Google 'caregiver burnout' and see what you find...you will find a great deal of sites that want you to 'take care of yourself, rest up and find the time to gather the strength to carry on' Big deal. What about the sites that show how angry you are? What about all those sites that tell you that it's ok to fight and yell and scream and hate your life because everyone around you talks about how great theirs is??? There are a million advice sites that tell you to go take a walk, go get some retails therapy and basically tell you up the wazoo to 'take time for yourself' but what about the sites where you can write about how really miserable you are? The sites about how no matter how much you've done for the person you got stuck caring for that they still tell you that you don't do anything for them, that you are completely selfish and a terrible person for thinking about no one but yourself? Show me the websites that say it's OK to wish the person you're caring for would die because you see no other way out of this life. Where are the sites that say it's ok if you really wanna scream at the person you're caring for about how fucking LUCKY they are to have you there? Show me those. There are a million sites that say, breathe and find your inner strength to carry on but what if you have none left? We're supposed to be moving out in a month and yet nothing has been done and no decisions have been made which is really tangling with the notion of making me stay but I refuse. Show me a site that tells me 1. Not to feel guilty 2.one that tells me that my siblings are rotten selfish individuals for not helping me all these years 3. one that tells me its ok to think about MYSELF for a change 4. one that doesn't tell me what a saint I am for doing this...
If your husband ( or ex ) is calling you a fat, stupid cow who would never amount to anything and will die care giving, then he is an asshole. I think it's great that you are a writer, but don't forget that you are writing to people who have carried many burdens. Many are buckling under the weight, but their words may be slightly different than yours.
We are here for you and I can assure you that Victoria is here for you too. It may not have been your intention to attack her, but your words were dismissive of her life and experience.
We can hear you just fine. Your pain touches me and I wanted to comment earlier, but I wasn't sure you would hear me.
This thread you started has potential. You have a lot to share and we would all learn from it and support you, but you have to talk to us about your live. I think there have been a few misunderstandings on this thread early on. Let's not split hairs for the sake of doing so. Let's listen to each other, but let's also talk from the heart. I think Victoria talked from her heart and in doing so she vented some anger, but also shared what she has gone through.
H: Don't leave. You referred to yourself as not being a drama causing know it all. I'll take you at your word, but my guess is that's been said to you before. OK, we know you are a writer and you speak loud to be heard and that can be construed as drama. Enough, let's start over.
Tell us about your life. Victoria will be back if you stay. Bbrady has so much to share. We all do and we want you with us.
Hugs, Cattails
people staring for of course it agitates me. She's been there over two weeks and they tell me night and day she calls out where is my daughter - I wanna go home - call her, blah blah. sigh -SEE old folks with dementia have already passed from their usual self - it's not then you are dealing with - it's a total different personality.
I don't even know if I can cry when she passes as I've cried so much and been so exhausted and worried for 15 months now.
If all of us got to meet up in some huge stadium, what are the chances we would all get along? Not likely... but ya know what, I would gravitate toward those that were like minded, had a sense of humor, and well, just would want to meet everyone I could as to broaden my own experiances....
Take a moment and think about how many people are on this sight... we really have no way of knowing as many just read and don't post.... I am here for me, if someone gets something from what I share, then great, if not, it wasn't the message for them, but someone else sharing may have just the right words to help that person.... if things get crazy, admin steps in... has happened before, will happen again....It's like a huge caregiver "playground", and there is bound to be conflict sometimes... we are human, we are tired, we are sensitive, we are stubborn, we are caregivers with many things in common, and yet very different... I love this sight, warts and all..... makes life interesting, I learn something new everyday coming here.....
So with that long winded monologue, the point I'm trying to make is, take what you need and leave the rest, take the risk to say how you feel, if someone doesn't like it, well, they have the right to not like it....all of our voices are important... each and every ones voice is important..... so hugs to you all, this is LIFE, and no one on the face of the earth understands me better than another caregiver, In REAL LIFE no one agrees about everything all the time... it's LIFE.... so be a part of this blessing called AC, make a difference in someone's life, get the words you needed to hear, give a hug, stand up for what you believe, share what someone else may need to hear......
Or don't, isn't that awesome that we have that choice...... it's all ok, what ever we choose to do... do what's right for you..... hugs across the miles to all of you....