Believing caregivers, how do I reconcile that scripture says to put others before me whereas the secular world says put me first?

Smeshque,

Just my 2 cents! Maybe these kids need someone like you in their lives even if, it is a few hours. You never know you might have more of an impact on them then you think or feel. I just felt this in my spirit as I read your post!

My prayers are with you!🙏

NHWM- Thank you.
He had tried the tattoo make up cover up thing, he says. he said it did not work for him?
I don't know.
He will have to reschedule his consultation as he will have to work that day. But I suspect that since he has found a job that he likes, it will not be of the utmost priority. I know he will probably eventually get it removed, as he has regretted it ever since he sobered up.

Llama- It is ok if you mispelled my name. i did not even notice. :) I hope your mouth is better, that is definitely no fun. Thank you for your sweet words.
I have been right out straight( did I get it right?)
As for his DL, its a long story, but it was suspended when he was lived in CA. So he has to pay to have it reinstated and then get one for here.
Many challenges for this family to overcome. I will help as much as I can. But a long road ahead.

So cousin had his first day at work today. We had a full day today and his wife had asked me if I could watch the kids. Our schedule was full and I felt bad that I had to turn her down, but she was off today, soooo?
I know that it is not my business, but for the life of me, I cannot understand why people have children that they do not want to take care of, and then talk about trying to have more. That just blows my mind.
Tomorrow cousin and his wife both have to work, so I will pick up the children early and have them all day. Please pray for me, I am tired and am so very much trying not to grow weary in well doing. I need lots of prayer to be sure and execute love to these children, who are in desperate need of discipline. (sigh)
I love children, Oh how I love children, they are such a joy and blessing in this life. But truly I have never been around children like this. So undisciplined and unruly. I will spend the day training and correcting and loving and then when I take them home it will all be forgotten when it is not consistent there. DH and I are very consistent as that is the only think that works.
I feel like such a horrible person, because any other children I have had in my life, I would keep them overnight, keep them all day, keep them as long as was needed, and found such joy in it and felt so blessed. These ones are of course blessings but they are a challenge. And with my other responsibilities the challenge is not something i look forward to. I do hope in time that their interactions with DH and I and Mom, will help them be better and see they are loved.
So again I need all the prayer I can get.
Lots of love to all my agingcare family.

“Be still, and know that I am God...”
Psalms 46:10

Smeshque.

Congrats to your cousin for finding employment. God heard your prayers. 😊

There is makeup that covers tattoos. There is a very talented family here in New Orleans. Neville family that have played music since their youth.

Anyway, Aaron has a tattoo of a cross on his face after he turned his life over to Christ. He usually has it showing but he has spoken about times that he has covered it up with makeup because some people don’t appreciate facial tattoos.

Smeshque: Firstly, I apologize because I spelled your user name wrong on last post here. But I was barely hanging on when I posted it.
What a blessing for your cousin to obtain the job today, Thursday. Good luck to him on the removal of the facial tattoo. Not sure what you mean about paying for a DL - perhaps he did not possess one?
You have done so much for them. God bless you.
I was just so sore of the mouth because the oral surgeon had to work and drill the dental implant.

Shell38314; Thank you so much! You are a wonderful friend. I got through the dental implant. The oral surgeon had called to check on me, but I was still at the pharmacy to get the medication. My DH didn't recognize the phone # and actually hung up on him. I felt badly and called him but he did not answer & no way to lv msg. So then I thought to text him and he responded back.
I send a sympathy card to Susan's DH, and also inquired as to what happened to cause her death as she was just 75.
Thank you for your kind words.

NHWM: I know what you were inferring about looking at Kirk Douglas and his wife's photos. Still haven't done it, but put it on the back burner so to speak. No, 72 is not old. Thank you.💞

Well, thank the Lord. My cousin was hired today.
After rejection yesterday because of his facial tattoo.
We have set him up a consultation to see about getting it removed. I read that hurts way more than getting a tattoo. He has many tattoos but can cover them but not the one on his face. So he really wants to have it removed because he regrets it greatly and sees how it will hinder him.
I was going to have them out tomorrow for dinner. Because I have felt like I have neglected them. But Mom was not feeling up to all the company so I cancelled. Truly I wasn't feeling up for it either, Friday is one of our busiest days and our schedule is quite full tomorrow.
I can see the problem arising of transportation for him to work. They have one car and he has to pay to get his license back so until then unless we pay it, we will have to help with transport. If it was close no problem, but his job is about 45 minutes from us, not to mention picking him up time. So I don't know how this will work. AB has offered to shuttle him to and from work. However I am not sure AB knows yet how far it is, I have told him so we will see. If AB takes that on, oh what a blessing. He just might.
But we shall see.

