My mother has lived with us for 3 years now. She has her own apartment downstairs with a private entrance. She has severe hearing loss and hearing aids do not help much. She has a curvature in her spine, but was fine until she fell over 3 years ago and now does not trust her legs to hold her up. She has all but completely withdrawn from any interaction with the outside world. She will go to the grocery store weekly, but not much of anywhere else. My husband and I ask her continuously to go places with us, but she refuses. She uses her hearing as an excuse. She is afraid of everyone who comes to our house, and will leave the room if anyone comes over. She sets in the dark most times and does not talk to anyone except the dog. I'm an only child. I don't know what to do to help her. Should I try to contact her doctor and talk with them about how she chooses complete isolation?
I am sure how you feel is normal after being so busy for so many years,and it is good that your Mom is still doing things for herself. I myself voleenter at our senior center on Thur to sew cancer pads for a well known end of life hospital - we have a great time most of the women are widows but a few of us have husbands, I also have some shelves at our library to keep neat and in order I also joined a book discussion group they have picked out some outstanding books to read, I also crochet laps robes for nursing home pt. and baby blankets for a pregancy crisis group. I think if my situation changed and the husband had to go into a N.H. I would try to find families who are dealing with caregiving and try to make their life easier so they would not have to be so stressed out as the dear people on this site
I need to find another outlet. But I don't want to be tied down with a business. I was tied down enough for the last 6 years. I have ideas but making them work is another story. It helps just reading what i type. I know I will hear from my friends, Judy
I am sorry that u are having problems with your sister. The good thing is that u know it is because of her personality disorder. Hope things work out okay. With Thanksgiving just around the corner, it is hard on most of us. There are so many things to do but we have to find something to be grateful for. I am grateful for u guys and the rest of my friends and that I still have my family as crazy as everything is. Hope you have a great Thanksgiving. I already told my family that we are going to eat early so I can sit down and watch Cowboys play. Hope they win since Romo is back.
Luv u all, Ply
Haven't been here in awhile. Ply, I feel for you. Things are definitely getting worse. Sounds like you have a handle of things. However, maybe you need more breaks away from your mom. I feel the same as you, I don't want to live like that.
Donna, sounds like you hurt yourself? And, your mother is taking care of you?! That sounds so different. But, I'm glad get better soon.
To the rest of you lady friends, I hope you are all doing okay. Thanksgiving is coming so lots of prep to do for all of us I'm sure.
Latest on me, sister and family not talking. Sister had decided she doesn't need the family right now. I helped her and her treatment of us (due to her personality disorder) is not right. She is seeing her counselor so she is being given support. Too much to tell. Wish you all a Happy Thankgiving. I am grateful to have you all to talk to and vent to and share with. I am thankful that I have my parents with me and that I can take care of them still.
Take care of yourselves
Hugs
Cindi
but I didn't think this fast! I have to watch what she is doing and sometimes I just let her be. But there are some things that are driving me crazy! She wastes too much of everything. I don't let her wash dishes anymore cause the bottle wouldn't last a week. I am constantly buying TP and PT and Kleenex cause she goes thru them like crazy. I find them in her drawers, all clean, not used. She says the kleenex are being taken by somebody else. No one goes into her room if she is not in there. She likes popcicles so I buy her 4 to 5 bags every 2 weeks. I haven't bought her any lately cause she finishes them in less than a week. Each bag has 18 count. I hate to tell her not to eat so many cause I still want her to feel like an adult but it is getting to that point where she is no longer one. She is a kid again. Now I am the mother and a mean one, according to her. Every single day I pray to God to give me more patience cause I hate this. I hate not having my mother anymore! God, I hope I die before anything like this happens to me.
Luv, Ply
Love,
Sha
If you believe in JESUS CHRIST you will have salvation ans get into heaven first as a spirt without our bodies and whwn Jesus returns he has promised to resurect our bodies but will get new bodies to be with our spirits in heaven and we will be in glory with God-that is what our church teaches us. Heaven has many mansions and I hope there is one for all us caregivers.
Mia, my Dad had dementia. It's a very sad thing to see them slipping away. You are lucky though, my Dad was total care. In the beginning, he would get confused as to what direction he was going when he was driving so my Mother began doing the driving and he was OK for quite a while, then he started falling. My mother had to start washing and dressing him but he could still feed himself and go to the bathroom. Then he began to fall more and we could not care for him at home because he was quickly losing the ability to walk. He was hospitalized and from there went into a nursing home and was no longer feeding himself. Everything had to be done for him. Your Dad is still quite good. Be thankful for every little bit he can do, you don't know how long it will last. My Dad started showing signs of decline when he was around 80. By the time he was 84, he was in a nursing home. We lost him last month at 87. It's a slow process and so heartbreaking to watch. I feel for you Honey. Good luck, God bless. Let me know if there is anything else I can tell you.
