man i got s**tfaced with a " friend " last night in an email. she would be a lifesaver if she would just take my mother out for a sandwich ever now and then but like too many phony friends shes just pretty much all about herself. oh shes front and center on birthdays and holidays but this aint a birthday or holiday. this is about a lonely elder who wont be around for much longer. if she never speaks to me again i havent lost a damn thing.. she calls mother and i friends. what a perversion of the word..
I moved 1000 miles to come live with and care for mom, in a wheelchair with dementia.( Double whammy. She "forgets" she can't walk and falls a LOT.) I came knowing what to expect after the newness wore off. Some times it's tough, but understanding it is half the battle.
I got so many kudos from other siblings (that she hates!) that she became jealous and felt guilty and has been making Mom and my lives hell. She started calling siblings that she hasn't spoken to in YEARS telling them I was "bullying" (the latest buzz word) Mom and prompting her on the phone to praise me.
Being questioned by other siblings about how we are getting along, and how good my care of her is has added insult to injury. Thank God 2 out of 3 of them spend a lot of time with us and KNOW that the praise is warranted and that Moms sometimes rudeness to me is typical and allow me to vent.
This crazy sister has stirred the pot in so many other family dramas that my brothers know what they are dealing with and support me emotionally 100%. They are my hero's!
The other sister, who lives 800 miles away is an idiot. She believes what ever the crazy sister tells her, even though the crazy sister has hated and badmouthed the idiot sister for many years.
So....1 care giver, 2 hero's, 1 idiot and 1 crazy.....The odds are with us. Moms gonna be OK.
1st time poster but have been reading, enjoying and appreciating this site for a few months.
I wished that i could have said that to my bro of next door. Of course, when mom passed away last month, him and sil were so quick to be in the thick of things. I'm glad that they Finally Helped but...it was with ulterior motive. Seems during the mass of intention, so many people (majority) thought my brother was the one caregiving mom! My siblings were shocked when people after people were praising my brother and sil! So they started a campaign of their own. After that, they made it a point to praise how I put my life on hold to caregive mom. I guess it helped but ... from what I understand, my bro/sil were given a lot of bereavement money directly from people attending mom's funeral. They never told us how much was given to them - since it's their money. When oldest bro mentioned now having to caregive father, one of my aunties actually rolled her eyes. Finally, some people are catching on. So, my baby brother keeps texting me, "Has bro come to visit?" And I keep texting back - No.
Sorry about your friend who showed by action that she's not a friend. I was going to offer a suggestion but remembered that do-gooders church old ladies can be so nosey and stick their nose into your business and then call APS that you're abusing your parent. So, forget that...
@ Thanks, Always! I am so glad to here you and your kids are so kind. NOW COME MOVE NEXT DOOR TO ME!!! Actually not all kids are horrible here. In her school -she is integrated in a public school- she has chorus with the typical kids and those chorus girls -teens mind you, are soooo sweet to her and made a point of telling me they look out for her in school. It is just that her school is not in her district as her district did not have multiple disability capabilities so these girls live a ways away and as kind as they are to her in school it stops there.
Back to you, capnhardass, your "friend" has what I call "pretty girl syndrome"., I think. I know a few of those myself but alas, do not suffer from it myself.
So many times I've had friends who let the relationship be a give and take. I gave and they took. Don't need people like that in my life. It doesn't take much effort for it to be reciprocal. It would be great if your friend "gets it" but I wouldn't hold my breath.
And MishkaM, all I can say is how sad for your daughter. How unfortunate those other parents can't see what a good lesson they'd be teaching their kids to reach out to a child who was struggling. My dad taught me and I taught my kids. All of us have reached out to others who were having trouble and have been blessed beyond words. Those kids don't know what they're missing.
When it comes to friendship, all I can say is live and learn. If you can't depend on them then they are not a friend.
But , truthfully, I am sorry you may have lost a friend. But you said maybe she wasn't exactly one anyway. But it still stinks.
your story coincides with mine. thanks for responding. hahaha, ill print the email here in a minute. f**k it, i dont piss off easily but ive done a lot of nice things for this woman for her to abandon me at this point.
Soooo-just what did your email say?