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Smeshque: You're welcome.
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And above all these things put on charity, which is the bond of perfectness.
Colossians 3:14
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Matthew 5 King James Version (KJV)
5 And seeing the multitudes, he went up into a mountain: and when he was set, his disciples came unto him:

2 And he opened his mouth, and taught them, saying,

3 Blessed are the poor in spirit: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

4 Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted.

5 Blessed are the meek: for they shall inherit the earth.

6 Blessed are they which do hunger and thirst after righteousness: for they shall be filled.

7 Blessed are the merciful: for they shall obtain mercy.

8 Blessed are the pure in heart: for they shall see God.

9 Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God.

10 Blessed are they which are persecuted for righteousness' sake: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

11 Blessed are ye, when men shall revile you, and persecute you, and shall say all manner of evil against you falsely, for my sake.

12 Rejoice, and be exceeding glad: for great is your reward in heaven: for so persecuted they the prophets which were before you.

13 Ye are the salt of the earth: but if the salt have lost his savour, wherewith shall it be salted? it is thenceforth good for nothing, but to be cast out, and to be trodden under foot of men.

14 Ye are the light of the world. A city that is set on an hill cannot be hid.

15 Neither do men light a candle, and put it under a bushel, but on a candlestick; and it giveth light unto all that are in the house.

16 Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven
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Answer to Smesh, on original question:

Put Jesus first.
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Keep about your work. Do not flinch because the lion roars. Do not stop to stone the devil’s dogs. Do not fool around your time chasing the devil’s rabbits. Do your work; let liars lie; let sectarians quarrel; let editors publish; let the devil do his worst. But see to it that nothing hinders you from fulfilling the work God has given you. He had not sent you to make money; He has not commanded you to get rich. He has never bidden you to defend your character nor has He bidden you to contradict falsehoods about yourself which Satan and his servants may start to peddle. If you do these things you will do nothing else; you will be at work for yourself and not for the Lord. Keep about your work. Let your aim be as steady as a star. Let the world brawl and bubble. You may be assaulted, wronged, insulted, slandered, wounded, and rejected. You may be chased by foes, abused by them, forsaken by friend, despised and rejected of men, but see to it that with steadfast determination and with unfaltering zeal you pursue that great purpose of your life and the object of your being until at last you can say; “I have finished the work which you, dear God, have given me to do?”
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Send, Putting Jesus First is The absolute correct answer,the only answer, It took me a while but I finally got it through my head. :)

The last post is AWESOME, I love it so and I will read it often as a reminder. Awesome, thank you. We get so caught up in the vanities of life sometimes, we so easily forget our true work,


“Seek the LORD and his strength, seek his face continually.” 
1 Chronicles 16:11
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Crowder

"I Am"

There's no space that His love can't reach
There's no place where we can't find peace
There's no end to Amazing Grace
Take me in with your arms spread wide
Take me in like an orphan child
Never let go, never leave my side


I am
Holding onto you
I am
Holding onto you
In the middle of the storm
I am holding on
I am!


Love like this, Oh my God to find!
I am overwhelmed what a joy divine!
Love like this sets our hearts on fire!

[Chorus x2]


This is my Resurrection song
This is my Hallelujah come
This is why it's to you I run
There's no space that His love can't reach
There's no place where we can't find peace
There's no end to Amazing

I am
Holding on to you
I am
Holding on to you
In the middle of the storm
I am holding on
I am
Holding on to you
I am
Holding on to you
In the middle of the storm
I am holding on
I am
Holding on to you
I am
Holding on to you
In the middle of the storm
I am holding on
I am!
I am
In the middle of the storm
I am holding on
I am!



“For what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul?” 
Mark 8:36
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Blessed Are They

Blessed are they who understand
My faltering step and shaking hand.
Blessed are they who know my ears today
Must strain to hear the things they say.
Blessed are they who seem to know
My eyes are dim and my answers slow.
Blessed are they who look away
When my tea was spilled at the table today.
Blessed are they who with a cheery smile
Will stop to chat for a little while.
Blessed are they who never say
“You’ve told that story twice today.”
Blessed are they who know my ways
And bring back memories of yesterdays.
Blessed are they who ease the days
And care for me in loving ways.
Blessed are they who make it known
I’m loved, respected and not alone.

