Believing caregivers, how do I reconcile that scripture says to put others before me whereas the secular world says put me first?

NHWM,
"Forgiveness of others is for ourselves" is a physiologically term. It means "to forgive someone for what they have done to cause you pain; doesn't mean that you forget what they have done, it just means you are letting go of the hurt they caused you so that, you are not tied to them in emotional state. It is to free oneself from the pain and hurt and anger." Does not mean that you should or should not have a relationship with that person! "It just simply, you have no feelings towards them oneway or the other."
--APA cited

Do what your heart says. That's why God put it there.

I can very much understand what your going through. There are verses through the bible that I believe that we need to care for our aging parents. Sometimes it’s seems I can’t do this anymore but you can’t quit. I pray for Gods strength and wisdom. We need to give ourselves a break or we are not going to be able to carry on. I’m still trying to find some sort of balance. I have to admit there have been a couple of times I’ve left my phone at home so I can be unreachable for an hour. We can’t carry out what I believe for me is Gods will and purpose by caring for my parents who are 90 and 93. At the same time we have to take breaks or we will be completely burnt out and we will be no good to anyone. Jesus spent time away from the crowds and went off to be alone and recharge. I think we need to do the same. If possible asking others to help out once in a while. I feel for you. Everyday for the last couple months all I say is I’m so tired. I put my happy face on and keep plugging away. God bless and I hope you can find your balance. Colleen.

What does everyone think of people who say that forgiveness of others is for ourselves? This is confusing to me. It doesn’t say that in the Lord’s Prayer, ‘Our Father’. It’s one of the first prayers that we learn about forgiving others. It is a beautiful prayer. We all screw up and need forgiveness at times.

Of course we are not supposed to be doormats but I don’t want to carry hatred in my heart for anyone, even if they hurt me deeply. We don’t have to carry on a relationship with people who have hurt us. Sometimes it’s best if we don’t. Certainly if it’s an abusive situation. Our church tells people to leave in an abusive situation.

Before my older brother died I forgave him. I didn’t do it only for myself. I did it for him too. Yes, I felt relief for myself but I had peace of healing that I had done what Jesus instructs us to do in the Lord’s Prayer to forgive others. It was difficult at first. I had to pray for God’s grace in order to do it.

My brother never apologized to me but three hospice nurses told me that he told me that he was sorry about hurting me. That’s good enough. Had I not gone to see him I wouldn’t have known that he was sorry.

Some people just have a hard time apologizing. They may be embarrassed or whatever. At times they don’t see what they do is wrong, any number of things. Plus my brother was hurting. Unfortunately, sometimes hurting people hurt others and it’s not always intentional. They are in a dark place in their lives. They may not even be emotionally healthy enough to make smart decisions.

Once I started speaking to my brother in the end of care hospice facility where he died it became easier for me to do. That was God’s grace working in my life, otherwise I couldn’t have done it on my own. Our flesh always works against our spirit.

I personally feel that it our human nature from the beginning of time and let’s not forget the evil that lurks around us. Those who believe in God the way scripture teaches us also know that there is satan and his fallen angels that linger among us and interfere in our lives until they are destroyed at the end of time.

I realize some people believe in God but not the devil which is not what the Bible teaches us. I do understand that the Bible is not the absolute truth for them. Not even biblical scholars know everything. There are mysteries that none of us will know. They won’t be revealed to us on this earth.

I do get confused as to what to believe at times and I detest telling others how to believe because I feel that is a personal choice as to how we believe.

It doesn’t even bother me if someone is an atheist. It used to bother me until I realized I had no power or right to influence them. Besides, God knows all of our hearts better than we know someone. Things happen in His time, not ours.

There are atheists who are good moral people, more so than hypocritical Christians and I think if we are to preach the gospel that the best way is by example rather than hounding others or beating them over the head with the Bible. We should teach God’s word with love, not anger. That just chases people away. We are all on our own journey and God looks at our hearts and is very patient with us.

At our historical cathedral, St. Louis Cathedral, in New Orleans there is a special ‘healing mass’ said periodically for victims of crimes. Victims and families are encouraged to attend.

