My mother moved in with me when my oldest sister dies who lived with her. My brother died when I was 9. My mother and 2 sisters have been addicted to pain meds for years. One sister comitted suicide and the other who lived with mom died when her colon died. Her body couldnt even process the pain meds anymore. Years ago I made the decision to walk away and would only hear from mom when the oldest sister drained her accounts . When she died my moms accountwas charged 983 dollars in overdraft charges alone. So my only option was to move her in. She was in the hole over 2000.00. My husband and I discussed it. We felt this may be a chance to form a friendship if nothing else.
It has been a battle since after the first 3 months. When she accused my daughters fiance of stealing her pain pills I took control of them. She is forced to go to a pain management dr to get her pain meds every 3 months. She goes in my room searching for them while we work. She accuses me of stealing her money. There is nothing wrong with my moms mind. Just this month alone she has spent 732.00 at qvc. She has spent 1000's with qvc since shes been here. Mom has copd and has oxegen in her room. In comes the worst of the argument. She smokes a pack a day in her bedroom and often dosent turn the oxegen off. Im terrified she will cause an explosion and kill us with her. When I take the cigs it turns into a horrible argument. My mother has treated her grandchildren so horribly none have been to my home for 2 years. She has a sister who will not even answer her phone when she calls. She asked a cousin if she could move in and was told no. So she informed me that I would have to have a judge remove her from my home. I accepted years ago that my mom had no use for me. At 10 years old she informed me that she couldnt believe god took johnny instead of me. I heard that for years. I would cry untill I matured and realized she was the one messed up not me.
Now I am 50 years old and taking the verbal abuse again. I hear about how fat I am and dumpy I am. I buy a new outfit and get told I look rediculous. I need some help trying to figure out how to get her out of here. I had to give her the pain meds back last week because she threatened to quit taking her other medicines and she would accuse me of keeping them from her. This is just the tip of the iceberg. Ive been happily married for 28 years to a wonderful man and have 2 beautiful daughters. We own our own home. She has her own room with a bath and never has anyone in my family not made her feel this wasnt her home too. We fix her plate every night, take her to dr. Appts, wash her clothes, and still she treats us this way. Anyone who can please guide me in the right direction I would be so grateful. I am so stressed. I cant sleep, ive gained 40 pounds and im tired everyday.
Have a blessed day
I don't think she will be walking to other locations to find a phone to call you from. If she does and you answer the phone, just tell her that you do not want to talk to her and hang up. It might be good to keep a log of the number of times she calls.
I agree that if Doug has numerous clients, then it's not really practical to change the home phone number. Let's find another way to skin this cat....ouch, that hurt, but you get what I'm saying. There has to be a way.
I hope Beth gets a good laugh out of this when you've explained it to her.
Keep us posted. It'd never dull and we love you.
Cattails.
Does your Nephew have $20.00 for the moving van? He might also be required to have a credit card. If these are problems for him, he may rather just make a number of trips rather than have to deal with your mom and the U-Haul company. Just wondering if this could be holding him up.
Didn't you have some nieces that were going to help move your mom's stuff at one time? Can they be contacted and asked to help your nephew.
Do you have caller ID? If not, call the phone company and have it added asap. It can be done right away. If you have it, then you know when your mom is calling and you can just let it ring.
Maybe I suffer from a mental problem, but I would be laughing my ass off that she is calling and leaving hateful messages. To hell with her. She can't do anything to you.
The furniture belongs to you, so the answer is NO. She can pitch a fit and fall in it, but the answer is still NO. Maybe nephew can take her to Wally World, Costco, or wherever for a chair or chest. Is her new abode furnished? Either way, not your problem. She can skip on line shopping and put her money towards what she needs. It's got nothing to do with you.
