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Lisa I think it was only in April that you first posted your problem and look how far you have come and how strong you are now. It would be great for you to do what I did -join a caregivers support group-your unasked for experience would be good for others to hear-you are my hero for comming so far in so short a time.
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"I Use to Hate by Guest Room" I love it. Cattails.
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Lisa I can't quit smiling and the visual of the bank visit is priceless. I have so wondered how it would play out. Your laughter is also priceless. I bet the poor people at the bank thought you were a little strange with the laughter an all. I am so happy for you that you can start living your life again. Hugs
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Picked mom up and took her to grocery, then on to her new apartment. Wasn't able to stay to go thru paperwork. Haven't heard from the detective yet. It will take a few days to process the report. She was in another foul mood. Nephew was fired yesterday. And it really had nothing to do with this situation. He had worked there before for 5 years and left with hard feelings. In the file in big red letters it said not for rehire. The supervisor who hired him back will be asked why when he gets back from vacation. He called mom this morning telling her he's getting a no contact order from her seeing his kids. Drama, drama, drama. That's usually the mantra when his money source is cut off. Lord I'm so tired. Told her when I get her set up that I'm taking some me time. And they do have grocery days, mall days, and walmart days. So she won't be going without anything. I told her I'll take her out Friday to get a fold down table, and her a recliner. Just the basics. And honestly? I don't expect to hear from her for a very long time. I was looking at her watching me in the mirror while I unpacked some more things. Lord, the hate in her eyes gave me goosebumps. But that's nothing new, so I'm ok with that. But I was 20 minutes late back to work because I just needed to stop at my mother in laws to hug her. I just needed to have her hold me. It's almost over Lisa. But I want all of you to know when she started her nastiness I let her know you need me, I don't need you so the next words out of your mouth better be nice or I'll go dump you at your new place. So she took me at my word and just didn't speak again till we got to the apartment. I'm going on 9 hours sleep these last 2 days so I'm gonna hit the sack. It's almost over and I know that, but I feel numb. How did I manage to do this for 2 years. Since the day ems took her out of here has been life changing for me. And it's only taken 7 hours in her company and the wonder of the last 2 weeks has been drained from me. So good night my beautiful angels. My love, my respect, and so much gratitude is endless. I'm sure ill be back on here in a few hours. First order of business is a dr appt. Hopefully they can help me work on sleeping thru the night. Xoxoxo lisa
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7 hrours with herAT ONE TIME-too long cut it down big time-I get the hateful look from my mother next time she gets it back from me girlfriend you need ti detatch-say that ten times.
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I think its sweet that you needed a hug from MIL. Honestly, I was touched. I hope one day that my sons have wives that love me like that. You really hit the jackpot with Doug and his family. And they, with you. You definitely need some sleep though. Have you ever gone for counseling? I did for a while. It helped. I'd like to go back. 7 hrs with your mother is too much - Austin is right. Don't lose the wonder of the past 2 wks. Its just been the first 2 wks of the rest of your mother-free life, and remember how much you're looking forward to this summer. I remember you saying that when you mentioned campers at your SIL's cabin - I wanted to go too! Sounds like a blast. Hold on to that feeling. This is the last speed bump, right? But, why in the hell are you unpacking her things? Its like you're still trying to please her. Nothing pleases her. Not to be rude, but holy crap, Lisa... let her do it herself. You're doing way too much.
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Yes let her start acting like a grown-up-she needs to finally take care of herself.
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Well the social worker from chapel house called while I was at our end of year transportation for crusade for children. Asked if I would meet with her. Well crap. Went there at 1:30. What an eye opener. So all I could do was be honest. I said all I will tell you about my relationship with my mother is she can't stand me and I don't like her. Informed her that I was purposely left out of the loop and I was informed this apartment was ready and if my husband and I hadn't taken matters into our own hands she would have came here without a bed yesterday. Her money has been stolen again. Told her the whole history. Well good heavens, I had no idea mrs ford. And I also told her the look of contempt in her eyes is not new to me in these last few weeks and I'm so tired of it. It only took 2 weeks her not being under my protection and she's already another 2300.00 poorer. Yes everyone, the final tally is in. And she did an inventory of her clothes. Leather coats are gone, jackets, pant suits. So add another thousand to that total. One leather coat she bought for 320.00. ON SALE!!! back to Jane the social worker. I told her I already know what that apartment is lacking, and she should have been civil enough to tell me her concerns. So I will not accept responsibility for what she walked into yesterday and it will be taken care of this weekend. The only thing I wish for is for her AND MYSELF is for her to live out the rest of her life peacefully and try to find some happiness. And the next time we meet I don't want to ever see that look in your eyes again. I am a good person and myself and my family have been thru hell for 2 years trying to help her. of course she then apologized and said in the future you will only see admiration and respect and I am so sorry I offended you. Your job is over protecting her. We will. I then went up to her apartment and got the. Pictures of the 2 nephews who will be denied access. They have 24 hr security. Hell, I had to make the man hold crap while I got my picture id out to make a copy of. I'm sitting here crying, I'm so mad I don't know what to do with myself. I am sick to death of explaining my self to people who don't even know me.
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Please try to be good to yourself and plese don't leave Doug out of the loop. You have a great family and although we as mother's, wives and daughter's we think we can do it all, we can't. Call one of them or your MIL and have a good cry. That social worker needs a reality check. She should have checked things out before confronting you. My husband is a social worker and the one thing I have learned from 35 yrs of his experience is that you never want to confront a family member without having your facts straight. ( You never know when you will need that family member on your side). The social worker should have read the notes and the referral from CAS. Lisa have a good CRY and pick yourself up again, do what you need to get done. I would tell the Social Worker not to call you again unless the sky is falling and we are all going under. God Bless
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Lisa: I agree that the social worker didn't handle things in the best way. She has no doubt been listening to your mom today. Now she knows and in the near future, you will probably notice that she has developed a twitch. Snicker Snicker Snort Snort.

Hey, I wasn't too far off about nephew and the pawn shops. Well, the good news is that it's summer and your mom can save a little cash between now and fall. I don't feel sorry for her. If she wasn't such a hateful person, she might be able to access her brain instead of her anger.

Don't go shopping with your mom alone this weekend. Have Doug go with you. Get her chair and table and then kick her miserable, stupid ass to the curb.

Make sure the social worker understands you do not want to be involved in your mom's problems or her life.

Love and Hugs, Cattails
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The woman wants me to take poa and god help me I just don't understand what that all entails. We have worked so hard all our life for what we have and yes it was an obsession with me to give my daughters a good life. Beth has worked since 14 with summer jobs that was lined up with ky school for the blind. ( one eye) and Jennifer worked for a friend at a tiny Italian shop that was only open 4 hours during week and 6 on weekends. ( so proud when she bought me my seraphn angel) so they were not raised spoiled. We did a great job raising them. Sorry got off track. I told her I will not be responsible for her financially. She's trying to tell me I can do this and not be constantly in her life? At her age there will be decisions that will have to be made? Does this require an attorney?? I told her she's gonna have to present me with a lot more than her word to convince me this is in no way going to put in jeopardy what Doug and I have.
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Lisa, not only is my husband a social worker for many years but is also the public guardian in our county, they deal with finanical matters as well as the person if the court orders them to make the decissions needed financially and medically. Ask the social worker to work with the county on this issue and leave you out. Ask her to make a referral for the conservator. With the history between you and your mother please please contact the local public guardians office or at least an attorney to guide you. So many of the social workers and guardians will ask if you are willing to take this on. Be honest and tell them NO!
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And cat don't worry, she's been left in no doubt about my not being involved in her dail, weekly, yearly life. And she told me she thought it was strange the nephew handled everything. She only talked with mom on one occasion. It was the man who hooked up moms tv that went to her and informed her there was no furniture or the nessasary items to live on her own. He told her she has nothing. She wasn't talking to mom till this afternoon. sigh...another couple days for those long island teas.....
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Diavalon, thank you! I will check into that tomorrow? I wonder why she didn't tell me that was an option???
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Diavalon had a great idea - go get a hug from MIL. You deserve a good cry. The social worker didn't have the facts, and now she does, and I'm so glad you put her in her place, too. Well done. You've handled yourself so well, and its okay to turn into a big teary mushball now, don't you think? Let it rip. Better than bottling it up, right? Maybe your mom could sell some of those 1000 pairs of shoes and buy another leather jacket :) And, cattails is right, I hope the social worker knows that you aren't going to be involved in your mom's life or dramas now. It'll be okay, Lisa. Its already looking up. Got to focus on the positive now. She's out. You've done so well. Look at how far you've come.
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Totally agree -say "No" to POA. You don't need it. I am so sorry that you had this extra stress. The social worker should have known better. I am regretting agreeing to do it, and mother still manages her affairs just fine. The problems will come when/if I have to take t over, and I have been thinking about alternatives. I hope here in Canada there are similar options as in the states.
You have gone the extra mile and then some - and need to not do it anymore. Let the social workers figure it out, and deal with her. Let it go!(((((hugs)))))
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Lisa: Just because you are someone's POA does not make you responsible for their debts. What it allows you to do is sign for them when they are not able ( ie getting them into hospital, handling prescriptions, any variety of things. You can handle her finances when she wants you to do so or when she is not able to do so. Having a medical POA also lets you make end of life decisions for her if she can't speak for herself. You are in no way responsible for decisions she makes or responsible for her debts. The problem is that as her POA you are the go to person for all issues. If that is not something you want to do, then have the county appoint a guardian. Your life will be much simpler because you will not be called all the time something happens. In your case, I'd stay away from it only because it limits your contact. Otherwise you are to go to contact person for every time the shit hits the fan for her. People will expect that her POA wants to be involved in her life.
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POA? Just say NO.