We have high crime and murders. Whew! That’s really tough to forgive. Many people attend that service and the archbishop tells family members in the sermon that God is patient and knows the grief that we feel when a loved one is murdered. God doesn’t expect us to have instant forgiveness for others. It’s a tough service to attend but it’s beautiful at the same time. Our archbishop says a special prayer to God to erase the violence in our city. We pray that prayer at the healing service and at every Sunday mass.

I feel your pain. It is really hard especially when others like doctors or nurses continually tell you that you have to take care of yourself first so you are there for your loved one. That said I am disabled and probably shouldn't be doing the things I do to take care of my mother but after praying for discernment God reminded me that the battle belongs to him. I have to struggle every day to make sure I give it to Him. I will say in doing that my health has been sustained against the odds of the secular world. I hope this helps.

God is so right on time.

May He show you His will and His way for this opportunity.

Smeshque that is wonderful news. Of course, I will pray for you! 🎉🙏🌠

I know this might sound crazy considering how full my plate is already. But I am going back to work. I had a great offer that I have prayed so much about and it seems the Lord is leading me to do this.
I have prayed much and I have discussed long and hard with my family. I think that it will be a good thing for all of us. For how long, I do not know, but for now it seems right.
Winter is coming and the work we do slows down so this is great timing, God's timing, I believe.
Anyway, Any concerns and reservations have been removed.

I ask for all of your prayers. That I will do the right thing, and for strength and endurance.

I believe this might also be a sort of respite for me.
We shall see how it goes.

I am trying to get all of Moms birthday doings settled, and I am close to finishing with that.

I hope you all are doing well.

He that getteth wisdom loveth his own soul: he that keepeth understanding shall find good.
Proverbs 19:8

Goodnight, dear Smeshque. Love you.

You all are a great support.
I love you all.
Goodnight


“And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away.” 
Revelation 21:4

Smeshque: You're very welcome. Hope you get to celebrate it whenever you can.

When things got harder to remember, or schedules more difficult to find that special celebration possible on the day, I tried to change my perspective a bit.

It is now "My birthday month", or "Our anniversary year" etc.

Gives us the opportunity to celebrate at our convenience, not the calendar's date.

If someone does not remember the actual date, just celebrate on the day you want.
Or even an earlier day to surprise them.

There won't be daily stories. But if I have uplifting moments I'll share.

Tiger is right sharing is a great thing.

Gershun I look forward to your daily stories. Please do share. Good, Bad, Happy, Sad, whatever you feel like sharing. I love stories.

A smile, and a kind word gift that keeps on giving, and can totally change a persons day.

And thank you for the Happy Anniversaries!

“Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.” 
Proverbs 3:5

Sweet story, Gershun

I totally agree, Tiger!

Okay you've done it now. I'm going to pelt you all with continuous stories until you retch.

Let me think of a story for today. A meaningful story though.

So there is this lady that works at the local Starbucks by my place. She always seemed kind of miserable. My hubs would snap at her cause she wasn't very friendly which just in turn made her more miserable. I whispered to Hubs one day when we were in the lineup, who knows what is going on in her life, maybe she has a lot going on, she's not a bad person, just be friendly with her.

Well it worked. Every time we go in there or I go in there by myself now she is bubbly and friendly and chats. She's like my best buddy there.

So lesson learned. It may not always work but it's worth a try. Give people the benefit of the doubt and they may surprise you.

That's my "me" story for today, Aug. 21, 2019

Friends, it's not wrong tell your story in a reply, (I thought that's why we're here). Are we supposed to leave our hearts out of our replies & only give cold facts & data like a machine? I have seen many others do that, & it reads like a lecture every time...(no heart). Yes, data is helpful, & each reply contributes in its own way. But hurting people who come here, gladly read your story, because it means you heard their hearts & can console them properly. If the data machines don't like it, well they can lump it. Lol, Shalom.

It's kind of scary how many me stories I have. It says something that I can relate to so much. Too much living under my belt. I wish I could relate to more of the happier stories. :P

I did make someone laugh today when I was out. That's always good.

Shell: I do think it is helpful to the OP to tell of one's experiences on the occasion that it may be beneficial to them. I think that sometimes it may be a story that no one has heard before. Yesterday was the first time I mentioned the words "me story" in going on 6 years now. LOL.

