My mother moved in with me when my oldest sister dies who lived with her. My brother died when I was 9. My mother and 2 sisters have been addicted to pain meds for years. One sister comitted suicide and the other who lived with mom died when her colon died. Her body couldnt even process the pain meds anymore. Years ago I made the decision to walk away and would only hear from mom when the oldest sister drained her accounts . When she died my moms accountwas charged 983 dollars in overdraft charges alone. So my only option was to move her in. She was in the hole over 2000.00. My husband and I discussed it. We felt this may be a chance to form a friendship if nothing else.
It has been a battle since after the first 3 months. When she accused my daughters fiance of stealing her pain pills I took control of them. She is forced to go to a pain management dr to get her pain meds every 3 months. She goes in my room searching for them while we work. She accuses me of stealing her money. There is nothing wrong with my moms mind. Just this month alone she has spent 732.00 at qvc. She has spent 1000's with qvc since shes been here. Mom has copd and has oxegen in her room. In comes the worst of the argument. She smokes a pack a day in her bedroom and often dosent turn the oxegen off. Im terrified she will cause an explosion and kill us with her. When I take the cigs it turns into a horrible argument. My mother has treated her grandchildren so horribly none have been to my home for 2 years. She has a sister who will not even answer her phone when she calls. She asked a cousin if she could move in and was told no. So she informed me that I would have to have a judge remove her from my home. I accepted years ago that my mom had no use for me. At 10 years old she informed me that she couldnt believe god took johnny instead of me. I heard that for years. I would cry untill I matured and realized she was the one messed up not me.
Now I am 50 years old and taking the verbal abuse again. I hear about how fat I am and dumpy I am. I buy a new outfit and get told I look rediculous. I need some help trying to figure out how to get her out of here. I had to give her the pain meds back last week because she threatened to quit taking her other medicines and she would accuse me of keeping them from her. This is just the tip of the iceberg. Ive been happily married for 28 years to a wonderful man and have 2 beautiful daughters. We own our own home. She has her own room with a bath and never has anyone in my family not made her feel this wasnt her home too. We fix her plate every night, take her to dr. Appts, wash her clothes, and still she treats us this way. Anyone who can please guide me in the right direction I would be so grateful. I am so stressed. I cant sleep, ive gained 40 pounds and im tired everyday.
Have a blessed day
Love Joan
Did you get any indication as to your mom changing her mind about surgery before she blew her top?
I was thinking that your Aunt Rae was your mom's sister. Is that correct. If so, how does she explain your mom and their upbringing? Your aunt Rae is such a sweetheart.
Sending you love Lisa and peace.
Update: they are getting her settled back in her room and the phone rings. Seems the receptionist at assisted living took it upon herself to give the nephew a call and inform him mom was in serious condition. all of that paperwork was changed but it wasn't at the desk. Woman thought she was doing her job. Which she was. The mistake wasn't hers. Guess who's mistake? He got mom on the phone and immediately started screaming at her that it was her fault he lost his job and now their losing their house. Her nurse when she called said they called surgeon and he ordered her a sedative. Sooo, here we go To her residence, get that fixed. Then back to hospital. Very nice visit. SHE WAS ASLEEP. had to meet with security and there are only 3 people allowed in room. I put my aunt raeDown just in case.
And good for you Lisa, having those clear lines about what is your choice of responsiblities and those that is not your mess to clean up... and if the house is broken into, everyone will know it's him...... too bad you couldn't put a little camera somewhere.....and great move to keep him from the hospital.
When you first posted, did you ever see yourself here doing the awesome things you are doing.... ???? I love this thread, just love it.... angels to you this evening Lisa, you are setting a hell of an example for doing the right things for the right reasons..... hugs
If fil is diabetic - I saw that you wrote about sugar free ice cream - he especially needs protein to keep his blood sugar steady - hormones - long story...
I don't think it will affect his blood in the way you are concerned - but as always check with his doc
Bad mistake letting the nephew have her info - someone needs a brain transplant, or to retire or something. That is all you need!
Codes are good - and DQ being asleep is good.
You are a wonderful daughter - some would have walked away long ago. You are walking a tight rope between her needs, and yours, and doing an excellent job Bravo Lisa! Kudos to Doug for his support! You got a really good man there!
Waiting games are no fun, and I am sure you have some mixed feelings about the outcome - or maybe not, and that is OK.
Let us know how the morning goes - fil's chemo, and if the antibiotics are helping - makes total sense not to upset her colon at this point,
...and how you are.
Muck lover and hugs and prayers
Joan
much love and hugs -Joan ♥♥♥
DQ UPDATE!!-- phone rang off the hook starting at 12:36. Leaving nonsense messages. Won't give me my medicines. After 8 phone calls I got my information code and called hospital. No change. Actually doing much better. Dr ordered solid food for this morning. Her problem? Wants those dam pain pills. So I asked to please get that phone away from her. She was ringing in as I was talking to her. My husband and daughter have to be up for work in a few hours. I've spent 22 hours at hospitals since Monday. She said she would take care of it as soon as we hang up, but she would have to replace it by 8. So no more phone calls till 9:10. She's pissed. Not my problem. Temps hitting 102 here today. As soon as I dropped mil off and walked in the door she was on phone with Beth. Right after I left fil headed out to garden. I think it's dougs turn, so he's on his way there to talk some sense into the man. I wonder if Doug will be that hard headed when he hits 80+? ;)))
Your poor MIL. Glad the haircuts went well and you still like yours. I hope Doug can talk his dad into staying indoors.
You all sure have your hands full. Sending you love and hugs, Cattails
It does sound like the DQ is doing better, if they have ordered solid food,
Hope you have a peaceful day today. - no more nephew or DQ dramas, I am sure you could use one,
Love and hugs
Joan
A little update on my dad. I visited him yesterday and found him in his wheelchair, slowly rolling his way down the very wide hallway. I was surprised and so happy. At last, something he can actually do for himself without any danger. Nurses and aids say hi to him and they pass and lean in to tell him he's doing a good job and it's good to see him. He gives them a big smile. I gave him a bunch of hugs and he seemed happier. It was just so good to see him able to travel about under his own power and have people interact with him. Good for us both and I left with a much lighter heart.
Hugs, Cat
Great news. Love, Cattails
Lisa asked for advice. Got advice. Felt empowered by the advice. With her highly supportive husband acted on the advice and has turned her life around. Amazing! It wasn't as easy as making a phone call, of course, but she persisted, went through the process of having her mother evicted and having her settled into a facility (with a very ditzy social worker who has had to be patiently trained with regard to DQ (drama queen mother). Lisa is our fabulous success story! We've been with her every step of the way. She is very articulate and shares openly and often.
Your advice is right on the mark, EGLord. You'll be pleased to know it was implemented very successfully.
Jeanne, one of Lisa's Kick-Ass Girls.