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Hi everyone. I'm sorry I haven't been around. Been feeling just so over whelmed. thinking and feeling so much these last few days. I've been silently keeping up here. Cat, I'm so glad your feeling peace with your dad and so glad you both like his nurse. Kimbee, how blessed your mom also has you to hold her hand thru this journey, the same as cats dad is to have her.

Mil appt with cardiac dr is tomorrow. Doug has this one. She's having really good days. And then she has a day where she slips backwards. I just can't get a read on this dementia. There are days it's Mary, and then other days she takes a step backwards. We are taking each day as it comes. I just can't seem to get my thoughts together. And we all know I have sooooo many thoughts. Heeheehee. Love you guys and thank you fpor loving me back and being my friends. Promise I'll get my shit together and snap out of it. Thanks for the I'll hunt you down like a og Judy :))))))
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Today's appt over. There are decisions to be made. Mary just didn't have a stroke. She has had multiple strokes one heart valve needs to be replaced and the other is damaged. She can opt for the surgery with no guarantee she will make it through the surgery. Can't even write the other option out loud. I know I posted a while back plan for the worse or hope for the best. I've been praying so hard for the best. All of us feel like we are trapped in a whirlwind. Everything is happening so fast.
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Hugs to you, dear Lisa, and to your family.
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Lisa: I am sending you my love and keeping you all in my prayers. Cat
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What heart breaking news. I am so sorry .... I am at a loss for words to send your way for comfort. Just want you to know that so many here, care for you. What a journey you have gone through and now this to face. Prayers and hugs. Let us know how she is doing. Sad for you :(
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It is sad things are spinning so fast that way! I will keep you in my prayers, too!
You have been working so hard to manage through all this!
{{{hugs!}}}
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Oh, Lisa. I'm sorry it wasn't better news. Truly. I wish I could run over and give you a hug. Carrying your family in my heart.
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Lisa~I am so sorry to hear this news. Sending Hugs to you and your family.
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Lisa- wish better news for Mary. While making decisions remember to honor her living will and to not force things on her that she would not want done. It is so easy to think of ourselves and not what is better for our loved ones. Doug must feel overwhelmed at this point, Prayers for all..
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my heart hurts for your MIL and the whole family... sending prayers and angels, and lots and lots of hugs.
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i thought i was the only one dealing with the meaness.my mother is 79,and is one of the meanest nastest people you would ever want to meet.everything that happens is everyones fault but her own.ive been nice enough to pay this womans electric for 12yrs.she doesnt even appreciate it.the refridgerator that i bought new several years back died.she has one in storage an expected me to buy her a new one.ive been called every fithy nasty name by this woman.she even calls my husband nasty names to his face.worse yet she has told the neighbors my husband takes drugs and neither of us has ever fooled with that kind of stuff.she tries to tell the neighbors i starve her.yet iam nice enough to take her to the store just about everyday.she is verbally abussive on a daily basis,and tries to blame it on me.she even has said things about killing my husband.im to the point when she says shes going to call the cops because iam starving her.i just told her i didnt care who she calls anymore.she needs to get some mental help.we called the cops before on her and it did not help.dont know what else to do about her abusiveness,any ideas?no one should have to put up with this kind of a person.
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Fran: From your post is does not sound like your mother lives with you, so you are miles ahead of where Lisa was when she started on her AC journey. My suggestion to you would be that you read Lisa's thread from the beginning. It's long, but you would truly benefit. Take the time and I think it might change the world you live in. You can stop this. Your mom has dementia and possibly she has never been a kind person. It's time to cut your losses and find a better way. Read this thread and when you are done, come back and ask questions. You don't have to live everyday based on your mom's craziness. Best Wishes, Cattails
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No one should have to put up with this kind of person, Fran. The good news is you don't have to. The bad news is that it will take a lot of hard work and courage to extricate yourself from this abusive situation. Lisa did it. Yay, Lisa! I hope that you can do it, too. The fact that you have a supportive husband is on your side. The fact that she does not live with you is on your side. Are you up for the hard work of making changes?
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Lisa, loving you from afar, your KAW understand how hard it is to get ur head around this kind of difficult, ever changing barrage of heartbreaking news and changes. We love you and r praying for your family to have the strength n comfort you each need. Luv n hugs to you all, Kim
