The other day, after posting a "rant", I realized that I need a place to write down what is going on. So I'm going to start here. I'm not asking for advice, but all is welcome, without push back.
My mom is 91. She's had a good long life. Had a stroke in June 2013. Was in acute rehab for 2 weeks, then sub acute for 4 more weeks. She developed vascular dementia, i.e., she knows us all, knows the day, date, etc, but thinks that there is a union trying to take over the facility she's in, that there are floods all the time and that the Communists are about to take over (she watches a lot of Fox News.....). We tried her in a lovely AL facility, but she was paranoid and couldn't remember to push the button when she needed help; she fell and we moved her to memory care. She didn't do well there and we added a full time aide. She fell THERE (with two aides in the room!) and ended up with a broken hip. Anyway, post surgery for that (September 2013) we admitted her to a lovely NH. She's done really well there, gained weight, become very mobile with a walker. Great therapists (PT is a sadist, but I think they all are, she's pushed my mom to do stuff none of us would have expected!). Mom was in the hospital for pneumonia in Januray, recovered well and was back up and walking in a few weeks. Fell in June; discovered in hospital that her heart rate was quite low; we ended up doing a pacemaker. Back on her feet in a few weeks. Mom started feeling out of breath in NH a week or so after pacemaker placement. NH dxed pneumonia. Several rounds of antibiotics; chest xrays, etc. We made an appointment to see a pulmonologist, because mom has had pleural effusions in the past. Before appointment happened, she fell in NH, ER via ambulance; blood tests were all out of whack. Long story short, they tapped her chest and the little pocket of bacteria in the bottom of her lung blossomed and sent her into sepsis. She made it through that, is back in NH, after 5 days of being bedbound. No fractures, but she's still in pain. On tramadol. Talked to her this afternoon after second PT session. She said "I'm not in pain, but my legs don't work". Okay, NOT in pain is huge. At least they've got pain meds on a schedule and not PRN, because if you ask her if she's in pain, she says "no". But then she is if she moves.
My POA brother is in Europe for ten days; younger brother is supposed to get back from vacation this evening. Hey, I'm not a hands on caregiver by any stretch, but I'm trying to take care of my mom the best I can. Trying to figure out the next steps. She's got CHF, doesn't seem to be progressing anywhere! Dementia is not of the 'mean" kind, she's just confused about the facts most of the time (asked me the other day if youngest brother had 3 or 4 kids, she was concerned that she couldn't recall 4th kid). NH says not time for Hospice. Hospital says that we are not at palliative care point yet.
Frankly, if this were one of my dogs or cats, I would have put them out of their misery this week. There. I really needed to say that. I don't think that there is any redemption in physical suffering
Emjo I never know which way to jump on the not answering the phone point. Angel: they're too busy looking after their current residents to devote time to sales. Devil: they're wildly understaffed and it shows a poor attitude to customer service.
It all turns on what happens when they finally do get round to returning your call, I suppose - they can put it all right by apologising and having a good reason. Otherwise...
How *are* you supposed to respond positively without sounding sarcastic?
youd love the way i operate . more like ; " i ran some clothes today . the ones in the dryer are done but theres still some in the washer . how was your day ? im gonna go make chilidogs " .
Lo and behold, on Friday, my brother (who is POA) gets a letter from the dentist..."I had the pleasure of seeing your mother on July 8th...." with a proposed care plan for partial dentures. I went back through my emails and discovered that Mom had said to me "the man who runs the workers came to watch me eat". I asked the Social Worker via email if that was the dentist and she said no, the dentist had not seen Mom. You really can't make this stuff up. So here it is October, three months after the dental visit (and I have it noted in her chart that when the dentist comes, please call daughter with MPOA to answer questions, etc. BECAUSE MY MOTHER HAS DEMENTIA! Hello!? The notes on the dental chart (which I got to see simply by asking my mother's nurse "did anyone see mom on July 8th?") shows that "patient is confused". Well, yeah. This lovely people call my brother and me for the most inconsequential stuff ("your mother's weight is 107 pounds" "what did she weigh last week?" "107.2 pounds".) But not when the dentist shows up and proposes a $3000 denture job. You really just have to laugh! Thanks for listening.
There is a famous, possibly mythical, end of term report from the Royal Military Academy at Sandhurst which reads: "his men will follow him anywhere, if only out of curiosity."
I know how the men feel. What, and in what bewildering way, are they going to get wrong next?
Hope you see the rocket and feel better in the morning.