I have always been a Christmas fanatic!!
Love my Christmas decorations!! My tree is up! The stocking are hung by the chimney with care, and yet I have dread in my heart !
My NM, wants to come for a couple days after Christmas when my daughter and my grandbabies are here. My daughter doesn't want to have anything to do with her! My mother is notorious for ragging on her about her weight and making her cry!
And while I understand how hard it must be for her to be in quarantine, I just can't be excited for her to come!
When she is visiting, she requires me to wait on her hand and foot.
I am still recovering from major surgery and have very little patience !
I can't use Covid as an excuse, because Mom understands that she can come to my house, but will have to quarantine for 2 weeks after I take her back to ALF.
How do I keep the Joy when my heart is aching so badly??
Good points!
Hey, Chris
Make my drink a gin and tonic!
Someone recently posted that Christmas was the least Christ like day! It breaks my heart!!
My fervent prayer is that regardless if someone believes in Christ or not, they can feel that Christmas is a day of Hope!!
Hope for future and Hope to have the strength to overcome the past!!
It's the one day that is celebrated all over the world!!
24 hours of solidarity!!!
What better day than that!!
I get tired of the commercialism.
I love simple traditional decorations, poinsettias, evergreen wreaths with red bows, a beautifully decorated tree, tiny white Christmas lights that remind me of stars.
I like baking Christmas cookies.
I love a beautifully dressed table, with holiday food and candles.
I despise blow up Santa Claus on Steroids!
"No, I'm sorry, Mom, that's my final decision; doctor's orders, you know".
"Mom, I'm going to ring off now, we'll talk when you're in a better mood".
LMAO!!!
NM is ALL 3 of those scenarios!
Maybe I'll go online and find a vintage No Whining T-shirt! Lol
Perhaps I will leave nothing but hand towels out for when she showers! Hahaha
Get a Tshirt printed that says 'Like it or Leave' or 'Keep calm & stop complaining' 😁
I read your list & can't decide if NM is
1. Fussy & therefore tries to control everything
2. Drama Queen - loves a reaction
3. Delegater - to confirm she is the boss.
Whatever her motives, she speaks & then expects YOU to fix the issue. May I suggest turning it all back onto HER to fix HER issue.
"The children are too noisy". Yes they are loud. If you don't like it, why don't you leave the room & go sit somewhere quieter.
"Your bath towels are wrong". Did you bring your own? Next time you should.
"You have given me too much food". Sorry. I'll take that plate away. It would be better if you served yourself so you can have what you want.
Oooh I love this game...
"Your house is too cold". I hope you have brought a sweater?
The end game is The Pampered One giving a one word command eg "cold" & the minions rush forth with heat pack, blanket & furry slippers.
Each year I try to simplify. Cut out a bit more fluff & leave only what I like. Last year I left half of the decorations off the tree & only bought gifts for kids. I even wore a plain red Tshirt - instead of a cheery Christmassy image one.
I forsee a year I hang a painting of an Xmas tree up for 3 days only in December 😁
Thanks for your support!!
It's been a tough year for all of us!
I'm working hard on dealing with my feelings about my narcissistic mother!! It's a tough process!!
I'm so grateful for your insight!!😘
I am thinking about laying down some ground rules!
1) Kids are noisy!! No complaining
2) Everybody's weight is not open for discussion and OFF LIMITS! No complaining!
3) My bath towels and the same size as every other bath towels! No complaining!
4) If I put too much food on your plate, eat what you want and leave the rest. No complaining!
5) If you're cold in my home, put on a d*mn sweater. No complaining!!
6) NO COMPLAINING!!!
7) If you can't adhere to these guidelines, I will gladly take you back to your home with NO COMPLAINING!!!
How am I doing??
😁
So what is my point? Your mom ragges on your DD and makes her cry and I am sure you have had told your mother to quit attacking your DD, but your mom probably kept doing it-right?!
Well, let me give you your DD point of view--your DD wants to spend Christmas with you-not your mother. If your DD comes to your house and your mom is there saying whatever she says to your DD and once again makes her cry...feel bad about herself...and ruins her Christmas. Your DD will be hurt and probably mad. I hate to say this, but I am afraid she will be angry with you, she may not say anything this time, but at some point it will come out. Believe me, I speak from experience. Do you really want your DD to ask you why you let grandma come over when you know she is mean to her? Or how grandma ruin her Christmas! Do you really want your DD to be resentful? No of course you don't want that.
All I ask is to think about how your decision will effect your DD and is it really worth it!? Please take your DD feelings into consideration.
I wish you the best of luck!
She LOVED all Holidays. She LOVED them and their decorations, everything from shopping to food. Elaborate and wonderful were our trees with villages and trains running round the tree. And the food and the and family ornaments. And the popcorn stringing. She was Mr. Fezziwig if she was anything.
I am her complete OPPOSITE. I LIVE for normal life and a return to it. I love the decorations, other peoples. I don't like presents, getting or giving. I am your original grinch. I love present giving all the year and loathe it at Christmas.
So for me? Tailor made this Covid thing. The ONLY GOOD THING TO BE SAID for it.
To me Christmas and most other holidays (I of course LOVE Day of the Dead) puts burdens upon us that often add to our woes.
Isn't it amazing how different we all are. I have one thing in all the things I have saved for the Season that brings me true joy, and that is the finger paintings the grandkids made with me long ago when they were young, that we then cut to the shapes of ornaments and ran ribbons through, and that I string all through the house each year. And I loved the music, and the walking through the streets looking at the decorations of everyone ELSE.
I hope everyone this year finds that one thing that is the JOY of the season. The kids are grown. The money this year goes to charities. The memories are all in a bundle on Santa's back.
Tell mom NO!
