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I am at the age where I do this thing called, “Whatever I want” and I love it!
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If you think aging turns us into “Sweet Old Ladies”

That would be your first mistake
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😉

"Take my advice.
I'm not using it."
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❤️

"How to keep up with laundry:
1. You can't
2. Find a new dream"
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Don’t
Grow Up
It’s
A Trap
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❤️

"Not everyone is going to think you're
gorgeous, amazing and magical.
They're wrong though.
Jerks."
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😉

"I'm wondering how to comb my hair
so the horns don't show."
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❤️

"There should be a summer camp for adults
where you just go and sleep for 3 weeks."
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❤️

"It turns out that when asked who your favorite child is,
you're supposed to pick one of your own.
I know that now."
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😉

"Is a rivalry between two vegetarians
still called a beef?"
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❤️🙂

"I decided to kill off a few characters
in the book I'm writing.
I feel it will really spice up my autobiography."
(3)
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❤️🙂

"Shoutout to everyone
who got through the day without taking a nap.
Pulled an all-dayer today. Pretty tough."
(4)
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🙂🙂

"Can we just admit
we may have taken this
'anyone can grow up to become President' thing
just a bit too far?"
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🙂🙂

"How many times do you have to click 'I accept cookies'
before they send you the cookies?"
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🙂🙂

"Being abducted by aliens
might just be the vacation I need at this point."
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🙂🙂

"I've been watching my weight.
It's still there."
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🙂

I like the type of people whose sense of humour
may be described as "inappropriate with a chance of ruining family dinner".
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❤️

Apparently, it's rude to poke someone in the forehead and say,
"Skip Intro" when they start talking to you.
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🙂🙂

I'm so out of shape that if somebody yells, "Run for your life!",
I'll be like,
"You guys go on ahead. I'm going to meet Jesus."
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😉

I hate it when people say, "Well, it could be worse!"

Well, you know what Becky?
It could have been a h*ll of a lot better, too.
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🙂🙂

"I often wonder who Pete is
and why we do things for his sake..."
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🙂🙂

"I'm so tired. Almost time to crawl into bed and not be able to sleep for 3 hours."
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🙂🙂

"It's not about how tired you are. It's about how tired you're making everyone else."
--My husband explaining bedtime to the kids
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When you really want to slap someone, do it and say, ‘Mosquito!’ 😆
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First God created man…

Then He had a better idea!
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So, you mean to tell me that a stress ball isn’t for throwing at people who stress me out!
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The problem with some people is…

that they exist.
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Just before I die, I am going to eat a bag of popcorn kernels. My cremation will be EPIC!
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Lord keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand Over My Mouth
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❤️

Lesson 10: ask people questions that give them an opportunity to talk about themselves.

What the h*ll is wrong with you?
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