Believing caregivers, how do I reconcile that scripture says to put others before me whereas the secular world says put me first?

smeshque: That's right...God is always going to answer when we ask. I am glad to have given you a chuckle or two. I enjoy gifting so much that it would be akin to stopping a train if I had to cease. I, too, appreciate you. May God lift ALL of your burdens, smeshque, as only HE can.

I have a heavy burden. I am a Christian, though not a church goer but I believe in the redemption of Jesus Christ. I've lived a mostly secular life due to my parents rejecting organized religion, but I've always had faith in God and Our Savior.

I was formally Windytown on this site and haven't posted in awhile. My mom died on April 12th of last year and was cremated. Her ashes are now with my dad's forever. I'm planning on an inurnment (burying the urn) in our hometown in May.

My brother and his wife will be passing through to stay with us and bury mom and dad on the way to another engagement across the country. He was absent except for every three to four year visits over that 40 years.

Maybe 10 one to two week visits in four decades.

He did stay a long time when my dad died of brain cancer.

My son recently decided to take a semester off of college because he's unsure of his path in life. I asked my brother for advice. He told me since I don't know any real Christians or Messianic Jews that my son's path will never be right and he will never be saved. He needs to be saved from his woes??? Unsure at 21 about a path in life? I'm concerned about my son's depression. F you bro higher than mighty

I took offense at those words. I let him have it.

My mom had been through h@ll. I will be frank here so cover your eyes. I never wanted to see a catheter inserted into my mom's hoo hoo while she was writhing in pain. It's awful to see your mother in so much pain. Like soul crushingly awful to see the tears running down in her face.

Perhaps it's because he left at 18 and left me at 12 to spend the rest of their lives with mom mourning the loss of their golden child. Dad died in 2010. Mom last April.

I finally emailed my brother my true feelings about what a neglectful ass he was all these decades. I put it all out there a month ago.

I am waiting for a response from him. He met a nice lady at mom's AL that is supporting his mission that gave him money. She is "saved" and told my mom she is going to hell when she was dying.

I guess I have my answer.

Zipster, why the name change? I've always enjoyed your posts and I recognize the pain you are feeling. I'm a Christian too but I don't consider myself a zealot by any means. I don't believe any true God loving person would tell someone who is dying that they are going to hell.

I've got a real problem with the disconnect some so-called Christians have with staying true to all the Bible has to offer and real life. I believe it says somewhere in the Bible that to really witness for God you need to be where the sad, downtrodden go. You can't hang out in your warm little church and never stray to the bad side of the tracks. It's the bad side of the tracks where they need the help.

God gives us opportunities if we let him. I try to keep my eyes and ears open. I don't attend a church. The Church is in your heart and mind wherever you may be.

I think you are on the right track Zip if you are thinking about these things and coming to your own conclusions. I'll pray for you and yours!

Zipster, I am sorry for your heavy load. O will be praying for you. Anyone proclaiming to profess godliness, will not tell people they are going to hell. God is the judge of those things, and we are not.
I know that most 21 year olds are undecided about their futures. I mean even some 40 year olds are. This is not new.
Please tell your son, that he will figure it out, not to dwell too much on it and it will be shown to him.
I would hope that you might find a bible based church, and attend. Therefore finding good people, who can be supportive and encouraging to you, in faith, hope, and love.
Most caregivers never see their siblings while the are caring for another. I am sorry for your losses. And brother sounds a little similar to one of mine. But don't let him take your joy. There will be someone coming along later and she will say the perfect thing to you. But, I encourage you to pursue your relationship with God, and hope you can find a congregation that is bible based, if so they will show love, for sure.
Gershun is right, there are a lot of self proclaiming Christians that never seek out those who truly need Jesus, but stick together and never help those who Jesus called us to help.
May God bless you and hang in there.

LL-I am not surprised that you love gifting. You have such a giving heart. Thank you for your care. Hope you have a good evening.


Today was a little rough. My Mom was a little sad, it was my brothers birthday, he had passed about 15 years ago. All she wanted to do was talk about him. I did my best to listen and converse with her. I never know how to handle these sort of things. Didn't know if her talking about him made her said or feel better, so I just felt awkward. But the Lord brought us through.
She has this black shirt that was my Dads who passed almost a year and half ago. She wears it sometimes. I don't know if she wears it to feel close to him, or because she is missing him terribly or what. I do not ask, just observed. So she was wearing it infrequently, now she seems to be wearing it almost everyday. Now I still don't say anything, but I am concerned if this means anything, or just not to worry about it.

Hi Zipster,

I’m very sorry for all you’ve gone through, not only loosing your parents but the suffering you saw them go through. Plus not having real support through all this suffering and on top of that now facing the harshness of your brother’s words.

