Follow
Share
Read More
1 2 3 4 5
This is NOT what adulthood looked like in the brochure.
(2)
Report

🎄🎄🎄
The stages of Christmas shopping:

1. Plenty of time
2. Oh no
(2)
Report

I don't usually talk about my expensive trips,
but I just got back from the grocery store...
(4)
Report

Oh, cool.
(phrase)

I really don't care.
(1)
Report

How to politely tell someone they're stupid...

"Wisdom has been chasing you, but you've always been faster."
(1)
Report

I bet aliens ride past Earth and lock their doors.
(2)
Report

Due to personal reasons,
I'm evil now.
(1)
Report

Once I start smiling in an argument,
go ahead and call the police on me.
(2)
Report

🙂🙂 I've been watching my weight.

It's still there.
(3)
Report

I'm almost a millionaire.
I have all zeros
now I just need a one.
(3)
Report

When I said I was normal I might have exaggerated slightly.
(2)
Report

There are two ways to argue with a woman.
Neither one works.
(1)
Report

All my passwords are protected by amnesia.
(2)
Report

Remember when you could strangle people with your phone?

Those were the days…
(1)
Report

I’m sorry…My fault. I forgot you’re an idiot.
(1)
Report

No I didn’t say that you - were - stupid. I said you - are - stupid. There is nothing past tense about it.
(1)
Report

Sometimes we expect more from people
because we don’t realize that they’re unbelievably stupid.
(1)
Report

Breakup (noun)

Deleting tons of photos.
(1)
Report

Study (noun)

The act of texting, eating and watching TV with an open textbook nearby.
(1)
Report

Eternity (noun)

The last two minutes of a soccer or a cricket match.
(1)
Report

Work (noun)

The annoying thing between sleep and Netflix.
(1)
Report

My tolerance for idiots is extremely low today. I used to have some immunity built up, but obviously there’s a new strain out there.
(2)
Report

I’m not trying to be difficult…
It just comes naturally.
(1)
Report

Everything I say can be entirely backed by my own opinion.
(4)
Report

A loan at a bank can take 30 years to pay off.
If you rob a bank, you're out in 10 years.
Follow me for more financial advice.
(5)
Report

Had a bad mix-up at the store today...when the cashier said, "Strip down facing me." Apparently, she was referring to my credit card.
(5)
Report

Getting older is just one body part after another saying, "Ha ha. You think that's bad? Watch this."
(3)
Report

Doctor (noun)

A person who proves that the diagnosis you found on the internet is wrong.
(1)
Report

i already posted this. but i have to re-post it:

😉 A caregiver gets held up at gunpoint by a mugger who says, "Your money or your life!"
The caregiver says, "Is there a third thing? I don't have either of those."
(4)
Report

What do you call ten rabbits marching backward?

A receding hairline.
(4)
Report

1 2 3 4 5
Start a Discussion
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter