Follow
Share
Read More
😇

“Just give me
a second
to overthink this.”
(1)
Report

🤯

“Overthinking and
also hungry.”
(1)
Report

😜🥺🤯

“The task I must undertake is towering over me like a great big monolith.

It is too big to contemplate. So I think I will go and have a little look at the internet.”
🙂🙂
(2)
Report

🤪

“Things I don’t feel like doing today:
moving.”
(2)
Report

😬🏖😇🥺

“A day can really slip by
when you’re deliberately avoiding what you’re supposed to do.”
(2)
Report

🤓🌸

“Writing is 90% procrastination
and 30% panic.”
(2)
Report

❤️🙄

“Man stranded on a desert island. He’s holding a stick, pointing it at the sand, and completely confused what to write. An airplane is hovering above.

Man:
Dang! Heck of a time to get writer’s block!”
(2)
Report

😉

"Oh wow!! You're really gonna fight me over the internet?
What's the worst you can do, caps-lock me to death?"
(2)
Report

🙂🙂

"I'd appreciate it
if you'd stop interrupting me
while I'm ignoring you."
(0)
Report

🙂🙂

"If I'm ever murdered, it will be
because I said something
absolutely perfect to someone
with no sense of humour."
(1)
Report

🙄

"It's raining idiots
everywhere."
(1)
Report

🙂🙂

"I'm not interrupting you
if I wasn't listening in the first place."
(4)
Report

❤️

"Fun fact about me:
the drunker I get, the more karate I know."
(1)
Report

❤️

"Maybe if everybody eats a snickers bar today
the world would CALM DOWN."
(1)
Report

❤️

"Everyone preaches
body acceptance
until you show up naked
at the company picnic."
(3)
Report

🙂🙂

"There are approximately 1,010,300 words
in the English language but I could never
string enough of them together
to properly express
how much I want to hit
you with a chair."
(0)
Report

🙂🙂

When I said, "I'd hit that",
I actually meant with my car.
(0)
Report

🙄

"Being an adult
is a little out of my price range right now."
(1)
Report

❤️

"I'M NOT STALKING YOU!!!
By the way, you're out of milk."
(1)
Report

😉

“My financial status:
I just rinsed off a paper plate."
(1)
Report

🙄

“Did you know 14 muscles are activated when opening a bottle of wine?

Fitness is my passion.”
(3)
Report

😉

“I just can’t believe I have to be an adult for the rest of my life.”
(3)
Report

❤️

"Told you so."

Sincerely,
Your intuition
(2)
Report

🙂🙂

“Spent the morning at the farmer's market,
carefully selecting fruits and vegetables
to throw away next Sunday."
(2)
Report

😉

"If Facebook taught us anything, it's that
a lot of you, are not quite ready for a Spelling Bee."
(1)
Report

🙂 

"I ran into my ex the other day.
I could have sworn the light was green."
(3)
Report

🙂 

"Vegetarians live up to 9 years longer than meat-eaters.
9 horrible, worthless, baconless years."
(2)
Report

😇

"Are you always this stupid,
or are you making a special effort today?"
(2)
Report

🙂 

"If I listen closely enough,
I can hear my guardian angel sobbing."
(1)
Report

🙂 

"These are some sounds I just love...
--shoes on gravel
--crackling of fire
--the snapping of necks of those who disrespect you
--cats purring."
(2)
Report

Start a Discussion
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter