My mother moved in with me when my oldest sister dies who lived with her. My brother died when I was 9. My mother and 2 sisters have been addicted to pain meds for years. One sister comitted suicide and the other who lived with mom died when her colon died. Her body couldnt even process the pain meds anymore. Years ago I made the decision to walk away and would only hear from mom when the oldest sister drained her accounts . When she died my moms accountwas charged 983 dollars in overdraft charges alone. So my only option was to move her in. She was in the hole over 2000.00. My husband and I discussed it. We felt this may be a chance to form a friendship if nothing else.
It has been a battle since after the first 3 months. When she accused my daughters fiance of stealing her pain pills I took control of them. She is forced to go to a pain management dr to get her pain meds every 3 months. She goes in my room searching for them while we work. She accuses me of stealing her money. There is nothing wrong with my moms mind. Just this month alone she has spent 732.00 at qvc. She has spent 1000's with qvc since shes been here. Mom has copd and has oxegen in her room. In comes the worst of the argument. She smokes a pack a day in her bedroom and often dosent turn the oxegen off. Im terrified she will cause an explosion and kill us with her. When I take the cigs it turns into a horrible argument. My mother has treated her grandchildren so horribly none have been to my home for 2 years. She has a sister who will not even answer her phone when she calls. She asked a cousin if she could move in and was told no. So she informed me that I would have to have a judge remove her from my home. I accepted years ago that my mom had no use for me. At 10 years old she informed me that she couldnt believe god took johnny instead of me. I heard that for years. I would cry untill I matured and realized she was the one messed up not me.
Now I am 50 years old and taking the verbal abuse again. I hear about how fat I am and dumpy I am. I buy a new outfit and get told I look rediculous. I need some help trying to figure out how to get her out of here. I had to give her the pain meds back last week because she threatened to quit taking her other medicines and she would accuse me of keeping them from her. This is just the tip of the iceberg. Ive been happily married for 28 years to a wonderful man and have 2 beautiful daughters. We own our own home. She has her own room with a bath and never has anyone in my family not made her feel this wasnt her home too. We fix her plate every night, take her to dr. Appts, wash her clothes, and still she treats us this way. Anyone who can please guide me in the right direction I would be so grateful. I am so stressed. I cant sleep, ive gained 40 pounds and im tired everyday.
Have a blessed day
Beanie: Glad you are here. Tell us about your situation. Welcome aboard.
Love to all, Cat.
Cat, I'm so sorry about your nephew. Rick and Cyn... I really hope they're not wondering if they could have done more for him. (This has always been the one thing that held me back. I knew that fave sis would have blamed herself. As for all the other siblings, I didn't give a d*** about their feelings.) HUGS!!!
I have had a nasty computer virus, but think I am rid of it now. All the scans are clear. It took me a while to deal with it. Be darned if I am going to pay $100 for someone else to do it, and it keeps my mind active.
Clay is still progressing, There was a setback with more surgery for incision problems, and a staple they left in. Aaargh - like he needed more.
More snow, more and more. Much more than usual. Going to take out my crockpot and use it today - cold weather food calls. May make dumplings too. And I have found where I can buy boxes to ship jars of chutney!!!!
Lisa -can you convince that wonderful man of yours that :"No" is the right answer to anything to do with DQ? Anything else leads to a major soap opera. Oh well, it gives us a chance to put on our blue tights, shine up the tuna cans, and practice the - what was it, judy? - falcon jumps? Hope thngs settle down for Ray and Mary soon.
Beanie Hi, and yes we are nuts - the kind that keeps you from going crazy.
Book - I am so glad you are still with us - you are another feisty lady!
Lordy, I am turning into a girly, girl in my old age. Had problems with one of my gel nails the other night, and needed nail glue, The car was covered in about 4" of snow, but I put on my tights and tuna cans, went out brushed it off, and drove to the drug store in a snow storm for nail glue!!! I wouldn't have gone out for food, I would have made do if I had to, but I went for out nail glue! Don't tell me that old dogs can't learn new tricks! This old dog is still learning.
Hope everyone is having a decent day. Love and hugs Joan
Anyway, my research for self-esteem included dressing up to look good. So, even housewives should dress up - even if they're just going to be home all day. The thing is, every time you see yourself in the mirror (restroom, bedroom, etc..), you will see how pretty or nice you look. This will validate your self-worth. So, I would dress up even in the weekends, etc...Always....I've had friends who would drop by without calling - and compliment on my looks. Finally, several of them would tell me that no matter what time they drop by, I'm always dressed up. I explained why....Emjo, it doesn't have to be work clothes. I just make sure that my clothes are in good condition. If it's faded or tearing, I throw it. I wear nice clothes to go shopping or to the post office. BUT, I would not go out at night (night-blind) to go buy a nail glue! ;)
I need to take a lesson from Book and Emjo and start fixing myself up. Been walking around with chipped nail polish and a broken nail since I got back from my trip.
