you had an O.K. day. I have been thinking about you.
As well as everyone else.
Have a good night.
Cathy
I am with you girl. I am the one that holds my family together also. As far getting people to help you out, ha!, I know about that one. No one helps and you can't make them, even if you pour your heart out to them. It don't matter.
Cindi, you are a fixer. I am a fixer. You are not happy, unless everyone in your life is happy. I am that way too. I try to fix my mother, my father, my older brother, my daughter and so on, and so on. I will give of myself till there is no self. I can't be happy until they are happy. I don't know who I am, I have never had the chance to find out. Anyway, I loved hearing your story about where your mom and dad lived and how they met. Your dad had a really dangerous job. My mom always said she didn't love my dad at first, she married him because he threatened to commit suicide. She learned to love him, and he was a terrific husband. That's because he agreed with everything she has ever said and then passed the buck to me after he couldn't take it any more
Get your daughter to get out of that being afraid to drive thing. Driving is a must, no matter what. I have a sister-in-law, that just quit driving after an accident. My head went through the windshield when I was 26, I just became a more cautious driver and driving calms me some how. Tell her to just take short trips to get use to it again. I remember after I was in a few accidents, I was paranoid also. Take short trips, where there is red lights and she will come around.
I will say my prayers for all of us tonite. I have a great novena to the sacred heart of Jesus. Says it never fails. I will pray for all of us just to have the strength and courage to get through these trying days.
Donna, Hope you're taking care of that boyfriend. He is a keeper. Mom will not always be around. If her mind is going that quick, they say that it is easier to put them in a home when they don't realize where they are going. My friend's mom is in an alzheimer's unit in a nursing home, and my friend has her convinced that she is in a hotel. That might be a far stretch, your mom is not at that point yet, but you can see it coming. My dad still has his mind in tact even with all the strokes, or I would probably have him in a nursing home already. It is a shame that it is horrible one way or the other. I don't know what is worse, having your mind and not being able to talk and use your body, or just simply losing your mind. Do you think they wonder what is going on. My mother in law walks around in a fog all the time, so confused. My husband says he wonders what she is thinking.
Cathy, I am glad somebody had a decent day. I'm glad your check up was good.
Judy, you and me and soul mates. Doctor in my pocket would be such a blessing. I make up so many stories about ailments, just to make my hypochondriac mother believe she is not sick. She would have a MRI every month if she could.
Love you girls,
Marylynne
I hope your day has been a positive one. Most of my day has been. I had my own doctor appt. today. It went well. My blood pressure has come down and my iron is up(good thing).
Cindi,
I may have a younger child, but I understand wanting to do for them and wanting to fix for them. My dad taught me a lesson early in life. As a parent you have given your children the best tools to make it in this world. You have to trust in that and in them. They may make the wrong choice. If they fall be there to help them up. They will learn from the fall. If we do it for them they don't learn how to change the behavior and they will fall again.
I also understand being the one to hold the family together. My brother and my dad spent years talking to each other through me.
All I can do is pray for your sister. Be the strong person you know yourself to be and get through this day by day. Make sure others in your family are doing their part to help care for her.
Dad was in a rare mood today. He said if the doctor says no to surgery when we see him on thursday he won't take meds or do therapy anymore. He is making me nervous. If surgery isn't the answer I don't want him to just give up on what life he has left.
Dad has been spending more time outside. It seems to help.
How do you shield your child from this part? My son is 9 and is very worried about his PopPop. He hears my dad going on about not growing old and not trusting doctors. I don't want to disrespect my dad infront of my son. I talk to him about whats is going on. I don't want my 9 year old to fight about going to a doctor or not tell me if he needs to go.
Know my prayers are with you all. Have a good night.
Cathy
well, I know what you mean Marylynne when you're stomach is in knots, mine is now.
