My mother is 76 and has Alzheimer's and is a stroke victim with various other medical problems. I have been living with her for five years and also have a daughter in the home who is four. My mother's relationship with me has always been abusive and I have shrugged it off as best I can, but recently it has become more severe. She spends her time on the phone slandering me, telling lies about my personal life to any and every one who will listen. This is just an example- I had a child out of wedlock, no man wants to be with me, I am crazy, jealous of her (!) stealing from her- you name it, I've done it. She purposely flooded her toilet last week and left the mess there overnight- I was unaware of it until the following morning(I have severe asthma and Grave's disease) when I had trouble breathing and noticed the odor. Rather than making any attempt to clean it up or to tell me about it, she left it there. This has happened more than once, mind you. After a gallon of bleach, I was exasperated and asked her to please tell me and/or attempt to contain the mess. She is capable of cleaning up after herself but refuses to help with any thing whatsoever. I am a full time student, single mother, and work- I also have serious health problems. I believe that the stress she causes me brought on my disease, and I know for a fact it exacerbates the symptoms to the point I am emotionally and physically exhausted. She recently called APS telling them that I am abusing HER! When asked what I did in particular, she could not respond. I am tired of hanging my head in shame when all I have done is try and do what she asked- keep her out of a home. I think it is finally time that I find one for her, but how will it appear at this point considering what she is saying about me? She has called the police repeatedly on me, called 911 once or twice a month- for five years. I have to care for my children somehow, and I can't put her first any more. I suppose I am venting somewhat, but it is Jesus alone who has enabled me to tolerate this for so long. My daughter is afraid of her also, she screams at her and mocks and ridicules her daily. I am her representative payee, and now she is telling everyone that i don't care for her properly when she has everything she needs and more and all the bills are current. I feel like I have no rights, and when I take up for myself she attacks me for it.
Come back and post about your struggle in the weeks ahead. You'll have a cheering section here!
Don't take it any more.
Your mother, you say, has always been abusive. It is worse now. WHY ARE YOU PUTTING UP WITH THIS??? Even if you do not believe that God created you as a unique, special, worthy individual, deserving of love, kindness, and respect -- even if you do not believe that about yourself, how can you continue to expose your daughter to this toxic environment?
You are hanging your head in shame???!! Are you crazy? Seriously, I think you could use a little counselling to see things as they really are, and to recognize whose behavior is shameful. (Here's a hint: it isn't yours.)
I'm not suggesting packing up and walking out. That wouldn't be the right thing to do to your mother, and it is not very practical besides. You do need to see to it that Mother's needs are being met. You do NOT need to meet them yourself. You need to deal with the practicalities of where you will live and how you will support yourself and your daughter and how to address your own health needs. None of this will happen overnight. It will not happen at all if you don't get started on making it happen.
There are several members here who have personally overcome toxic relationships with abusive parents. They are very generous in sharing their experiences and giving advice and encouragement. So if you really can't take it anymore, and if you decide NOT TO TAKE IT any more, you've come to the right place.