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Don’t take like too seriously because you’ll never get out alive.
(1)
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Please don’t take my silence as agreement to your rants.

I just prefer to watch your craziness in silence.
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The main ingredient in hand sanitizer is paranoia.
(3)
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When I told you that I was normal, I may have exaggerated slightly.
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I do yoga to relieve stress…

Just kidding, I read books in my yoga pants
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I use to have super powers but my psychiatrist took them away.
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All I ask for in life is for my children to be successful enough to pay for their own therapy when they grow up.
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Ain’t no sunshine when she’s gone…

Ain’t no borderline, psychotic emotional outburst either
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My guess is that you haven’t been diagnosed yet.
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What doesn’t kill you…

Gives you a lot of unhealthy coping mechanisms and a sick sense of humor
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The woman who claims to understand men is either a psychiatrist or needs one.
(3)
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🤓

People who like to one-up...

"If you broke your nose in Timbuktu, they broke two of their noses in Timbukthree."
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Bathroom Signs:

Men, please put the toilet seat down when you’re done.

Thank you,

The Women


Ladies, you are strong, independent women who don’t need to man to put the toilet seat down for you. You got this!

The men
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Bathroom Signs:

Ladies:

Please stay seated for the entire performance.

Gentlemen:

Aim well
Stand closer
It’s shorter than you think
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Life is like diarrhea…

The crap just keeps on coming
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We used to laugh at comedians and listen to politicians.

Now we laugh at politicians and listen to comedians.
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No, no! I’m not insulting you…I’m describing you!
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❤️

"I think the real reason this generation is so angry
is because their music sucks."
(3)
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❤️

"Just spent 45 minutes on the treadmill...
Tomorrow my goal is to turn it on."
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😉

"I have seen the village and I don't want it raising my children."
(2)
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🤮

"I'm having one of those days
that's not a Saturday."
(1)
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🙂

Why don't ants get sick?
Because they have little anty bodies.
(3)
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😉

"Your pre-sneeze face freaks me out."
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❤️

"Arrogance and stupidity all in one package.
How efficient of you."
(1)
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I could never do 100 things before I die.

I would like to get my smart watch to read 8 hrs. of sleep, instead of 3.

zzzzzzzz
zz
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz !
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❤️

"I just read the top 100 things to do before you die
and was surprised that
YELL FOR HELP
wasn't one of them."
(3)
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🙂

"My son just showed me something he made and asked,
'Do you like it, or do you love it?'
and those are the only options I'm giving people from now on."
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🙂🙂

"Someday I'll behave myself,
maybe one day next week,
we'll see how it goes."
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❤️

"Got my 1st date of the year already lined up!
I mean it's a court date
but it's still a date and I'm dressing up."
(2)
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🙂

ATTENTION:

Due to recent setbacks, my summer beach body will be postponed another year. As usual your patience is appreciated…
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