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Hi, I've missed you all. This was our 1st vacation since mom came to live w us. If measured in new normal standards, it went ok. By prior standards, not the best vacation. My mom totally enjoyed herself in spite of being confused about where her room was. I put signs on each BR n bathroom door n directional cueing everywhere. Thank God for the sound of the waves and the great sleep they
provided! Very grateful we were able to get our regular p/t CG to come along. In spite of having lots of family "helpers", we would not have had a free min. w/o her help. Live n learn! Next trip will be just us-n CG w mom at home! Our p/t help had accepted a new job that would mean less hours for mom, just as we need more. She called today to say she decided against the job in favor of more time w us-whoohoo! Love all the healthy diet n food talk, holiday rituals n comfort of being here among you all. Austin, sorry to hear ur mom was so terrible to u, glad u can set limits n hope u can hold ur ground when bro's do their part, or not. Cat, it must have been hard to pick up dad's ashes. I loved hearing he'll be there n with your mom. I hope u can get your family there soon. Book, take care of yourself, sorry to hear u got hurt. Hope u r feeling better. Lisa, sorry to hear MIL lunch wasn't as u hoped. Glad sister visit went well n sad another death in family. Joan, U r amazing-carried firewood past 70? Go girl! Glad to hear driveway is clearing out! When I met DH he had an old car in front yard. Finally, after several years, got him to move it, n he ruined the best view from the house by parking it in our only water view! haha. I have lovely pix of deer playing in the back yard w the dusty car in the background! Hope ur vehicles go far! Sad for ur DD, hope she will get turned around soon. Glad u r so smart. Hugs n prayers to all, luv kim
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Kimbee: Welcome back. You have been missed. I love how you handled the vacation with a caregiver in tow. So smart of you. You have really got it together. Next vacation plans sound so reasonable. Just the two of you. You deserve it and gold stars on your tuna cans too. Love, Cat
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Aww, cat thx. But really, I kept thinking of you n asking myself why didnt I use a care facility for respite like you did? But just the same, it was good for mom-she thrived on the attention n activity. We also brought a huge bunch of old family pix for activity (dad had saved for us after divorce). Mom had not seen most of them for at least 40 yrs. Family did enjoy, n we sorted for sharing n making a timeline of each family member to display in house for mom. Hoping this will help as we approach her not remembering us. I so dread that happening, but know it will, eventually. I will also load onto her tablet and make her a slideshow. Thx for the compliment and most of all gold stars for my tuna cans!! Another highlight of vacation was having time to buy new bras, ah the simple pleasures...! I got so many I earned a free one-who knows when I'll get enough time to go shopping again!! Everybody have a good day, kimbee
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For your own mental health you have to make other arrangements for your mother. She cannot and should not live in your home. Please call your county dept on aging....you need some housing options. Your mother is a "guilt"! manipulator. Please talk to a counselor. You want a healthy "normal" loving mother/daughter relationship buy your mother cannot or will not ever be able to do this. She is a negative person and bad for your and your family's mental health. You need copeing skills on how to deflect her negative comments. Please get her out of your house.
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You are so right, cinraff!

You will be very glad to know that Survived2's mother has been more-of-less forcibly removed from the home. Survived2 (Lisa) is one of those rare individuals who asked for advice, thought it over, and then followed the advice! It wasn't a miracle and it didn't happen without some bumps in the road, but she accomplished what she wanted. Now she is facing a different kind of problem with her beloved in-laws, who have health issues.

If you would like to read a very inspiring story as these events unfolded, I recommend reading the whole long thread. Better than a novel!
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I am loving these tomato ideas!! Roasted cherry/grape tomatoes with fresh basil, olive oil, garlic and some salt/pepper!! I make things in large portions since I don't get off work till 9:30pm. Have you tried fennel bulbs? They are delicious roasted at 425, quarter the bulbs, add baby carrots, quartered onions, anything you like...sprinkle with olive oil salt/pepper, Italian herbs and roast till done.