Judy, yes, I am probably overly involved in my family. It seems to work that way. I often feel like I keep the family together. As far as my daughter, I do trust her to take care of herself. I don't know how to explain it. I hate to see her struggle and choosing choices because she leans on someone to have her needs met. It always hurts to see anyone we love especially our children drift/struggle. It is difficult to see her go from one unwise choice to another unwise choice all in the name of trying to do better for herself. Thank you for pointing out to me there are times to step back and a time to step in. As far as my sister. Someone has to step in. You don't know the severity of her problems. My stomach is in knots because I just spoke to a mental health facility. I was told by an assessment counselor that my sister is very sick and needs to be either persuaded to be assessed for depression (and other things) or, a crisis team called to have her taken away for a 72 hour hold and observation against her will. This is serious stuff. She has been decompensating and now her boyfriend is pushing her off on us. My family no doubt, is a mess. I am the one, who always seems to have to try to make things right. I do understand my part and the part of others cause I have learned that from my counselor. But, it is still very difficult. Anyways, these days mom is so focused on my sister's mental decompensation that she has been having times where we get along better and times where she takes her emotions out of me. Of course, I don't take it and point out to her what she is doing. It does help a bit. Husband is leaving town for a few days. Not the best time for that. Glad you are making some progress with your mother, judy. Hope you find out what is wrong with your father's back. It sounds as if he is declining though. I think you said he is 94.
Take care everyone
Cindi
Marylynne, I got two medical books for Christmas last year. Today Dad isn't doing so well have another appt. this afternoon hope to find out what is wrong with his back. I wish I had a doctor in my back pocket so I could pull him out anytime.
Cathy I have not fired back at my Mom in awile and I am seeing a difference in her interactions with me. I can actually have very short conversations with her. Because she knows now that she will sit there alone if she spouts off.
Donna, I walk out of the house and don't take her with me unless I feel like dealing with her. I know it sounds mean but I have little patience with her. I believe she could do better and she isn't making an effort too. She gripes about not having ppl her age around here, well she doesn't go out to meet any neighbors and she won't go where there are ppl her age, I have offered. Its everyone else's fault, she's a should have, would have, could have, person.
She was actually nice to my youngest son yesterday, and gave him $5.00 for helping her with some questionaire that she got in the mail.
I told my husband that I know what kind of person I am and if I could teach my mom one thing that I feel is important to me before she dies that would make me happy. Well its almost lunchtime later girls oxoxo Judy
Donna, thank you. Yes, you are right there is a saying that goes you are only as happy as your saddest child. Well, I don't mean to be a downer. But sure seems to have my share and or exposed to it. Donna, I wasn't real close to my father. But, I loved him anyways. He was gone alot for months at a time with his work. He is a quiet man so his way of expressing love was to have me sit next to him during boxing, or wrestling, or Lawrence Welk and watch it with him. I knew he loved me because sometimes after he spanked me (especially because my mother was upset with me) he would say good night to me and say he was sorry for spanking me. I wished I could have gotten to know my father more before he developed Altzheimers. I do know he traveled all over the world. He actually sailed all over the world he was a seaman. He worked for civil service tracking missiles (like when they would launch rockets he would have to go). It was happy times when my dad would come home. My parents do not have a good marriage although he loved her and was devoted. My mother has never really been happy and had a very difficult life especially before she married my father. My Mother is from Indonesia which use to be called Sumatra when the dutch ruled. My Father is from Hawaii. They met in Korea. Well, enough of the story for now. I love my family immensely and am saddened as I reflect over the years and what is happening now. The loss of my son and now my sister is all too much for me to take. Even though she is here, she isn't. I also feel my daughter is struggling and at a quandary as to proceeding and finding her place. She broke up with her live in boyfriend in December. She just moved out of their apartment because neither of them could afford moving out. So she has been living with him for the last five months and they would argue. Her grades reflect some of this. She changed her major. She has her own apartment. She needed space. However, she leans on one of her male friends (as if he were a boyfriend) and I just worry that she is getting involved with her friend when she needs to be alone. She doesn't drive anywhere despite having her car with her. She depended on her boyfriend and now her friend, Daniel to drive her everywhere. Told her this is a handicap. Took her to a counselor after her brother died because wanted to help her through it. She also went to counselor because she was afraid to drive after being in a bad accident with a boyfriend. Ever since moving to San Jose she won't drive at all. She got into another accident herself..and her boyfriend and her got hit another time. Think she has a phobia now. Anyways..worried about the whole hoover dam world. Pardon my chinese. I better quit now. All you guys need to know is my whole life story and all my worries. Goodnight my special friends here. I pray God takes care of you all...