Love,
Sha
Love, Maria
We lost a church member 2 yrs ago and we built a simple stone bench and I often just sit on it and talk to her as I did while she was with us, and another friend I lost I like to talk to her when I am on the walking trail- I believe their spirts here us and I would hope others would talk to me when I have passed-I don't want to miss anything
Donna, my mom too tries to help but she can't. So I make comments that make her laugh so she won't feel so bad. With bringing things from the storage and putting them away, my back and leg have been killing me. She tells me to leave them for later but I hate to see everything piled everywhere.
Judy, this season is hard on many people, especially when someone we love is no longer here. Your father will be with you always only in spirit if that is any consolation. At least, that is how I manage my pain when I have lost somebody and lately it has been my childhood friends, all brothers, and we are only in our 50's.
Welcome to the new girls.
Love, Ply
I just happen to think of things he said to me while I was driving today right around the time I was putting up the Christmas tree, he said he wished he could help me that was last year. I have alot of presents to wrap some for Florida and Tenn. My mother doesn't know what to do in a store anymore, she takes forever to decide if she wants to buy toilet paper and half the time whatever she puts in her cart she puts back. Its rather pitiful and it isn't like she doesn't have the money. Its good to see you girls here oxoxoxo Judy
I am so sorry about your husbands friend. At one time many years ago I felt that it would be better if I were not here anymore a therapist talked me out of it and I was so glad later on- I would have missed so much good with some bad. A beautilul nurse I worked with seemed to have everything material a lovely home she had been in a comerical on TV her husband was in show business she had so many friends but was getting a divorce and she killed herself-most people were mad at her but I did understand why she did it and tried to educate people why she did it without telling my story, it is sad that she was not able to share her pain there were so many people who loved her.
Our neighbor across the street was to be 101 in feb, and passed away today, that too has taken its toll on her. He has been her neighbor for 45 years, and was her oldest brothers best friend when she was a child.
Maria, sounds like your hubby is very depressed about his friends death, so sorry to hear of that. and also sounds like you are up to your neck in work and stress. you will be ok, your sense of humor will carry you thru.
Dugouts, arent these old ladies stubborn? my mom, like yours can outshop me too. i will be ready to go an hour before she is ready to leave wal mart, and then she argues that she is not ready. but all she wants to buy is groceries and more groceries that we have no place to put. another, GO FIGURE.
Cindi, miss your sweet and helpful postings. hope you are doing ok with the diet, and the surgery will happen for you soon. hows mom and sis and dad? how about the daughter?
Marylynne, honey, i miss you, but i know you are trying to keep a happy face and i hope it will work for you.
Judy, good to hear from you. austin, glad that you are up and about.
Love to all my precious friends on this site and welcome to my new friends,
Donna
Mia, I'm so sorry for the loss you husband has had to endure. He must be taking it very hard.
Welcome to Linda and Dugout. Here is where you will find other women who understand exactly what you are going through. I, too, have my mother living with me for the last 3 years and it hasn't been pleasant. She's a bit of a control freak and a complainer....and the list could go on. I have 3 useless brothers who are very happy to let me take on the burden. They never bother with her, they never ask me if I need help. They never take her off my hands. My Dad (a saint) passed away 5 weeks ago. He was in a nursing home with dementia. My brothers visited rarely. So you see where this is going. I'm stuck with taking care of her for the rest of her life and I am positive she will live to 100. Lucky me. It is to my favor that she is not a sick woman and does everything for herself. She drives, cooks, washes her clothes, etc. That part is good but she drives me nuts with wanting everything HER way in MY house. It makes me hate her and want her dead. I wish you all well.
Donna, Cindi, Marylynne, Judy, Maria, Auston, where ya'all been? Everything OK?
Love to all,
Sha
I love your post-dear lady how can you keep your sense of humor-if I had your life I would be crying or yelling all the time-you are my hero. Judy it is so good of you to help your aunt, the husband came home yesterday from the hosp. he had refused to go to rehab then we foind out he could not anyway because he had been in the hosp. three times since being out of rehab and has to be home 60 days-that seems to be new rules and we can not get medicare home care and I had to cut down on our paid aide by one day after making out a budget, oh well if you all can cope with all your problems I guess I will also
Hope all my friends are fine, hope to hear from all of you soon. oxoxoxo Judy