My mother moved in with me when my oldest sister dies who lived with her. My brother died when I was 9. My mother and 2 sisters have been addicted to pain meds for years. One sister comitted suicide and the other who lived with mom died when her colon died. Her body couldnt even process the pain meds anymore. Years ago I made the decision to walk away and would only hear from mom when the oldest sister drained her accounts . When she died my moms accountwas charged 983 dollars in overdraft charges alone. So my only option was to move her in. She was in the hole over 2000.00. My husband and I discussed it. We felt this may be a chance to form a friendship if nothing else.
It has been a battle since after the first 3 months. When she accused my daughters fiance of stealing her pain pills I took control of them. She is forced to go to a pain management dr to get her pain meds every 3 months. She goes in my room searching for them while we work. She accuses me of stealing her money. There is nothing wrong with my moms mind. Just this month alone she has spent 732.00 at qvc. She has spent 1000's with qvc since shes been here. Mom has copd and has oxegen in her room. In comes the worst of the argument. She smokes a pack a day in her bedroom and often dosent turn the oxegen off. Im terrified she will cause an explosion and kill us with her. When I take the cigs it turns into a horrible argument. My mother has treated her grandchildren so horribly none have been to my home for 2 years. She has a sister who will not even answer her phone when she calls. She asked a cousin if she could move in and was told no. So she informed me that I would have to have a judge remove her from my home. I accepted years ago that my mom had no use for me. At 10 years old she informed me that she couldnt believe god took johnny instead of me. I heard that for years. I would cry untill I matured and realized she was the one messed up not me.
Now I am 50 years old and taking the verbal abuse again. I hear about how fat I am and dumpy I am. I buy a new outfit and get told I look rediculous. I need some help trying to figure out how to get her out of here. I had to give her the pain meds back last week because she threatened to quit taking her other medicines and she would accuse me of keeping them from her. This is just the tip of the iceberg. Ive been happily married for 28 years to a wonderful man and have 2 beautiful daughters. We own our own home. She has her own room with a bath and never has anyone in my family not made her feel this wasnt her home too. We fix her plate every night, take her to dr. Appts, wash her clothes, and still she treats us this way. Anyone who can please guide me in the right direction I would be so grateful. I am so stressed. I cant sleep, ive gained 40 pounds and im tired everyday.
Have a blessed day
Punch are you sure you want me in your cyber living room for coffee in a get up like that??? Today it is a leopard print nightie, an orange silk kimono and a black onyx necklace LOL! Appropriate for halloween anyway!
One of the things I have learned in life that no matter what happens, meals have to be made, floors have to be swept/washed, the laundry has to get done - some of this, later rather than sooner, but eventually, and that is not a bad thing. And today I have to get at those bargain strawberries before they spoil, or they will be no bargain.
I have a high toleranced for clutter too, but it does get exceeded, especially since Gary has no limit that I have found. Jeanne, I find it does feel good to get some things sorted, and even better when it is something I can get out of the house permanently. Since my last post, I have packed up a large box with a lot of mother's silver in it that i will send to my nephew in England. My way of giving them some inheritance as my sis has written him off.
Being gentle with yourself is a good way to go. We all have a lot on your plates, and need to do that. When under stress, and feeling overwhelmed, I find it helpful to pick just one task and start doing it - one step at a time. I can pick up the broom. I can sweep this bit of floor, etc. I find then I tend to do more than I thought I could, and the time passes better than sitting and stressing over something
Thinking of you all, and raising my coffee mug to you!
Joan, I hope your nightie and jewelry descriptions gave Jeanne a laugh. It did me. I bet the postman loves coming to your door!!!
Thank you for the update on Clay. Sending white light for the best possible outcome.
Love, Cat
latest update and a few clarifications
Gary is still in Calgary. Clay now has emphysema from oxygen that “leaked” into the lung tissue. His lungs were fine before surgery. The doctors say they don't understand where it came from. He has been on a morphine patch, and morphine pump for about 6 months now. I didn’t know that. Before that he was on many pain pills daily for several years.. So they are wondering why his bowel perforated. Maybe it was the accumulated affect of pain pills for several years. I asked Gary how his spirits were, and Gary said the question of why this has happened to him has come up. Of course there are no easy answers to that.
Re the window - there is a law suit and it is being dragged out. There was to be a disposition on New York over the accident today. There are 14 claims outstanding. Apparently Clay has been able to keep up with some studies at the college in Calgary, but who knows now. He will never be able to work and earn a kiving, even if he survives this.. Gary’s boss and coworkers are very supportive, thankfully. The next few days will see which way this will go. I feel so badly for them all, and am thankful that Gordie did not go through this pain. Again I so much appreciate everyone's prayers and support.
punch, I am praying for easing of the pain too, which ever way the Lord chooses to do that. When I first heard from the cop that Gordie was in hospital, and he suggested that I come there, my instant prayer was Lord heal him completely, or take him, and at that point I had no idea what his injury was - only that he was in the ER. - but I knew in my heart of hearts it was very serious,
Just one breath at a tme tonight - .I am afraid the strawberries are still not done, but I forgive myself for that - sometimes that's all we can do - one breath, one minute, one hour at a time. BTDT before. (((((((((((((hugs))))))))))) to all. Joan
Punch: I love Irish Coffee. Can I join you?
Love Cat
Me too, me too, Catwoman! I want coffee with Punch and Joan and you!
Cat--absolutely - clinking my mug to yours, which is a hot steamy irish coffee with a double shot and huge dollop of whipped cream (sorry, weight watchers!)
Judy--yes, hot steamer for you too--kahlua if you are in a Mexican coffee mood.