Glad Clay is progressing. Wish there was some way for him to get back to pre-head injury health.
What's the lastest on DQ, Lisa? Is she still at rehab (that is where she was going, right? I can't scroll back to earlier posts without losing this). With the holidays coming up, is she going to be brewing up another storm?
Cat, are you gone yet? Aren't you going to see Rick and Cyn? Sending you love and a big squishy hug.
Jeanne, your on my mind.
Where's Kimbee? Send a search party out for her, Lisa. I'm accounted for! Is there another Kim too?
Love, Cat
Saturday or Sunday. Hope u KAW r staying strong n TOUGH! luve u all, kimbee
And, thx for missing me ;)) !!
Kimbee, its good to see you back!
Emjo - the latest on Clay? U got any news?
Lisa - it is hilarious that DQ jumped out of bed. I think I understand Doug's concerns about power, but I honestly don't think you need it any more. Distance and detachment are power too - of a different kind. Thank you for the compliments. Got a new haircut and G calls it my young girl haircut -mind you - he was trying to get on the right side of me.;) Like Mary I find dressing up makes me feel better on a bad day.
Judy - falcon punch -OK call it a senior moment -i am entitled - sorry ur brother isn't well, he sounds like such a great guy, I wish there was some way to get Clay's health back too. Haven't heard anything new about him. How are you doing with the nail polish and nighties?
cat - wondering how you are and the grieving parents. Such a sad situation., ((((((hugs)))))
kimbee -so good to hear from you - busy busy I guess. we do miss you when you can't get here -take care of you!
punch, austin, Pam, everyone thinking of you
all's quiet on the western front re mother - doubt it will last, but am making the best of it. had my nails done again - pumpkin with gold flecks - should go well with the blue tights - and going for more stuff next week - I have some free coupons to use up in the next month. Hope I get more for Christmas!
Love and hugs Joan
Here's the sad news. My dear neighbor, the one who gave me the gift certificate for my birthday, just sold her house. Waaaaaaaaaa!!!!! I am so happy for her, but so sad for me. She is my morning walking partner and has been by my side through all of the stuff with my dad. I love her so much. She has a very spiritual side to her and her words are always a comfort to me. She is so honest with me and I so appreciate that about her.
Judy, you would love her. No way would she want to be a caretaker to parents. Nevertheless, she was to her husband who passed 9 years ago to prostrate cancer. She is such an amazing person and she is moving back to Alaska to be close to her daughter and grandchildren. So she will be far from me, but I know she will come to visit and I guess I just have to be grateful that she was here when I really needed her. She has brought many blessings into my life as have all of you.
The memorial service for Dameron will be next Saturday. As you know, we talk to Rick and Cyn daily. I called yesterday, but it was a bad time. Rick answered the phone and I could tell he was choked up. They were going through family pictures, looking at all the trips and special times they shared together. They were picking photos out for a slide show at the memorial. I can't imagine a harder thing to do. My heart just broke for them.
We talked about when they wanted us to come down. Did they want us to come now or a couple of days before the memorial. They want us to come just before the memorial so we can stay longer afterward. We just need that time together after all their responsibilities have been met. I'd love to be with them now, but I think they are in need of some private time to get things done and share their loss together. The more they process now, in the privacy of their lives, the more they can share when we get there. I'm good with that and remind them daily how much we love them. They know it and feel it. I am so looking forward to putting my arms around them. My husband is with his bother in spirit always. They talked this evening. I think we are joined in a very special way. I'm grateful for that.
Love to everyone, Cat
Cat - I agree with Lisa - its great that you'll be with Rick and Cyn after the service. They're keeping busy now with plans and preparations, but after the service, things will be quiet and without you and Warren there, they'll be alone with the emptiness. Maybe your presence there will ease them into it.
Pam! Where's Pam?
Hi, Beanie!
Hi, Book :)
Kimbee... you said you'd be here this weekend. Well?
I'm missing people here. Just can't go back and read to see just who while I comment.
Had sushi with my husband and two of the boys last night. The salt has me blown up like a parade float this morning. Joan, if I got that leopard nighty now, I'd look like I'd belong on that people of Walmart website.
Hope everyone has a good Sunday. I'm going to light some incense and power up. No more candy, no more moping. The AZ branch of the KAW is going to stand tall (and a little wider, but what the heck).
Judy: I can feel a power surge coming from Arizona. Sending white light to our AZ chapter to go along with the incense.
Lisa: We have been through a lot together on this thread. I appreciate all of you, the support you have given me and the fun things that we have shared.