The Christmas plans sound great too! We too don't have big Christmases anymore because of family moving too far away. I also miss having everyone here. It is just hubby, mom, sis and me. However, this Thanksgiving my son and daughter and son-in-law will be here, so I am excited about that!!

Kimbee~I am glad you got away for awhile and taking the CG along was a good idea. I don't know what I will do next year in regards to my mother, I know she will be more advanced with the Alzheimer's.

Austin~I am sorry to hear about your mother being ill and how horrible she was to you. Stand strong against your brothers!

Joan~The stinking thinking/dry drunk attitude can wear you down. Keeping a distance is good. I hope things improve!!

Hoping all you ladies have a wonderful day and with those gold star tuna cans...no need for underwires, Lol!!
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Jeanne, hold on to that response-bet we'll need it again! Thx ;))
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i wish this place would give us a way to edit the original post to add Jeanne's post to it. then we wouldn't have to educate everyone who came in.

having a hard time keeping up with ya'll; doing well down here in TX.
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Sharyn: Here's another tomato recipe.. Semi-dried tomatoes: Bring a pot of water to boil. Take your tomatoes and make an X (cross cut) on the bottom of each. Put them into boiling water for 30 seconds or so. Take them out and put into an bowl of ice water to stop cooking. Take skins off...they come off easily. Place tomatoes on a cooking tray. Sprinkle with salt, pepper and thyme. Cook in a 200 degree over for 90 minutes. By the way, if your tomatoes have stems, leave them on. It's a very pretty presentation on a salad. Great cold or room temperature.

I made a great pumpkin soup tonight. Only needed pumpkin, apple, onion and carrot. Then you add some chicken stock or veg. stock. Called for 2 cups of cream, but the soup was so good as it was, I omitted the cream. It was so good and very healthy. Let me you if you want the recipe.

Love, Cat
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OH; Pumpkin soup needed fresh sage too. Yum
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I want the recipe for pumpkin soup! I msde one years ago and loved it.
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Joan: Here it is:

4 TBS butter
2 onions diced
4 carrots diced
2 apples diced
4 cups fresh roasted pumpkin, diced
2 TBS fresh sage chopped
4 cups veg broth or chicken broth**** see note
salt and freshly ground pepper

Take a sweet pumpkin, (aka sugar pumpkin) smaller type meant for pies and cut it up. Scoop out seeds (save them for roasting) cut into smaller pieces and rub with olive old, salt and pepper. Bake at 400 degrees for 30 to 40 minutes. You want it soft, but not mushy. Let cool, peal off skin.

In a stockpot over medium heat, melt butter and saute onion, carrot, apple, roasted pumpkin and sage until all are tender. I got everything going in the pot and put the lid on to help retain moisture. Keep temp low once things heat up and just stir until all veg. are soft. Probably 30 minutes.

Take every thing from the pot and puree in a blender or food mill. Return puree to pot and add chicken or veg broth and simmer for 15 minutes.

Note: This recipe called for 6 cups of chicken broth and 2 cups of cream. The cream is completely unnecessary because the soup has an amazing flavor without it. The six cups of broth made the soup a bit thin and that why I suggest 4 cups instead of six. So start with 4 cups and see what you think. Add more if necessary. Great with some healthy croutons.

There's plenty of soup for tomorrow night. You can freeze the left over soup for another night.

