My mother has lived with us for 3 years now. She has her own apartment downstairs with a private entrance. She has severe hearing loss and hearing aids do not help much. She has a curvature in her spine, but was fine until she fell over 3 years ago and now does not trust her legs to hold her up. She has all but completely withdrawn from any interaction with the outside world. She will go to the grocery store weekly, but not much of anywhere else. My husband and I ask her continuously to go places with us, but she refuses. She uses her hearing as an excuse. She is afraid of everyone who comes to our house, and will leave the room if anyone comes over. She sets in the dark most times and does not talk to anyone except the dog. I'm an only child. I don't know what to do to help her. Should I try to contact her doctor and talk with them about how she chooses complete isolation?
If she has to help my Dad with anything there is always complaining that goes along with it. He would rather have her keep her distance.
Don't feel bad I have wished ill will on my Mom too but then thought if something did happen that it was my wish that came true and i would feel bad.
I think we need to take more of a stance and get people to help us get away as much as we can..or takes breaks or something. Take our power back and say Mom and DAd I have to take a break or I can no longer care for you. I am feeling maybe i will go and take my day away now...getting all fired up by these parents of ours. Even a break is not enough actually it only gets us through more. I feel for us all. Let's take back a little power ladies, and take care of ourselves too..
LUV mlv
We can blame modern medicine for keeping us around for a lot longer. And now that exercise is being thrown into the mix we can count on being around for maybe even longer.
We have to learn from these experiences we have with our parents, and hope to remember for our kids sake. I know my boys are not going to have good things to say about living with grandma unfortunately.
Hey, i'm not on any meds yet, but it has crossed my mind, if i could find the time to go see a doc for me I would have a complete physical.
Cheer up MLV I'm with you.
Most of the time it feels cold as ice around here. Especially with the ice queen forgive me for being nasty but you can't even approach her with any kindness because she is so cold and negative.
But it is definitely nice and warm in here with all of you.
Don't get me started on the cooking, I do all the cooking but when I am out and am not going to be home by our normal dinner time which is around 5:00 she won't start anything. She will wait for me to get home. Sometimes I start dinner in the slow cooker at noon so I don't have to worry about my Dad eating. She won't even make lunch for him she'll make something for herself and not him.
And the phone she gets mad when the phone rings and its for me, and if i talk for a long while she'll make a comment about how long i talked. And if it rings a few times in the day she gets mad.
There is not one nice thing she has to say about anyone, anything,any place. I am not exaggerating I live in a house of hatred. I am a peaceful person and thats why it bothers me so much.
I also started to have problems with my mom at 16 yrs old. I think she thought I would turn out differently somehow, I followed in her footsteps of being a stay at home mom. So she doesn't have much to brag about when it comes to me, her couple of friends talk about the jobs their kids have and how great their families are but to my mom there is nothing great about me.
I know what i have accomplished and that is why I can walk down the street with my head held high. I believe I have done even more than her.
I know all about that I'm going to explode feeling. Last week I was cooking and didn't want to cook. So I am frying some noodles for some chow mein..well mother walks up and finishes them off for me. She fried them til them were so hard I couldn't or didn't know how much broth to put in to soften it up. Of Course if I messed up the chow mein I would hear about it from her. She is a wonderful gourmet quality cook so I often hear how my food is not up to par. Anyways..I was so stinking mad I just looked over how my husband and said I am so fuming mad that I could break something. I could barely breathe. It';s like who told her to help. I had to contain myself and barely made it. I knew then I had to get out soon. Day away soon. Thing is the chow mein turned out real well after all..she knew what she was doing but made my job harder cause I didn't know what to do at that point. I often am pissed at dinner time cause I have to do so much..and the food has got to be good enough. Calgon take me away...permanently! Thank God, I planned for a day away tomorrow. Caregiver will come in at 1:00 to relieve me...
You beat us I think...at appointment taking! Your mother sounds like she is always on you. Can't even talk on the phone without her listening that is too much. My mom does ask me who I spoke to but she doesn't stand and listen. Reading what you wrote made me think about nursing homes. What would she do if you put her in one. Sounds like she might deserve it...not to be mean or anything but we hardly have a life and then to have to put up with this is too much. Going to your friends for 30 minutes...you need space too. My mother also gives me some grief..but I just try to put up with it.