Cindi
Cindi, sounds like you have quite a dilemma going there. my prayers with you and mainly with your sister, as she must be very tortured. I can feel for your mom, because when your child is sick, then so are you. You know what i mean? I had mostly a good day today. Had to go to the bank and get the oil changed in my car, and got ready to leave, and was only going to be gone a while, and it really is no fun to wait for the oil change, but my mom was upset that i didnt ask her to go. she hates it when i leave the house without her. I still wonder if she would be happier in a nursing home where she could talk to others. the past few days, i have felt more compassion and less anger at her. I see her mind failing so fast, and there is not a thing i can do for her. She becomes agitated more easily than before, and is forever telling me things that make no sense. The only answer is prayer.
Marylynne, judy, cathy, good to hear from you all, and i feel that all of you were lucky to have had a real dad to love, as i never did. and you all have happy and fond memories of them, altho now they drive you insane, try to remember the good and look over the bad. love to all, Donna
I can't imagine your pain. My heart goes out to you. I will be praying for you and your family. I hope you can get your sister the help she needs. Have you thought of trying an intervention. Everyone would have to be strong(not just you). Don't give up. We are here to listen. We can only offer our support, I hope it is enough.
I'm glad you took a few days off. I'm not the only doing the best that I can. I don't know if I would be strong enough for your lives. You have more strengh then you know. You can be proud of yourself and all you have done.
Marylynne,
A baby could bring such joy into your life. My husband and I are trying again. Our son is a fertility baby. We have been tring since he was 1. They found a new medication, we had to try. I always wanted 4. Who knows?
It is 9:00 now dad is still up and moving around. I don't sleep much, 3 or 4 hours a night. I hate T.V. so I read.
How long until your new house is done? I think that might help.
Judy,
Unfortunately I have my dads temper. When he starts I usually go right back at him. I'm working on it. I found that if I let him know I'm not going to engage him he backs off.
Your mom sounds like a hand full. How does dad handle her?
Donna,
Sounds like you have loving sons. That must put a smile on your face. That is what we all need to do more often, smile. Mom may not be the same, but she is still mom and you still love her.
We are all doing everything we can.
I will think about you all and pray for all of us (parents,siblings,children,and other family)tonight.
Cathy
thank you for your empathy. Things are on a downer note here. My sister suspects that my mother has spoken to her boyfriend. My mother denied it. My sister rages when she gets mad so she mustn't know. Went for a chest x-ray this am cause I am still sick. All this drama can't be helping. Marylynne, it makes me sad when you say you think you are going to die young. I hope you will take care of yourself and save yourself. You sound so very tired and can't go on much more. I don't mean to be negative but I do believe that our life here on this earth is hell. Some of us just have more hell then others I guess.
I'm going to do some more praying
Love to you all
Cindi
You just said my life story. I am a walking encyclopedia of medical terminology from looking up all the aches and pains of my mom and dad for the past 20 years. I was so obsessed with the medical book that my husband wanted to take it away. I lost it in the storm, now I go to Web MD. I am also like you the only down time I have is at 9:00 p.m. after feeding parents, homework and etc. Then at 10:30 p.m. get up an empty dishwasher and start washing clothes all over again.
Cindi, glad you had quality time with your daughter. Sorry about your sister, but do keep telling mom that you will not be able to tolerate all of this too. My daughter just came home from college and expects boyfriend to be here all the time and eat and sleep, etc. Told her to go get an apt. if she thinks thats going to happen. The last few days have been quite an adjustment and she makes more havoc then the law allows. I think she is bi-polar like my mom and brother. They have never been diagnosed, but I know thats what they are.