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Hi everyone. Thank you for the thoughts and prayers. I haven't been to see Mary yet since her appt yesterday. We had a phone conference with al sil and sil here. The surgeon couldn't believe how well mil motor skills are because of the numerous strokes. When he asked about her memory Doug said she grabbed his hand and huge tears started falling and she simply said I just can't remember. First time ever she said it out loud. So no he dosen't believe it's ALZ. All o her confusion and memory loss is in his opinion is due to the strokes. We would have thought walking out of that office she would be terrified, but Doug said she was so comforted by that surgeon and at peace with all he told her. She told him she would discuss her options with her husband but she would be opting for no surgery. He just asked that she be sure. Because if she comes back in a few months wanting the surgery, he's certain it will not be possible. Even though her odds are bad, there's still a chance right now. And even then, when he consults with the pulmonary dr I'm taking her to see Monday, he believes because of the shape her lungs are in that he's certain he will tell him her chances of surviving the anestesia are very slim. She just told the dr when her heart gives out, god is calling her home. I'm so glad it was Doug that took her to this appt. He has been in denial of how fast her health has been deteriorating. I just don't think he would have accepted what he was hearing if it was me or sil telling him. We all accept her decision. Fil is accepting her decision. Lots of tears while we were on the phone last night. But we are better Thru those tears. Felt healing, if that makes any sense. We drew from each others strength. As Doug and I lay in bed last night it was so strange that we brought up my mother at the same exact time. He told me he can't stop thinking about how horrible it would be to help his parents and still be living inside the hell she put us thru. said it makes him think how there has to be a greater plan. And it all came from my desperation and tears in the middle of the night. How he truly believes I was led here to this site and to all of you. And he is so right. Where would we be right now without your love and encouragement. All the advice and suggestions. Such a large part you have played. I've for the 2nd time moved past the mom that never wanted me, never loved me and literally despises the ground I walk on. It has freed me to run at warp speed to the ones who have always loved me best. To share in the love and support, the tears, the sadness. Now THAT is family. Doug asked me to relay to you all that you are and will always be part of his extended family. And to please know he prays for everyone here along side me.
I'll be back later girls. I plan on taking lunch to Mary and ray tomorrow and sitting with them for a while. Wasn't ready for it today. But I will be tomorrow. Love you all my friends!
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Oh Lisa (((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))) so much "heavy" news so quickly. So glad Doug was in the drs office with Mary, and heard first hand about his mum's medical problems.I understand Mary's choices. She may well have been realising something was wrong, for a while and just not said anything - and, as you have said, refused to go to the doctor. I think her choice is well thought through on her part. To undergo surgery with all the risks and discomforts is more than she wants to experience. She is a woman of faith, and knows where she is going. It is very sad for the family, and very painful to be facing that her time here is limited. I am glad that Ray had accepted her decision. He is being loyal, loving, and supportive to his beloved wife of many years, and in the end, maybe that is all any of us can do. I sure understand tears of healing, and am glad that you all had them. It is part of the process of adjusting to such a big event in a family. As always, you are pulling together, in an incredible way. God's timing is perfect. If we could only trust him when we can see but the next step. Enjoy one another in the time that is left. My heart goes out to you all - hugs, love and prayers. Joan
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Wow, I sure have missed alot of this and I am hurting for you. You do sound like you are overwhelmed, Lisa...take some deep breaths and let things unfold naturally, one day at a time...you can only do so much and it sounds like you are doing your best to handle all this news, hitting you at once!! Hang in and know we are all praying for you. I'm so touched reading your latest post, and how this site has helped you. I feel the same way about it, it's amazing how it puts your mind at ease. Not just that others have gone through alot of the same stuff, but that they are so genuinely interested in helping others. It's a beautiful thing, AC, is. Sending you a warm (((((hug)))) and some virtual chicken soup for the soul. xox PNJ
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Love u Lisa, one AMAZING family. Sorry to hear and honored to b extended family. Our love and prayers to doug n rest of family. You r so strong Lisa n Mary n rest of family too. Hugs, comfort n luv, enjoy the time tomorrow, Kim n family
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Well, damn, Lisa, if you didn't bring tears to my eyes with that last comment of yours. Seriously. I actually put mascara on an hour ago and you've ruined my bottom lashes already. Dang it! You're the reason I got involved with this site. I was searching online for resources for my parents, and I came across this site and your thread when it was in the early stages. I was hooked from the start. So, while you're grateful for this site and the KAW, I'm grateful for you. Without you, and your example, I wouldn't have made the friends here that I hold so dear, including yourself.
I'm sorry about mil's health. It sounds like you're all finding your way through together - kind of like stumbling into the unknown, but having each other to hold on to on the way. There isn't anything I can say to make you feel better, and my heart goes out to you and your family, and I'm hoping for the best. When I think of you - I smile.
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Lisa I am so sorry for what you and your family are going through now. I know how much you love her and are hurting so much and hope you get more clarity with the next doctor appointment-we all love you and I am so glad you have a good husband -you both are so supportive of each other-that kind of love does not happen too often and pray that God gives the doctors wisdom to guide you and gives you all extra strength during this time and hope you can feel my love and consern for you and your family.
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Lisa: Thank you for your beautiful post and for bringing us up to date. My heart goes out to all of you. I am so grateful for the loving family that you have and the sincere, heartfelt support you giv
e each other. What a blessing. Tell Doug we love him and are honored to be part of your extended family.

