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🙂 Sometimes it's better to be alone
especially when you have food.
(3)
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🙂 I'm an animal in bed.
More specifically, a koala.
I can sleep for 22 hours a day.
(1)
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Maybe your future husband is in your pending friend requests.
(1)
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"You will understand when you are older."

I am now older and still don't understand anything.
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🙂 If you can’t live without me, why aren’t you dead already?
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🙂 My 5-year plan is to make it through this year.
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🙂 Successfully wasted 5 months of 2024.
(3)
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Me: I want to wake up with you the rest of my life.

Him: I wake up at 4:00 am.

Me: Never mind.
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🙂 The next person to walk out of my life, I'm going with them.
I'm sick of my life too.
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🙂 Imagine a refund on all the money you spent in a relationship.
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If you're single, have some patience.
Your soulmate is almost done with those divorce papers.
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Me to me:
You stress me out.
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Just saw somebody my age have their life together,
day is ruined.
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Stages of life:
1. Birth
2. You gotta be f****ing kidding me
3. Death
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🙂 First they'll give you butterflies
then mental trauma.
(1)
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You know that feeling when you meet someone and your heart skips a beat? Yeah, that's arrhythmia. You can die from that.
(3)
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Is British food really that bad?

If made correctly, yes.
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🙂 I'm naturally irritated when I first wake up. You have to give me a few days to adjust.
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I don't know who needs to hear this but throw away that box your iphone came in. You don't need it. You will never need it.
(4)
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"You are what you eat."

WTF?? When did I eat anxiety and back problems?
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🙂 I have a lot to offer!
Most of it is bad, but it's still a lot!
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🙂 I'm financially at a stage where I understand why people do fraud.
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Adults seemed way adultier when I was little...
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😉

Let future you deal with it.
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😉

If at first you don’t succeed,
try something easier.
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😉 another cheerful thought:

When you wish upon a star, you're actually a few million light years too late. That star is dead. Just like your dreams.
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🙂

If you shoot for the moon, I recommend making it, because if your plan B is the stars, it will take you about 100 million times longer to reach even the closest one outside our solar system, and I doubt you have that kind of time.
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😉 a cheerful thought:

We're all going to die, and aside from the extremely rare chance that you'll do anything notable enough in your life, you will inevitably be forgotten, as life, the world, the universe, and everything is just a series of processes.
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🙂 You are a background character in a much more interesting person's story.
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A man arrives in heaven. He must fill out a review.

Evaluate your stay on Earth:
Would you recommend it to a friend?
Yes/No?
(2)
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