Let's just stick together and make each other laugh, comfort each other when we have to cry. Oh and Joan, throw out those strawberries and don't let them pressure you if you are just not in the mood! Plenty more where they came from, and for another time when you aren't this stressed!! xoxox PJ
Whipped cream - I wish! It is what I miss most with the dairy allergy.
The strawberries are cooked (with an orange blended up - peel and all), and smell delicious. The parcel for overseas is taped and just about ready to go. I did a lot of tidying of my computer today, so it was not unproductive.
jeanne -how did you make out with tidying your desk?
lisa - wondering about the sh*t storm too, and if there were any more squalls
judy - did you buy any hot nighties yet?
kimbee -worried about you - let us know how you are - I love the saying - "sometimes I'm not OK and you're not Ok but that's OK."
austin - wondering if you ended up looking after your mum after surgery
book - how is your health?
many, many, many hugs to everyone Joan
Kimbee - you are really going through it now - (((((hugs)))) and prayers for strength, and wisdom to make the best for your mum and for you. Again, my mantra, look after you -
Want a laugh? Mother, after telling me she wants nothing to do wiht me now wants to know why I am not in contact, and says if I want nothing to do with her it is OK with her! Yeah right. The funny thing is that she mentions she has some pimples, and the doc had given her ointment, and says, she, "That is the same condition the lady in BC has, who has the right for doctor assisted suicide isn't it? Wow! Talk about narcissism in full bloom. If she was impaired I could understand it, but she isn't. Never heard of physician assisted suicide for pimples!!! Oh Lord, you gotta laugh, or you would cry. Love and hugs
And thank you all for bearing with me, and for your prayers and support. I gave faith that God is working in this to accomplish His purposes. Gary is touched by the concern others are showing,
Love you all Joan
Kimbee: I hope things smooth out for you. Everything sounds exhausting.
Punch: I'll look forward to the Irish Coffee.
Lisa: Sounds like you have a couple of little DQ's in training on your bus. Keep your eyes on them and take care.
Book: I wish you could get away for a couple of days and just sleep.
Judy: Sending cyber hugs.
Love you all,
Lots happened here Friday night with DQ. Be back later to update.
Love you guys, lisa
I appreciate your comment, "just more ridiculous crap." Well, of course, what else could it be? Sad to say, that's all you can expect from your mom. On the up side, she is not capable of dragging you back into the middle of her drama or quilting you in to bringing her back to your home. OMG, can you even imagine having to lock your bedroom door at night again. No, No. Take a picture of your front door with the NO VACANCY sign on it and point out that the porch light is off. Make a number of copies and tape them to her mirror, hospital bed, toilet, refrigerator, inside of her apartment door, etc.
Sorry about all the goings on at the PIL's place. Hope things are back in place soon and your MIL can settle down.
Sending you love and hope the kids straighten up for the rest of the week.
Cat.
We were shocked and saddened to hear this news although we knew that Dameron had been battling a drug and alcohol problem for many years. My heart breaks for my BIL and SIL (these are the ones who drove to ND to be at my grand daughter's wedding) because they have done everything possible to help Dameron and his brother, Justin, since they were little guys.
The two boys are the children of my SIL's sister. Her ex-husband murdered her in her home when the boys were 8 and 5 years old. The boys witnessed the shooting. Rick and Cynthia (BIL & SIL) took the boys in and raised them as their own. Their biological father eventually died in prison from cancer.
Rick and Cyn have loved these two boys with all their hearts and have done all they could to give them every chance at a good life. Neither one of the boys can keep free of drugs and alcohol. It's just a crying shame as they were so bright and full of potential.
My SIL has been through a 3 year battle with colon cancer and is now doing well. Before that, they lost a grand child to a serious heart defect. Just a week ago, my SIL's older brother died from leukemia.
Rick and Cyn are such good and loving people and I know Cynthia is searching, once again, asking herself what she could have done differently. So painful for them.
We will be talking to them again tomorrow and making plans to go to California in the next day or so to be with them. Please say a prayer for them, Dameron and Justin.
Thanks my friends. Cat
Cat... Rick and Cynthia sound like great people who've been dealt a crappy hand. I can't imagine having to deal with a suicide. That, to me, is the most painful thing, ever - for the brother who found him and for the parents - I can't even begin to imagine the pain.
You've had a hard few months. You doing alright? You're on my mind.
I made a great Minestrone soup tonight and it's this stuff that makes me happy. Nothing fancy, just living and putting my life back together. Every day I just feel grateful to have the day. It's just that simple and it makes me happy.
My heart feels full of love for my husband and my son. I talked to my Granddaughter yesterday and she is so happy and doing so well and that makes my heart sing.
Now this thing happens, but I am so grateful that I can pull up stakes and go see Rick and Cyn. When Warren got off the phone with his brother, I told him, "we need to go down to Ca and be with them." He had tears in his eyes and said, "Yes, we need to go." Then we called our son to explain about Dameron and he wants to go with us. That would be wonderful. You know, it's just being a family and supporting each other.
Rick and Cyn are the people that we are closest to in the world. When Cyn was ill, I could not go see her because I had to take care of my dad. Before he had his stroke, there was no way he would have considered staying some place while we were gone and there was no way we could leave him here alone. After his stroke there was no way we could leave.
At least now we can leave and we have a good place to board the dogs so we can be available to support those we love without worry for the furry kids being cared for properly.
Judy, you are so right. Rick and Cyn are great people and they have been dealt a crappy hand. Suicide is such a burden for those left behind. I'm so sorry this has happened and at the same time I'm angry that, once again, they are left to pick up the pieces and try to make sense of it all.
My struggles seem pretty small compared to theirs. I'll keep you all posted and thanks for thinking of me. I think of you all the time.
Love and white light, Cat.