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Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it.

Anonymous
(5)
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Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence in society.

Mark Twain
(4)
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Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes, that way you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.

Jack Handey
(6)
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“I want first time offenders to think of their first time experience in my courtroom as being the second worst experience in their lives. Circumcision was the first!”

Judge Judy
(1)
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“I don’t need to rephrase my question. I’m speaking English!”

Judge Judy
(2)
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😉

"Many people don't know this
but you can read something you disagree with on the internet
and just move on with your life."
(3)
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🤓

"After a year in therapy,
my psychiatrist said to me,
'Maybe life isn't for everyone.'"
(1)
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🤯

"I took the road less travelled.
Now I don't know where the f****k I am."
(4)
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😉

"Do you ever notice that people would rather stop speaking to you
instead of apologizing when they are wrong?"
(3)
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🤓🤓

"I hate when you have to
BE NICE
to someone you really want to throw a brick at."
(0)
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🤓🤓

"Note to self:
It is illegal to stab people for being stupid."
(0)
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😊

MEN struation
MEN opause
MEN tal breakdowns

See? Most of women's problems begin with MEN.
(2)
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😊😊😘😘

How to win an argument:

1. Be a woman
2. That's it
3. You win
4. Congratulations
(1)
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😊😊😇😇

Have you ever had one of those days,
when you're holding a stick
and everybody looks like a piñata?
(3)
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😊😊

"Don't steal, don't lie, don't cheat...
The government hates competition."
(3)
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🤯

"Sometimes getting out of bed
just ruins the whole day."
(2)
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😊😊

Hi,
I'm your brain. Do you hate this song? Yes?
Well, I don't care,
because I've memorized it and we'll be singing it
all day.
(3)
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😉

"Today, 2 year-olds can unlock an iphone,
open and close their favorite apps all by themselves.
When I was that age, I was eating dirt."
(2)
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😊

"DO NOT TOUCH"

Must be one of the scariest things to read on Braille...
(3)
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😊😊

"The irony of all this is,
the internet was created to save us time."
(3)
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😉

"That awkward moment
when you leave a shop without buying anything
and all you can think is, 'Act natural,
you're innocent.'"
(4)
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😉

"That awkward moment
when you sneeze, and no one says bless you."
(2)
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😉

"That awkward moment
when Microsoft Word
informs you your name is spelt wrong."
(2)
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😉

"That awkward moment
between birth and death."
(2)
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😉

Hyphenated.
Non-hyphenated.
The irony.
(3)
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😉

"Make sure your worst enemy
is not living between your own two ears."
(3)
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❤️

"I don't know why everybody hates lazy people,
we didn't even do anything."
(2)
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🤯

"Congrats!!!
You've unlocked the next level of stupid."
(1)
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🙂🙂

"Never underestimate the stupidity
of idiots."
(1)
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😘

"I hate it when you offer someone
a sincere compliment
on their mustache
and suddenly...

She's not your friend anymore."
(2)
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