In any case, the social worker can't offer you that role. Only your mother can. Somehow I don't think that is going to happen, unless she figures out a way for it to make you miserable.

Just say NO.

...it's almost over ... it's almost over ... it's almost over ... it's almost over ...
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POA for your mom. This is your brain on drugs. Say no. The social worker wants a go to person. NOT GONNA BE YOU.
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I'm doing it. I'm telling the woman no. As for end of life? My Mother in law said I need to tell them they need to have her sign a living will like they have so none of their children have to make that decision for them. As for anymore theft? I took care of that at the bank 2 years ago. That's why she will have any money stolen from her account this time refunded to her account. And then he will be prosecuted by the bank. She would never follow thru with it. Ok, was having a few brain farts yesterday. Doug said he thinks when she got me in that office I was feeling mad and overwhelmed. Can't believe I was even considering it and any more meetings I need to tell her we need a 24 hour notice so that gives us time so he can arrange to be there. Regardless, by bed time Saturday night she will be completely self sufficient. AND WE ARE HEADED TO THE LAKE BY THURSDAY! yeeeeehaaaaaaa!!!!
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Woo Hoo, Lisa!. Way to go!!! Those kind of protections are great.
"Lake, here I come!" :)
Wash away the dust and the dirt. Breathe deep. Know you have done all that you can do, and more than you should have done. Enjoy your life, now freer than ever before. You have earned it and you deserve it. Hugs to you and all your family. (((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))) Joan
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Way to go Lisa! I poured my coffee, sat down at the computer and came directly here to see if you'd posted. So glad you did. Like what I read! You've got it under control. The lake.... you're going to have a blast! You've become part of my morning ritual and the story has been a wild ride of ups and downs. Its got a great ending though. I've grown fond of all of the characters too. Well, except for one! xxoo
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Good decision, Lisa. You know that old saying, "In for a penny, in for a pound." It's a slippery slope of responsibility. Glad you are free of it and your MIL gave you some good advise about the living will.

Going to the lake......going to the lake.......going to the lake......... YEAH, summer is just starting. Love, Cattails
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I get to chapel house this morning and Lordy was she in a mood. She thought she would sit and start cling all of her drs with her address change. Nope. It's time to go get this apartment stocked. I wasn't there 20 minutes and already the F word had come out of her mouth 5 times. I told her there better be a quick attitude change by the time we walk out that door or I'm marching straight to the office and explaining why I won't be taking you to fill up this bare ass apt that should have been done. It worked!!!!! We saw Jane the social worker on the way out and she said oh Lisa, Delores, this should be so much fun. We both looked at her like she's deranged. My niece is meeting me here at home in the morning and go down there to finish up. Then Doug and my nephew Jason will be there at 1 to move the furniture where she wants and put her computer table together and have her computer ready for pogo.com. I waited till we got back today to inform Jane that she will need to arrange an outside party to take poa if she can get her to agree to it. I don't see it happening. But what ever.. It's in your hands.
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Sounds like you had a busy day. Whoa! Telling her to change her attitude worked... but what was she like when you were out shopping? Did she mutate? So, after tomorrow afternoon, you should be done. I had to look up pogo. Online games! Well, that should make her happy. I'm glad you told Jane that she needs to get an outside party for poa. Whew!
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Hi Lisa: I had to laugh a bit at you telling your mom how the cow eats the cabbage on her attitude. I bet she didn't call you fat today.
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Elisa, It is going to work out for the best. I am new to this website , I am dealing with my mother at home. You will find the best place. I would advise working also together with a free agency entitled A place for mom. They were very helpful to me in helping me to find a place for my dad. I encourage you to pray and turn to God because he cares for you and your situation. He helped me to find an affordable NH for my dad. He managed to do it within a few days. He also will help you with your mom . He has a good place for her.
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luvpeople: I agree with you that God does have a good place for Lisa's mom. The climate will be much warmer. In the meantime, however, Lisa has managed to find a place for her mom to live.
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Hahahahahahaha! OMG, Cattails! I just got diet rootbeer up my nose from laughing at your comment. Holy crap. You have a way with words. xxoo!
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Dang cat! Snicker snicker snort snort. Love it!!! And no Judy, no mutation. For the first time in my life I think she finally knows I'm done with her nasty verbal abuse. And my niece? I can never doubt how much that girl loves me. As bad as my mom hates her she's going with me so this don't drag out and I can be done with it all today. I told mom yesterday she better sit down and read the schedules for grocery day and get signed up. She will be completely self sufficient. They even have housekeepers that she can pay 10.00 an hour to clean her little apt. She asked if I'd actually make her pay someone. Ummmm....yeah. Finish line is hours away!!!!
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