I'm new here. Moved in with my parents last summer when they started needing help. (Ages 88 and 93) Thought I could take care of my mom as my dad was doing fine. Then his health declined...and I feel swallowed up by THEIR life! I feel like I AM DISAPPEARING!
It snuck up on me...and i find myself not sleeping well, not eating enough and crying too much!
My brothers and sisters won't help except for visits...and my dad won't allow a healthcare giver to come to our house.
They don't want to go to a nursing home...and would stay in their home if I left.
I feel love towards my mom but never got along with my dad..so that increases the anxiety and stress!
I feel so alone!
I can see by what everyone is saying that I am just coming out of denial...thinking I can do this. No way!
I just need to take the blinders off and make some plans! Thanks!
I guess it's apparent I still fear my father a little. So getting out would be best for my own health!
Your are presently in a position of dependency by living in your parent's home. You've got to get out from underneath that by moving back out on your own.
Your dad doesn't want anyone to champion their situation and thus will have to wait for a crisis to happen for that to change. Hopefully the crisis will not be too bad.
emjo has given you good advice as have others. Take care of yourself because you matter, no one else will take care of you and you are the only you that you have. Keep in touch!
You are the archetypal person who should be putting on your own oxygen mask before you help the other passengers on the 'plane. Guilty? - hooey!!! Look after your own needs or you won't be able to help your mother. Best of luck, keep posting.
I think alot of our stress comes from uncooperative parents.
It's time to start saying to your parents "Sorry, I just can't do that". How I wishes I had found this website 6 years ago before I started to spoil my parents because it is hard to cut back. I never expected my parents to age like this. I'd thought they would keep walking 2 miles a day for exercise forever. My parents still live alone, but I know that could change in an instant.
Plus living under the same roof as Mom and Dad probably creates the "adult/child dynamic" where the parents still consider you a child even if you are also a senior citizen.... and we do we know :P
Yes, it effects your health... I have developed a faster age decline then I ever imagined. I know I will never reach my parents ages [mid-90's].
So think about how you are going to broach the subject of your parents needing to hire some help or move. I wish you luck.