My mother moved in with me when my oldest sister dies who lived with her. My brother died when I was 9. My mother and 2 sisters have been addicted to pain meds for years. One sister comitted suicide and the other who lived with mom died when her colon died. Her body couldnt even process the pain meds anymore. Years ago I made the decision to walk away and would only hear from mom when the oldest sister drained her accounts . When she died my moms accountwas charged 983 dollars in overdraft charges alone. So my only option was to move her in. She was in the hole over 2000.00. My husband and I discussed it. We felt this may be a chance to form a friendship if nothing else.
It has been a battle since after the first 3 months. When she accused my daughters fiance of stealing her pain pills I took control of them. She is forced to go to a pain management dr to get her pain meds every 3 months. She goes in my room searching for them while we work. She accuses me of stealing her money. There is nothing wrong with my moms mind. Just this month alone she has spent 732.00 at qvc. She has spent 1000's with qvc since shes been here. Mom has copd and has oxegen in her room. In comes the worst of the argument. She smokes a pack a day in her bedroom and often dosent turn the oxegen off. Im terrified she will cause an explosion and kill us with her. When I take the cigs it turns into a horrible argument. My mother has treated her grandchildren so horribly none have been to my home for 2 years. She has a sister who will not even answer her phone when she calls. She asked a cousin if she could move in and was told no. So she informed me that I would have to have a judge remove her from my home. I accepted years ago that my mom had no use for me. At 10 years old she informed me that she couldnt believe god took johnny instead of me. I heard that for years. I would cry untill I matured and realized she was the one messed up not me.
Now I am 50 years old and taking the verbal abuse again. I hear about how fat I am and dumpy I am. I buy a new outfit and get told I look rediculous. I need some help trying to figure out how to get her out of here. I had to give her the pain meds back last week because she threatened to quit taking her other medicines and she would accuse me of keeping them from her. This is just the tip of the iceberg. Ive been happily married for 28 years to a wonderful man and have 2 beautiful daughters. We own our own home. She has her own room with a bath and never has anyone in my family not made her feel this wasnt her home too. We fix her plate every night, take her to dr. Appts, wash her clothes, and still she treats us this way. Anyone who can please guide me in the right direction I would be so grateful. I am so stressed. I cant sleep, ive gained 40 pounds and im tired everyday.
Have a blessed day
Lisa. How wonderful that they are finally getting the picture - let's hope it lasts, I think it will
Kim, thanks, Enjoy the surf and the sounds. I have survived this long and will longer. Had a great lunch with a friend who left many bouquets of roses on Gordie's bench over the years. We laughed till I hyperventilated! It was good.
Jeanne - very aptly worded, as always
Judy thanks for the hug and message
I am very grateful for everyone here - you touch me in ways of which you are not aware.
For those here who don't know C1963: She works full time, has an autistic child and another with ADHD. Her mother does not live with her, but is extremely demanding and shows no empathy for her daughter's health or welfare. C1963 recently had a cancer scare; but her mom's demands never lightened. Her mom can afford to hire help, but doesn't want to or the people leave because she is so difficult.
C1963 is a single mom and just in the process of trying to limit her responses to her mom's numerous daily demands.
C1963, if you want to add anything, feel free. If you have time, go to the beginning of this thread and read all of it. It's an education and you will become familiar with the posters aka (The Kick Ass Girls) and you will see how Lisa made tremendous progress. You might learn a few things from this story. Not exactly your circumstances, but you will learn non the less. Hugs, Cattails
Hope I'm not anonymous by tomorrow. Love to all of you, Cattails
I have to re-read Lisa’s thread because when I first read it, it was so fascinating, that I forgot to take notes on the great advices and the funnies! (I keep notes by making a Microsoft Word File on my desktop entitled: Words of Empowerment. I put down good advice AND Funnies here...Example: " Deleesher, bf and mom w food in mouths (So Funny!), then I put the webpage=2385" )
Since Lisa’s thread is very long, I can recommend you to do this. When done reading for the day, click on the top where it has the website “http://www.ag...” Click on it, copy (control + C) it and paste it (Control + V) on one of your Word File. Then, when your’re ready to continue where you left off, go to the Word File, copy the webpage and paste it on the website. Tada! You are now on Comments 888. Rather than going to First, then clicking on Next, Next, Next, Next, etc....
Now, you're ready to copy/paste from AC. You see the top of this page "A http//wwww.ag....." ? Tap on it once (it becomes highlighted). Hit the CTRL (control) button on your bottom left side of the keyboard with your left finger At The Same Time, hit the letter "C" (C for Copy) with your right finger. (After a while, when you become proficient, you can do Cntrl +C with one hand.) Now you have copied the website info on top of this page.
Go to your Microsoft Word File on AC on your Desktop (if you saved it here, that is), and press: Cntrl (control) button at the same time the letter "V" to paste it. Very important. Once you paste it and it appears on the blank page, Hit ENTER.
I put commentors on the first line. For example: Deleesher on the first line. bf and mom with food in mouth (Very Funny!!!) is on the 2nd line, then the webpage is on the 3rd line. This makes it easier to find my notes. So, if I remember that cat said something, I can quickly look on all the 1st lines for cattails. or if I want the bf and mom with food in mouth, I look on the 2nd lines. When it becomes too many, I will just open a New File and entitle it for example: Funnies of AC. For now, I have ALL of it in one file.
Hope this helps!
For threads that I'm currently reading that is long, I put that on the way top of the page for easy find. I currently have 3 open. I separate these current Readings from my Notes by putting this =========== between the 2.
So sorry about your PILs. I pray the best comes out for all your family. I will continue the saga. You are an awesome human being.
There was several good ones from Lisa's which I would like to include on my Funny notes.
I'm glad to help other caregiver's save time by trying to find that ONE comment that you found as a "gem". This note-taking way is Less Frustrating in trying to find that..."which thread did I read it from? What week was it mentioned on?"
bookworm - you get top marks - I taught a low level computer course for years - your explanations are excellent
golfbhard - glad to see you here - hope you are doing better
hi cat -i will get back to you
austin i have missed you -
everyone have a good weekend. thunderstorm/tornado looking sky here ((((((hugs)))) Joan
When we speak we are afraid our words will not be heard or welcomed.
But when we are silent, we are still afraid.
So it is better to speak.
~ Audre Lorde
I'm not afraid of storms,
for I'm learning to sail my ship.
~ Louisa May Alcott
There is a special place in hell for women who do not help other women. ~Madeleine Albright
We need 4 hugs a day for survival.
We need 8 hugs a day for maintenance.
We need 12 hugs a day for growth.
~ Virginia Satir
Here we share and care and give ((((((((hugs))))))). It is what we were created to do.
J