My mother moved in with me when my oldest sister dies who lived with her. My brother died when I was 9. My mother and 2 sisters have been addicted to pain meds for years. One sister comitted suicide and the other who lived with mom died when her colon died. Her body couldnt even process the pain meds anymore. Years ago I made the decision to walk away and would only hear from mom when the oldest sister drained her accounts . When she died my moms accountwas charged 983 dollars in overdraft charges alone. So my only option was to move her in. She was in the hole over 2000.00. My husband and I discussed it. We felt this may be a chance to form a friendship if nothing else.
It has been a battle since after the first 3 months. When she accused my daughters fiance of stealing her pain pills I took control of them. She is forced to go to a pain management dr to get her pain meds every 3 months. She goes in my room searching for them while we work. She accuses me of stealing her money. There is nothing wrong with my moms mind. Just this month alone she has spent 732.00 at qvc. She has spent 1000's with qvc since shes been here. Mom has copd and has oxegen in her room. In comes the worst of the argument. She smokes a pack a day in her bedroom and often dosent turn the oxegen off. Im terrified she will cause an explosion and kill us with her. When I take the cigs it turns into a horrible argument. My mother has treated her grandchildren so horribly none have been to my home for 2 years. She has a sister who will not even answer her phone when she calls. She asked a cousin if she could move in and was told no. So she informed me that I would have to have a judge remove her from my home. I accepted years ago that my mom had no use for me. At 10 years old she informed me that she couldnt believe god took johnny instead of me. I heard that for years. I would cry untill I matured and realized she was the one messed up not me.
Now I am 50 years old and taking the verbal abuse again. I hear about how fat I am and dumpy I am. I buy a new outfit and get told I look rediculous. I need some help trying to figure out how to get her out of here. I had to give her the pain meds back last week because she threatened to quit taking her other medicines and she would accuse me of keeping them from her. This is just the tip of the iceberg. Ive been happily married for 28 years to a wonderful man and have 2 beautiful daughters. We own our own home. She has her own room with a bath and never has anyone in my family not made her feel this wasnt her home too. We fix her plate every night, take her to dr. Appts, wash her clothes, and still she treats us this way. Anyone who can please guide me in the right direction I would be so grateful. I am so stressed. I cant sleep, ive gained 40 pounds and im tired everyday.
Have a blessed day
Your mom is so damaged and has such mental illness. I can't imagine living with that all these many years. What a horrible life. You are the one child who was the faithful witness to all that happened. You have a light in you that shines and that is a gift from God. For what ever reason, someone had to witness all this pain and that person was you. Maybe someone on the planet has to be able to see and experience all of this and then have the capacity to forgive. I sure don't know how the universe works or how God works, but maybe those of us who can offer forgiveness form a bridge for others to get them to the other side.
I hate to say this, but if your mom leaving this world frees her of the prison she has lived in all her life, then I hope she can leave and be forgiven and renewed.
Sending you love, my tuna can sister. Just know I am keeping your mom in my prayers for all the right reasons.
Love, Cat
Hugs, Cat
Karen, are you getting through this at least semi OK?
Jeanne, I am glad to see you posting, you always give such great advice! But how are You doing?
Praying for all my KAW friends and sending love.
Cathorn
Rules is rules my darling, and if she breaks them and is anti-social, well, pack it in.
We are not saints, we are humans who have a threshold point, and why put yourself in a box over this appalling behaviour.
Many of these old people would have died through all kinds of other illnesses and doctors can sometimes do too much.
Many do not wish to continue to live as well.
I really feel sorry for you, but you need to take control, if she behaves like a child, then you have to tell her you too will have to treat her like a child.
If that all fails, make the call, and say you have had enough....
Been reading for the last 2.5 days. The entire thread. It amazes me how we as adult children suffer the abuse that these parents bestow upon us.
I had my mother stay with me for 2 months in California and I just about lost it. I needed to vent and see if I was the only adult daughter who was having such difficulties with a parent and I found this site. I also started a blog: "adult daughters of narcissistic mothers." It's all about them.
I finally cut the ties. My mother went back to Chicago and I don't call her. She calls me. She leaves voice messages, as to "Why I don't talk to her?" She has to be in such denial.
I have heard the same ugly words that Lisa has and I was physically abused as well.
My mother left in January 2012 and I'm still working thru the hurt, the rejection and trying to make piece within myself. I don't think I will shed a tear when she dies. She was mean and nasty to me. She wants to blame it on age and her illness. No dice. She always was mean spirited, all her life.
I have been reading all the post and I was in my PJ's yesterday all day. Got coffee, read, made breakfast and had it on my desk while reading. Lunch, reading, reading and reading......finally I had to run and meet a friend for dinner, came back and started reading more............. Lisa..... I have been there where you'v been, my only problem has been that in the last 12 years since I divorced I have been on my own. My ex was great at being my buffer from my Mother. You still have Dough.
Distance is the only way I know how to handle my situation. The less contact the better. It makes me sad because I really don't have anyone. My children are in another state and they have disconnected them self from my mother. She was over bearing and demanding to a point that my kids fled from her.
Like you, I believe I'm still in the mids because she is still alive and I don't know how this will play out, but for now I'm keeping my distance. I have an Uncle, her brother he is keeping me informed via my Aunt.
Ahhh Mothers Day, I'm struggling with Mothers Day. I ask myself do I call or send a card? Or do nothing. I don't have the warm and fuzzy feeling and yet I feel guilty. She instilled guilt in me. This woman said to me twice in my life time: "I wish you were never born, you bastard." Once when I was 17 yrs old and the other time, December 29th, 2012 and I'm 63 years old. Can you imagine? What possess a mother to be so hateful to her child. I'm her only child. I'm numb.
I can go on and on, but I know all of you know that we have mothers from hell. We just have to deal with it.
Other than that, I want to say I have enjoyed all of you giving your input and then some.
I do have a blog on here and I have communicated with some Ladies and Gentlemen, they were wonderful and I just have been laying low and working on myself.
God is good.
Question:
To call, send card for Mothers Day? Or do absolutely nothing? And what do the Kick Ass Girls say?