My mother has lived with us for 3 years now. She has her own apartment downstairs with a private entrance. She has severe hearing loss and hearing aids do not help much. She has a curvature in her spine, but was fine until she fell over 3 years ago and now does not trust her legs to hold her up. She has all but completely withdrawn from any interaction with the outside world. She will go to the grocery store weekly, but not much of anywhere else. My husband and I ask her continuously to go places with us, but she refuses. She uses her hearing as an excuse. She is afraid of everyone who comes to our house, and will leave the room if anyone comes over. She sets in the dark most times and does not talk to anyone except the dog. I'm an only child. I don't know what to do to help her. Should I try to contact her doctor and talk with them about how she chooses complete isolation?
Subtitled Healing The Daughters Of Narcissistic Mothers. Might want to take a look at it. I wish the best to all of you. May the Christmas/Holiday season bring some semblance of peace, love and joy to you and your families.
Hugs,
Cindi
Please let me know how you changed your attitude. Would love to know over how much time did this occur and what triggered it?
Love,
marylynne
It was me who recommended the book. It completely changed my attitude, even though I have had extensive training in pastoral care I never fully "got" the idea that God made me to be happy (and you too!) until I read this book and put the ideas into practice. You do have it in you to be happy regardless of what anyone else says or does because you are God's beloved child and worthy of His love and of your own self-acceptance. My life was changed and I know yours will be too. I will be praying for you.
Blessings,
Betsy
I don't remember who told me about it, but I will let ya'll know how the read goes
Sha, I know exactly how you feel. I am so desperate for something to make things right that I wish and pray all day long that god will change something in my life that will make it more happy.
Love,
marylynne
I want to thank Neon, Austin, Maria, Donna and Marylynne for caring.
Marylynne, and Donna, I do feel like we are most alike in how we feel about our mothers. I guess my problem is; I don't want to feel that way. I don't like it. I'm calling out to all of you to help me to not feel that way and sometimes when I reach out, I get looked over. It's probably not intentional, it's just that I'm so desperate for answers that I'm hoping someone will pick up on my emotions and tell me what I should do. I want to be happy, I want to enjoy my time with my mother but my hate towards her won't let me. I'm at a loss.
Maria, I'm so sorry you had such a mean grandfather. Grandparents are supposed to protect us but I guess the mean ones don't. I will email you personally and I want you to do the same...anytime. I love the other emails you send me...keep them coming.
Sorry if I sound like I'm looking for pity, I just don't have anywhere else to turn.
Love,
Sha
I hope you change your mind and come back to post- we all need each other to get through this and everyones opioun is worth hearing and how ever you feel there are others that feel the same way,
Love,
Marylynne
Had to respond when I read your posting. I too, do not get on this forum any more and just read all of your postings. I felt like the things I was saying was being judged by some. I know its nasty to say you wish someone dead, but I can't help feeling that way most of the time. Until things change, I feel the same.
Send me your e-mail address and will e-mail you personally, since I feel funny on the forum now. I know I have it some where, but don't want to look through all the e-mails to find it. Will be glad to share my ill will wishes for my mother with you and yours, Ha!
Love ya,
Marylynne
Luv u guys, Maria
Please tell me why you feel invisible-I am on the way to the docs about my back pain after two falls-will talk to you later
I know you were offering your opinion. As I was with mine. My opinion was that there is a kinder way to say things. I also felt that without much background information which Donna has shared here before with us...your opinion was a bit harsh. That's all I am saying. It came across to me as a bit judgemental. I guess your way is not like my way and I felt bad for Donna.
Judy, I don't think it is weird that you set a place for your Father at the table for Thanksgiving. That is one of the recommended suggestions that one can remember a love one. I have had some experience with this because of the loss of my son and the support group that I belong to Compassionate Friends. I think it was special and you came up with it yourself with no grieve knowledge. They also will sometimes say a special prayer or a nice memory of their loved one at the dinner table.
Donna, love you lots. It is difficult being a caregiver. But it is even more difficult being a caregiver to a mother who never showed you much love or respect yet wants and demands that you put her as the center of your universe, not have a life of your own and not be happy because she is miserable. I hope a home opens up soon for her. It would be better for you and her.
Daughter just went back to school this evening. Quite a Thanksgiving holiday. Mother was trying to help yesterday by talking to my daughter after daughter and I had a few words. I have a small house and 6 people in it, a dog and bird we are on top of eachother bound to have some animosity. Later that night daughter and her bf had a disagreement. Yes, her bf was here too. They both slept in the living room. He on the sofa her on the other side on a sofa bed.
Hugs
Cindi
I hope someday you and I find peace.
Love to all the girls...
Sha
Donna you should by now expect that from your mother and you should keep going out and ignore the judgment when you return. Maybe mother needs a cat!!!
Cindi, this may sound weird but I set a plate at the table for my Dad for thanksgiving dinner. NO, I don't do that all the time. I just thought it was a nice gesture. The cemetery has sent us invites to some gatherings they have I may attend one. My dad is in a crypt on the fifth level in a small building I am going to buy his vase in the spring. They do not allow any artificial flowers only real or dried.
My mother had an attitude this morning before she even saw any of us. So I went about my to do list today and really didn't talk to her til supper time.
I think walking around with a happy attitude makes my mother angry that she can't seem to be the way I am.
Hang in there girls oxoxoxo Judy
Donna
And yes, we all need empathy and sometimes even a little sympathy and fluffing up. But it's even better to get some insight into how to make some adjustments that will make life better. I think I recommended it once before but it's worth another mention. The book "Happiness is an Inside Job" by John Powell, SJ is the best book I've seen written on the subject and I've seen a lot of them. It's life changing for those of us who grew up without a very high opinion of ourselves.
Blessings to all,
Betsy C