Anyway, you stirred up a bunch of terrible memories for me with what you said. DO NOT allow your mother to do ANY of this to you or your DD this year or any other year, for that matter. She has no right. You just recovered from surgery, so you should call OFF The Holidays this year, IMO.
My DH is still recovering from 2 major surgeries. We stayed alone for Thanksgiving and had a Zoom meeting with all of our children & their spouses that evening. My DIL brought us a ton of food and dropped it off; love that girl. For Christmas, I can't even drum up the enthusiasm to decorate the house b/c frankly my dear, I don't give a d*mn. We'll stay alone on that day, too, and it's fine. My mother will stay in her MC ALF and that's that; DH cannot run the risk of getting the dreaded virus right now or it would probably kill him; so we're both hunkering down. So be it.
Do what YOU want to do & if that doesn't include your NM, then SO BE IT.
All the best to you & your family as we usher out The Worst Year in History.
Nobody stepped up and we haven't had a thing since. I feel bad for Mother b/c this is truly the only time she sees a lot of extended family.
Dh and I are both in the doghouse with his mom. Her 'drive by' 90th birthday on Sunday will not be attended by either of us, plus he is NOT gifting her anything. (Truthfully, I do all the shopping, but I'm not getting her so much as a card. He might have bent slightly in his anger, but I doubt it).
I am not a Scrooge, but I do try to save my energy for those who appreciate it. And my own personal feelings is Christmas is the LEAST Christlike day of the year.
Thanks!!
(((Hugs)))
Stick to your guns !!!
(((Hugs)))
I'm so sorry for your loss!!
Truly not just empty words!! My heart goes out to you on what I can only imagine is going to be the hardest Christmas for you ever!!
I too am Christian. Although my faith is strong, this last 14 months has rocked me to my core!!
I know God has a plan and that I'm not supposed to question, however, I can't help but wonder why it came all at once.
I pray that Covid won't keep my daughter and my grandbabies from the visit that I desperately need!! I don't want them to travel if it's unsafe!!
I think your Hubby would want you to decorate for Christmas with all your heart and soul!!
Wishing you Peace and Joy!!
((((Hugs))))
I feel ya sister!!
It sounds as though you've had the same kind of year as me!!
Cancer, fractured foot and spine surgery! As if caregiving with Covid wasn't stressful enough!!
I have decided that on New Year's Eve, I am going to write down all the nastiness of this last year and ceremoniously burn the Hell out of it!!
God bless and ((((hugs))))!!!
Let's see if that has changed this year. Going to be awkward...
So the next year, did it change (by deeds)? Sort of. Still me organising. So I decided I would go on a cruise for 2020.... but d*mn that Covid....
I already know it's going to be heartbreaking as we cannot be around our grandkids at all. Stupid COVID. THEY can all be together, but DH and I cannot be near them. (I am medium risk, he is VERY high risk.)
I already have everything bought, wrapped and done. We are going to one daughter's home at 11 am. We will stand outside the big front window and watch the grands open their gifts and then we will leave.
I've already cried a bucket of tears over this. Last year I was so sick from cancer chemo and just felt so awful--but the thing that kept me going was that my YD and her family would be home from her DH's fellowship and we'd all be together, finally, after 6 long years.
I haven't seen my 'baby' grand, who is a delightful and mischievous 2-1/2 for a month--they had covid and he never tested + so they kept him away from me. He stands in the window and cries for Nonny (me) to come in and hug him. My son is not really even speaking to me, his wife isn't at ALL, so there's not even a chance we'll even skype with that family.
How can this become joyful?? I'm trying. I have a month's list of 'giving and gratitude' projects from my church to follow to help with the season--but in my down moments, I am so depressed.
I have MUCH for which to be grateful, but the thought of Christmas morning and the inability of us to be together is heart breaking. I've got a lot of work to do to get over this selfishness---and I know that this too shall pass.
But....I am only human.
I too am a Christmas "fanatic". Have been for years. In fact I have one of my spare bedrooms decorated for Christmas that I leave up all year long. And yes, there's even a tree in there.
I normally decorate the rest of the house early every year(beginning of Oct.), so I get more time to enjoy the decorations, but this year my husband of 26 years died on Sept. 14th, and to be honest, I wasn't sure I wanted to decorate that early. However, my youngest granddaughter(14) who usually helps me with my decorating, kept asking me when she could come help decorate. My husband knew how much I loved Christmas and all it entails, and he too loved Christmas and all the decorations, especially when he was bedridden in our living room and he got to be right in the middle of it all, so because of that, I had my granddaughter come in the middle of October and help me get everything decorated. I know my husband would not have wanted me to not do something that he and I enjoyed so much. And while it's hard knowing that he's not here to enjoy them with me, I'm sure he's looking down from heaven and smiling.
So life is short, don't live with dread in your heart. This has been a tough year for everyone. We all need a little joy in our lives. Perhaps you can have a conversation with your mom beforehand, asking her not to mention your daughters weight, and telling her that you would just like a a nice "peaceful" time as a family, and if she can't abide by that, then perhaps she needs to stay at her ALF.
Wishing you and your family a very Merry Christmas!!!
Don't let your mom ruin your Xmas. It's also not fair to your daughter - how can she enjoy her time with you when gramma is weight-shaming her? That's mean.
You love xmas, so let yourself enjoy it to the max! How often have you been able to fully enjoy anything in 2020? Don't let this time be stressful and strained. Have fun with the kids. You do not need to be catering to anyone.
Have mom over after the holidays. Explain that you'd love to have her over on xmas, but can't because (fill in the blank). Give any excuse, blame your surgeon - yes, lie if you have to. You'll be able to do something kind for her and not sacrifice a chance at some xmas fun.
But if you must have mom over - how do you feel about edibles? Maybe mom would like to have 1 or 2 or 10. . . . No one needs to know :)