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Some husbands hold their wife’s hand in malls because if they leave her hand, she’ll go for shopping.
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“What the hell! Are you insane?!”

“What? Why? I thought we agreed we’re going to throw our sorrows overboard on this Caribbean cruise!”

“Yes, Roger, but that was my mother!”
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I helped my neighbour out with something this morning, and she said to me, "I could marry you."

I couldn't believe it...
You do something nice for someone and they threaten to ruin your life in return.
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During an argument with her husband, a wife was just about to calm down.
But then her husband asked her to calm down...
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My wife is my Strength.
All the other women are my weakness.
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No man is truly married until he understands every word his wife is NOT saying.
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Wife: If I’d known you were this poor, I’d never have married you. 

Husband: Don’t pretend I didn’t warn you! How many times did I tell you that you’re everything I have?
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I tried to re-marry my ex-wife. But she figured out I was only after my money.
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What’s the world’s smallest handcuffs? Wedding rings.
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Scientists have finally found out what a woman wants. Unfortunately, she changed her mind since then.
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Two men were talking about their wives. The first man says, “My wife is an angel.”

The second man says, “You’re lucky! Mine’s still alive.”
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My wife said I ruined her birthday;I’m not sure how I did that, I didn’t even KNOW it was her birthday!
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Husband: Will you marry after I die?

Wife: No, I will live with my sister. Will you marry after I die?

Husband: No, I will also live with your sister.
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It’s been raining for days now and my wife seems very depressed by it. She keeps standing by the window, staring. If it continues, I’m going to have to let her in.
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Wife: I’m not talking to you.

Husband: OK.

Wife: Don’t you want to know the reason?

Husband: No, I respect & trust your decision. 🙂
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Wife: Suppose you hit the jackpot of 1 million in a lottery, and the same day someone kidnaps me and demands a ransom of 1 million. What will you do?

Husband: I doubt I can hit the jackpot twice in a day!! 🙂
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Wife: Our new neighbor always kisses his wife when he leaves for work. Why don't you do that?

Husband: How can I? I don't even know her.
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Grooms, once you get married remember that when you have a discussion with your future wife, always get the last two words in: "Yes, dear."
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Marriage is when a man and woman become as one. The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
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Any Curb Your Enthusiasm fans out there?

I love it!

Not a joke but a funny story that reminded me of an episode from Curb Your Enthusiasm. Hahaha 😝.

My daughter is sick. She went to the doctor. The doctor wrote a few scripts for her and she was able to pick up one of them but the other one wasn’t ready.

She decided to get the second script delivered because she was feeling so funky.

They didn’t deliver it. So, she called them when she was out walking her dog.

She asked them since she was near the pharmacy walking her dog if she could she swing by and get her meds in the drive through.

The pharmacy (Walgreens) said that she could do that.

So, she is walking in the drive through, just like Larry David was walking in the fast food drive through line when his car broke down, LOL 😆.

She gets to the front of the line and then the woman says, “Can you meet me at the back door please because we have a policy that we can’t serve you if you’re not in a car.”

So, she and her dog went to the back door to pick up her script.

She lives a couple of blocks away from the pharmacy which is on a busy street.

Her neighborhood is very walkable. It’s easier to walk than to drive and have to find parking.

Most of the shop owners have water bowls out for the dogs and allow dogs in their shops but not at Walgreens.

All of the owners of the boutiques and coffee shops keep dog treats and invite them in. The owners bring their own dogs to work with them.
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Life is short. Eat dessert first!
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I need that kinda coffee that's so strong when I take a sip, my ancestors wake up.
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I'm too lazy to be a stalker.
You'll have to come here. Bring coffee.
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Safety first.
Just kidding, coffee first. Safety is like 3rd or 4th.
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Wife: Please say dirty things to me!

Husband: Bath, kitchen, living room…
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BOJ, that last one was a bit close to home. DH has gone down south for 8 weeks, and I went on the wagon while he is gone. Hmmmm!
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My wife and I were sitting on the patio and she said, "I love you so much. I couldn't imagine my life without you." I said, "Is that you talking or the wine? She said, "That's me talking... to the wine."
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A centenarian is asked the secret to long life. He said, “After fifty years of marriage, my wife died and left me alone. Before passing, she said she’d wait for me in the other side.”
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A journalist asked a 100 year
old man what was his secret for longevity.

“I don’t argue with idiots,” the man replied.

“What?!” answered the journalist, “There’s no way that’s related to a long life!”

“You’re probably right,” the old man said.
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Why is a dog better than your wife ? 

Lock your dog and your wife in the trunk of your car and open it after a bit.

Guess who’ll be happy to see you.
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