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Me too I was caring for my sister when I was 7 and her and my brother when I was 9 and expected to clean the house while she worked now a days that would be child abuse.
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(((((((Lisa)))))) you are one strong woman. Mother denies everything too, or rationalizes it quote "The reason I said that to you when you were a teen was to stop you from becoming a prostitute",. Oh yes, mother, I am sure your hurftul, twisted words stopped me from becoming a prostitute. There was so much insanity. Thankfully, and I give all the glory to God, I knew from an early age it was crazy, and I also knew it wasn't me.I remember at a very young age thinking it through, and accepting I was not perfect, and I would make mistakes, but even though I did make mistakes, no one deserved the treatment I was getting. When I say mistakes, I was a pretty normal kid who played with her friends, and actually did very well in school, though it was never worth of any praise. A mistake which warranted being ripped up verbally was, for example, not cleaning the kitchen table properly when I was about 8 years old, and believe me, I tried my very best to do a good job. I am so glad those days are long gone.
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Austin and Lisa: I never had it anywhere as bad as you two. I was the oldest of our and my parents just felt the need to be harsh and I think I was just a sensitive soul. My dad was raised by a father that was pretty harsh too. Sins of the father so to speak. I remember once, I was in grammar school and I lied to my dad about something because I didn't want a beating. Well, he caught me in the lie and he told me he was going to call the school principal. He was going to have the principal call an assembly out on the play ground and he was going to have me stand up on a stage with the principal while he told all the kids and teachers what a liar I was. For months I was afraid to go to school. My teachers liked me and it was a place where I did well. I just knew that I would lose their respect and be all alone.

After my parents moved here, I was driving with my mom one day and childhood stuff came up in the conversation. I told her about what my dad had said and she actually remembered it. She said, "Oh yeah, I remember that. I didn't think it was very nice." If she would have just said that to me then, when I was a child, it would have meant so much. She was never one to make me feel good about myself.

My brother had an imaginary friend. His name was Keith and he lived in the night light in his room. We use to call him "mouth full of teeth Keith." Don't remember if he had teeth, guess he must have.

Well all of you friends are not imaginary or invisible. You are as real as the air I breath and I am grateful for each and every one of you.

Good night and God Bless. Cattails.
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How appropriate Judy. We all have an invisible friend. I like it. Like you I sure hope eomr can get back and let us know how things are going. Unfortunately I've seen death drive families further apart. I pray for so much better for her. You are in all our prayers girl!
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End of my rope! I keep checking back to see if you've posted about your dad. I'm so sorry. You've been on my mind all day. This website is pretty addictive once you start chatting and feel that you know a few people a little tiny bit. Invisible friends. I've always wanted one.
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I know Austin. My mom has never ever accepted responsibility for the horrible physical and verbal abuse she dished out. At times I've brought her abuse of myself and the middle sister. She would get furious. And then actually believe that she could make me remember it differently. So one time I went and put pajama bottoms on that I could pull up and make her look at the scars on the inside of my thighs where the end of that orange rubber race track would snap. I'm a firm believer that you reap what you sow. She's been reaping for a long time. I found out when I was 16 I had a different father than the other 3. She never would tell me who he was. My grandma gave me his name before she died. When I was 8 months pregnant with Jen mom called me at work and told me he died. She would take me to funeral home if I wanted. Told her no thanks. I hung up. I found out I had a brother and sister out ther. Doug and I started looking. I first found my uncle. He was federal judge Ron Meredith. I went to meet him in his chambers. Within a week, he flew my siblings in to meet me. Of course mom was livid. In the end, we email each other and call. I had to shield them from my toxic family the same as I did my girls. My uncle died of cancer 7 years after I found him. 7 years I'll always treasure. So Austin hold onto your sister. What I wouldn't give to have that friendship with someone I grew up with. I believe in not mincing words. This is just my way but I had to address these acts of violence towards me. She didn't have to verbally admit it. It was in her eyes
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I am also thinking of my childhood and am still so angery with my mother-but my sister and I are closer since I talked with her about it-she is 7 years younger and did not know a lot of what went on and I know I will never have a good relationship with our mother but as my sister says she and our aunt rewrite history and she never says she is sorry for anything and I know if we talked about she would denie everything that was bad.
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Happy Friday everyone. I'm actuall sitting here with the whole evening to myself. Doug, Chris and Jennifer went fishing, and then at dark they will be frog gigging. Yuk! The fishing I love. Keep the frogs. They've been gone an hour and already called twice. I feel like they are scared to leave me alone because they think something may happen with mom or nephew. I wish I could make them understand I'm ok. Remember I said it was awful telling things to the social worker in front of Jen? I never ever wanted her to hurt for me. And I know she does. When she looks at me? I swear I see a new respect in her eyes. I don't know how to explain it? And she asks me everyday, " have you spoke with the kick ass girls today?" I need to make them understand I survived a childhood with that woman. I came out stronger and I will this time too.
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(((((((endof))))) I am so sorry about your dad, and also about the ongoing
lack of caring by your sibs and their nastiness to you.. What the others have said is good. You can hold you head high, that you have cared for your father so well, all these years, despite your own problems, I hope once he passes, your life opens up and is more rewarding, Hugs and prayers, Joan
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Endof: I'm so sorry to hear about your dad. That must have been such a shock. For some reason, I think it was a good thing that your sib(s) were the ones in charge and with him when this happened. It at least kept you out of that loop.

