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I never attacked Victoria, i'm sorry she felt that way. I am not high and mighty and I am not any kind of drama-causing know it all. (I'm calling myself all this by the way so no one will think that's what I think they are saying about me) I'm a writer and I guess I express my voice a little strongly on here because I wanna be heard. You really don't call people names when you're verbally abused. You really don't say anything to hurt anyone's feelings on an anonymous blog site when in real life the father of your child is calling you 'a fat stupid cow who would never amount to anything and will die caregiving'. I'm sorry if I hurt you Victoria that was not my intention. It's apparent that I should leave this site now because I've done harm and I can't allow myself to continue. I pray for each and every one of you to find the strength to carry on each day within yourselves and I hope God eases the pain of the one you are caring for.
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Harleighkwin,and you don't have to go anywhere either.. we hear your exhaustion, we hear how tired you are... I will say again, we all get a little testy sometimes... all of us.... but no where will you find the love, support and understanding you will receive as you will here on AC.... you need to stick around.... tomorrow is a new day, we start over... that's what all of us have to do...we start over sometimes 20 times a day..... everyone here has to get their feelings out.. all of us.... so please reconsider leaving.... I pray you are willing to take care of yourself enough to come back, read around the sight, post if you feel like it or need help... or just need to vent....hugs and angels sent to you from us.......
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Harleighkwin: I wish you would not leave. If I could suggest something to do, it would be that you talk about your life and not just rage at the world. I am not saying that with any disrespect. If you are in pain, this is the place to share it. I don't mean to tell you how to vent, but I can truly say that I am more connected with someone if they can share more than just their anger. Tell us about your life and WHY you feel the way you do.

If your husband ( or ex ) is calling you a fat, stupid cow who would never amount to anything and will die care giving, then he is an asshole. I think it's great that you are a writer, but don't forget that you are writing to people who have carried many burdens. Many are buckling under the weight, but their words may be slightly different than yours.

We are here for you and I can assure you that Victoria is here for you too. It may not have been your intention to attack her, but your words were dismissive of her life and experience.

We can hear you just fine. Your pain touches me and I wanted to comment earlier, but I wasn't sure you would hear me.

This thread you started has potential. You have a lot to share and we would all learn from it and support you, but you have to talk to us about your live. I think there have been a few misunderstandings on this thread early on. Let's not split hairs for the sake of doing so. Let's listen to each other, but let's also talk from the heart. I think Victoria talked from her heart and in doing so she vented some anger, but also shared what she has gone through.

H: Don't leave. You referred to yourself as not being a drama causing know it all. I'll take you at your word, but my guess is that's been said to you before. OK, we know you are a writer and you speak loud to be heard and that can be construed as drama. Enough, let's start over.

Tell us about your life. Victoria will be back if you stay. Bbrady has so much to share. We all do and we want you with us.

Hugs, Cattails
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Friends? What are those? You mean the people who tell me what a saint I am, while they're backing away from me as fast as they can? Those friends?
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No one should feel that they have to leave the site because a posting created strong replies. Everyone handles their caregiving duties differently just as no two loved ones with Alzheimers/Dementia will display the same symptoms. Remember this discussion board is here for us to ask questions, vent and look for advice. Whether you are a caregiver by choice or necessity this is a place for all of us.
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You know, I think the relatives and so called friends who stay away from people with Alzheimer's or whatever illness just cannot deal with reality. This is life at its worst.....the end of it. People who are afraid of their own mortality tend to run as fast as they can in the opposite direction. I am sure caregivers feel the same way but we have to stay put. I would rather not be in this role either but there is no other alternative. I keep saying to myself that I am too young to have to deal with illness and death. I think of all the connected relatives going about their day with no thought of my parents and, yes, it really pisses me off. I want to be footloose and fancy free again. Selfish? I don't think so.
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Victoria68, I'm sorry that you interpreted my suggestion on a nursing home as a place to "dump" your loved one. I know of two fantastic N H's, one in CT and another in PA that have faithfully cared for their patients with incredible sensitivity and extraordinary care. Some places are terrible, I've been told, but you have to find a good one, not just adequate.. Please reconsider your thoughts on this issue. You will be better off for it, and in the end, find peace within yourself.
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Victoria, I'm sending you a hug. I've followed the discussion and watched it unfold and as an outsider, it seems that many emotions (for more than one poster) are so raw and on the surface that it looks like things one means to be helpful are just being misinterpreted. I'm so sorry to see any kind of strife on this board, because, like you, it has helped me tremendously, gave me an opportunity to vent and I've appreciated the hugs and prayers and suggestions others who have 'been there" give, and hope that we can all keep open minds and hearts and the discussion board here in the spirit in which it was intended, i.e., simply to support each other and offer caring suggestions. Good luck to you and God bless you! xo
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I have only been on this site for a few days now, and this has helped my heart and my mind. I care for my granddaughter because her mother can't handle that there is something wrong with her (Autism). She has been the joy in our lives, it hasn't been easily for she in non-verbal. I care for my Dad because that is my choice. My sisters all have their lives and it doesn't included living out in the middle of nowhere, taking care of someone who repeats everything and can be very one way about things. I have always been able to get my Dad to see things in ways other than his. I have always been the peace maker in the family. I wake everyday with an open mind, somedays it doesn't take much to close it and want to lock it. I just keep going with the ups and downs. Support as been great at this site. Thanks to all. I even get to practice my typing. :)
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N1K2R3, I can appreciate what you're saying. However, I would really also appreciate it if you would quit pushing the NH idea. For my mother and I it's a no-brainer. I won't be able to take care of her indefinitely and if she lives longer than I'm able to care for for, she will most definitely end up in one. My problem with your post is the feeling I got is you seem to pushing people in that direction as if to say that we should not be wasting our time caring for the people we love. Put them in a home and get on with our lives is the message I'm getting from you and that is something I don't appreciate hearing. I'll give up my mom when I'm ready and not before. We do have the choice to care for them and it's NOT a waste of my time. Also, in our situation, because we're low income, we are not likely going to get to choose what nursing home she gets to live in. The state is very likely to say where she'll go and I'll like it or else. So those "fantastic" NH's you mentioned are not likely to be options for us. I know exactly where the state is going to put my mom and it makes me sick. I've been there, it's stinks to high heaven and I've also heard stories and I get nauseous. Just do us a favor and quit pushing the NH idea on people. It's not like people aren't aware that they exist.
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People all have their hearts in the right place and are offering suggestions in the spirit of trying to help but brittle nerves seem to take it other ways, I guess. I'm not going to follow this discussion thread any longer as I am finding it upsetting, actually, so I need to see how I take myself out of this one on the site. There are so many discussions on here that have hundreds of replies to questions that are seemingly welcomed with open arms. Just the same, I wish my very, very best heartfelt good wishes and will continue to pray!
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PunchNJudy...if you are set up with email notices, you will see towards the bottom of the notice "unsubscribe from this discussion"....press that and you will not receive updates any longer. I find myself not posting things because of the fear of some of the responses. I have spent an hour typing a response and just deleting it with the feeling of "who cares what I think!" Take care Punch, maybe see you on another thread :)
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absolutely I feel no guilt for having resented my mother, felt hate and disgust for her and wished she'd just pass in her sleep (She is 94 and in chronic pain) I too am handicapped and it was HER OR ME - so I eventually put her in nursing home. If I'd go see her she'd do the guilt trip "you are selfish, take me home - you don't have to stay with me my mom will help me (Her mom is dead of course) You are nasty for puttiing me in this place, you wanted my house and money, you stole my medicine, you did not feed me - OVER AND OVER and
people staring for of course it agitates me. She's been there over two weeks and they tell me night and day she calls out where is my daughter - I wanna go home - call her, blah blah. sigh -SEE old folks with dementia have already passed from their usual self - it's not then you are dealing with - it's a total different personality.

