My mother has lived with us for 3 years now. She has her own apartment downstairs with a private entrance. She has severe hearing loss and hearing aids do not help much. She has a curvature in her spine, but was fine until she fell over 3 years ago and now does not trust her legs to hold her up. She has all but completely withdrawn from any interaction with the outside world. She will go to the grocery store weekly, but not much of anywhere else. My husband and I ask her continuously to go places with us, but she refuses. She uses her hearing as an excuse. She is afraid of everyone who comes to our house, and will leave the room if anyone comes over. She sets in the dark most times and does not talk to anyone except the dog. I'm an only child. I don't know what to do to help her. Should I try to contact her doctor and talk with them about how she chooses complete isolation?
Take Care
Cindi
My 94 year old mother sounds like an angel after reading many entries. It's hard not to get depressed when you can't take care of yourself anymore. My parents let me become there parent, but it wasn't easy.
God be with all of us
for your support and imput. I am here off and on just not as much anymore. Perhaps, Donna is right maybe I got better or just haven't gotten real upset enough to vent about it. But, I'm sure it will happen again! Comes with the territory. I did finish the book "Narcissitic Mother" It did give me even more insight into why I feel, act and am the way I am...and why Mother and even sister is the way they are. I think the book helped me. The ten years of counseling helped too.
Have a nice day.
Cindi
I am sorry you feel that way everyone is entitled to their opinion but I guess for some if the opinions aren't the same just like in the real world and with the care givers they are a nusiance.
Have a great rest of the holiday everyone and hang in there! I'm outta here
neon
Take care my friends
Cindi
Neonwocky, like u, I was determined to have a good Xmas and we did. It was great to see the kids all excited opening their presents and my mom too. I call her my little girl since that is what she has become. All in all, it was good.
I hope everyone had a great xmas and that we all have a great new year. God knows what we can endure. Happy New year to everybody.
Good for you Kycady stand your ground do whats right and it always works out unfortunately we have to deal with the ones that will never get it but the ride is worth it in the end.
haven't heard from sunshine or anyone else hope you are all doing well and making it
Merry Christmas in spite of all the hard work, frustration and depression we never know if this is the last one and I love the faces on the kids to much to let it go yet. I hope the new year will be better for some of us. Sad to say but when our elders pass we will be a bit more at peace for knowing what we did no matter how hard it was the right thing to do.
Take time for yourself. neon
B.B.
I am so sad for you my heart aches for you. I too had to put my mom in law in a nursing home and it is dismal. Depending on her capabilities perhaps you can take her out once in awhile to eat or to the mall just wheel her around, My mom in law looked forward to those days, sometimes I went in and did her hair and lotioned her shaved her legs things that do not get done at the NH. In time she will accept it and you must to. I don't look forward to sending my own mother there if and when the time comes. But I will if I need to survive. I am alone in this to no other siblings to help they live out of state. But that was my choice. I know it is hard but please try to enjoy the holiday season, None of us know how many more we will be able to enjoy and you are blessed because you are such a caring loving person. Chin up and smile you would be surprised what will come your way, get some rest and buy a pretty new shirt if you can and try to be happy. your mom is at the end of her life, do what you can before you know it you will be there to. The older you get the faster it goes I didn't believe that when I was a kid it was like forever for Christmas to get here now its here before I know it. I say didn't we just do that?? Love and hugs to you neon
I've been crying nearly non-stop since my mom got put in nursing home this past week -- and worse, she thought I put her there -- a place she doesn't like because it is "dismal". ANY place other than the Beverly Hills hotel in CA would be dismal to mom: she has "champagne taste" (using our money and caregiving) with out a pot to pee in (crude, I know).
I see that I'm not alone and, despite my doubts, it DOES make me feel better. Not that you all are going thru the same hard stuff but that we can also laugh and poke fun and inject a little "dark humor" into the situation.
As a bonus, I get to read SOLUTIONS from you all -- or at least creative suggestions instead of enduring backseat driving and criticism from my brothers and in-laws (?!?!!) who disagree with everything I do....
LOL -- Lauri
My brothers are horrible also. Told mom I was taking a trip to Disney, either around Mardi Gras time or Easter. Told her to call her dear sweet sons and see if they would take her and dad for a week? NOT!!! I told her if not, she would have to put dad in respite care for a week and she go stay with one of her golden boys who don't do a crappin thing for her.
Keep talking, I'm listening and loving that we are all wishing are parents ill, will.
Love,
marylynne
You are to be commended for opening your heart to this little girl. You will make such a difference in her life. And you might not know it now, but she will make a difference in yours. Right now, she is what keeps you afloat. The welfare of a child brings out the best in us. I used to babysit in my home and I like to think I made a difference in those children's lifes by my example. God bless you. Enjoy the play.
I think it will be a good day for me and Mom. You see, my daughter will be out of the Navy in 6 months and she and I just drove up to Massachusetts from Virginia with all her worldy goods and today we are helping her get settled in. My son-in-law has been out of the Marines since August and was living with me, then bought the condo about 35 miles away and has been living on an air mattress...no other furniture in the house! So it's a happy day all around. I'll fill you in when I get back!
Glad you like my user name....it DOES say it all!
Love to you and all the girls,
Sha
Marylynne you made me laugh when you were happy when your mother was not talking to you. When my mother is mad at me I'm very upset because she is such a bitch when she is mad. I try to keep the peace all the time. It's wearing me down.
Miak, don't think I haven't thought about faking my death or better yet, I thought of driving my car into a tree when she is my passenger with the hopes it would kill her.
Neon, sounds like we have the same brother. Why do so many brothers and sisters turn their back on us? We are the ones taking the load and no one wants to lend us a hand. It's OK, I always say "God doesn't sleep".
I took today off from work to go help my daughter move into her new condo. Mom is coming, of course, let's hope it's a good day.
Hope all of you have a good day today.
Love to all,
Sha
I think I wrote what you just wrote, everyday. Me, you and Donna, must be sisters. I had a big fight with mom yesterday and have been wishing her dead ever since, even though, I know God will retaliate on me. I also, wish myself dead for relief. Yesterday when we fought, was the only day of peace I have gotten in months. She ignored me totally. I Loved it. When I have company everyone ignores her, because they know she is the cause of my unhappiness and she still don't get it.
Love,
Marylynne
Lots of new ladies here...Hi to all of you.
Good to see Marylynne here again, Cindi, Miak, Judy, where are you?
Donna, everytime I read your postings, I think I was the one who wrote it. I wish my mother dead all the time. In fact, I keep hoping when I get home at night, I'll find her dead on the floor. But, like you, I'm sure she will outlive me. I'm on the verge of writing to all my good for nothing brothers and giving them a piece of my mind for not being any support to me. As long as they don't have to do anything they are happy. I'm so sick of it. I don't even care if they never talk to me again. They are of no value to me anyway.
God, I hate going home at night, I hate feeling this way, I hate the holidays with her up my ass everywhere I go, I hate having company because she horrifies me what the crap that comes out of her mouth. And like you Donna, I kind of wish myself dead just for some relief, but alas, she'll die right after me so we can be together. Sheesh, I can't escape.
Love to all you girls.
Your mother may be interested in arts and crafts also. Give her something she can enjoy doing. Something she can make a mistake with.
Communicate with her without demanding. Just say mother I need a little time to myself............. Always end with I love you.
Proverb15:1 A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.