Author Unknown
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True Love

Love can always conquer
Whatever discord brings
and love can also cover
a multitude of things.
Don’t you underestimate
what love can ever do,
for love is God eternal
and His love can renew.
What is cold and lifeless,
now lost all hope and died,
for love can breathe new meaning
and give it back new life.
Please don’t give up on love
when it seems that all is lost,
for there is always hope
if we’re prepared to pay the cost.
For love is always worth it
no matter how much the price,
for love will be much stronger
when we trust in Jesus Christ.
So let God have full reign,
let Him live within your heart
then you will know true love,
for this He will impart.




But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.
Romans 5:8
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I am so thankful that the Lord is Longsuffering.
Everyday I find something new I need to learn or change about myself or a new weakness.
Learning and growing will always be needful. But I am willing.

I hope all my fellow carers are doing okay. You all are in my prayers as you deal with your own struggles.
Occupying.


A wise man will hear, and will increase learning; and a man of understanding shall attain unto wise counsels:
Proverbs 1:5
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I hope and pray all my fellow carers are doing well. I am maintaining. I have been handling things so much better thank the Lord. I came across Ashwagandha. I recommend it for anxiety and a more restful sleep. It is all natural and if you try it be sure to get the right kind, because there are many generic ones that are no good. But it has helped me so much. I am getting actual rest when I do get to sleep and my anxiety has I dare say, completely gone away. I am so grateful that the Lord has made many natural medicines. And I have tried many things that did not work, but this does. Hallelujah!


“The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom: and the knowledge of the holy is understanding.” 
Proverbs 9:10
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Cause me to hear thy lovingkindness in the morning; for in thee do I trust: cause me to know the way wherein I should walk; for I lift up my soul unto thee.
Psalms 143:8
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Friday was what would have been my oldest brothers 64th birthday. He was the love of my Moms life. He had cerebral palsy, due to mis use of forceps at his birth. My Mom was his care giver for almost 50 years. After the loss of him, she was. is. and will always be so lost without him. Rightly so.
I remember a time when I was little, this man came to our house. He told my Mom, we have a place for him and we will take care of him and so on... She said, " I don't think so, this is my Son, God gave him to me to take care of, and that is what I am going to do."
He said to her well if you need to go on vacation we can house him and take care of him until you return. She laughed, she said, "He goes where we go, if we go camping, travel, to church, he goes, you need to leave.
Another time, I do not know if it was the same man or different cam and my Dad ran him off. My Mom was so mad at these people thinking she should allow them to take her son. I love her dearly.
I wish I could take all her sadness. But, I know it is hers to bear, I can only comfort and love her through these times.
We made it through the day, with much help and comfort from the Lord.


Blessed be God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies, and the God of all comfort; Who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God.

1 Corinthians 1:3-4
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So I had mentioned my brother told my Mom he was going to stop by and see her, on his way through. Well last week he told her he would be here Wednesday and have dinner with her. Today he told her that he was leaving later and that would put him her after midnight, so he might stay over in another town and then stop by Thursday morning. I am so afraid he will do like last time and then say well I will stop by next time, or whatever lame excuse it was. I am so afraid he will disappoint her yet again. But, I am so hoping and praying that he does visit. She has been so excited and then after speaking with him today, her blood pressure was up, and it has not been high in many months now. And she was kind of down. I guess she suspects he may or may not show up as well. Sometimes I wish he would just not tell her anything and just show up if he is going to do it. They have no idea what they put elderly people through with promises that are never kept. It is so mean and well, it is just so mean.

I just hope he doesn't disappoint her again.
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I'm so sorry smeshque and I think your'e right when you say it would just be better if he just showed up and didn't call and say he was going to be there and then he doesn't come. That has to be a big letdown for both you and your Mother. You clean up the tears and see the disappointment and it hurts your Mother.
I sure hope he keeps his word and comes this time.
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Thank you luckylu.
I know you truly understand.
Some people are just so self centered and inconsiderate, to say the least.
But we will do our best to pick of those pieces should disappointment come.
I am just praying.
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That kind of hurt cuts deep, Smeshque.
When someone says they are going to come by or call, then gives an excuse, or doesn't' t even call to cancel, and this is their routine, it hurts.