Love to all, Cat
((((((((austin)))))))) YAY for you - way to go!!!! Well done!!!! Boy, a guy like that gives pastors a bad name. Hope you are doing OK now! There is bound to be some let down. Keep in touch - you have much of value to offer.
(((((((((Judy))))))) I buy nail olish for $1.99 from the drug store and do touch ups - but - I hear you!!! Hey, hang the tuna cans and decorate them first! Walmart website - LOL now that got me laughing. Oh my judy, that is quite a picture. Glad you had a nice evening with hubby and the boys. Drink lots of water to flush the salt out, keep taking the deep breaths, don't take sh*t from your mother, light some incense, puty on some uplifting music -you ARE a mighty woman of power, ,jude! The external appearance makes a difference. When Gordie was dying - his last day on earth, I dressed up in a nice outfit, did my hair etc and went to the hospital "armed" as a KAW. I was not having my son go through that major and final transition with me looking a wreck, and falling apart beside him. This was about him not me, and he needed my support. There was lots of time for my tears later. Lots. So I am visualizing you breathing deep, getting yourself together, and powering up -and remembering that no one needs to take abuse! The KAW is behind you! Falcon punches and all ;p
Lisa - Well done - I never thought of the three major transitions that cat has been through - . I did seen some wedding pics on facebook. Amanda is a real beauty and her dress was gorgeous! You have received much support but you have given much too (((((((((((((hugs))))))))) hope things settle down for a while at your end.
cat - thanks - I have some of those gloves too, the latex ones are useless for me. Never mind the arthritis ( I have a little too)- I am sure your nails look fab, and that enhances the whole hand. Yes, start looking after yourself where you are at, and let it grow. The best exercise advice I ever read was "Do more than you are doing now". Everyone can do that, while 30-40 mins 5 times a week may not be do-able.Every little bit counts, and the same with the eating habits. Do what you can today to make your diet healthier. We can only live now. I am so sorry your good neighbour is moving, but glad you have had her, and that she will come back and visit. Rick and Cyn are still in shock and will be for a while. They have much to do now, and time after with you and Warren will be invaluable. After is when it starts getting harder and - around three months usually the shock/numbness has worn off, and the BIG pain sets in. Then 6 months, 9 month (particularly bad), 1 year, and of course all the holidays - Thanksgiving,Christmas , birthdays. They are on an emotional rollercoaster ride, which will last several years, and they will never be the same, I know your heart is hurting for them, as well as your own loss of their child. Be sure to look after you. (((((((hugs)))))
thinking of everyone and hoping for a good day for all. Love hugs, and prayers - Joan
Do the shellac, Punch. Just once, and you'll be hooked. My neighbor bought a UV thing so that she can do her own. I'm not sure I'm that ambitious.
Punch good to hear from you - gel polish is great too and doesn't chip, and the James Bond collection has some great colours!
Jude and jessie - I think we could have a sub section of the KAW - for square footed women. - good for take off for the falcon punches. My feet are narrow heeled and square across the toes. There was a good looking guy on one of the online dating sites I frequented, and he wanted to meet stubby toed women! There is someone for everyone! I like my square feet too!
Kimbee -good to hear from you, and that you are surviving. Clay is home now with probably a long recovery ahead. Apparently he is still on oral meds as well as morphine - so his stomach will suffer and I expect this could happen again. Sounds like you had great fun at Halloween, and great that mum likes the kitty! Ah, a deer on dh's car - lots of damage I know. Hope your place is secure with all thse break ins going on.
Lisa - gather things are quiet right now. I know American thanksgivng is coming up. Hope you are going to hav a good time with Ray and Mary and that they both are doing reasonably well
Jeanne, thinking of you and Coy ((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))) and prayers
cat -hope you are doing OK . I know it is a difficult time for you and the inlaws ((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))) and prayers for you all too
austin - even with a difficult relationship, a death takes a toll more (((((((((((((((((((hugs )))))))))))))) and prayers
sharyn - and everyone else - how's it going?
had a little fibro flareup again - definitely related to weather and also diet. I really need to follow a hypoglycemic diet quite carefully.I think. Looking into volunteer work, as the hospital needs people. The down side is I don't want to catch every bug around. The upside is I would be in emerg escorting people around as the hospital is under renovations, so I would get to move around and deal with lots of different people. It is like United Nations here with people from around the world. I probably would recognise some ex students!
Thinking of all of you. Much love Joan
Your story of your granddaughter made me laugh. Yes, we could teach 'em, Years ago dd and I went on a shopping trip (good memories) and she commented that she could travel light. Well, guess who borrowed my hair stuff, a blouse. a belt..l. I could travel light too, if some one else would bring what I need,
Wild and crazy - right on!!! I would join you in a minute!!! Wouldn't it be fun!!!! For now, a morning nap - 4 hrs sleep again last night aaaargh!