Mental illness, is terrible. I feel like 47, may be my magic number. I don't think I will survive this another year. I always said from a little kid, that I was going to die of a brain tumor, because I always had these terrible headaches. At this point, come what may, there has to be something better out there than this. This may be hell.
Cathy, You poor darling, I can't imagine finding your mother dead at that young age. I have thought of having a late life baby, myself.
Love to ya'll
Marylynne
sounds like you love your father very much. I am sorry to hear about losing your mother as such a young age. It is sad that your only remembrance is the day she passed away. I do believe one can remember things even at the age of 4 cause I also have a few memories. My dad use to amateur box when he was a young man. I smiled when I ready your posting because my father also taught me how to fight for myself. I am a short woman at only 5 feet now...(swear I was 5'1 but the doctor made me shorter when he put my knee implants in)...I am short but I am not small in size. But as a little girl boys would pull my long hair etc..teased so when I would get tough they would back off..lol..at least til I was in middle school. After that the boys got too strong. There was one girl who was shorter then me and scared everyone. Well, I am rambling. Just kind of lost here today. My family problems are heavy on my mind and I have a heavy heart. Can also feel the stress of it. All my mother talks about is my sister. It is understandable seeing the gravity of her problems.
Cathy, sounds like your dad was and is your hero. You are a sweet, loving daughter who is doing her best. I applaud you for that. I applaud all of you and me.
Cindi
Thanks Donna, the trip was a whirlwind but it made me happy to see my daughter. We spent all Saturday moving her. Took her, the two boys that helped and a few other boys that she knows out to Pizza for dinner. Cute little pizza place near the university. Food was pretty good. Then on Sunday (Mother's Day) we went out to breakfast just the three of us. I cried a little when it came time to leave. Saturday was the first time she spent time all by herself in her apartment. Seems we always worry about our kids. Last night we took my Mother out to dinner a steak and seafood place. My brother and sister joined us. Made Mom happy to have her 3 kids there. I mentioned earlier that my sister has problems. Basically I think my sister is suffering from mental illness and it has gotten worse. She denies she has a problem. There is so much to tell so to make a long story longer...I feel my family is in crisis mode. Sister needs a psychiatric evaluation asap before something bad happens. My Mother is concerned and upset about this, actually we all are. Trying to find a way to get her help but it doesn't work without her conscent. Her boyfriend broke off their engagement and she will have to find somewhere else to live. But, she has never taken care of herself. She lived off of my parents til 2 years ago when the family separated. My mother is not happy that she had to pay the caregiver money for me to be out of town Saturday-Sunday. We have spoken to her about this several times but she keeps bringing up how she will run out of money. I told her I can't do it unless I have the breaks. So, she has asked my brother to look into putting my father in a state hospital (whatever that means I don't know how it works). She wants to go back to a senior facility. I told her I have done everything I can and I am tired of holding this family together. I said noone appreciates it anyways. She asked me to repeat what I said so I did. I've done my best and that is all I can do. So, everything is up in the air. It is chaos once again here. With the sister thing and the mother thing it is all too much. Called my husband and told him I have to go out to a movie tonight or something. He is going to watch over parents for me. I will leave after I feed everyone etc. My mom gets worse when she is not emotionally okay...and she is not okay now at all because of the sister situation. I really think my sister needs to be hospitalized and given medication and good treatment. Not sure even then if she is going to be alright. I don't think she will ever be normal again..and it is very frightening. You see, my sister believes that she talks to my dead son. Her whole world is revolved around him and his kids. He passed away in Sept 2005. Family problems here is all to much to take.
Hope you all had a nice Mother's Day. You deserve it.
Take care
Cindi
Hope your Mother's day
We all have those blow outs at home. I try to keep the peace as much as possible, the rest of the family hasn't caught on to that method yet. My mother said the most rediculious thing to my Dad yesterday. She gets mad at him because he worked hardin the past and fell and broke his leg last year. She said " I wish your mother was here" look my Dad is 94 come on. My dad claims his father beat him alot and she says " I wish your father was here to give you a beating, you never listen." She yells at him constantly.