I suggested some time back that you change your phone number. Others have mentioned it too. I seriously think you will need to do that once she gets moved. She's going to get pissed off from time to time and she will call you, especially when she finds some of her photos missing. Maybe you can all, including Doug's office, check with your phone providers and see if you can block her phone number from calling your home. I don't know if that possible, but it would be an easy solution.
I also would suggest that you change the locks on your house or add additional security locks. If you have a home alarm system, change the code.
Here's the good news. She is not under your roof anymore. She can't come and bang on your bedroom door in the middle of the night anymore. And there are solutions to her nasty phone habits.
My heart goes out to you, but you will get through this week. You keep posting and letting us know what's going on. Remember, Breath, hahahahahaha, breath, hahahaha.
Love and Hugs, Cattails
Everyone seems to be a bit better. It's good to see such soothing posts for a change. Off to be with dad. Love to all.
JudymW: My poor angel: Damn those nasty scorpions. Don't have em in Washington. Come live by me!!!!
Endo: Take care and God Bless.
How's our Rebecca doing?
Love to all, Cattails
Endofmyrope, you inspire me with how forgiving you are. Truly. My jaw was hanging open when I read how your siblings reacted to you.
As for me.. a dang scorpion stung my foot last night and I'm still all tingles and a bit pukey. Icing my toe. Shopping at a flea market with Lisa and SuperDoug sounds like much more fun than icing my fat foot. It could be worse though.. my friend got stung on her butt when she sat down on her bed a few weeks ago! (And it gave me a good excuse to stay home from Mom's today. I'd intended on going over there but I'd rather get stung by scorpions :)
~ John Lennon
This is not about romantic love. It is about a higher form of love. The truth is that there is only one single truth in life. It all boils down to the one and only element be all desire, and that is LOVE. The rest despite how hurtful it may be is not real. It is surface negativity to mask our pain, and each and every one of is suffering. Our abusive parents, family members, friends and strangers are carrying deep old pain. We cling to it like armor fearing if we let lt down we will die. Some of us don't know how to dig our ways out of our own hells. It takes courage and work. In times of deep crisis we can either hang on for dear life to out angers, and grudges in order to deal with guilt, hurt and the need to blame others. That . . . That is the very time we must rise up to our higher selves, and forgive everything. It's called unconditional love; a term most of us think we have but in truth are unable to truly give. My father after spending his entire life doing nothing but giving to his whole family has for the first time for one thing. He asked that we all make up, and be a loving family. In front of he, and the rest of my very hateful family I apologized for any pain I have ever brought them. I sincerely with all my heart in front of dad asked them if we could start fresh from this moment to make a clean start forgiving everything hurtful we have brought to each other. They waved it off, and continued to point their fingers at me. I told them this is not unconditional; not what dad has requested. Still, despite their cold words of saying they have nothing to forgive in completely insincerity I told them I would try till my dying day. I will not see them when dad dies but I will have my therapist call them twice a month asking them to please come in to honor dads last, and only wish. I told them how much I love them, and how this is all I also ever wanted; just love between us all. They each said they would not come to any meetings in front of dad, but I refused to bite on any crap. My father was elated, and so please that I reached out right there in front of him. He wants to believe this so much, and despite my belief that they will never give this I feel I at least honored his wishes, and he knows it for real. Yes my friends, the one and only truth in this cruel world we live in is LOVE . . . Period. Thank you all for helping me get through these last hellish years. I know I didn't get to know you as much as you all did but I was all wrapped in a horrible situation, and caring for him 24/7. I lived here with him, and had to ward off a family that constantly attacked me. I will continue to stay in touch when he's gone to help in any way I can. LOVE to all you ANGELS. YOU are all EXTRAORDINARY HUMAN BEINGS.
Austin and Rebecca, I hope God gives your hearts comfort.
Endof: Hoping the best for your father.
Love to all, Cattails
Am glad to see that there are no new posts about "mom"...no news is good news.
Thinking about EOMR and hoping she is finding strength to meet her challenge head on.
Peace to you all.