Follow
Share
Read More
Honk if you like peace and quiet.
(4)
Report

Vacation begins when Dad says, “I know a short cut.”
(1)
Report

The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce. Instantly.
(2)
Report

People are more violently opposed to fur than leather because it's safer to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs.
(2)
Report

How did we kill time before smartphones? I honestly can't recall. I have a vague recollection of flipping through magazines in waiting-room-type situations, but what did we do, say, in line at the post office? Waiting for a bus? Waiting for someone to meet us at a restaurant? I mean, did we just look around or something?
(1)
Report

I went to watch Pavarotti once. He doesn't like it when you join in.
(4)
Report

It's always funny until someone gets hurt. Then it's just hilarious.
(1)
Report

The more you do stuff, the better you get at dealing with how you still fail at it a lot of the time.
(2)
Report

Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.
(0)
Report

If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.
(2)
Report

I don’t always ask my employees how the are.

But when I do, I walk away before they answer.
(1)
Report

When in doubt, look intelligent.
(1)
Report

I picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue.
(1)
Report

I’m actually financially all right. But I’m so ugly I make onions cry.
(3)
Report

♥️ I'm so broke that Detroit is holding a relief concert for me.
(0)
Report

I'm so broke, bums look at me and say 'Sorry, no change...'
(0)
Report

I'm so broke that I

::SYSTEM FAILURE::
(0)
Report

I'm so broke that when people see me walking down the street wearing only one shoe they ask, "Did you lose a shoe?" And I reply, "No, I found one."
(2)
Report

Sorry BOJ, did you say something? I’m too broke to pay attention. Hee Hee!
(3)
Report

I was going to give my 2 cents on this...but ya know I'm broke.
(2)
Report

I'm so broke the homeless donate to me.
(2)
Report

I'm so broke that blind people can see how broke I am.
(1)
Report

I’m so broke when I rob a bank they let me have some money.
(1)
Report

I’m so broke that when my friends come over and ask to use the bathroom, I say, “Pick a corner.”
(1)
Report

I’m so broke my dog ran away to live with the guy holding a cardboard sign in the middle of traffic.
(2)
Report

I'm so broke I had to post this joke from the library.

If you have a question, I won't be able to respond till 8:30 in the morning.
(1)
Report

I am so broke that ducks throw bread at me.
(2)
Report

All I’m saying
is I’ve never
seen my ex and
Satan in the
same room.
(1)
Report

"Sometimes God sends an ex back into your life to see if you are still stupid."
(3)
Report

“I lived with a girl for a few weeks. It was nice until she found out I was there.”
(0)
Report

Start a Discussion
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter