Burnout is really acute depression...

For the last 9 mo, I've been seeing my psych about "burnout". Not only have I come to realize it's really depression but she has also modified what burnout is. She has actually shifted each level backwards 1 step. This is mostly going to pertain to those in the same situation as I'm in: sole caregiver & employed F/T with little to no help.

Quick run thru. Caregiver stress usually starts with the level of frustration that feels like you're overworked, breathless and mildly unorganized. You usually put off daily projects til the weekend and feel rushed to get them done, but you're able to do it. You're able to adjust your schedule w/o too much inconvenience to get them finished. This stage lasts for about 1-3 years depending on your LO's needs during the early stages. Here's where you need to be extra vigilant to your condition. Burnout is not frustration but it's anger & resentment combined with a major disruption in your personal care time. You've started to put off doing what you need; not til the weekend; but for a week or 2. You try to do your "thing" while they sleep or are being cooperative. You start to schedule time for yourself a week ahead of time. You've had to adjust your work schedule; if you have the luxury of switching your O/T with another coworker; every other week. The amount of home cooking for yourself has dropped considerably and you've started to stock up on single serving dinners. You start averaging less than 6 hrs sleep/day. You start to depend on FMLA for days off just for additional sleep. Your social time out is down to one night/wk and isn't more than 10 min from home. Also, vacations are planned around major medical appts for you; like dental procedures, yearly physicals to coincide with your LO yearly MRI's, mental evals for ins & court dates. Most of the time, this stage doesn't last more than a year.

We've come to find out, myself & my psych, that this isn't an adjustment period or an acceptance of your situation, but more of ignoring the truth about it. Here's the worst part: what most see as classical burnout is really depression. You've gotten to the point of being on auto pilot. A good marker you've crossed the line is unexplained weight gain/loss over a period of 6 mo; usually more than 40 lbs. Your sleep pattern is extremely erratic to nonexistent. You're on a steady 48 hour day or more. You've started to hire people to do what you used to do to relieve stress because you're running on fumes, like: yard work, house cleaning, laundry, car repair etc. Your hobbies are gathering dust and you sleep on your couch half of the time. Healing/recovery from colds or minor injuries takes weeks instead of days. Your cooking boils down to 1 day a week, and that's for both you & your LO. It takes hours just to get motivated; like myself up to 8 hrs to do laundry since she's still sleeping and that's the most peace & quiet you've had all week. Cleaning is strictly on a "Must Be Done" basis; like the dishes & counter tops. Mail piles up; even though it's paid, you keep it just to remind you because you've been running in circles for weeks at a time.

Your ability to get out is about 4 hours every other week and it's spent at a friend's house so you're able to check in w/o distractions. You realize you can't relax because if you do, you'll sleep thru an earthquake. Your time is the few min between making dinner, cleaning, shopping & taking care of your LO. I've found out over 80% of care recipients have a significant other or family member that helps. Most aren't working F/T. Those that fall into my situation are also single/div males, employed F/T working a non-standard shift; hours other than M-F 8a-6p; with No support & their LO lives with them. DO NOT START w/o seeking psych help for the duration of this. Help IS NECESSARY for Your mental & physical health. Your LO depends on a healthy YOU. God Bless & Prayers for All of Us.