“For what is a man profited, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul? or what shall a man give in exchange for his soul?”
Matthew 16:26

Llama,

Try to take care of yourself. I would love to say things will get better and my prayer is that it does get better but first we must go through the pain then God will show up and not only will He heal the open wounds but he will reward us for staying faithful. He is as you know a way maker...a healer...a protector...a friend when we are in need...a father who never wants to see His children in pain...He is in all we need. He is with you. You know this:)🙏

Hugs my friend!

Send: Thank you. Hit me hard plus also had to continue at oral surgeon today on a molar that was started in July! In pain. Taking medication and going to sleep I hope.

Shell: Thank you so much. Rough go of it for me as I had the dental implant tooth drilled on today - it was started on July 31 of this year! So emotional pain AND physical pain!

Ssmeshque: Thank you so much.💞💞

Ever think why Jesus was born in a stable?
Because he is the lamb of God.
Ever think why he was in a manger?
Because he is the bread of life,


Food for thought...........

Ll- so very sorry my dear Friend.
Praying for you, Dear Lady.
🤗🤗🤗

Llama, I am sorry for your loss. It is so hard when we lose the people we love.🙏💞


I pray that our Lord gives you and the family of the decease comfort and strength in the name of Jesus our Savior.

Hugs!

Llama,
Sorry for your loss of two friends.

It is a full moon at 99.1% gibbous, so I need to go put my jammies on and get under the covers before I say something insensitive to others on aging care tonight. I really do love everyone on here. My words get carried away but you will be comforted with prayers tonight.

Goodnight everyone!

Llama.

I understand. I didn’t necessarily mean today.

Seventy two isn’t old in my opinion. It shakes us up when we hear of people our age dying.

Gershun: Thank you very much.

So sorry for your losses Llama!

Need: Thank you! What struck me hard is that I am 72! Thanks, but I will have to look up Kirk Douglas' photo on another day than today. Too sad.

So sorry Llama. 72 seems so young today. It’s so hard to hear of friends dying.

People live so long now. Kirk Douglas just turned 103! His wife is 100! They must be doing something right. Look up his recent photos. He actually looks pretty good!

Please pray for me. I've just found out that I lost two dear friends that were close in age to me. I found out on the same day - today. So it makes it even more difficult for me. Susan (age 75 at time of death) - I heard from her husband by mail today w/o details. Louise (age 72 at time of death) suffered horribly from endometrial cancer - her sister in law kindly telephoned me. Thank you.

Smeshque: I am ever so grateful for your wonderful DH. As your partner in marriage, he is beyond a wonderful, Godly man. I am glad that you are getting back in the groove and saying "No" to babysitting. I do worry about your mother.

Thank you NHWM!
I've read so many times on here, NO is a complete sentence.
Trying to not feel guilty for saying it.
I am blessed DH does not have any problem saying it. So he told me he will say it for me, just let him know when.😊
He has really been amazing me throughout all this. Showing such concern for my well being. It's very nice to see.

Smeshque,

Your cousin is blessed to have you and your husband. You are right to place it all in God’s hands because no one can force someone to do what may be best for them.

I will say a prayer that he finds work soon. Glad he is lining up interviews. That’s a good sign. Hopeful. Best wishes to you and your family.

Don’t over extend yourself. You have your own responsibilities.

Just heard on the news Pete Frate died. Sad. He certainly raised a ton of awareness for ALS, didn’t he with his ice bucket challenge. I said prayers for his family. He leaves a wife a daughter behind. He was only 34.

Trying to get back in our own groove has been a challenge. But I am feeling less guilty, about not constantly watching Cousins children.
Yesterday after services cousins DW had to go to work, so I took the children for lunch. We came back to the house had lunch, and praise time, then it was back to the evening service.
The oldest girl started acting up, Mom is always tired on Sundays as we have a long day, so I told DH lets take the kids home. We had planned to take them back to evening service with us, but I was not going to put Mom through that.
So we dropped them off at home with cousin.
He has been with the 3 kids by himself for about 3 days, while his wife is working.
The thing about this whole thing. Is these are not his biological children, but he has taken on the role of Dad and is trying to do his best, but still has so much to learn. He loves them very much and he does most of the parenting, even when she is around, he does everything for the kids.
Tomorrow his wife is not working, so we are going to give him a break from the kids and hire him to do some things around here.
He has a job interview Wednesday and I am praying he gets it. Because if he gets it, then in a few weeks they will be able to maintain their own bills and rent.