I agree that now is the time to focus solely on your dad. The rest can wait. I wish him a peaceful loving passing. Hugs, Cattails.
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End of, so sorry bout your father. I hope you can take some comfort from the fact that you have been there for him. Let him know your there. Talk to him. If he's unconscious, keep talking to him. I'm sure that will give him great comfort. Your dad will be taking that wonderful journey into Jesus arms. He will be your guardian angel as you too start your new journey into living life again. Stay strong. It's all about the father you love so much. I'll be praying for u both. Lisa
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Endof....sorry to hear about this...especially the fact that it all came as a shock because the sibs didn't keep you in the loop. Since he is critical, try your best to focus on your Father, and what you want to do for him at this time. Even though it will not be easy, try not to even think about your sibs if you don't have to. There will be plenty of time to deal with them (or not) later. Put your energy into keeping yourself strong and doing what you need to do for your Dad so you don't get distracted on the static with them. Peace to you.
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Endof Do not let their behaivor affect you just remember you have all of us on your side we are not armed and dangerous-we care for you and their visits will get shorted probably it is all for show and you are there because you care.
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Hi guys,

My dad is in the hospital dying. It will only be a couple of days if that. Sisters never even called me to tell me. He was sent to ICU right during dialysis yesterday. We had the big "family meeting" with his dr.'s,, and staff yesterday concerning his wishes. This is so sad, and scary especially being all alone in a room filled with 5 hateful "family" members. Youd think they'd put down their guns at this sad sad time but they are armed even more. Most difficult thing of my life. I've been staying with him for hrs. They still don't stay too long, the one good thing. Love to all.
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Sending love to all of your family, Lisa, and all reading this. Your Mom is off on a new journey, and so is the rest of her family...thanks to you. Xoxoxojb
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Thank you Cattails, but you are among my stars,too. I am so sorry Lisa has had to survive this experience but thankful our paths crossed. I hope everyone sleeps well and love to you all. Rebecca
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Lisa: Sorry about the knot on your head and the nasty 5 year old. I'm so glad your nephew, Jason, is back in your life. How wonderful to have grass mowed and dinner going. You have so many people that love you. And you have so many people to love. How nice is that? It's wonderful.

Rebecca will find a site for your niece. Rebecca, you are a special star in the universe. Love to everyone, Cattails.
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Lisa, you have my sympathy during these last few weeks of school! Teachers think it is tough, but bus drivers have the most rewarding yet difficult job. I hope you will look after yourself and understand that your mind is one big jumble of emotions, thoughts, and what-ifs. Most of us have them daily, and I don't think we can get rid of them totally. Try to vent with us, a journal, and anyone you trust. I started making lists for some bizarre reason during my toughest times and read them the next day. I was able to pick out the items that really meant something to me and focus on them. Don't try to unpack all of your baggage at once. I will be looking out for a site for your niece. We are all so proud of you and are still here.Rebecca
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Last 24 hours have been trying. As much as I love my job I do get runs that are crazy bad. Someone thru something from the back of the bus yesterday and hit me in the head. So that one is the worse elementary run we have out of our compound. Today? I get to drive our second worse elem run and a 5 year old tells me to lick his sweaty balls. so I get a knot the size of an egg on my noggin, a 5 year old gets paddled right at the bus stop when he gets off bus by his nana who is raising him, and still it's been an amazing 24 hours. No phone calls from mom or nephew. Niece will be here at 10 Saturday morning to help me finish packing. My wonderful nephew, Jason, came over when he got off work and had our grass cut and dinner on. So glad he got here before Beth left for work. He's the son of my sister who committed suicide. So proud of him. His sister too. Soon for the first time in 2 years I'll have them both here to enjoy. My niece has horrible guilt over her mother. She called her the night she killed herself and she wouldn't answer the phone that late cause it usually meant she was drunk and on Meds, going into one of her tirades. Too much baggage my mother and sisters have left everyone with. Hopefully this will be a step forward for all of us. Wonder if I could find a website for my niece for survivors of suicide family members. Love you friends!!!!
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elisa601 - have you tried to contact someone from the division of health and social services? Also, you need to be taking care of your health in order to take care of your mom. You sound like a very caring daughter and i really feel bad about your situation. Please take care of yourself as you can be heading towards a nervous breakdown. so sad for you! lindag1
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OK, Judy, I'm all for burning sage, but this room could probably use a priest or an exorcist.

All joking aside, Lisa I want you to stay close. Somewhere back Rebecca made a comment that is worth repeating. She said something like, "Sometimes the aftermath of a crisis is more difficult than the crisis." Not a direct quote and I can't go back and capture her exact words without losing this post, so I am just putting forth the jest of it. What she said is so true.