I don't even know if I can cry when she passes as I've cried so much and been so exhausted and worried for 15 months now.
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I'm sorry you find this thread upsetting PunchNJudy, and mommag, take a risk and let your voice be heard.... but the beauty and the blessing of any of our threads is to allow us all to have a voice... regardless of what the voice has to say... There are as many personalities on here as there are fingerprints... each different, yet unique.... when someone pushes a button, well, my thoughts are, we learn something about ourself... there are no rights or wrongs, we each have an opinion, I personally take what I need and leave the rest.... Not everyone on here likes me, or likes what I have to say... and that's ok.... I have been provided with an invaluable tool to help me keep my sanity, to have a place to rest my weary caregiving soul and mind, to get and give support, to laugh, to cry, to get insulted, and to reply....
If all of us got to meet up in some huge stadium, what are the chances we would all get along? Not likely... but ya know what, I would gravitate toward those that were like minded, had a sense of humor, and well, just would want to meet everyone I could as to broaden my own experiances....
Take a moment and think about how many people are on this sight... we really have no way of knowing as many just read and don't post.... I am here for me, if someone gets something from what I share, then great, if not, it wasn't the message for them, but someone else sharing may have just the right words to help that person.... if things get crazy, admin steps in... has happened before, will happen again....It's like a huge caregiver "playground", and there is bound to be conflict sometimes... we are human, we are tired, we are sensitive, we are stubborn, we are caregivers with many things in common, and yet very different... I love this sight, warts and all..... makes life interesting, I learn something new everyday coming here.....
So with that long winded monologue, the point I'm trying to make is, take what you need and leave the rest, take the risk to say how you feel, if someone doesn't like it, well, they have the right to not like it....all of our voices are important... each and every ones voice is important..... so hugs to you all, this is LIFE, and no one on the face of the earth understands me better than another caregiver, In REAL LIFE no one agrees about everything all the time... it's LIFE.... so be a part of this blessing called AC, make a difference in someone's life, get the words you needed to hear, give a hug, stand up for what you believe, share what someone else may need to hear......
Or don't, isn't that awesome that we have that choice...... it's all ok, what ever we choose to do... do what's right for you..... hugs across the miles to all of you....
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I won't be following this thread any longer. I just wanted to come in one last time and apologize to everyone here for my outbursts. I especially want to apologize to N1K2R3, because I know you meant nothing negative in the least and I came at you in a completely negative fashion all the while claiming that "I can appreciate...". I could make my excuses and trust me, in my head I have. But whatever my reasons and/or excuses may be, that doesn't mean I have a right to come in and brow-beat people just because I disagree. Take care everyone...
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Please listen to cattails - she is an awesome advocate here and has helped me find my way more than once. I agree, some nursing homes are terrible and down right scary with smells to knock you down. I've been inside some of them - breaks my heart for those there. Nice to meet you here on agingcare.com and I hope I can find the right words to make you stay and write away - thank you.
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No one is pushing you to place your mother in a Nursing home or an Assisted Living facility. Please remember what I said when the time has come to make a decision. Obviously that time is not here yet. Good wishes to you, Victoria.
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"Blessed are the flexible, for they shall not get bent out of shape."
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I praise you for being so truthful. Hug.
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