Gershun and Llama, I do the samething in hopes to 1) let the OP that I have had the same experience and have an idea what they might be going through. 2) hopefully let them know they are not alone. But like both of you I try not to turn it into a me story! Not sure if I am ever successful at it:/

Gershun: I turn posts often about myself to give an example. I know what you mean about being overly sensitive because I, too, have felt the same way as of recent. At some times, I think I've overstayed my welcome on the forum but then others encourage me to keep on posting. You are a long time trusted and valuable person here and are so needed. More than you'll ever know.❤❤❤

Happy anniversary, Smeshque! :)

Smeshque: Happy Wedding Anniversary!❤❤❤❤

That's okay Llama, I'm just overly sensitive these days and I have a tendency to turn things into my story so I know you didn't mean anything by what you said.

Sometimes I find the only way I can give advice is to think of a story where I may have experienced something similar and learned maybe something from. That's why I tell my personal experiences.

Unfortunately, my anger towards my siblings just simmers down for a while and then comes back to a boil. I guess I should just stop watching the pot. Or is it "A watched pot never boils" So then I guess I should be watching the pot?................what the heck am I even talking about. LOL

I know I am late...Smeshque, I will pray for you my dear.🙏

Dearest Smeshque: I am glad you are feeling a little bit better tonight. God bless you.🌻🌻🌻🌻🌼🌼🌼🌼

Dearest Gershun: I did not mean to imply anyone's was a me story - other than myself. I noticed that I tend to do that ... sometimes.

Thank you for your kind and caring words and very much for your love and support. You all are my blessing this day. Thank you for taking the time to respond to my cries. May God bless you for your sweetness.

Gershun- No sorries here, ok. It is very helpful to share our stories with one another, it makes us feel less lonely and that someone understands. I can imagine how hurt you were by that comment you heard said to your brother. I know it would sting me to the core. Thank you for the prayers.

Isthisreal- Thank you for the reassurance that my feelings are forgiveable and normal and that it is a real reason to be upset. And thank you for your prayers.

Llama- Thank you for your encouragement, I know you know how it feels as well. Thank you for your prayers. I was just having a weak moment. I do forgive them, I know the blessings they miss out on. Hugs


I am feeling better and have given it to God, (until I take it back, Isthisreal, :) )I will try not to take it back.

Today I was making out a check to pay one of AB's bills. I had not paid attention to the date probably all week. As I made it out for the 18th, I thought Oh wow it is the 18th, then yesterday was the 17th.
Yesterday was my Wedding Anniversary, only DH and I have been caught up in Mom's and AB's needs that we didn't even realize it. I told DH this evening Happy Anniversary, He said Happy Anniversary? I said Yesterday was our Anniversary. He said Oh no, I was really trying not to forget, I forget all other dates, I was really trying to make sure I didn't forget. I told Him, well if it makes you feel any better, I didn't know until I was writing a check what the date was.
So I just hugged him told him HA and we went on as usual. Oh well!
Yesterday we have been married 13 years, not comparable to many but a big thing as I did not think we would make it this far, but then we gave our lives to Jesus, and he transformed us into new and better people. We have been together 14 years, and I have known him over 20. So that's all about that.

Rough day today, but the Lord brought me through and I am thankful.


“All things were made by him; and without him was not any thing made that was made.” 
John 1:3 
My reality now

Yes, sorry if my answer was a "me" story.

Smeshque: I totally understand what you are going through dear lady. I am so sorry that your siblings are the way that they are. I will be praying for you. Please know that you are not alone in this mindsets of siblings. My own brother flew all the way across country (from Boston to Sacramento) when our mother lay on her death bed. I never could understand it as he left me alone. But I don't want to turn this into a me story. You may not be able to change your siblings' minds. It is imperative that you let go of the guilt because you have nothing to feel guilty about. You are the one doing the beautiful labor of love for your dear mother. You can hold your head high while they falter in insufficient doing. God sees you and the love that you are carrying through.
Huge hugs to you dear Smeshque. I'm wrapping my arms around you from afar.

Luke 23:34 Father forgive them, for they know not what they do.