Hope you enjoy it. Cat
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Kimbee: You are awesome.
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I've miss you guys! Just got back yesterday. The trip with Mom had really irritating times and good times. I said on the Caregiver thread that Mom takes on a persona when she's around other people, and it drives me insane, like she's acting out some role in a fantasy. If she called me "her baby" and referred to herself as "mama" again, I was going to lose it. I told her to knock it off. Its sickening. The best part of the trip is that I stayed down the street from Mom at another cousin's house. My mother's plan was for us to stay together. She bullied a cousin into making up the couch at her house because Mom thought I'd be staying there. Well, I didn't. It was great getting up in the morning and not having to see Mom for a few hours. Got to walk the beach alone and collect shells. Walked the beach with a cousin and found enough sea glass to fill a small jar. Lived through the family reunion day just fine. A few cousins my age still hate me for some reason. Whatever. I could care less. In fact, I wonder why they'd think they matter at all? Met some family that I'd love to see again. Saw some wild turkeys wander into my cousin's yard, right up onto the patio. The flights and airports were hell with my mother, but I powered through, juggling luggage, wheelchairs and Mother Dearest. Looked through old photo albums with a cousin and found a picture of my brother when he was about 5, that made me cry. I felt like an idiot, but I just couldn't help it. I have very few pictures of him standing. Most of my pictures are after he broke his neck. My parents weren't picture takers. The cousin made me two copies. I wish she'd given me the original, but I'm so happy to have the copies. So, the trip with Mom wasn't fun when I was with her, but my cousins seemed to know that I needed time away from her. They took care of their mother till she died a few years ago, mom's sister, and knew how frustrating it could be. They were great. I learned that I have some really sweet family members whose doors will always be open to me. I also have some family members who can drop dead! I learned that I miss the ocean until it makes my chest hurt. I love the desert, but the ocean feels like home.

All the talk about xmas makes me sad. I run away from xmas. I take the tree down as soon as its over and we try to take xmas trips to get away from Mom. I guess that's the tradition I leave to my kids - a xmas trip!

Good to be back. I really did miss reading up on what's going on. Now.... I've got to get back on that diet! Pumpkin soup sounds delicious, Cat!

Emjo - is that a new picture? You look great. Stay warm. Wish I could send you some of this desert sunshine!
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Don't feel "broken." Your mom needs professional mental health help that you can't give her. Find a place for her to live where they can work with her behaviors and know that you did the right thing. Visit when you can and don't let her get you down. Everyone should be so lucky to have a daughter like you!
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got behind here and will catch up -cat, thanks for the recipe. Making the pumpkin soup tonite. I do a broccoli soup and also a caulifower soup which are similar - boil up the veg with some onion and celery, and seasonings till soft, throw it in the blender, add milk, and mushrooms, cream of mushroom soup if you like, blend till smooth adjust seasoning and it is ready! Takes less than 1/2 hr from start to finish. A little cayenne is nice if you like it hot.
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Welcome back Judy!! Glad you had some me time. Guess I'm gonna have to work on getting you excited about Christmas. ;) just being with the ones who matter most is what it's all about for me.I'm so glad you have that picture of your brother. One of the few pictures I found before DQ flew out on her broom was me with my brother. I had never seen it before. Do you remember me telling you how he would go to the bank and take me to the store? The picture was of me holding the pink rabbit he bought me. So I understand those tears. I was so choked up.

Cat: just showed Jen the pumpkin soup recipe. Guess what's for dinner Saturday? How fitting you'll be spreading dads ashes where moms were spread.

How I wish I could invite you all to my home for the holidays. Just love you guys so much!!!!!
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I got canned pumkin about a month ago for 50 cents a can. I have no idea why it was being clearanced. It doesn't expire till next year. I wonder if it'd be gross to use it for the soup. Its just plain pumpkin. I might try it. I'll report back in the next few days on the gross factor.
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It's not gross to use canned pumpkin. I used the fresh because I am trying to follow some of Cricket's tips on using fresh foods. Plus, I have the time right now to experiment in the kitchen and it gives me a good, positive focus.

Judy, you will probably gag on this one, but I juiced some fresh produce today for a healthy green drink. Here it is: 2 large cucumbers, 5 stalks of kale, 5 romaine leaves, 4 stalks of celery, 2 big broccoli stems and 2 apples. Best to use organic produce for this. It was pretty good. I'll definitely do it again. Hubby liked it too.