Love and prayers. Cat
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I have to 'steal' some of Judy's posting. Her comment 'You're the reason I got involved with this site.' And, to paraphrase her additional comment 'I was searching online for resources for my mother, and I came across this site and your thread when it was in an earlier stage. I was hooked from the start. So, while you're grateful for this site and the KAW, I'm grateful for you. Without you, and your example, I wouldn't have joined this site.'

I truly believe the phrase 'grace under fire' was written about you. I wish I had half the grace dealing with my situation that you have shown dealing with your problems.

You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.
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It took me two days to read your entire thread......I was online searching for support (I have my mother-in-law that lives with us ) when I came across your thread!!! Once I started I simply could not pull myself away....all of you ladies are totally remarkable!!!! It breaks my heart to know that there are so many of us suffering through this caregiving thing. But thank you all for all the advice, support and love you all shared for each other......it was so heart warming to see so much compassion and love for each other...I look forward to reading future posts. Its nice to know there is support out there for us.....as caregivers. Hope everyone has a great weekend! K
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Happy Saturday everyone! Last 24 hours have been just crazy. Woke yesterday morning feeling horrible. Sneezing, coughing, head feeling like it will explode. So went to immediate care last night after work. Sinus infection+ allergies. Got some Meds and already feeling better.

Yesterday after the drivers left on their route my boss called me in her office. She said first let me assure you I have and never will reveal to anyone what you told me in confidence about your mother. But another woman here can sure use your help. Situation not as bad as the one you were in. Mom dosen't live with her, but just as abusive and her sister was arrested by the bank on Wednesday when she was caught doing fraudulent transactions on her mothers account. I right away knew who it was. This woman left work crying when she received the phone call. Long story short. sis got mom for $11,000. She and her husband had already payed three returned checks. Told her STOP!!! so I called my magic #. they met with her at 4 yesterday afternoon. She just now left here with every contact number and names of every agency I've found help with over the years. Couldn't believe everything I told her was right on with what the detective told her. Hahaha. Told her I'm just glad I could stop her paying the checks like Doug and I did the first time. I can't tell you how good this has felt helping her.

Next: you thought I was done didn't you? Hahaha, ya shoulda known better.... Phone rings at 2 a.m. It was mil. Wanted to catch me before I left for work. She asked me if she has another dr appt today and who was taking her. Lord girls, scared the hell out of us. So I just got up and chatted with her for about 20 minutes. She told me not to forget fil birthday next weekend. It's actually today. But I just told her we won't. She said I'll let you go so you can get ready for work. Fil called this morning and told us we are not doing his birthday today. Mil thinks it's next weekend so that's when we will do it. Isn't he just terrific?