We are studying with them and counseling them on things. DH and i fear they will not stay together, but I hope they prove us wrong. But it will not be because cousin is not trying.
But God can work wonders on people, DH and I are proof of that.
Anyway, it is super cold here.
I hope you all are staying warm.


 
Looking for that blessed hope, and the glorious appearing of the great God and our Saviour Jesus Christ;
Titus 2:13

If you and when if ever you get on an airplane, the airplane people.. employees, airplane isle people, what ever their title is nowadays, they go through emergency WHAT-IF this happens, and where the ER pillows are... etc... Oxygen masks...

they say, put YOUR mask on first, then help your family.. kid etc...

If you ain't breathing, then your loved ones will not get help from you.

You are correct, I do not travel much, if at all nowadays...Been a number of years since I've been on a plane.

Smeshque: When you told us about the cousin, his DW and 3 children, I thought that it may wear you out to the literal bone. I had this sense that it would be impossible for you to do it all. I know you love to help people and you do great things, BUT you cannot do it all! I am glad that you knew you had to set boundaries. Oh, dear - your mother's BP must come down. I knew a man who had facial tattoos. It is good that you have shown them the way to the Lord through church and other things. Your DH - I want to give him high praise for helping YOU. Because marriage is joint effort. I do hope that the cousin's DW can learn the parenting skills with such young children. That is the prime time to teach at such young ages.
Prayers to you and I must stop now.💞💞💞💞

I want to thank you all for your encouraging words and prayers. I have definitely needed them.

This last couple of weeks have been trying to say the least.

We have been trying to help my cousin and his family. We relocated them to a town near us. And it has been a financial and emotional strain. But God is getting us through.

I will spare all the details, but I have learned from aging care about boundaries. And this week with the wonderful help of DH and with much guilt had to set some boundaries.

Unfortunately, I was becoming a babysitter and with my load already it was rough. Only because the oldest had behavior issues due to lack of parenting and discipline. But when her parents were she was not as difficult. But we had to work with her and teach her. So she is doing better and I love the kids, but Moms BP was skyrocketing when they were around for long periods of time, and she is my priority over them. Unfortunately after the child would go with her parents and come back, we would have to teach her all over again. DH talked to their Dad and showed him how to parent his children. Whether he listens or not, we shall see.

Cousin and his DW started going to church with us. And beautiful thing, we always pray before meals and hold hands, the oldest girl was having a snack and she said we have to hold hands and pray. So I am hopeful that our influence on them will help.

The problem came when the children were staying here 24/7 almost. And I told DH as much as I love children (ages almost 4, 2, and 4 months)and really want to teach them, Mom is not able to tolerate it for that long.
So boundaries were set.

It has been 3 days now, that they have had to be responsible for their kids. I have felt so guilty. But DH tells me, the kids are their responsibilities, not yours you have enough. You can help when you are up to it, but I am not going to let them take advantage and wear you out. (I love him, he has absolutely been amazing in all this, especially to me)

Cousins DW got a job. And cousin has had to watch the children alone. He is having a harder time finding work because unfortunately in his past he chose to put a tattoo on his face. But we have been hiring him to do work around here. I got him an interview wednesday, praying he gets hired.

And I was so proud of my church family for loving on them when they came and not judging him on his tattoos. Because we shouldn't. But they made me so proud and cousin cried from an overwhelming welcome, it was lovely.

So we only let him come work here, when she is not working so that she has to watch her children.

These two have had no instruction or example on how to be parents. DH are counselling them and also will be studying the bible with them.
I want so bad to go straight to the rod of correction :) jk

Cousin is truly set on changing his life and learning, he has been absorbing all that we try and teach him. But cousins DW, I don't know......... I am hoping and praying.
But it has been trying because I take on others emotions and want so bad to always make everyones life better. I am learning to leave that to God.

But if it wasn't for this site and all the boundary talk I would be completely at my whits end. But Moms BP is normal now and I plan on keeping it that way.

So that is the short version.

You know after all this I told DH, Mom and AB are so easy now that I see how it can be so much harder.
Maybe this was the Lords way to help me see the load he gave me, could be worse, and I should be grateful for all things.

thanks for being here
Much love and prayers to you all
I have missed you and now maybe I get to be back.
:)



Psalms 19:14 
Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O LORD, my strength, and my redeemer.