Someone in the family should set that brother straight. The many calls, changes in the time of arrival, then not coming at all is what hurts. Better not to call, better not to come at all.

Don't say it if you are not going to do it, imo.
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You are right Send.
But, It is hard to set him straight when he does not speak to me. I email him to call her on Birthdays and Mothers day and such. But we do not communicate otherwise. His choice.
As much of an irritation as it is for me, he is the only one of her other four children that speaks to her. As rare as that is, but nevertheless he does. When I remind(email) him to call her, he does and I am grateful for that.
He called her today, and told her he is still planning to be here Thursday morning. So I am hopeful. Usually when he is going to be a no show, he doesn't call her as much. So maybe he has had a change of heart we can hope and he will be here. She is so looking forward to it.
So we shall see.
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Smesque, I get how you feel about this. I remember just after we got mom settled into the nursing home, there was one day where I was feeling really rundown and I had already phoned mom the night before to say I was coming by. I was so tempted to cancel but went anyways. My mom was all spruced up. She had actually gotten dressed that day which was unusual as she normally would stay in her nightgown all the time. I nearly bawled when I thought if I had cancelled. I never wanted to see my mom sad. My siblings would forget her b'days and one time I brought it up to her and she said she would only be hurt if I forgot which would never happen.

So Smeshque I hope your brother doesn't disappoint your mom.
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Thank you Gershun. I hope he doesn't disappoint her too.
I feel like you, it would make me cry to disappoint her, too.

You are still a wonderful daughter. What love you have in that heart of yours. It is beautiful.
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Brother just called a little while ago, he is on his way, will be here in the morning, prayerfully. Mom is so excited. (sigh)we'll see




“The LORD is merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and plenteous in mercy.” 
Psalms 103:8
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Guess what?
He showed up. But even better than that, to my Mom's surprise he brought his 2 children, son and daughter (they are in their 30's) and the new great grand baby(nieces, daughter), and his new wife.

So she got to see her son, her daughter n law, her grandson, grand daughter, and never seen before great grand daughter.

What a wonderful day for her.
I am so thankful to the Lord for blessing her this day with such joy.

YAY!!!!!!!!!!


Calling all prayer warriors. Please pray for each and every care giver here, there are some that are enduring such hardships, emotionally and physically. And we all need that strength and support, that lies only in the Mighty Counselor.
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Yay!! I'm so happy for you and your Mom! What a great day for her.

I always add the Aging Care group to my prayer list Smeshque but it's good to be reminded to say special prayers for those who are really struggling.

I'll thank God for your mom's special visit today. Good for your brother.
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Much thanks and appreciation for you, Gershun.
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Happy for your Mom, what a wonderful gift!

Just read the OP to this thread for the first time, it's a deep and thoughtful question. I read several of the answers but not all of them, not yet. (But I will!)

Smesh, the Bible does say to "esteem others above ourselves," but we can't take just one Scripture and think we know all of what it means. We need to search the Scriptures, "here a little, there a little, line upon line, precept upon precept," to get a complete picture (Isa. 28:10).

When Jesus sent His disciples out, first the Twelve and later the Seventy, He sent them out two by two. He knew the task was too great for any one of them to do alone. While one was working, the other could rest, watch and pray. I think we could learn from that. Caregiving is an enormous task. Nobody can do it alone, and I don't think even God requires that. If possible, "esteem" the person doing it by providing rest for him/her and being their spiritual, physical and emotional support. If you ARE that person, see to it that you get that.

Second, Jesus said to His weary disciples, "Come ye yourselves apart and rest a while." Mark 6:31. In fact, rest is so important that it was the first gift God gave to mankind at Creation - immediately after making them "in His image, male and female" (Gen 1:27), and declaring His work "very good (v. 31)," He blessed the seventh day and hallowed it (Gen. 2:2) and gave it to humanity as a memorial of His creative power. He later asked us to "remember" it when it had been lost due to slavery (Exod. 20:8-11), and He assures us we will celebrate it in eternity (Isa. 66:23). That's how important rest is to God's children!

So we need partnership, support, and we need rest. We are told to love one another AS we love ourselves - which does not at all say that we are NOT to love and care for ourselves. In fact, if we don't love and care for ourselves, as others have said here, we certainly can't care for our sick and disabled loved ones.