Lisa, you have had 2 years of your mom. There has to be some residual regrets and anguish here. I would not be surprised to find you struggling at some point, though I am hoping you won;t, but just be open to your feelings and share them with us. Post traumatic stress syndrome is a real thing. I'm not suggesting that you are doomed to suffer it, but I am suggesting that you be mindful of your feelings. You won't miss your mom, but you may have some difficulties as a result of having her so close for too long. It's hard to wash evil out of our lives, even she is gone. It's not like shampoo; a wash and everything is clean again.

This thread is about you. I think Rebecca and others have a lot to share here and I hope we all continue to support you and also ourselves.

Love and Hugs, Cattails.
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Negative energy is right, Kimbee. I'd have to clean and gut the room and burn some sage in it.
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Lisa, We are all so proud of you! Amazing strength and accomplishment here! Glad you didn't get weak and let her be sent back to you. Stay strong. Keep that boundary set; she will try to push on it as things will surely not go her way. She threw away the best option she could have ever had. Won't it feel good to have that bad energy completely gone from your house when you get everything out of her room? The room might need a rest as much as you do, after all this. Your perseverence has and will continue to inspire many others. Breaking the cycle of abuse is no easy feat. You are a survivor and have shown your daughters not only how to be kind and help others, but also to be strong, stand up for yourself and family, and not accept abuse. This lesson will be one they will always remember. Please keep posting what is going on with you and your super family. Like cat said, change your locks and phone. It will take her a while to realize she can't re-engage you, and I'm sure she will try with all her might. Stand firm! And then keep standing firm some more. Think about the struggle you have endured and why you don't want to let her come back in the future--while it's fresh in your mind, write it down, and put it where you can refer to it later. In the future, when she says she is "clean" or she is so frail you can't help but feel sorry for her because she is your mom, get that paper out and re-read it. You deserve to get your happiness and life back and keep them for good! As the other ladies here, I am praying for you and will continue. You make us proud. Job well done! kimbee.
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Woooohoooo! I'm going to drink an icy gin and tonic in your honor after dinner. Ya, you made the right decision! I wish I lived closer to help you purge the room.
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eldestdaughter, Let me start with saying that I too have been a caretaker for my mom and also with my grandparents. I was born very late in life for my parents my dad was already a senior when I was born, so I have been living with the elderly all my life. I now work with 2 different NH's in our area. I'm not a nurse but a marketer.
Believe me the statement you made about belief is 2 sided. On one hand the parent wants everything their way just as a small child would. You know how some children will do and say anything to get their way, well so do the elderly. Most staff don't really put to much into it, but sometimes it is believable and we have to ask. Most is not. I got to the point with my mom and believe me she was a great mom but everytime I wanted to go somewhere with my husband and family she would get sick and in the hospital. I got to the point of not telling her or the facility that I was going somewhere until the day before. She did not have time to get sick that way. Some people that work in NH's have the tack of asking questions of a toad. You know how some doctors don't have bedside manners well neither nursing staff in the facilities as most are under paid for the services they are required to preform and they are over worked, And then to top it off, the families and the patients are very demanding. I sit at my desk and watch what the CNA's are required to do each day and to be honest I could not do it. I cared for my mom an grandparents because it was needed and because of who they were.
Could I do it today, only for my family. Deal only with the head nurse, social worker or the administrator is something needs addressing. Business office staff for the financial stuff otherwise everyone you talk to will give you their opinion or acct of the problem. This is the longest comment I have written yet, thanks for reading.

Lisa we are proud of you for standing up for what's right. God Bless.
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Ooops that should have been "just try to make sure and SHORE up your own psyche"
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No doubt she will spew venom that YOU made her go to a nursing home, but just remember that SHE is the one who made the phone call that required her to leave in the first place....not to mention the torment she caused that made living with her impossible in the first place. There will likely be backlash as she spins her own version of what happened and you will not be the hero in her story (but you ARE to all of US!), so just try to make sure and sore up your own psyche and not let her have a chance to shoot an arrow to your weak spot. I'm so proud of you and feel such joy that this was resolved.

I learned so much and I want the thread to continue just so we can all stay in touch.....I've been thinking about starting a thread on why it is that people seem to think that just because someone is old/older they are sweet/nice/kind? When we with abusive parents have a crisis and have to interact with health care professionals, almost without fail, they side with the *poor* elderly parent rather than with the children, who might be reacting to decades of abuse from their parent. I get tired of the staff at my Dad's nursing home looking at me in disbelief when I say something that doesn't not put my father first. He acts all nice to them and then is terrible to us, plus they have NO idea what he did to us 25 years ago. Reading that Lisa had to keep explaining the situation at the ER and how they reacted to her in disbelief made me very angry, and I'm really sorry that it happened to her and to all of us. Congrats on your move away from torment!! When will we start working on that book? :)
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Awesome, Lisa. Great outcome!
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Wonderful news. Putting my coffee cup down so I can jump around and do my happy dance. Love, Cattails.
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Social worker arranged for mom to go to nursing facility today. Apt won't be ready till the first. I made the right decision friends. I could not have done 2 more weeks. Peaceful move and won't have to deal with her.
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