Any Mother’s Day haters out there besides me? Since my mom died I’ve really grown to hate the day. Or maybe it’s the commercial wind up to the day, all the ads reminding us to call mom, send mom flowers, buy mom a gift, take mom out for lunch, each one feels like a little punch to the gut. On most any ordinary day I miss my mom, but I’m not a tearful mess over her loss anymore. I’ve had plenty of time to deal with her passing. But somehow each May it’s like “here we go again” and I feel the tears welling up often. I’ve tried a few years to go to church on Mother’s Day and after leaving mid service each time in tears, feeling like I was making a scene, I now know better than to attempt it. Nothing like a minister saying “who here has a mother?” with everyone smiling to make me run. I don’t have my mom to buy anything for, can’t call her or take her to lunch, and the relentless ads just make me miserable over something I’m generally okay about. Truthfully, I don’t think I was a huge Mother’s Day fan even before losing my mom, I guess it always felt like a bit of a forced holiday to me, one of those things we’re told to do. My now adult children know I’m not big into it, they usually buy me small gifts and we go do something to distract away from dwelling on the day. Am I alone in this or any other haters want to unite in spirit with me?
I don't hate the day. I have fond memories of my mom and the life she gave me.
But, I wish everyone wouldn't assume that because I'm female I must be a mom.
And, I hate to see the guilt my step-kids' mom lays on them to pamper and cater to her on every occasion she can use for that. I know when her son calls to tell me happy mothers day, he means it. When he visits her with gifts, it's just an unwanted obligation.
My wonderful son is coming over this afternoon, bringing homemade hamburgers with all the fixings, including beer and charcoal to grill. He will notice but wont say a word about my toxic house which has gotten that way because I am sole caregiver for his dad.
My daughter? My firstborn? No card. No text. No call. Not even a generic post on my Facebook page. But she will suddenly remember my phone number when she needs someone to pick up her kids at school.
So that’s the way it goes here. Oh, and I started the day with tears because my own mom has been gone for 18 months.
She loved lilacs and they were blooming when she died, so they were part of her funeral flowers and in the coffin with her. Lilacs bring back her remembrance, too. When I visited the farm in Sweden in 2011 that her grandfather came from, there were lilacs blooming there, too. I knew she would have loved to make such a visit and I assume she was with me in spirit. The love of lilacs is part of my heritage now. I know in heaven that the beauty she sees and is part of far exceeds anything we have here on earth, so I don't wish her back. Why take her from such a place to be here? I just join her in spirit in thought and prayer instead and look forward to joining her when my time comes. I hope some of this perspective may help others dealing with such loss.
There on her table were cards from two of my brothers, and one from one set of grandchildren. The brother who can't be bothered to come down and visit didn't send a card because he's "too busy."
Mother's Day today is for ME.