I am temporarily living with mom due to a chain smoker who moved in next to me...I have stepped up my caregiving to 30 hrs a week. I am in menopause and am bipolar and my doc is adjusting my meds. Not sure what is to blame for all this rage...probably a combo of all of the above, including burnout!
Today was the day from hell....I let everything she said push my buttons and I felt like a volcano...I couldn't control my anger...i have a bad habit of swearing when I'm angry.. and name calling...this is a pattern that goes back to age 10.
Most of the time we get along fine and she is really sweet and caring but at times, she says things that I react to unreasonably...Se is a narcissist and when she talks about herself endlessly and I am her audience, it gets tiring...
Blannie is right - end the activity, conversation or whatever it is as fast as you can and leave as soon as you safely can: either the house, or at least the room, at least for long enough to get your breath back.
Teepa's breathing exercise is useful. Five deep breaths up through your nose into the bottom of your chest, purse your lips and blow steadily out. It calms you down and provides you with a distraction.
I've also got better at shutting myself up by repeating (in my head) "listen to yourself."
This evening - no, tonight, it was gone eleven p.m. for heaven's sake - mother didn't want to go to bed. She didn't want to do anything else, either, but she was sitting in her armchair dredging up random questions to put off getting up and coming with me to the bathroom. A while ago I would have confronted her about the delaying tactic, got heated and frustrated, and complained or told her off. I'm now doing a lot better: answer the questions fully but finally, keep it light, realise she does know she needs to get ready for bed now so there's no need to say so, be patient just for a few minutes and she'll make the effort when she's good and ready. That worked, that was fine. Said night-night at about ten to midnight. Slumped on the sofa, phew! Then bugger me if five minutes later her alarm didn't go off! - I'm back in her room and she's peeping out from under the quilt looking guilty. Is everything all right? Why did you need to get up? Claims she didn't, she may have just rolled over. Again, before I'd have called her on that one; now, just check that the alarm pad is in the right place under her sheets (it is, it's fine), say oh dearie me wonder how that happened, tuck her in again and say goodnight. I have no idea what she was up to - probably planning to head out of her bedroom to check on the cat or something, then realised the alarm had gone off and dived back into bed - but I really don't need to know. When her dementia gets worse and she's a-wanderin' all night long it'll be another story, of course… Heaven guide and preserve me when we get to that.
My mom tripped my trigger tonight when I was at her place helping her, so I just quit what I was doing (trying to help her organize her mess of newspaper clippings), finished the rest of my stuff and left. Otherwise, my temper would have gotten the best of me. It's tough, I know.