My mother moved in with me when my oldest sister dies who lived with her. My brother died when I was 9. My mother and 2 sisters have been addicted to pain meds for years. One sister comitted suicide and the other who lived with mom died when her colon died. Her body couldnt even process the pain meds anymore. Years ago I made the decision to walk away and would only hear from mom when the oldest sister drained her accounts . When she died my moms accountwas charged 983 dollars in overdraft charges alone. So my only option was to move her in. She was in the hole over 2000.00. My husband and I discussed it. We felt this may be a chance to form a friendship if nothing else.
It has been a battle since after the first 3 months. When she accused my daughters fiance of stealing her pain pills I took control of them. She is forced to go to a pain management dr to get her pain meds every 3 months. She goes in my room searching for them while we work. She accuses me of stealing her money. There is nothing wrong with my moms mind. Just this month alone she has spent 732.00 at qvc. She has spent 1000's with qvc since shes been here. Mom has copd and has oxegen in her room. In comes the worst of the argument. She smokes a pack a day in her bedroom and often dosent turn the oxegen off. Im terrified she will cause an explosion and kill us with her. When I take the cigs it turns into a horrible argument. My mother has treated her grandchildren so horribly none have been to my home for 2 years. She has a sister who will not even answer her phone when she calls. She asked a cousin if she could move in and was told no. So she informed me that I would have to have a judge remove her from my home. I accepted years ago that my mom had no use for me. At 10 years old she informed me that she couldnt believe god took johnny instead of me. I heard that for years. I would cry untill I matured and realized she was the one messed up not me.
Now I am 50 years old and taking the verbal abuse again. I hear about how fat I am and dumpy I am. I buy a new outfit and get told I look rediculous. I need some help trying to figure out how to get her out of here. I had to give her the pain meds back last week because she threatened to quit taking her other medicines and she would accuse me of keeping them from her. This is just the tip of the iceberg. Ive been happily married for 28 years to a wonderful man and have 2 beautiful daughters. We own our own home. She has her own room with a bath and never has anyone in my family not made her feel this wasnt her home too. We fix her plate every night, take her to dr. Appts, wash her clothes, and still she treats us this way. Anyone who can please guide me in the right direction I would be so grateful. I am so stressed. I cant sleep, ive gained 40 pounds and im tired everyday.
Have a blessed day
Life is in an upheaval here. Nothing drastic, just feeling overwhelmed and sad with too much going on, and none of it very positive. I haven't posted much. Don't feel like talking, really. Just reading along occasionally. Miss you guys. I'll be back to immature myself in no time, I'm sure :) Just got to get a grip on my life. I'd love a tattoo, btw.
Joan... "romance and the runs"... OMG. You made me smile from ear to ear. I made the mistake of having whole wheat the other day. Uhh... gluten kills me. I should know better.
Dragging my fat butt to the gym this morning. Ugh.
Sent the letter to mother, She apologized today, but the apology was all about excuses and her home care issues, her health issues, her new doctor - nothing new. I know there is no way I could act for her as POA without abuse, unless she was unconscious. She might treat a non-family professional better.
Sunshine outside today, and 19 degrees - a little above average. Think I will brave the elements a little later on.
Prayers for this gut thing would be appreciated. I need to be rid if it!
((((((hugs))))) to all
Here's to you, JR! I bet you have them laughing in heaven already. ♥
On the home front mother has said she understands that I have Gary now, so I have no time for her!!!!! And that is the story she will tell anyone who will listen, to get their sympathy. Can you hear the violins playing? In fact, if she was not abusive, she would have both Gary and I to help her. Her choice!
I am so glad to see you write "but i'm out..i can't anymore..not good for me or my family."
You are correct about that! Stick to your guns. Usually we cannot save a person from themself.
Jeanne, I seem to remember that you were sending out job applications. I am wondering if anything is happening for you job-wise.
Lisa, you are quiet. How are the pils? Gosh that sounds like "pills", but they are not. Ray is having chemo now? I gather your DG is quiet. I wish!!!
Cat, jude, KIMBEE (capitals because I am calling). austin and all - hope quiet means life is good.
♥, hugs and prayers for all Joan
My sleep therapy (for Delayed Sleep Phase Disorder) is not going well at all. It is stressful.
Last night while not sleeping I was thinking about and missing Coy. I'm sure that is to be expected. This morning I awoke with general free-floating anxiety. You know, like "omg, I've got that root canal appointment in an hour" or "I have to go to the bank and straighten out that mess," but with no event or specific worry to attach it too. Actually, I'm on Lexapro for that kind of feeling (and others) but I'll admit I'm not taking my drugs very faithfully.
I see the sleep therapist Monday. I see the psychiatrist in two weeks. I see the sleep doctor in a month. I just got a packet from hospice to sign up for grief counseling. I'm not without resources.
I just need a hug!
Jeanne: A million hugs to you. I'm hugging you and hugging you. Let me just say that Paxil is a good antidepressant where anxiety is involved. You might want to consider it and give it a try. It sure works for me. I am an anticipator, someone who is always thinking ahead about what needs to be done, etc. It was a wonderful attribute for planning trips, etc for children with high-risk and terminal illnesses. It kept me a step ahead and helped me be prepared for all possible contingencies. On the down side, it doesn't let me rest. Paxil did not keep me from being pro-active, but it did keep a lot of the anxiety at bay. It's not the answer to everything, but I sure sleep better. Sleep is always a tough one for me. Sorry about the advise, but it's the price of hugs. Love you, Cat.
Lisa in quite a while. I guess everyone is busy... But Lisa how are your PIL's?
My sleep therapy isn't going so well, but we have a little different approach to try.
In the past few days on this forum I've been called "immature," "hostile," "critical," and "condescending." Sigh. It leads me to wonder if my communication skills are slipping or I'm getting careless repeating the same messages over and over or I just coincidentally encountered several people in a bad mood. I'm going to cut back on my participation here, but I'll continue to follow this thread.
Lisa dear, hang in there! Worry and sadness seem appropriate under the circumstances, but I wish you weren't in these circumstances. Jeanne
I've always enjoyed reading your advice and think your communication skills are fine. Take care.
I was forced to put him into an assisted living facility, but he got so depressed that he had to be hospitalized.
He was treated and sent to physical rehab for 5 weeks...now he is home...he would not go back to assisted living; though it was a very nice place.
I have medical issues of my own and cannot care for his many needs.
How do I have him removed from the home if it is affecting my health?
He is of sound mind, but does not want to hear any of my problems in caring
for him.