I hope this helps. Bottom line: it is not only OKAY to take care of yourself, according to Scripture, it is good and needful! God bless, strengthen and guide you in your journey. 💖
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Smeshque: I am so glad for your mom that her son and his family visited you all. How kind and thoughtful of him. She must have been elated.
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Thank you Desertgirl- When I first posted that I was in such a struggle with things. But after much study and mercy from God, I have learned a lot since that first post. And this site has been a tremendous help to me. Lots of loving people who are going through similar things, always keeps you knowing that it could be worse.

LLama- thank you for your kind words. I have missed them here. :)


DH's Mom passed away last night. He was awaken this morning with the news delivered by his dear BIL. I am having a difficult time with this, as I want to be there for him and offer comfort and care as needed. However, it is not like when his Dad passed, he lost it, like when my Dad passed, I lost it. He was raised by his Dad and his Great grandma. He has seen his mom maybe 4 times in his 42 years of life. So, I am not sure what he is feeling. He said only, I feel bad for not feeling bad. I feel bad because both my birthparents are now gone. And then this evening after Mom went to bed we sat on the front porch. He talked abouther burial, as we will put her here in the family cemetary. And then he started talking about what he wants when his time comes, and he has never talked about that before. So, I am at a loss. How to be helpful and comforting and all. But he went on with his day as if nothing has happened. So, if anyone might have an understanding of what one feels if they are not close to their parents, I would greatly appreciate it. Thank you for allowing me to have you all as a comfort.
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If you are a caregiver, you are regularly putting others first by definition. While a caregiver, taking time off occasionally to laugh at a comedy film or take a long walk, to put yourself first for merely an hour or two, will make you feel happier - and also help you be a more relaxed and patient caregiver. These breaks are not only necessary, but sustaining. The operative word is “more.” Caregiving is hard, not relaxing, and definitely requires more patience than you ever thought you could possibly muster.

Caregiving’s reward is the knowledge that you are doing the right thing. The biggest prizes are the love that you get, and the love that you get to give.

Your siblings may not thank or appreciate you. They may even grow resentful and distant. Stay the course. Do your best. You are not alone. There are many good people like you.
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Dearest Smeshque: Oh, my, I am so sorry to learn of DH's mom's passing. That is so tragic that his mom was not close to him. I think for you - you can help him by just being YOU and listening. It is a good thing to know his wishes for years down the road. You two are young people - even younger than our daughter and SIL. So you have years left of your sweet life together. I send deepest condolences.
I don't know about being distant from my late parents. But I do know that I felt a large hole when my dad left this earth at age 50. You see, I was a very young 20 year old girl and I didn't get to "know" my dad, really, as I was not yet an adult. So that is one thing I can pass on to you - the lack of "knowing" one's parent as themself being an adult. I also know that my own DH had a very unsettling upbringing and that he doesn't care to talk about his late parents, since they did not show love to him nor his 5 siblings.
Love,
Llamalover47
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Wow, what a roller coaster the last few days have been for your clan! The joy of the son's visit for your mom, and then the death of your DH's estranged mom, all at once. Your head must be spinning!

You asked how a person might feel whose mother dies if they had not been close to her. I cannot, of course, speak for your DH, but only for myself. I was never close to my mother growing up, though I wanted to be, and I tried. Oh, how I tried! But there was no pleasing her, it seemed. I was the youngest of 4. Only many years later did I come to understand that alcohol and mental illness probably plagued her. But in my 40's, for the sake of my own children, I had to set boundaries that resulted in her cutting us out of her life. Basically, her alcohol was more important than her family.

She died some 20 years later, steadfastly refusing to make any changes that would effect a reconciliation. So I had lost her long before she died physically. I had already grieved that loss long before her actual death. In a way I had been grieving this lost relationship most of my life.

Why had she rejected me? What had I done wrong, or what was wrong with me? What could I do to fix it? Only as an adult could I realize the fault did not lie with me, and therefor there was nothing I could do to fix it. But even that knowledge could not take away the profound sadness that had permeated my life.

So how did I feel when she died? Just another sadness. A sadness for what should have, could have been, and was not.

How can you help your DH? Just let him know he is loved. Unconditionally. Point him to the Lord, whose love is not faulty, and is eternal. That is what comforts me. I wish you well, dear Smeshque, you and your DH.
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