My mother moved in with me when my oldest sister dies who lived with her. My brother died when I was 9. My mother and 2 sisters have been addicted to pain meds for years. One sister comitted suicide and the other who lived with mom died when her colon died. Her body couldnt even process the pain meds anymore. Years ago I made the decision to walk away and would only hear from mom when the oldest sister drained her accounts . When she died my moms accountwas charged 983 dollars in overdraft charges alone. So my only option was to move her in. She was in the hole over 2000.00. My husband and I discussed it. We felt this may be a chance to form a friendship if nothing else.
It has been a battle since after the first 3 months. When she accused my daughters fiance of stealing her pain pills I took control of them. She is forced to go to a pain management dr to get her pain meds every 3 months. She goes in my room searching for them while we work. She accuses me of stealing her money. There is nothing wrong with my moms mind. Just this month alone she has spent 732.00 at qvc. She has spent 1000's with qvc since shes been here. Mom has copd and has oxegen in her room. In comes the worst of the argument. She smokes a pack a day in her bedroom and often dosent turn the oxegen off. Im terrified she will cause an explosion and kill us with her. When I take the cigs it turns into a horrible argument. My mother has treated her grandchildren so horribly none have been to my home for 2 years. She has a sister who will not even answer her phone when she calls. She asked a cousin if she could move in and was told no. So she informed me that I would have to have a judge remove her from my home. I accepted years ago that my mom had no use for me. At 10 years old she informed me that she couldnt believe god took johnny instead of me. I heard that for years. I would cry untill I matured and realized she was the one messed up not me.
Now I am 50 years old and taking the verbal abuse again. I hear about how fat I am and dumpy I am. I buy a new outfit and get told I look rediculous. I need some help trying to figure out how to get her out of here. I had to give her the pain meds back last week because she threatened to quit taking her other medicines and she would accuse me of keeping them from her. This is just the tip of the iceberg. Ive been happily married for 28 years to a wonderful man and have 2 beautiful daughters. We own our own home. She has her own room with a bath and never has anyone in my family not made her feel this wasnt her home too. We fix her plate every night, take her to dr. Appts, wash her clothes, and still she treats us this way. Anyone who can please guide me in the right direction I would be so grateful. I am so stressed. I cant sleep, ive gained 40 pounds and im tired everyday.
Have a blessed day
I will give you a lot of credit for trying very hard to not enable your mother's pain pill addiction. But then this woman you are trying to help and from whom you want acceptance and love blackmailed you and you gave her pain pills.
I give you gold stars for good intentions, and for effort. You are remarkable.
But in spite of your very real sacrifices this is not working out. It is time now to explore those other options and to make a drastic change. Your birth mother (she doesn't sound much like a Mom) needs to move out. It is your house. You make the rules about who lives there and who doesn't. Good bye, mother.
Call Social Services in your county. Explain that your indigent mother has been living with you, that it is not working out, and you need her to move out. Ask for their help in explaining to your mother what else is available to her. After a social worker has explained options to your mother, give her a certain limited time to make arrangements and move out.
She informed you that you "WOULD HAVE TO HAVE A JUDGE REMOVE HER FROM MY HOME" Well, if that's what she wants, that can be arranged, If necessary police can forcibly remove her from the house when you evict her. Let us hope it doesn't come to that, but make sure she knows that you know it is your house and that she has no right to stay there if you do not permit it.
This all may sound harsh. You are facing a harsh reality. I don't think you are going to solve it by asking "Please, mother, I think you'd better move out."
You tried to do the right thing for your mother. Gold stars to you. Now do the right thing for yourself, your husband, and your children.
Best wishes to you. Please let us know what you try and how things are working out.