It's so easy to pack on the pounds when you are a care giver and stressed out. I've got 38 that need to go. Bought a beautiful squash the other day. It is so pretty, kind of a pale blue and really large, like a pumpkin, only more flat. There was a couple at the produce stand and they told me it is delicious. It's called Sweet Meat. They also told me it was really hard to cut, in fact it seems to require a hatchet, so this will definitely be an outdoor opening event. That will be hubby's job.

I'm not racing with the weight loss. Just trying to be kind to myself and just putz around with some new things. We'll see how it goes.

Joan I have a good cauliflower soup recipe too (no milk or cream). I should try it with broccoli sometime.

For those who try the pumpkin soup, let me know what you think.

Hugs, Cat
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On the green drink, I left something out. A one inch piece of ginger.
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Judy, yes, experiment on it first and let us know. That cuts down the preparation a bit. Let us know if it came out too sweet or what. Then I have an idea of how to adjust it to my taste. ;-)
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Hi Book: I laughed at your comments on GO about the preparation time. This is not something I would recommend for you. I'm just doing it now because I have time. You don't. Of course, canned pumpkin really makes a big difference in cutting the time.

Hugs, Cat
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I am writing down all these recipes for my next days off work. I think the pumpkin soup would be great for my mom too. I can freeze in small containers for her to have at lunch. I am always looking for things I can make for her that is more nutritious than the frozen stouffer's dinners she buys. Thanks for the ideas!!!
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All this talk about pumpkin is making me hungry! It also makes me think of a funny story. When my husband and I were dating, he took me to his parents house for a weekend. At supper, his mom said she was going to make a pumpkin pie for the next day. I thought, well, she must have cooked the pumpkin before we got there because I didn't see one. After the dishes were done she started to get out everything to make the pie and low and behold she got a can of pumpkin off the shelf. LOL. I'd never seen canned pumpkin. My mom always cooked a fresh pumpkin! (A lot of our family are vegan, so now one of my daughters has been making pumpkin pie with tofu. It's actually quite good and has lots of protein.). Mom is Pennsylvania Dutch so we usually had lots of pies around! Her mom use to say a pumpkin pie was very healthy- protein, veggie, grain - practically a balanced meal! :-)
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Hi Riz: Glad to see you here. I'm really happy that your mom is doing well and you now are free of having her care full time. Love, Cat
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Thanks, Cat. It seems so strange after years of being responsible for her. This morning my daughter Melissa called and asked me if I wanted to go to her home and then go watch my grandson's karate class. I'm so used to being "stuck", I started to say no and then realized that I had nothing that had to be done today, and I could just change my plans! :-)
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Cat-thx for saying I'm awesome! I've had the day n week from hell around here. I think I have smacked into the burnout wall, I could just chew nails! DH is bringing home dinner n hopefully the DVD "best exotic marigold hotel" to make me laugh instead of cry. If they r out, hope it's on Netflix. My mom has been worse ea day this week. Refusing to do anything but bully me for her own entertainment. If she didn't have dementia, I'd consider a little "slap therapy" or "crappy NH therapy". My CG took off this week from being w us all of last week. Sooo ready for her to come over tomorrow. She was going to do some intergenerational activities w mom, but mom won't even take a shower today to conserve energy for her fun day. I'm so outta here Sat., w my DH for some "us time" thank you for being here n letting me vent-so much better than hurting someone...can u all say prayers for me tonight? And darn it, I even feel bad for being outta sorts! Another day in the CG's journey. Sometimes it just sucks. [yes, it's really me- baddaykimbee
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OMG I just ran the veggie drink past my husband...read him all the ingredients, two this, two that--and he finished it with "...and two rolls of toilet paper after you drink it." I am DYING here hysterical!! (PS I think it sounds great and super healthy!! But my husband is hilarious, n'est pas?)
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Find a good counselor and go! Best to you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Hey, who is Jane telling to get a good counselor? Lisa? Us? I know I could use a good one!
Jane, if you're referring to Lisa/Survived2, her mother has been out of the house for months now. Its a great thread to read if you have the time.

Punch - your husband sounds like a hoot... je suis d'accord!
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