Cathy sorry to hear that that is the only memory of your Mom. A cousin of mine also died at 47 of a brain anarisum she left behind a girl who was 9 at the time and a husband.
Today dad wants to know if he can take us out to dinner.....
I was 4 years and 1 week old the day my mom died. She had a massive heart attack. She was 47. I was a late in life surprise. Her OBGYN told her I was Gallstones(Ha was he in for a surprise!)
I was the one who found her in the early morning hours. People tell me there is no way I can remember. I tell them that that is funny. It is the only true memory I have of my mom. I remember the house coat she wore(color and all). I remember her not answering my crys when she would not open her eyes. The black bag on the gurney. Begging the EMTs not to take her away. My big brother crying and my dad hanging his head. Sorry sometimes it just has to come out.
Dad is going to be 82 at the end of this month. He was also a boxer in the navy.He tought me how to fight. He wanted to know I could take care if myself. We lived in New Jersey and he worked in New York back then. My brother and I were on our own alot.
I wish I could say some magic words and make your days more bearable. Just know that I care and am more than happy to read/listen. Hope you have a good day.
Cathy
Cathy you were very fortunate to be raised by such a devoted father, he sounds like a great man. My Dad was a workaholic, he was a welder by trade and built industrial buildings, in his younger years worked in lumber camps and was raised on a farm. He also was a middle weight boxer which he brags about the most. At his age he has alot of stories to tell. I have been exceptionally worried about him lately and haven't gone to far from home.
My oldest is 18 and took his girlfriend to her prom friday night he had a great time and she was very pretty. I hate that my dad can't see to look at the pictures of the special events. He can't really even tell each one of my sons apart anymore.
When we are growing up our fathers were the strong ppl in our lives and it is hard to see them so frail. I keep wondering what my Mom is going to do when he is gone, I think she'll get cocky and act more like the queen B**** then ever I hope I am wrong. Take Care oxoxo Judy
I was awakened this morning by my youngest son, who is cathy's age, and he said, Thank you for being the best mom in the world. I love you. made my day. then, my son, who is incarcerated called me and said happy mothers day, i am so sorry he is where he is, wish i could change things. finally my son who is super successful called and said happy mothers day, i have 4 very fine boys, regardless of their stations in life, i am happy to know that they all love me.
I got mom a musical card and i have heard the thing chiming off and on all day. She is on good behavior today. So, my day has been easy and i have no real complaints. And, i think we all have the add thing.
Cindi, hope the trip did you good. I know you will be tired, but the break in routine may help you make it thru another week. love to all of you, Donna
You have a lovely father. My father was also a lovely man, guess after taking care of him for so long, I have just gotten bitter.
As far as heart terminology, know all about it. My dad had a major heart attack before his first stroke. They found that he had an aneurysm on the heart caused by a heart attack that later caused his stroke. The surgery was to intense for him to withstand, so they sent him home saying that he was a time bomb, like your father. He lived that way for 13 years, taking several falls, until he fell out and and had to have emergency bypass surgery. He recooped from that to have atrial fibrilation and so on and so on. In 2000, he fell, broke his pelvis and had another stroke and was hospitalized for 6 months. My children have both lived in hospitals, because of my mom not driving. I had to be there all the time. It is a sad world when you can't trust hospitals to take care of your loved one.
You were so very lucky that your dad took care of you and your brother as a single parent. That is hard for men. You have great love for him and he for you. After 20 years of this, I just can't imagine how much more I can endure, but know that God is only supposed to give you what you can handle. Every time I say I can't go any more, something else happens, So I better shut up or knock on wood.
What did your Mom die of when you were 4. That is such a tragedy and How old is your Dad? All the best on this Mother's Day.