They can be so ridiculous.
I don't want to take the only little bit of independance but see what she does to herself. I have to say that I have the meanest mother ever she would beat all of the mothers here I swear..... Later girls.
Im outta time but will write to you soon...hang in there!
heck I should count how many appts I take them to also! Good thinking. Yeah, my mother says I don't take care of her either. Cause unlike my dad she doesn't need to be served her meals..and walked and bathed..Geez, she is more work then my dad! I also, get to take my dad to the doctor's today! Woohoo...hehe. Hope Mama stays home so I can sneak in a drive by the beach with Papa..after his appt!
I am sitting here cracking up. The comment you made about my mother being your mother. For one thing sounds like they were cast from a similar mold! I take Lexopro 10 mg one a day, but I think I am going to ask the doctor if I can increase it to 20 mg. I did take 20 mg a ways back but wanted to decrease it myself. Yes, well it sounds to me that maybe our mother's problems are emotional and mental. Very insightful. You probably were born for your mother's sanity but what a toll on you. If it weren't for me my mother would still be in her senior residence. She always wanted to live with one of her kids...especially being asian. It is actually kind of humiliating when noone wanted her. As I mentioned she didn't work out at my brother's. I didn't want her either...took me 1 year to make up my mind after seeing her so unhappy. Before she came here I told her some ground rules also told her if it doesn't work out it will be because of her. I will do all I can but it is her that will have to adapt and not be so picky, critical, controlling etc. It has helped but she is still that way. Sometimes she gets angry when she doesn't get her way or other reasons then she tells me she is going to move back to the senior home. I tell her go ahead whatever she wants to do it is up to her. She thinks by saying that I will feel bad..etc. I don't feel bad though cause I have done EVERYTHING and then some to help her be comfortable and as happy as she can be. Your mother having two nervous breakdowns is a bad indication of her mental emotional nature. I feel for you...and for all of us that are going through this. It isn't fair when we are so good to them. I think it is a great idea you getting away for awhile. My mother also doesn't understand why I need to get away I just tell her I need to get away from everything so that I can be refreshed and be able to continue taking care of daddy and you. I don't want her to feel badly but it is the truth...we all need breaks. I told her even people who work get 2 days off. I need time to spend with my husband. etc..good luck!
I'm also trying to plan a party for my son. He made eagle scout in Nov. and we have to have his court of honor. Its impossibl to share these things with my Mom because she will tell you she does not care. I also have a graduation this year too. These should be happy times the whole household so be happy and excited.
I know what it is to just run an errand and not want to deal with taking mom anywhere, its only appts for her now because I am in a winter climate and we have had so much ice I was not going to risk a fall with her. She walks like she has broom sticks for legs. So as soon as we gat a break in the weather I will attempt to get her out.
Get this my Mom has a van which she will never drive parked in the driveway and she refuses to sell it, she also has a garage door opener that she will not give to my husband, he can buy one for $45.00 if he needs one she says. She's not using the one she has how mean is that. She hates him because he had no money when I married him which was 20 years ago talk about holding a grudge. He has a great job, goes work doesn't miss a day, is respectful to me. He won't take her bad mouthing and he tells her she hates that too.
Looking forward to reading more from all of you. be back later have to get invites for the party.
I had a garden put in for my mother. It was completed yesterday. Today I took her and Dad to the nursery so she could buy vegetable seeds, plants..etc. She planted out in her garden this evening. She is very sore now. She has a bad back and takes pain meds to manage the pain. Had surgery last year but unsuccessful. Hopefully she will be able to continue gardening. Trying to think of ways to keep her busy so that "the beast" will be at bay. She has never been diagnosed but I think she has some form of BPD. Bordeline personality disorder. Which makes her awful and mean to deal with when she is not happy or less happy then normal I should say. She isn't happy often or doesn't show it if she was. Living around someone like that brings you down and makes it very hard to continue their care...and see to their needs when usually all she thinks about mostly is herself. Good thing I love and she has me cause noone else wants to take care of her or is willing to.
take care mlv3000