My brother and I promised our parents they could visit their home anytime they wanted. (It's a mile away) After two weeks they say they hate AL and want to go home. Now my brother won't let them visit. He and the director think they will adjust quicker if they don't visit their home and their dog. This seems condescending to me. As if they are just getting used to a new school. Being told you cannot go home, would be devastating to most people. I guess there are those who adjust to the cold in stages. And there are those who jump right in. As long as everyone ends up in the AL pool eventually, what is the issue.? Who is it really benefiting? It just seems to show a lack of patience and understanding as I see it. It leaves their say out of the equation. We take away so many of their freedoms because they cannot safely do them anymore. I'm having a very difficult time with it.
It's kind of like rubbing salt into an open wound. So, quit playing with their emotions and stop bringing them to "visit" their home, when their home is now the assisted living facility they're in.
And I know that you say that YOU are having a hard time with this, but this really isn't about you at all anymore, it's about what is best for your parents.
We know from where we speak, OP.
its best to be settled and at have, within ones capacity, the idea in their mind that the AL is now home. Then the visit home may be ok
It's better they adjust to their new home.
Most people don’t keep going back home. Many of them have their homes sold to pay for AL.
Honestly I think it’s cruel to bring them home again and then repeatedly be removed from their home over and over again .
It’s just resetting the grief button over having to leave their home. Then they are regressed to step one again , starting over , in dealing with their grief and adjustment .
That was an error to promise to bring them home to visit . Why would you want to even watch their reaction everytime they had to leave again ? It is devastating to leave your home , stop repeating the devastation .
You are trying to grant your parent their wishes . But you can’t because what they really wish is to turn back time . You can’t fix old .
Usually when our elders are moved into senior living, depending on their physically and memory health, it is recommended by the Staff NOT to take the elders out to see their previous home. Sadly, you and your brother had made a promise to your parents without understanding the whole situation. Now the Staff has to deal with the fallout, making their job much harder.
My Dad moved to Memory Care facility just a couple miles from his previous house. Not once did I take my Dad out to visit his house or even my house. That would disrupt the routine that the Memory Care was carefully trying to instill. My Dad was happy as a clam feeling safe in his new environment.
It really confuses them and they don't want to go back to the AL.
Your brother may have talked to the staff and they explained it to him.
I'm sorry I can imagine how hard this is but I do think it's the right decision, based on everything I've read