Love, Marylynne
Please do not apologize for sharing your life with me. When I first visited this website I was feeling very sorry for myself. After reading about all of you I realize life could be sooooo much more difficult. I try and remember that when my dad is driving me crazy.
A year ago we found out that he has a triple A (abdominal aortic aneurism). Very big and very bad. He went for a cardiac catheterization and they also found that he needs a triple bypass. Dad also has atrophibulation. In heart health this is a nightmare. Some doctors say surgery, some say too risky. He is sick (haha) of doctors. Dad is a walking time bomb.
Before the catheterization you would have never known he was ill. The doctors released him from the hospital. He came home and that night fell. He had aminor heart attack(they think). After a week in the hospital they put him in a nursing home for 19 days for rehab. He is stronger now. He is hoping the surgen will give him a green light for surgery. Rehab after surgery will be another nightmare for all who care for him.
My Mom died when I was 4. It has been my dad my brother and me for so many years. It is all I know. My Aunt and Uncle offered to take my brother and I after my mom died. My dad said they are my kids i'll raise them. In 1974 there weren't that many men raising children on their own. My dad is at the age of most of my friends grandparents. He fought in WWII in the navy. He has always been my hero. That is why this is so hard for me.(sorry had to pour my heart out a little, with some tears.)
I am very fortunate to have the family and friends that I have. I hope to include you to that list as well.
Thanks for listening.
Cathy
I have been helping take care of my dad for 20 years. My dad had a major cerebral hemorrhage and was paralyzed, my mom does not drive. Her world fell apart after my dad took ill. I took over little things, at first, and then over the years took over everything. My mom and I lost our homes in Hurricane Katrina, so when I and my husband bought a home, we moved them in with us. My dad has the garage fixed up as an apartment and mom stays in her room in the house. My dad has had several more strokes and now has little to no speech. When mom tries to understand him they fight and it goes on and on from there.
Yes, I do get to get out the house for 2 hours a day, but my 80 year old mother follows me wherever I go. She is very mean and doesn't appreciate anything. My dad gives me trouble too, but not as often as her. I can leave my dad for short periods of time, if he stays in his chair, while I am gone and promises not to transfer into his wheelchair. I tried the baby monitor thing for a while, but my husband could not sleep with all the noises my dad makes at night. So I turned it off and said come what may. He has fallen a few times, since they live with me, but hasn't broken anything of lately.
I thought I had it bad before the Hurricane, traveling back and forth between my house and my mothers house to do whatever I had to do for the day, doctors appts., pharmacy, etc. until the Hurricane hit, and they moved in. I had it super easy before. I cannot believe the difference of taking care of them in my own home. At least before, I got to go home at some point, even if it was late in the evening. Sometimes I slept there for a week at a time, if one of them was sick, balancing my family and theres, but this is pure torture. Of lately, I am close to a nervous breakdown, so husband and I bought a house closer to where we use to live before the storm and is adding on, with my mom and dad's insurance money, an addition that is wheelchair accessible and that I can close them off by a door. Hoping that this will give me some peace of mind. I know what you mean when you say about ADD. My mom calls me from across the house 100 times a day. I have to stop, go in the room, ask her what she wants, do it and then try to figure out what I am doing. She is 80 and has taken several falls this year and seems to be getting very forgetful. She is the type that knows every thing and no matter what you say, she is right. Speaking up for yourself, does no good with my mom, she will turn it around to you being the guilty one.
My 20 year old is coming home from college and I am actually trying not to put her back in the mix. She is very hard to get along with and is use to living with a boyfriend. Told her that will not happen at my house and if she wants to do that, she needs to find an apartment that she can share with him. Can't take much more havoc in my life. My 12 year old daughter is just hanging on by a thread, not use to this way of life for the past 2 1/2 years.
Sorry to give you my life story, all the other girls know it. Glad you're only 37, you have a chance at a regular life, before you get much older. You are a very good, kind hearted daughter, like the rest of us. I have heard there are just rewards for people like us, just don't know what they will be and when we will get them.
Happy Mother's Day to you and all my wonderful friends.
Love, Marylynne