My mother moved in with me when my oldest sister dies who lived with her. My brother died when I was 9. My mother and 2 sisters have been addicted to pain meds for years. One sister comitted suicide and the other who lived with mom died when her colon died. Her body couldnt even process the pain meds anymore. Years ago I made the decision to walk away and would only hear from mom when the oldest sister drained her accounts . When she died my moms accountwas charged 983 dollars in overdraft charges alone. So my only option was to move her in. She was in the hole over 2000.00. My husband and I discussed it. We felt this may be a chance to form a friendship if nothing else.
It has been a battle since after the first 3 months. When she accused my daughters fiance of stealing her pain pills I took control of them. She is forced to go to a pain management dr to get her pain meds every 3 months. She goes in my room searching for them while we work. She accuses me of stealing her money. There is nothing wrong with my moms mind. Just this month alone she has spent 732.00 at qvc. She has spent 1000's with qvc since shes been here. Mom has copd and has oxegen in her room. In comes the worst of the argument. She smokes a pack a day in her bedroom and often dosent turn the oxegen off. Im terrified she will cause an explosion and kill us with her. When I take the cigs it turns into a horrible argument. My mother has treated her grandchildren so horribly none have been to my home for 2 years. She has a sister who will not even answer her phone when she calls. She asked a cousin if she could move in and was told no. So she informed me that I would have to have a judge remove her from my home. I accepted years ago that my mom had no use for me. At 10 years old she informed me that she couldnt believe god took johnny instead of me. I heard that for years. I would cry untill I matured and realized she was the one messed up not me.
Now I am 50 years old and taking the verbal abuse again. I hear about how fat I am and dumpy I am. I buy a new outfit and get told I look rediculous. I need some help trying to figure out how to get her out of here. I had to give her the pain meds back last week because she threatened to quit taking her other medicines and she would accuse me of keeping them from her. This is just the tip of the iceberg. Ive been happily married for 28 years to a wonderful man and have 2 beautiful daughters. We own our own home. She has her own room with a bath and never has anyone in my family not made her feel this wasnt her home too. We fix her plate every night, take her to dr. Appts, wash her clothes, and still she treats us this way. Anyone who can please guide me in the right direction I would be so grateful. I am so stressed. I cant sleep, ive gained 40 pounds and im tired everyday.
Have a blessed day
By the way, what was your mom's reaction to their comments about how she has treated them all their lives?
I also want to make a comment about my previous post regarding your mom going to a warmer climate. It was just a knee jerk reaction to the oblivious poster who preceded me. I thought it was funny and didn't think it would offend you or those who have been involved in this thread from the beginning.
Nevertheless, let me tell you what I really think about God's forgiveness. I don't know why some people are born into this world with a mental defect that allows them to torment and warp the poor children that have to endure their sickness. It's sad to think that their mental defects can be genetically transmitted to some of their offspring, obviously you are not one of them, and that the treatment those same offspring receive from that parent reinforces the negative DNA. And it gets passed down, through reinforcement by cruel bad behavior and some genetic weaknesses.
In the end, however, I have to believe that God can see someone who has been given to many flaws and that he can feel some mercy for them. It's not for me to judge which climate she will ultimately end up in. My comment was just a flip reaction and not heart felt.
I am always relieved to know that I am not God. I figure all of this shit is his problem. That's why he gets the big bucks.
Just wanted to offer that clarification. My weird sense of humor just got the best of me.
FYI, I'm not sure your evil nephew has any of your mom's stuff. I think he probably already hocked it, so I'm with you and not sure of the benefit of a Saturday visit.
Love you, Lisa. Hugs, Cattails
Going to the lake......going to the lake.......going to the lake......... YEAH, summer is just starting. Love, Cattails
"Lake, here I come!" :)
Wash away the dust and the dirt. Breathe deep. Know you have done all that you can do, and more than you should have done. Enjoy your life, now freer than ever before. You have earned it and you deserve it. Hugs to you and all your family. (((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))) Joan
In any case, the social worker can't offer you that role. Only your mother can. Somehow I don't think that is going to happen, unless she figures out a way for it to make you miserable.
Just say NO.
...it's almost over ... it's almost over ... it's almost over ... it's almost over ...
You have gone the extra mile and then some - and need to not do it anymore. Let the social workers figure it out, and deal with her. Let it go!(((((hugs)))))
Hey, I wasn't too far off about nephew and the pawn shops. Well, the good news is that it's summer and your mom can save a little cash between now and fall. I don't feel sorry for her. If she wasn't such a hateful person, she might be able to access her brain instead of her anger.
Don't go shopping with your mom alone this weekend. Have Doug go with you. Get her chair and table and then kick her miserable, stupid ass to the curb.
Make sure the social worker understands you do not want to be involved in your mom's problems or her life.
Love and Hugs, Cattails