Ok, I think I'm done. I hope your day is as beautiful as each and every one of you are. Lisa
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Except for the time of day and the mixup of birthday dates, that sounds like a reasonably lucid conversation. A couple night ago at 2 am Hubby was sitting on the edge of the bed. "Can I help you go to the bathroom?" I offered. "No," he replied. "I'm just going into the kitchen to fry fish." So we had a pleasant chat about fishing and I got him back into bed. Sigh. It keeps life interesting.

Enjoy the birthday celebration next week.
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That's exactly what I thought too Jeanne. It could have been 8 in the morning the conversation was so nice. So glad I was able to wake enough to realize and not blurt out the time to her. I actually cherish the conversation we had. :))))
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Lisa you are so kind I did not do nights well with my husband-I would be very cranky when woke up during the night of course that never stopped him-but I was not very gracious being woke up. It looks like your experiences are helping others also-it is nice when we can help others going through bad times-but of course it brings it all back to us our memories. I admire bus drivers you have such a hard job but I think you are the right person to be a bus driver. I had a good friend who drove a school bus and she had difficult students but one when things were bad she just took the kids back to school when on the way home and their parents had to pick them up at school-they beheaved much better after that occasion.
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(((((((((((((lisa)))))))))) you did so well with that phone conversation. Takes a little getting used to, I bet. Fil is amazing, but then who's surprised? Look at Doug :). What a marvellous family!
Wonderful that you could help out the other bus driver.It must have been very rewarding. I believe there is a reason and purpose in everything that happens to us, and that good can come out of it.
Hope your infection is much better. You are in contact with so many bugs with all those kids you drive.
Life is going on, even if Mary is not quite herself, she is still there. Treasure every moment.
jeanne - you are a terrific example - turned the conversation to fishing then back to bed. Great.
austin - you are here helping other through your own bad experiences, and very valuable indeed.
bigkatie and flutterby - hi - lisa is amazing, isn't she
cat - hope you are holding up reasonably well. Let us know how you and dad are doing.

Running out of superlatives for all you fine ladies. Hope everyone is having a good weekend.
Love, hugs and prayers - Joan
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Ok now Joan, how are you doing? Been a rough week for you.
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I am OK, thanks Lisa. You are a brave woman to ask. ;)

This is my life now. Some weeks are better, some are worse. You learn to live with a degree of pain. Life does go on, whether you like it or not. I mentioned that before, and did not mean to be callous, but what choice do you have? The choice is in how it goes on, not whether it goes on. I can see my glass as half full, or half empty, or half full of water, and half full of air, if that makes any sense. Some of the water is gone, but the glass is filled with something else. It is just different. The next tough one is in October, his birthday, then Christmas, then another year starting without him and so on. Then there are the unexpected events like the death of my friend's son which are triggers for pain. I have too much experience with death and grief for my comfort, but it is not all about comfort, is it? I tolerate fools less well now, but embrace life with less fear - not no fear, but less.

Here is a poem I think I posted before somewhere on AC. It speaks to me of Gordie, and what he would have said to me, and also what is in my heart. It is true - people die, but love remains. To me that is comforting.
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Now that I am gone,
Remember me with smiles and laughter.
And if you need to cry,
Cry with your brothers or sisters
Who walk in grief beside you.
And when you need me,
Put your arms around anyone
And give to them what you need to give to me.
There are so many who need so much.
I want to leave you something –
Something much better than words or sounds.
Look for me in the people I’ve known
Or helped in some special way.
Let me live in your heart
As well as in your mind.
You can love me most
By letting your love reach out to our loved ones.
By embracing them and living in their love.
Love does not die, people do.
So, when all that’s left of me is love,
Give me away as best you can.
-- Author unknown
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A man with crutches walking in the trail this morning approached Gordie's bench. I saw him read the plaque before he sat down, and rested. The words on the plaque invite people to rest in memory of Gordie. It was meaningful to me.

Much love, thanks and (((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))) Joan
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