Everything in life follows a logic, a cause and effect type of logic; when we don’t have a clear spiritual foundation given to us by our parents, life becomes harder to face; and as you explain, your family didn’t necessarily raise you and your brother following a determined faith or beliefs. Your brother is very confused, he tried to find his spiritual way as an adult finding a religion to feel identified with, yet found confusion.

So, please don’t let his confusion cloud your judgement, I think you know very well what’s right and what’s wrong. Him passing judgement on you or your son, and saying that his path will always be wrong, is a mistake and you know it. Him not being present in your or your parents life isn’t what a loving son or brother would do, and you know it.

But you being angry at him and resenting him, is also wrong my dear Zipster. And a mistake doesn’t get corrected through another mistake.

If you believe in God as you say, and I believe you, you have enough wisdom and love in your heart to know that we shouldn’t judge nor foster resentment. If your brother is doing that to you and your son is because he doesn’t know any better, maybe this is your opportunity to show him what following God’s footsteps really is, not “showing of” your understanding of the love of God, but kindly and with an open heart embracing your brother and forgiving him -from the heart kind of forgiveness- so that you can leave behind any resentment for what he’s done in the past, or not done, and what he’s done or said in the present. Free your heart from the heavy weight of anger, resentment and sadness! And show him what sincere love and compassion is.

About your son, I think he’d greatly benefit from timely guidance and reinforcement of the spiritual and moral foundation we talked about, not because he is “wrong” being unsure about what he wants to become  (he’s only 21!) At 21 stopping and taking time to think things through can be a very wise decision, not a waste of time; but because navigating through life having the support of strong  spiritual beliefs is a tremendous help. 

All I know is that if I didn’t have God in my life, even with my MANY imperfections, I’d have nothing and would be absolutely lost. 

Life is too much to handle without God by our side! So I encourage you to cultivate your spiritual life, and while at it encourage your son to do the same. Show him how God and His love is all happiness in one’s heart! not leaving room for depression. Trusting Him will help him find the bright side of life that we all need to see.
I’m sure if you embrace the Lord in every situation, with all your mind and heart, even if not labeled with any particular religion, you’ll experience God’s healing effect on your soul, and your son will too.

Hope this makes sense Zipster, just basically encouraging you to go back to the basics. What God’s taught us all as a 1.1. rule of life, no matter what religion: LOVE ONE ANOTHER, AS I HAVE LOVED YOU.

May He bless you, your son and brother greatly :)

Thank you Rosses, I knew you would have the words.
Beautifully put.
Zipster that is the best advice, I pray your heart will receive it.

Your advice is very much on point too Smeshque, and Amen to being unsure about where we are headed even at 40 something!! I think the search never ends. But although the shape of the final destination might not be well defined, the daily footsteps taken define the rightness of our path...much easier said than done, I know!
May God bless you greatly!

Zipster: I will ask the almighty God to lift your burdens as only HE can. I'm sending you BIG HUGS ((( ))).

Dearest Rosses: Thank you for lifting Zipster up in Godly encouragement. You are a wonderful individual!

Dearest Smeshque: Oh, thank you so much for your heartfelt compliment. I do love gifting very much as my mother did and even if she only had $2, she was proud to give it. I do hope that you and your mother have a happier day. I can understand her wearing your dad's black shirt and I do understand also that it was a difficult day for you-the anniversary of your brother's passing. Some individuals used to wear black dresses and other black garments as they mourned their loved one's passing. They actually wore it for a very long time-about a year or more. So maybe that was what your mother was referencing.

Thank you LL , for all the caring words. Your Mom was a very sweet-hearted woman. That must be where you get it from. What a great thing to carry on.
You may be right about the black shirt. I just worry so much about her.

Psalms 59:16
But I will sing of thy power; yea, I will sing aloud of thy mercy in the morning: for thou hast been my defence and refuge in the day of my trouble.

Smeshque: Well, thank you for that compliment and in some ways, mom and I were/are alike. How we differed, though, is the fact that mom sugar-coated everything. If there's something wrong with me, I will tell the doctor, but she wouldn't!
Oh, what beautiful scripture verse you shared tonight-it is very lovely. Have a blessed Easter🐰🐣🐤

LL- My Mom is a sugar coater also.
Thank you and you have a blessed Easter also.
Much love and prayers.

Smeshque: Oh, isn't that ironic about our moms! Yes, hubby and I had a nice dinner out and hope you've had a blessed Resurrection Day as well.

Had a nice service today. I am also so proud, because my husband gave his very first sermon this evening. Oh it was amazing to watch the work that the Lord has been doing in him. He is really grown spiritually and it was such a blessing to witness that.
Hope you and hubby enjoyed dinner.

Oh Smeshque, that sounds like quite a wonderful Easter gift for your family. To see how the renewing power of the love of God works its “magic” in a person’s heart, as it has in your husband. Very happy for you, that is truly a good reason to rejoice and feel proud for him!

And hope you LLama and everyone else on this thread had a truly blessed Easter!

smeshque: What a wonderful thing that your husband gave his first sermon! God bless you both! Yes, my husband and I had a wonderful dinner out.

Rosses: Hope you had a very blessed Easter as well and thank you-we did!

Rosses and Llama, it was a big blessing.

Today was a rather difficult day for me. But the Lord has brought me through. I just try and keep in mind that everything I do is for the Lord. Much love to you all and may God's grace pour out upon you, with whatever your needs may be.

“And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men;”
Colossians 3:23

For you smeshque: Praying for you. And thank you!
Deuteronomy 3:22
"Do not be afraid of them; the LORD your God himself will fight for you."

Deuteronomy 31:7-8
"Be strong and courageous, for you must go with this people into the land that the Lord swore to their ancestors to give them, and you must divide it among them as their inheritance.

The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged."

Thank you my dear sweet LL.
You are such a kind hearted lady.
Hope things are going well for you these days.
Much love and prayers.
Thank you LL for the verses as well. I love them. They remind me of 1 Chronicles 28:20 which helped me through some difficult times in life. I have written it on my living room wall and framed it. I read it everyday. And my Dad read it everyday.

I was thinking today about the struggle I have sometimes with poatience. Although my patience has gotten better, praise be to God, I still have moments when it hurts so bad, I just want to cry.
the last couple of days, I have had this struggle, I try very hard not to let my Mom see, I am struggling, so I remove myself for a few minutes, to pray, cry and regroup.
Today as I was taking a moment, I went to the greenhouse. As I was walking back to the house, I was thinking. It is a blessing when things are tough, and we feel we cannot continue another minute. A blessing because, when times are rough, we truly appreciate it when they are not. At least for me.
Laboring in love is the hardest labor we will ever do.

“The name of the LORD is a strong tower: the righteous runneth into it, and is safe.”
Proverbs 18:10

John 14:6
Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me.

Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up,
1 Corinthians 13:4

I was thinking about this verse today. How it says Love suffers long. Long-suffering is the ability to endure in giving love, even when we may feel alone, hurt, or frustrated.

What I was thinking is how that sometimes we also suffer( To feel or bear what is painful, disagreeable or distressing, either to the body or mind),because we love.
So it is so fitting a description of love, to be long suffering and sometimes in loving we will suffer long.

Dearest Smeshque: Oh, I do hope that God has heard my and your prayers to ease your load and burden. God wants all of it. He never gives a person more than they can handle, else they break. Oh, thank you so much for saying that I have a kind heart. Some of my husband's family tend to be self serving people and will and have been unkind to me. I was delighted to have found a Christian products site that 2 of my friends are selling. So I bought a lot of the products as gifts for our niece's wedding. I tell her mother this yesterday and get a response that was just emojis. I don't have time for acrimony.
Those scripture verses are so touching. I can picture you with your mom as such loving and loved women. I know the hardships, but dear smeshque--hold onto every bit of it.
Much love,
Llama 👩👴

Smeshque: You are indeed fortunate to have your dad. I lost my dad when I was barely 20 years of age. His anniversary of his death, Good Friday was recent.

LL- thank you for your kind words and prayers. I am blessed that you are in this world. I know prayers are being heard. I am sorry for your husbands familys unkindness to you. That is just not right.I think her response was not a very kind one. But, just don't let it get to you. Some people are just like that, and I know you are not. Don't let ungrateful people discourage your gifting train. :)
I do not have my Dad anymore, I lost him almost a year and a half ago now. We just had started doing the chicks that way for him when he was here, he loved birds, so much.
Thank you again LL.
May God continue to bless you as you have need.

smeshque: After almost 4 decades of knowing my husband's family, I am used to their self-serving ways; although many of the 6 claim to be Christians. However, they were raised by quite dysfunctional parents-mentally ill mom who used a wire brush on one's blemished face and placed disliked food atop their heads and an alcoholic and jokester father. I didn't let it bother me-I immediately ordered even MORE of the Mary&Martha.com products!!
Oh, thank you for your sweet, Godly compliments. My aspiration for each day that God gives me on this earth is to help others.
I'm so sorry that your dad is no longer with you.
I still think of the potential fire outside my retionologist's office that I averted.

LL- imagine if you had not been there, would the security guard have even done anything? I so glad you were put there to stop something that could have been a big disaster.
Your inlaws have reason to be a little messed up it sounds like. What a negative environment to say the least for them to grow up in, that would mess up anyone. There are people who call themselves Christians, but do not have Christlikeness at all. To me they are just wearing a label. Because humility, compassion, and mercy go hand in hand with Christianity.
If it means anything, you help me everyday more than you know. So keep aspiring my dear llama
I am going to have to check out these products now. :)
Much love to you dear friend.
Be steadfast and unmoveable